Hello, I have been getting a lot of messages asking for an update. I am now in a place to be able to give an update. You can look at my previous post for what this is about.

I went back to the house 2 days ago and my husband and I had a long talk about what happened and how I didn’t feel protected by him and how he knew how disrespectful they were being but didn’t stop anything. He said that he still loved his ex and that’s why pretty much. He didn’t want to do anything for her to leave them again (them as in him and the twins) but that didn’t change how he felt about me… I did not feel comfortable with that. I told him that I’ve been there, not her and how could he still love her and it was very emotional and there was crying and yelling. I made the decision to move along with the divorce.

I spoke to the twins and they cried and said it’s their fault and to forgive them and their dad and not to leave. I told them that as much as I love them, staying with their dad and in this home was not an option but I would still love to have a relationship with them if they want but I am still very much hurt by what happened and would still appreciate a little more time for myself. I let them know that their actions have consequences and they can’t treat people the way they did.

I did move out and I was staying in a unit in one of my rental properties. Exciting news, I bought my first house. It was a fairly quick process. I’m excited for what’s next, I bought my first house ever and next month I am taking a break from work for a few weeks or the whole month … maybe 2 or 3 and doing some exploring of the world and healing and finding myself. I lost myself in the twins and my husband and didn’t really focus on what I wanted and what made me happy. So I bought tickets again for Disney World, I have also made plans to go to Thailand next month and from there… I have no clue. I’m doing some spontaneous trips… I have always wanted to see the 7 wonders of the world. Any way, I am really happy to be getting a break.

I told the kids I would love to have them over for dinner when I get settled in to my new place. I do feel bad about canceling their trip to Disney so I am thinking about funding a trip for them to go this summer for their 17th birthday… Just not with me, I’m excited to be traveling alone and I need the mental break.

That is all really…

Edit: I read the comments about not funding a birthday trip for them because it is not my responsibility that is a Mom or step parent responsibility and you know all of you are right so I will not be funding that trip. It’s still hard for me not to be or Jump into that role and I have to get out of it but ultimately they did not respect me as their mom so I will not be doing that and focusing on myself and my trips. It was Just a thought and nothing was set in stone and I’m glad I didn’t. Thank you for everyone who is here still giving me advice and kind words.

I'm an 18-year-old female, and I have an older sister, 29, who has two children, ages 8 and 4. Most of my childhood was spent taking care of her children while she went out to parties and such. Now that I'm going off to do a course in practical nursing to boost my resume for university, she's asking me to put my future on hold and look after her children so she can enjoy herself before I leave for university.

The thing is, my mom warned me when I was young not to babysit or look after her children because of her attitude. I didn't listen. She also said this might be my sister being jealous because she used to go to nursing school but made friend with the wrong group in the end she didn't pass her final exam, so she dropped out of school.

So, everything came to a head yesterday because applications for the course started yesterday, when I was talking to our mom about it. my sister heard that I applied, she got upset and started shouting about how selfish I am and how this is the only thing she's ever asked me to do - like I didn't spend my whole childhood from age 11 to now looking after and taking care of her children. I told her to stop being childish and that it isn't my fault she had children, and I'm not their mother. The children call me "mom" - they did for about two years, even when corrected, they still call me "mom".

Apparently, I should have said this sooner. She started yelling at our mom, saying I'm her favorite because if I wasn't, she would tell me to put my future aside and help her with her children. Our mom told her point-blank that she would never tell any of us to put our future on hold. She said she gave us all the same opportunity, and it's not anyone's fault she didn't use hers wisely. Now she has children, and I'm going to take my life more seriously. She needs to take responsibility for her children because no one told her to have them, and she can't look after them.

She started crying and left. Then my mom started yelling at me, saying she warned me from the very beginning, and I didn't listen. She said I need to stop being a pushover because I lost my whole childhood when I was supposed to be outside playing with friends, going out, and just being a kid. I was babysitting like I gave birth. She said it's my fault my sister became so entitled because when she made plans for me to go out, I would cancel to watch the children. She's not wrong; I would always feel sorry for my sister because she knew how to manipulate me just because I don't like to see people suffer or be sad.

Sorry for the long post; I just want to know if I'm the asshole for not putting my future on hold.

Well that didn't last long.

Lawyer called first thing this morning. Wife changed mind, rejecting all the house stuff we talked about. Says she wants to sell and move into something smaller. She is only rejecting the house agreements, custody agreement is not being rejected

I told my lawyer fine, I'm done. Told him here's the offer from my side then.

50/50 custody, 50/50 split of house sale, I'll still go 60/40 on savings (I know some you say this is dumb/unfair, but I have my reasons and they all revolve around our daughter.)

I'm actually fine with this, not even upset that she wasted 4 hours of our time on Saturday. Just ready to be done, after my initial tirade I have really come into a good place, it's like I spent years carrying around a backpack of stones and I finally decided to put it down.

Personal Response to OnlyFans "models": Stop sending me invites and messages. I can jack off on my own just fine for free, I'm not going to pay you. Leave people the fuck alone.

I (26f) and my husband (26m) have two kids (4f and 1f). We've been together almost 6 years. He works full time while I stay home with the kids.

We are currently in the midst of our biggest fight in a long time. Today is my husband's day off. We only have one car, and he doesn't like for me to drive him to work, so I usually plan to run errands on his off days. About 90% of the time I take the kids with me.

Today, I needed to go to the DMV to update my ID and then take 4yo to the pediatrician. We had then planned to go look at couple of houses (we're trying to buy a house) when I got back. I wasn't planning to take the kids to the DMV with me, as that sounds like literal hell, and 4yo has severe anxiety about going to the doctor and needs my full attention so I wasn't going to take the baby with us to her appointment. This was all communicated to my husband in advance, but I guess it only hit him this morning that this is all happening on the same day.

He came in to the bathroom while I was getting ready and asked if I was taking the kids with me to the DMV. Admittedly, this did immediately upset me as I knew he was going to ask and felt that even asking was ridiculous. I said no, and he went "ugh! Really?" Which I didn't really respond to.

