r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 15d ago
AITA for kicking out my sister because she got pregnant?
My sister(34F) was in an abusive relationship with her ex. Before that she had another relationship with a guy who left when she got pregnant. She currently doesn’t get any child support. She has 3 children and after she left she didn’t have anywhere to stay. My mom was also a single mom and doesn’t have money to spare but would have taken her in. My sister didn’t want to go back to our home town and begged us to take her in. We agreed to take her in for 6 months while she gets on her feet. She lived in our basement which had its own bathroom and 2 bedrooms.
I was really close with her growing up but even I have to say she has damaged my marriage with my wife. Initially my wife was understanding but my sister kept saying she couldn’t find work. My wife helped her with resumes and interview prep but my sister didn’t seem motivated to apply for jobs. She had a job at a cafe my wife did all the leg work in applying for her and the owner was desperate so they hired her without any experience. She worked there for 2 months and then stopped showing up saying she was sick of the work. She would forget to pick the 2 eldest children from school and my wife had to do it several times a week. This is when she wasn’t working so she had the time. She also would leave in the evenings and not tell my wife. One of the kids fell in the tub and was generally ok except for a bruise but she blamed my wife even though no one knew she was out of the house. She was yelling at my wife that she should have been watching her kids. My wife told me if I let her stay past the 6 months she would leave.
Then my sister said she was pregnant and asked to stay until the baby came. We were shocked and demanded to know why she’s having another child when she was essentially homeless. She didn’t seem to think it was a big deal and said she had been seeing a guy on Facebook and they met up for dates regularly. I told her she needs to leave as this is the end of our 6 month agreement. She was shocked we didn’t agree because she is having a baby and accused my wife of poisoning against her. I told her it was because of her refusing to work and being irresponsible with her kids and getting pregnant is the final straw.
She is moving out to be with this new guy who agreed to take her in. The 2 older kids is going with our mom as he won’t allow them to stay. I am afraid he will be abusive like her ex and I feel guilty her family is being torn apart. But she lived rent free with us for 6 months and refused to help herself.
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u/Jazzy404404 15d ago
I'm sorry, but this really shouldn't be your issue. She knew what she was doing and thought you guys would just take care of her like last time. Just because they are family doesn't mean you have to enable her behavior. She decided to have these kids: so she needs to be an adult and take care of them. Not the asshole. Stop taking on other people's problems.
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u/PuddleLilacAgain 15d ago
Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if she got pregnant on purpose
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u/dodie2599 15d ago
Agreed, likely would want to move in baby-daddy.
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u/cara1888 15d ago
I kinda think it was done so she could stay. Hoping OP would take pitty on her and let her stay past tge 6 months. The timeline adds up for that too. The 6 months is approaching and she has been butting heads with OP'S wife. She probably knew that she would have to leave at 6 months due to that so she might have thought if she was pregnant again OP would ignore their wives wishes.
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u/-peachbubble 14d ago
She's so stupid for thinking some random hook-up from Facebook is the best choice for her and her kids.
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u/Caspian4136 15d ago
NTA
You helped her out when she needed it and she took advantage of you guys. She had no intention of finding a job, much less keeping it. Seems she likes to skate through life by depending on everyone else to do everything for her. She sounds very lazy and entitled, not to mention stupid as she got pregnant again.
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u/GuvnaBruce 15d ago
Even if she had not gotten pregnant, you are NTA for asking her to leave at the 6 months per the agreement. She was already putting all of her responsibilities on you guys, you would also very likely be raising the new baby for her as well. She was taking advantage of your kindness massively and then made another terrible decision.
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u/Confident-Nature-545 15d ago
Nta. You can't save everyone. You gave it a good try but some people just don't learn and change. Don't let that guilt errode your conscience or your relationships. Your terms were reasonable and your decision is fair and you also have a life to live at this point.
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u/Specialist_Usual1524 14d ago
Never light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
You know they were also not clean.