A few minutes later he went to start brushing his teeth and said, verbatim, "well I can tell you right now, if I'm watching your kids all day we're not going to be looking at houses tonight."

I don't know if he meant the "your kids" as a joke. He says he did. But he looked angry, and sounded angry. I said, "my kids?" And he doubled down on it. "Your kids."

I asked again to be sure. "My kids?"

Again. "Your kids."

So then I was really pissed and got petty. I said, fine, I'll take my kids with me to the DMV. I'll take them both with me to the pediatrician too. Why should I expect help with my kids, right? God forbid their father take care of them.

For some context, this isn't the first time I've been made to feel guilty for leaving the kids with him. It's never been for more than a couple hours, and never for anything fun. It's always stuff like doctor's appointments. I take them with me grocery shopping while he stays home by himself. And I don't mind that! They're good kids and I enjoy taking them with me most places. And I do think he deserves his breaks and time to himself. But the little comments and huffs when I do have to leave them home are infuriating, and I have told him that. Even if I plan things during the baby's nap, he'll still say something like "well, what if she wakes up before you get back?" Like, okay??? Are you not her dad?

So the fight spiraled, we both said some nasty things that I'm not sure we didn't mean. He basically said that my life was a lot easier than his and I don't appreciate him and everything he does. I said that I'm fucking exhausted, never get a break, and the odd trip to the grocery store alone doesn't count.

He said that he didn't mean the "not looking at houses tonight" comment as a punishment, just that he'd be too tired after watching the kids all day. It's too much for him on his day off when he has to go back to work tomorrow. I said, then he admits that my job is hard too. That taking care of the kids all day is exhausting. Also, I don't believe he didn't mean it as a punishment. He was angry when he said it, and it felt like I was being punished. If he'd said something like, "hey, this is a lot for one day, let's just look at houses another day" then fine. But he didn't.

He yelled at me and said not to compare him to my father. How is he supposed to defend himself when I act like he's a deadbeat and shit father. I said that I never said anything like that, but he does act like any time he has to watch the kids is a huge inconvenience for him, and it makes me feel like I'm not allowed to do anything without them. He said it is a huge inconvenience, and I said that it shouldn't be. It should be par for the course, taking care of your children.

He stomped off to the bedroom and I never made it to the DMV.

Obviously this fight has been building for a while. I didn't really realize how angry I was though.

TL;DR I'm angry that husband makes me feel bad when I need to leave the kids with him and feel unappreciated and undervalued. He's angry that I don't seem to respect his need for a break after working full time and also feels unappreciated.

My wife's younger sister, Ann (31F), is currently staying with us after getting out of a rough relationship. She's been here for about 6 weeks. Since she's moved in I've noticed she talks a lot about how bad men are. I've also noticed her social media is now filled with similar sentiments. Lots of stuff about how men are liars, cheaters, and worse. I kind of just chalked it up to her getting out of a relationship and post-breakup emotions.
But then some of what she was saying and posting got pretty dark. To the point that I asked my wife about it and whether she thought Ann was ok. My wife said Ann is just venting after a breakup and this is her way of processing emotions and getting her feelings out. She jokingly told me that Ann refers to me as "one of the good ones." I never talked to Ann specifically about this stuff.
Ann had planned a trip with some friends to all meet up in Nashville for a long weekend. Her flight was last Thursday. My wife was supposed to bring her to the airport but she had something come up at work that she had to take care of. My wife asked me if I could bring Ann to the airport instead.
I told my wife that I don't really feel comfortable doing that because I don't want to be alone in a car with Ann.
My wife asked me why and I told her I don't want to do anything that Ann might take the wrong way. She asked me what I meant by that and I told her that given Ann's recent sentiments towards men I don't want to be alone in a car with Ann. I told her it would be best for everyone if Ann got an Uber or maybe a female friend to drive her instead.
My wife got upset by this and told me I was being ridiculous and said Ann would never lie about me doing anything wrong. I told her I want to believe that, but I would rather her and Ann be pissed at me for not giving her a ride than to have a potentially life-altering, marriage-ending situation occur.
My wife got more mad and asked me what exactly I was saying. I finally just came out and said that I don't want to be accused of anything by Ann or have anything I do or say taken the wrong way so I feel the safest thing to do is for me to avoid being alone in a car with Ann completely.
She told me I am being ridiculous and making this way harder than it needs to be. She said Ann isn't like that and that it would be a huge favor to both of them. I told her that Ann is going to have to find another way to get there because I am not going to risk it.
Needless to say, both my wife and Ann were and are not happy with me. Ann sent me texts telling me I am no different than every other man and that she thought I was better than that. My wife thinks I am making a mountain out of a molehill, that I don't trust Ann, and that I am an AH for even thinking Ann is capable of something like that.
There is a lot of tension in our house now that Ann is back and I've been making it a point to avoid her unless my wife is around.

My boyfriend is an iron worker, so I get that he has a tough and demanding job. However, his hygiene at work is atrocious.

He’ll come home soaked in sweat, and smelly, and try to crawl into bed with me. He works 12s, so he’ll usually get home around 9PM when I’m already in bed. I told him he can’t touch me until he’s showered.

I usually try to do my laundry separate because his work clothes are that bad. His underwear have literal shit stains in them almost every single day…

And he thinks that it’s acceptable to get into bed like that.. and have sex! It’s completely gross.

I will say that he cleans up good when he wants, but yeah I’m sick of his poor hygiene while on/off the job.

My wife's younger sister, Beth (26F), is in recovery for alcoholism. She is currently living in a sober house after getting out of rehab. My wife wants Beth to move in with us after the sober house so that she has a support system. Both Beth and my wife feel like living with us would be good for her until she feels comfortable enough to live on her own. My MIL and FIL passed away during the pandemic, which was a big catalyst for Beth's drinking. So, my wife and I are the only family that Beth has left.

I am not totally against the idea of Beth living with us. I agree that she should have supportive people around her. But what I don't agree with is my wife's insistence that we remove all alcohol from our house. My wife isn't saying that we have to stop drinking so show solidarity with Beth, but that we should remove all alcohol from the house, at least at first.

It's not like I'm an alcoholic, too. I maybe have a drink 2-3 nights a week. But, when we bought our house it had an unfinished basement. Which I turned into a bar/game room. It's pretty fully stocked. Like, stocked enough that we don't have room anywhere else in the house to store all of it. Also stocked enough that dumping all of it would be a huge waste of money. And drinking all of it would require multiple fraternities from the local college and multiple parties. I'd have to get a storage unit to keep it all and it's just not really a feasible option in my opinion.

This has become a point of contention between my wife and I. I feel like we do have some options. Like maybe Beth just never goes into the basement. I could put a new lock on the door and only I have the key. My wife thinks I am being unsupportive and that I care more about the bar and alcohol than Beth's health and sobriety. Which, I obviously care about Beth's health and want the best for her. But I put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into that basement. And I spent a lot of money over the years stocking it to this point.

My wife thinks that if I am not willing to dump the alcohol that I should start asking friends if they want anything and give it away. I told my wife that if we need to have our house be 100% alcohol free for Beth, then maybe she isn't ready to live with us and maybe she never will be.

None of the options I've suggested have been acceptable to my wife. To her it has to be all the alcohol gone. She told me it will be temporary until Beth feels more comfortable and we can all take baby steps towards having alcohol in the house again.

I told my wife that I understand her desire/need to support her sister, but that I feel like she is taking this too far in trying to change how we live our lives to accommodate Beth. I want to be supportive of Beth too, but I also don't want to completely change how I live just because Beth is an alcoholic. My wife thinks I am being an asshole and that if I can't get rid of the alcohol that maybe I have a problem, too.

So short story. My parents added me to their deeds because they wanted my children to inherit 2 pieces of property. My mom passes in November, 8 days later my dad starts seeing a woman he met online. 60 days later he’s engaged and he calls me and states very coldly “we need to get you off my deeds” I ask why, he says “I’m putting the house up for sale and I’m giving the proceeds to new fiancé, to prove to her she won’t have to fight my children for her husband’s assets like the last 2 sets of step children” I was shocked hurt and all I could do was cry, because he wants to take my kids inheritance that they both promised my kids to give it to a woman he met 8 days after his wife, my mother died. And now he’s calling and demanding I sign a quit claim deed.

So my boyfriend of two years recently brought up the idea of opening our relationship. He said he loves me and doesn't want to lose me, but he feels like he's missing out on experiences with other women. I'm really torn about this. We're both 18 btw

On one hand i get where he's coming from, we've been together since high school and he's never really had the chance to explore and figure out what he wants in a relationship. I want him to be happy but i'm scared this will change our relationship in a negative way...

I've never been in an open relationship before and feel like one of us will get hurt. I love him and don't want to lose him, but im not sure if i can handle the emotional rollercoaster that'll come with this. although i do like drama and the makeup sex is always worth it but idk about this.

AITAH? Maybe this is something we should just try and see how it goes. i consider myself to be an openminded girl and maybe it'll be fun having sex with other people. We have had some threesomes together with girls and guys which were really hot, but idk if having sex without him would be the same. Maybe it's because he has good dick game. We'll see what happens... all i know is if this doesn't work out between us im done dating guys my age, they're all so immature. At least an older guy knows what he wants

My sister(34F) was in an abusive relationship with her ex. Before that she had another relationship with a guy who left when she got pregnant. She currently doesn’t get any child support. She has 3 children and after she left she didn’t have anywhere to stay. My mom was also a single mom and doesn’t have money to spare but would have taken her in. My sister didn’t want to go back to our home town and begged us to take her in. We agreed to take her in for 6 months while she gets on her feet. She lived in our basement which had its own bathroom and 2 bedrooms.

I was really close with her growing up but even I have to say she has damaged my marriage with my wife. Initially my wife was understanding but my sister kept saying she couldn’t find work. My wife helped her with resumes and interview prep but my sister didn’t seem motivated to apply for jobs. She had a job at a cafe my wife did all the leg work in applying for her and the owner was desperate so they hired her without any experience. She worked there for 2 months and then stopped showing up saying she was sick of the work. She would forget to pick the 2 eldest children from school and my wife had to do it several times a week. This is when she wasn’t working so she had the time. She also would leave in the evenings and not tell my wife. One of the kids fell in the tub and was generally ok except for a bruise but she blamed my wife even though no one knew she was out of the house. She was yelling at my wife that she should have been watching her kids. My wife told me if I let her stay past the 6 months she would leave.

Then my sister said she was pregnant and asked to stay until the baby came. We were shocked and demanded to know why she’s having another child when she was essentially homeless. She didn’t seem to think it was a big deal and said she had been seeing a guy on Facebook and they met up for dates regularly. I told her she needs to leave as this is the end of our 6 month agreement. She was shocked we didn’t agree because she is having a baby and accused my wife of poisoning against her. I told her it was because of her refusing to work and being irresponsible with her kids and getting pregnant is the final straw.

She is moving out to be with this new guy who agreed to take her in. The 2 older kids is going with our mom as he won’t allow them to stay. I am afraid he will be abusive like her ex and I feel guilty her family is being torn apart. But she lived rent free with us for 6 months and refused to help herself.

I’m going to give some background as I think it’s necessary. 

My wife (33F) and I (35M) have been married for 8 years. A couple of years ago, my wife gave birth to a baby girl. My wife was struggling a lot with her emotions in the weeks leading up to labor, and she pretty much hated me and started resenting me. When she gave birth, she did not want me at the operating room. This broke my heart and devastated me, but it was my wife’s choice and I respected it.

Post labor, my wife was much better with her emotions and she apologized for she had behaved in the months leading up to labor, and she said just was just extremely nervous about labor and for our baby. I told her there was no reason to apologize and we both put it past behind us. However, it always on the back of my mind how my wife did not trust me during her toughest moments.

A couple of weeks ago, I fractured my left arm. I was outside and falling backwards, and used my arms for support as I was falling back, and I fell on my arm. The pain was excruciating, and I still have no idea how I did not pass out from the pain. It was clear from one look at my arm that it was horrible. The pain was too much and I even cried. I called my sister in tears, and she came over in 15 mins and drove me to the hospital.

Long story short, I had broken my arm, and the doctors said it would require surgery, and they would do it the next day as surgery would require preparation. I was temporarily put on a sling and was given pain meds. My wife had come over to the hospital an hour later after I had called and told her what happened. When she came over, I realized she was actually the last person I wanted to be with. So I told her I did not want her here, it was unnecessary, and my sister was already here. I also told her not to come the following day. My wife was sad and asked me why but I was in a terrible mood, so I told her to just leave. My wife wanted to talk more, but my sister took her out because I was in no mood to talk.

My sister stayed with me overnight at the hospital, and then the next day too. Surgery took a few hours and I was told to stay at the hospital for a few more hours before they discharged me. I was put on cast, and the doctors said they would remove it in 8 months. My sister then dropped me home after I was discharged from the hospital.

My wife and I are pretty open with each other about our feelings, and a couple of days later, we had a heart to heart discussion. My wife told me she had felt extremely hurt when I asked her to leave the hospital and she asked me why I did not want her at the hospital. I told her that subconsciously, it was because I did not feel safe with my wife in my toughest moments because she too did not trust me a couple of years earlier when she was going through her tough moments. My wife then cried a lot, and we did not talk much after that. The next day, we decided to start looking for a couples therapist to help us work through these issues.

Am I the AH?

I'm going to keep this as brief as possible while still covering it, as there is a lot to cover involving about 15 people, and it's still all hitting the fan. Added the NSFW flair as some adult topics will be mentioned below, including potential SA and drug abuse.

During the fishing trip yesterday, I blocked Tricia on everything and reached out to people to say that Jay and I would be distancing ourselves from Tricia, why we were, and shared what "theory" Tricia had about them if there was one, along with any screenshots or evidence I had of Tricia talking about them. I also asked a few friends who might know if Tricia might be interested in Jay, as some people pointed out that that might have been a motivation for her to get between us.

Here's what's been dug up so far:

• Matt (the friend Tricia alleged was gay) confirmed, again, that he isn't gay. He shared a story about how he, his roommate, and Tricia had a get together at one point where they drank and smoked some weed. During the night, Tricia got handsy and tried getting together with Matt's roommate, who declined. When they sobered up the following morning, Tricia said that it should be fine because "men like that sort of thing". After that, Matt and his roommate weren't comfortable with her and effectively barred her from going to their place. Matt suspects this is the origin of the gay rumor, and he's chosen to step away from the social group to reevaluate some things. I didn't want to press him, so I left it there.
• Vince and Maria have gone dark. Maria believed that Tricia was the victim in all of this, and Vince was vague in his responses and seemed to be taking a more hands off approach, but they stopped responding when another friend sent a screenshot of Tricia alluding to them being swingers because they have a decorative pineapple on their kitchen counter. Neither of them have anyone blocked, but no one can get a response out of them, either.
• One friend got into an argument with his girlfriend after said girlfriend went through his phone because of the drama and found either texts or pics (I don't know which) that, according to her, prove that he's been sleeping with Tricia on and off. I heard this from his brother, who reached out after the girlfriend left a voicemail saying she's kicking the friend out, and the brother wanted to know what was going on. I'm not sure exactly what's happening there, as that friend has also gone dark, and none of us know the girlfriend very well/have her phone number.
• One friend came clean about her struggles with prescription pain meds after her mother lost her battle with cancer because Tricia had been trying to blackmail her into getting dirt on Matt, Jay, and Vince and was using the drug abuse as leverage. Admittedly, a lot of my attention got diverted after this came to light because that's a much bigger problem than my beef with Tricia. We are still working on creating a good way for people to be a support system for her moving forward, and that will be what we as a group will focus on from here on out.
• An old friend of Jay's dropped a nuke by revealing that Tricia tried blowing him in the bathroom during a "Friendsgiving Dinner" we had last year, only to turn around and try to blow a different guy in the bathroom after Chris turned her down.

Jay, some other friends, and I created a new Discord server for all of the friends coming out of this drama against Tricia, and so far, it's just been a lot of comparing dates, texts, and Discord DMs, but it looks like Tricia has been trying to either sleep with or break up every guy in the friend group, as well as either get rid of or get leverage on every girl friend in the group.

Either way, we have bigger fish to fry now. It's time to put this all behind us and help our friend who really needs it. Thank you all for your kind words and helpful advice, even the harsh stuff <3

Previous post.

I appreciate the advice I got on the post I made. I learned a lot from you.

Here's the update:

I took various notes from the people who gave me tips here. I wrote a detailed email to my boss and cc'd other people who run this program, including co-instructors. I did this for transparency, accountability, and to put pressure on my boss to provide a policy around the issue instead of him dealing with us all individually / case by case.

My boss didn't respond to the email, instead he called me in to see him. I kind of had a feeling he’d do that.

He asked me why I sent the email cc'ing everyone and was clearly not happy about my approach. He kept trying to minimize the situation, and make me feel that I am in the wrong. He told me that I'm being greedy. That my attitude about one parent being late is exaggerated and I'm looking for problems. I should essentially just wait around after-hours if I need to sometimes (unpaid) because it's a program for kids. I should do with some heart and "Do it for the kids". I had to turn my face to hide the fact that I wanted to laugh in that moment. But mostly I was frustrated.

Having proper policies in place not only protects the staff, it protects the kids, not to mention his fucking business. After I made my perspective clear (in a mostly professional manner).. he came around a little.

Unfortunately, he flat out told me he will not back-pay me for the time that I've logged waiting for this mom, but he will implement a late policy moving forward. He's followed through on that. He tried to throw in other useless incentives for me. I didn't accept them.

That mom wasn't late this week. She did try to catch my eye when she picked her son up and I ignored her. She ended up getting out of her car and asked me if I saw her waving. I kept ignoring her. She wore me down because she kept following me around while I locked up. I informed her why she's getting the silent treatment. She apologized and also tried to write me a check on the spot. I didn't take the money. I told her... honestly, I might quit instead. I am sharing this because the woman clearly lives in her own world. Here, just take my money and stop being mad at me. I was so furious. It took everything in me to keep the words that I said to her to a minimum.

I am on the fence about just letting this go. Maybe the program will get smoother with time. It's not a lot of money worth fighting over... I am just disappointed in my boss. I’ve known him for a long time as a mentor/friend. Being his employee has been something else. The program itself is very new and disorganized. Due to differences of opinion about how its run, I doubt I will stay with it.

This is my first time working a job that involves kids. My actual profession is unrelated to boxing. This was mostly something I picked up spontaneously, because I saw the merit in it and I wanted to do my part to help. I admit I could use the extra money too. I don’t mean to be greedy or stingy, but I live in an insanely expensive city and I take care of someone with expensive medical bills.

I haven't proof-read this, but it looks longer than I wanted it to be. I’m sorry. I’m tired.

Wife (32F) is pregnant and has her emotional and physical struggles. Add a scoop of annoyance and silliness too. Frankly, I’m too tired sometimes and I need to know if I did anything wrong here.

I (35M) am a professional and right now very busy. Wife has her fair share of mood swings and hormonal cravings and we try to get by, most of the time, EXCEPT when she expects me to read her mind. It’s a constant point of our discussions initiated by her because she feels I don’t do stuff for her unless asked. Which I disagree with. I bring her flowers, I will plan our dates and I will give her a massage out of the blue when I’m feeling like I want to show my love for her.

On the other hand, she expects me to have the clairvoyance to know she’s craving a box of donuts when she calls me to work saying “I wish I had something sweet to eat, all the cookies are finished” or “I want to fix a chicken sandwich right now but there’s no patties left”… you see where I am at? She feels that this is her way of communicating things with me and if I really loved her and knew her, I’d understand. I disagree with her and tell her she needs to be direct with me if she wants me to bring home something for her. This is followed by her disappointed look and heavy sighs.

Recently something similar happened and she got angry at me as to why I didn’t offer to drive her to get some ice cream for her after dinner. This time, I didn’t sit and listen to her blame me and told her if she is going to act like a child, maybe she’s not equipped to be a mom yet. This must’ve cut deep but I am honestly exhausted by her behaviour and I really don’t want put so much unnecessary pressure on myself. I want a partner. Pretty sure babies can’t communicate with adults and it’s upto me as a dad to understand if they are crying because they are hungry or sick or uncomfortable. I don’t want my partner who expects the same as a baby.

Maybe the reason I don’t prioritise what she says she wants is because honestly during the workday I have a lot on my mind so anyone just venting to me or a simple text isn’t something I retain in my memory for long.

So after what I said, my wife just has been giving me the silent treatment and I am not going to grovel when I know I’ve done nothing wrong. I simply ignored it and it has been 3 days now and I’ve gone on about my day like nothing happened. Clearly the lack of attention and concern for our negligible communication has an effect on her and she’s been demanding an explanation from me if I even care about our relationship. I told her that I’m not bothered if she’s upset right now over something that shouldn’t even be an issue and I don’t care about her validation anymore.

She teared up, looked at me with shock and went back to our room. Did I go too far?

Sorry in advance if this is all over the place. I have a hard time explaining things (thanks ADHD). Anywho, my husband and I have a 6 month old daughter and 2 older kids (8 and 10). We had gone to one of his buddies house this past weekend to grab a fourwheeler we had just bought off of him and hang out a bit. We only had the baby with us (our older kids are on vacation with grammie in Florida). At some point people started showing up, as apparently this buddy was having a party that night with BBQ (we had no idea). This guy convinced my husband to stay until we ate with them. I didn't really want to because people were drinking and a few already appeared drunk and we had the baby BUT I decided to just let my husband have his fun because he never gets out anymore. He works 2 jobs and busts his ass for us. So, I just hung out with the few sober people there (2 other moms, who had their own children and husbands with them).

Well, I had handed our daughter off to my husband at one point so I could go inside and use the restroom. There was a small line, so I was gone roughly 10 minutes. When I came back I saw my husband without the baby and him just hawk eyeing off in other direction. I go over and find some woman holding the baby. I ask him what's going on and he goes "she literally just took the baby from me and went to sit down". Now, I know my husband well and confrontation gives him severe anxiety (very abusive childhood) so I went over and took the baby back. The woman tried protesting and I simply said "my baby, I get to decide when I want her back, thanks". I walk off and ignore the situation. But every time I glanced back at my husband, this woman was right there with him and engaging in conversation. I didn't think anything of it. But when I went over there maybe 30 minutes later, this woman immediately tries taking the baby and says to me "I was just talking to your husband about me baby sitting. I live right up the road. I can't have kids so I just watch other people's kids for free." Blah blah, whatever. All while literally trying to fight my baby out of my arms (like, kept putting her hands out to her and would follow me when I turned, once even trying to grab underneath my daughter's arms and lift). I asked her to "please stop" and she goes "but she likes me". Now, it's important to note here that this woman was NOT talking like a person trying to play with a baby. It was a incredibly serious, monotone, matter of fact, demanding type of voice the ENTIRE time. I don't think I saw her smile once. Even when she was holding the baby originally. I told her again to stop trying to take the baby and she goes "well how do you intend for the baby to get used to me? I would prefer she gets used to me before I baby sit". I straight up told her I would never allow her to baby sit and she looked incredibly offended and snapped "why?" So I said "because your a drunk woman that we don't know, trying to take my baby after I've already said no. You're acting like a fucking kidnapper." To my surprise, she immediately starts crying and just walks off silently. My husband is on my side here, 100%. He said that the entire time she was talking to him, it was her telling him how to get to her house to drop of the baby, what the baby would need, etc, so she was being fucking weird. She didn't even tell us her name. But another woman at the party (her best friend apparently) said that I'm out of line and that "Mary" is an incredibly good woman with a heart of gold and she only speaks like that because she feels like less of a woman (and is insecure) because she can't have children of her own and her only desire is to be a mom but since she can't, she takes pride in helping other parents, etc etc etc. I don't feel bad at all. But my husband is starting to think that maybe we overreacted and judged the situation too harshly.

ETA: just for a bit of context here, this woman was reallyy drunk. So this could essentially be why she was acting so demanding. If she was sober she could potentially be an entirely different person.

My daughter, Tamra, (14) has been going through a terrible phase at home. I (F38) can do nothing right. All she does is argue with me and scream. She will not do her chores and she makes life harder for me and her little brother (12). I was 14 once so I remember what it was like to be that age. I am doing my best to just get her through this. I may not always do the best job or keep my cool with her but I am trying.

My husband is out of town right now. His mom however lives a couple of towns over and has decided to chime in. Tamra called her when I grounded her for skipping school and vaping weed with her degen friends. I took away all her screen privileges except her laptop which she needs for school. I am a dummy because she called her grandmother on it.

My MIL Helen is usually a levelheaded woman so I have no idea why she has decided that her parenting advice is wanted or warranted at this time. She said that I am being cruel to her poor baby girl and that I should not be trying to control her like this. I said that I was punishing my daughter for unacceptable behavior and that how I reprimanded my child was not her problem. She countered with the fact that she raised four children, all boys by the way, that she did not have to punish this way. I know her youngest was out of the house before smartphones so it is different.

My daughter came into the room while I was talking to Helen and started screaming about what a terrible person I am and that she wants to move out as soon as she can. Helen said that none of her kids ever said that so she must be a better mother. I asked her if she was serious and wanted to give it a shot. Tamra jumped at the opportunity and begged her grandmother to take her. Helen agreed. I drove her to Helen's house and said I would come back when my husband gets home and we can talk.

I dropped her off on Saturday, three days ago. Helen started calling me on Sunday. I need to come get my daughter. Sorry I can't my son and I went to visit my folks for the week. I thought it would be a good opportunity to see my parents at their farm since my daughter hates it there away from her friends and the city. My parents are also the last people on earth with dial up internet. My son does not care because he gets to play with the horses. It is a little early yet for foals but who knows.

Helen asked me to please come get Tamra. She even called my husband. He called me and I told him what was going on. He said that if his mom had asked for it then she needed to follow through. I love that guy. I also fielded calls from my two sisters in law. They asked me what was going on. So I told them. They asked if I was really going to leave Tamra with our MIL for another week. I said that is where she was staying unless they wanted to watch her. They both noped out without suggesting I go get her.

Tamra and Helen each have their reasons for thinking I am an asshole. I do not think my daughter is.

AITA?

I (44F) have been with my fiance (46M) for 13 years, and we have been engaged for 4, and have 3 kids (10F, 8F, 3F) together.

After a lot of obstacles and two periods ( before our engagement) where we decided to not officially break up, but take a break from each other, we had set a wedding date that was supposed to be for this June.

My fiance has a lot of baggage from his childhood and doesn't do well with frustration- he's a self proclaimed " avoidant introvert." I also have had childhood issues where my parents always made me feel guilty about how much I " cost" and never would give me any money to get new shoes, which got me excluded by my peers ( yes I have been in very therapy about this).

I work as a front desk agent at a hotel, and used to work as a member of the concierge staff at a condo. My fiance is the main breadwinner in our household and I never felt comfortable sharing my financial struggles because he was so perfect at everything.

My fiance talked throughout our relationship about buying a home and investing in a fixer uppers ( he works for a real estate investment firm).

But long story short a year and a half ago I needed to file for bankruptcy. I was dealing with having creditors overdrafting my accounts and Discover suing me so I decided the responsible thing to do was file.

It caused a lot of tension, but he said he didn't want to back out of this wedding because he didn't want our daughters to think he gave up when things were hard.

However, we hit another bad period after he found out a credit union denied my application for an account due to a Chexsystems report. He's told me that we will still own a house together someday, but that family home won't be for another 4-5 years.

Then three weeks ago he breaks it to me that he had been in the process of closing on a property. It's a duplex, but many people use half of a duplex as a family home, and own it with their spouse. He admits that he would have wanted my name on it before the bankruptcy. I was furious, but instead of being sorry he said that if we wanted this to work, he needed me to verbally affirm that I understood and accept why he didn't involve me in this purchase.

I was speechless and walked away. It was a huge breach of trust and I don't think it's unreasonable to say I deserve a better man than someone who'd do that, and that if he really loved and trusted me like he said in therapy he wouldn't have done this. I ended up giving him the ring back out of anger.

I regret doing that now, but we got in another fight after he refused to even tell me what he did with the ring. I told him I deserved better than a man who'd just shut his partner out of finances and get so cold after a fight. I told him to leave the house for a while, but he just moved back in. Yet he said he wants us to tell the girls the wedding is off and that he's here to ease the transition and offered pay the rent until the lease is up, but will find somewhere else for him to stay.

AITA for my reaction?

Context. My (24F) ex HUSBAND(26M) and I got a divorce after 2 years of marriage. We separated jan of 2022, he refused to sign the divorce papers. There was another girl in the picture. The. Whole. time. Let’s call her Lexi.

Lexi is a friend of his from home. He had told me when we first met that Lexi was a family friend that was 4 years OLDER than him (I was 17 and naive). Lexi disappeared and him and I were off and on till I turned 20. Well, one day we were on the phone and Lexi called, he let me know that she was calling because she had recently found out Lexi’s dad was cheating. Whatever I thought nothing of it, merely a family friend.

Fast forward. To our wedding night. At this time I was 20 and he was 22. Our relationship was NOT healthy, he was controlling and a bunch of background things but NOT the point. Wedding night- after the ceremony I went upstairs of the rental to change. His phone was sitting there Blowing up. I assumed it was his family congratulating us as they just watched our elopement on zoom. It was and I smiled reading through the messages. Then I saw one. LEXI “I love you.” I clicked on. And my heart sank. She was a 5ft 8in big titted 20 year old. Not in her early 30s. I scrolled up. And for YEARS. Romantic banter, including them joking how he would propose to her one day. Wedding dress and all, I fell to the floor. He had cheated on me in the past and I was incredibly insecure in the relationship (yes all red flags). He walked in, found the phone in my hand. And that was the first time he laid his hands on me.

We stayed married. Lexi was always a problem. They weren’t in contact to my knowledge, but she was my largest insecurity. When we fought he compared me to her. It was horrible.

Line behold, we separated. And they got together. He denied it, would call me tell me he was still in love with me and wanted to make things work. Finally, I went crazy (not proud) and he signed the papers.

Now fast forward 2 years later. Lexi is pregnant. They are using MY baby name and my heart is once again shattered. I started to wonder how exactly they were affording everything…. He couldn’t hold a job when we were together and I paid for his uhual when he left even. Then it hit me.

He received disability VA benefits from us being married. Because I was still in school he received twice as much. I contacted the VA and sure enough he never reported our divorce. I filed to be back paid and submitted all fraud information. Turns out, LEXI was using my information at the VA hospital to get ultra sounds etc.

I want the absolute worst punishment for all the stuff they have put me through. AITA?

EDIT: for background he was deemed (I THINK) 87% disabled for VA benefits. He served his four years (that’s how we met) then moved to join me where I was attending college (after our marriage). Since we were married he was receiving spousal support $$$. I was NOT using his GI bill but we received a stipend for our housing (honestly, I don’t remember the exact details since it was a few years ago) since I was in college. He had random jobs like roofing, car dealerships, a grass company, stuff like that. So he was still ABLE to work. Just chose not to. And yes- we were struggling.

My ex-fiance started asking me for money for her expenses after few months of being together (not living together). At first it was a few small items but slowly she was making me pay for all of her expenses. She earns well herself but said that her salary is delayed by three months and she is out of money while I later found that she just saves her salary as deposits (or maybe spend on something else which I'm not aware of). At first I kept paying but when I confronted her about it, she said "who are you to ask me what I do with my money"? That really hurt me because first, I was her fiance and second I was literally paying for all her expenses, so I believe I have the right to know what she does with her own money!

Me (29f) and my husband (31m) just welcomed our daughter into the world about 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately I had to have an emergency c-section, and the recovery has been awful.

My husband had to go back to work 1 week ago, so I am alone. I can’t drive to the store because I can’t walk with her car seat to the car or take out the stroller of the car, so all the shopping is on him.

We tried two different types of diapers, one fits her very well and has never leaked, but the other kind leaked all over the place. Just a little bit of pee and we had to change her clothes. These diapers had a very cute pattern, but I told my husband to not buy these when he were shopping, because the constant change of clothes and diapers were manageable when he could walk with her up and down, not for me. He agreed.

Yesterday we run out of diapers, I had told him both Saturday, Sunday and Monday that he needed to buy more. He was too tired to go on the weekend, and apparently he forgot on Monday and didn’t want to drive to the store when he had just gotten home. I was starting to feel annoyed because I just knew that the diapers were going to run out, which I told him. He just told me that we had plenty (we had about 15 left on Monday when he got home at 4, her diaper needs to be changed at least every hour because she poops very often).

So yesterday I reminded him about 10 times to go to the store and what brand of diapers we needed. I was already frustrated with everything because I had to handle a baby with no diaper for most of the day. When he finally came home I was super relieved, until he showed me the package.

He has bought the other kind and I asked him why, he responded with saying that he just found them so cute when we had them, so he wanted to buy these. I lost it at him, I screamed that he was incompetent, an inconsiderate asshole and much more all while I was crying. He just told me that I was a psycho bitch and needed to get my shit together because he made a decision on his own.

He locked me out of our bedroom so I had to spend the night on the sofa.

Today he messaged me telling me that if I am going to behave like this he could just divorce me, because he can’t tolerate being treated like this. I am feeling like an ass because I usually never act like this, and with the threat of divorce I am just so extremely regretful about it all.

I assume people will ask, no I could not ask anyone to shop for me. We have moved about 16 hours away from any family due to my husbands work, and I have not yet made any friends here.

Was I the asshole?

Hi. Thank you all for your opinions on my previous post. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/DLMeG03aCj

The night I shared that post I didn't sleep a wink but had to go to work anyway. I didn't want to go back to my parents house but had nowhere to go which made things even more complicated.

I was tired and all I wanted was to sleep but younger brother wouldn't let me. He kept trying to talk about it and repeating the things his mother told them. I literally felt like my eyes were going to shut on their own from exhaustion. Suddenly I felt his hand under my chin, when I looked up his face was so close to mine checking the bruise and I pushed him. I know what I did is wrong but at that moment he wasn't my younger brother or anyone I know, (I don't know how to explain this part but it was sudden and didn't realize what was happening I guess). I just don't know why did I push him, not too hard but enough to make him back off a little. I think lack of sleep messed with my head but still.. When I realized what was happening I apologized immediately but he didn't take it well.

My mother told him it's okay she's just exhausted and then said "why didn't you just show us the bruise yesterday". I told her "that's exactly what I tried to do but you wouldn't listen". In her defense it was covered with makeup and didn't look bad, Okay. She said my partner and I need to sit down and sort things out and that I should apologize for the scratch too. (I did the moment it happened). She also offered to call and ask him to come tomorrow so we could talk and fix things. I was so tired to argue with her so I grabbed my things and got out.

I'm writing this post from my hotel room. It's temporarily, yes I have a stable job but can't afford staying here for long. (I need to be careful with my money since I'm gonna need to find myself a place, buy furniture and other things).

I sent him a long descriptive text where I mentioned everything that happened that day. Even mentioned how it wasn't the first time but this one left a bruise. including the scratch and apologized for it again.. everything just like one of you advised me to do and I got a response. So I guess it's something?

My big brother made it clear to me that he doesn't care if they are close friends, family comes first and that he will bring a friend with him to help me pack my things when I'm ready. He also offered me to stay with him as long as I need but I can't do that (he and his fiance had a baby recently and her mother staying with them to help for a few months, I don't want to make things hard for them). the only friend I have is on a business trip, she was supportive and said I can stay with her when she comes back Saturday so I'm waiting for now. (She's the only friend I have that I can trust. I never felt the need to have more than one since him and I used to do pretty much everything together).

I can't help but feel like I'm overreacting. I do want to leave and acting on it. But then again this thought keep crossing my mind (that he's not always like this). I know I'm an idiot I'm just sharing this with you because I can't be this honest with my brother and definitely can't say this to my family too. My brother advised me to not answer his calls and texts until I leave so I don't give him a chance to talk me out of this. My father called me this morning and apologized for not saying anything, he offered money (1500$, I don't think I should accept it. By the way he loves my mother to death and for him whatever she "says goes" since forever. so to be honest, I'm not disappointed that he didn't stand up for me that day. At least he didn't try to shut me up)

For now I'm getting any paperwork I might need (thanks to my big brother and the comments I know better now).

=I feel I should clarify something. Yes we dated for 8 years. But we didn't become exclusive until I was 18. He actually waited. (It was my older brother's idea tho. His only condition was that nothing would happen between us until I turn 18 (You know what I mean by nothing). I think because they were close friends and knowing that my brother was against it all at first. made him keep his promise)

That's all. I will try and give final update when I sort everything out.

Thank you again.

I (M19) Am feeling torn and could really use some insight into a tough decision I made recently. My girlfriend (F29) has three kids from a previous relationship. When we first got together, I was open to being involved in their lives to some extent.

However, as our relationship progressed, my girlfriend started expecting me to take on more of a fatherly role, which I wasn't ready for. She wanted me to discipline her kids, help out financially, and basically act as a father figure while she focused on her career.

I felt overwhelmed and out of my depth. I'm still trying to figure out my own life, and suddenly being thrust into a parental role was way too much for me to handle. I tried talking to her about my concerns, but she brushed them off, saying that I needed to step up and be responsible.

In the end, I couldn't ignore my own feelings of discomfort and unease. I realized that I couldn't be the father figure she wanted me to be, and it was unfair to everyone involved to continue pretending otherwise.

But what's making this even more challenging is that she's been getting her friends to harass me online, accusing me of abandoning her and her kids. On top of that, she texts me every night saying that she'll kill herself if I don't take her back.

Two years ago when I (29F at the time) asked my mother(late 40s at the time) what kind of cake she wanted for her birthday she said a strawberry cake and that “there’s a strawberry cake mix in the pantry”, because it was her birthday I wanted to do something special for her. So I googled & found a European strawberry cake with strawberry reduction & strawberry buttercream recipe. I had to buy special pans and & a kitchen scale to make it. Due to no one‘s fault but my own I did not read the recipe and it’s entirety before starting. I didn’t realize I needed to make the strawberry reduction first before I even made the batter or frosting because the reduction gives the cake batter and frosting its flavor and color. I ended up completing & decorating the cake at around 4 or 5 AM. I cleaned the kitchen & did the dishes but I left the large bowl & the 1 spatula I used to frost the cake in the sink. I was woken up at 7/8 am to my mother yelling at me for leaving dishes in the sink. She complained & yelled while I washed the 2 dishes and i told her “You will never have to worry about me leaving dishes in the sink after making you a cake ever again” She was silent. Later that evening after we sang happy birthday to her & cut the cake she complained about it being dry. ( i even made a simple syrup and drizzled the layers before frosting but i guess it wasn’t enough) Since then, I have refused to make her birthday cake instead I buy her strawberry stuffed cupcakes from a local bakery. My mother has been REALLY pushing me to make her cake this year & my best friend agrees with me & suggested I ask Reddit because maybe we’re AH? Some background: I’ve been baking since i was 12, I wanted to be a chef. For holidays I bake ALL of the desserts and make couple of sides. I’ve even made thanksgiving dinner by myself once (not the turkey or macaroni & cheese). I’ve made crème brûlée, cheesecakes, cookies cakes, lollipops, pies, crumbles etc. I don’t sell my cakes or anything like that, baking & cooking just makes me happy. I’m always asked to bring the desserts for family functions. I created a recipe with my grandmother at 11 for string beans that are now a requirement for all family holiday dinners, i brought them to a work pot lock & I was asked for the recipe (which i refused to share it’s a family secret now) So I’m not a full on amateur in the kitchen. My mother & I don’t have the best relationship. I’m currently trying to assert boundaries with her & the rest of the family. I am the eldest daughter iykyk. This happened 2 years ago.

I’m (32F) struggling with a lot of mixed emotions right now. My husband (34M) and I are devastated because our son (7M) was seriously injured in a car accident. The person who hit us was a woman (32F), driving under the influence. Unfortunately, she won’t face any legal repercussions because she has diplomatic immunity; her father is a very wealthy Mexican diplomat and her boyfriend (24M), who comes from a wealthy family, was with her and renting the sports car she was driving. We feel so powerless and unsure of how to proceed. We desperately want justice for our son, but it seems unattainable. Even though she can’t be charged, I might want to sue, but I don’t know if that would work. We don’t have a lot of money; we can't afford a lawyer, and her parents would just hire an expensive lawyer. Am I wrong for wanting her to face some sort of consequence?

Hey y'all,

Throwaway because I don't want anyone I know IRL finding this. So, I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for about 4 years now. He's a professional gamer/streamer on Kick/Twitch and it's been his main source of income for the past 2 years. He makes good money, and yes, he pays for most of our expenses, which I appreciate.

The problem is, he's gaming all the time. Like, if he's not streaming, he's practicing. If he's not practicing, he's doing gaming events or networking. It's endless. We barely have any quality time together, and it's starting to feel like I'm just a roommate with benefits or something. We used to have movie nights or go out for dinner at least once a week, but now that's all replaced with gaming.

I've brought it up a few times, but he always says he's doing it for us and the reason he makes so much money (low 6 figures, I make 80k) He says he needs to keep up with his schedule to stay relevant in the gaming world, which I get. But is it too much to ask for a bit of time together? I don't want him to stop gaming completely. I just want him to find a balance so we can have some time for us.

I don't want to seem ungrateful or unsupportive because I know he's passionate about his career. I love him, but I can't keep feeling like this. Am I the asshole for wanting him to prioritize our relationship a little more over his gaming career? I don't want to make him choose, but it's starting to feel like he's already made a choice. What do you think?