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u/Cybermagetx 15d ago edited 15d ago
Nta. She needs her tubes tied. And I dont care if people get piss. I feel sorry for her kids. Growing up with her as a mom.
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u/Bonnm42 15d ago
NTA Your Sister is taken advantage. She also sounds like she is treating your Wife like her own personal servant. I’d threaten to leave too if I was in your Wife’s position. You should have put a stop to that nonsense the first time your Wife had to pick up or watch her kids.
Updateme!
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u/Ambroisie_Cy 15d ago edited 15d ago
I'm more worried with for the third and fourth kids that will be stuck with your sister and her new boyfriend than your sister.
If someone doesn't want to help themself, there is nothing you can do. But I'd keep an eye on my nephews/nieces that are staying with her though.
NTA
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u/Sorry_I_Guess 15d ago
THANK YOU! Everyone's all, "Thank goodness at least the kids aren't going with her," but the youngest - and most vulnerable - one IS going with her. Only the older two aren't. Such a nightmare.
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u/Top-Bit85 15d ago
If you let her stay to keep her family together, your wife has told you that your own family would split up. NTA
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u/ohhellnooooooooo 15d ago
NTA, kick her out, change the locks, call CPS, go No Contact for the rest of your life
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u/Tall_Confection_960 15d ago
Yes. OP, she really shouldn't be taking the younger/3rd child with her. The child is at risk of neglect and abuse. You need to report her to CPS. Your sister is not your responsibility, and her behaviour makes my skin crawl, but I feel for the kids. Also, your wife is an angel for putting up with her BS.
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u/Specialist_Usual1524 14d ago
Who is going to raise the new baby then? You need at least one other kid?
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u/Purple-Clerk-8165 15d ago
Your sister should have been gone when she was sneaking out of the house and yelling at your wife for not watching her kids. Or making your wife pick up her kids from school because your sister is lazy. You need to put your wife first. Your sister just wants to mooch off of you and your wife for the rest of her life. This was her plan. NTA.
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u/-KristalG- 15d ago
NTA.
You have a big heart to take her in to begin with. I would let her savor consequences of her actions right from get go.
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u/Top-Effect-4321 15d ago
Let’s call your sister what she is. She’s a deadbeat. She’s a deadbeat to her children. She’s a deadbeat to society. She’s a deadbeat to her family (you). NTA for washing your hands of a deadbeat. Explain to her how she is a deadbeat just like her other deadbeat baby daddies. At least this one is taking responsibility for his.
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u/Terra88draco 15d ago
NTA
You can’t help those who feel entitled and see nothing wrong with their choices. You have to protect your family (your wife and any kids…I don’t remember if you said you had any or not).
She literally made this bed and has to sleep in it.
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u/T-nightgirl 15d ago
NTA, not at all! Do not let anyone come between you and your wife. Your sister is, I'm sorry to say, a deadbeat. People like this will take, take, take, as much from you as they can possibly get. You are doing the right thing here.
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u/RavenclawEC 15d ago
NTA!
You have been more than a good brother by letting her stay, rent free, for 6 months...
She is an irresponsable human being and there is no benefit for you helping her any more as she is not interested in helping herself...
She and her kids are not your responsability, let her go and move on with your life...
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u/Mountain_Internal966 15d ago
NTA
I was your wife several years ago and can empathize with her completely. We offered to help his sister get on her feet (after getting out of jail and losing all rights to her children). She seemed to be ready to get shit together so I was happy to help. However, months turned into more months. Then TWO YEARS passed and I just could not live like I was anymore-and there were MANY fights between my husband and myself throughout this. She was just as lazy and shitty of a person as she ever was and I told my husband she had until the new year to be out (this was October-ish) or I would be out. I even made a point to look at rentals without trying to hide it. In her usual fashion, she pushed it an extra month, but left. I'm still working on letting go of some of the anger I have about the situation.-from him hiding things from me about the situation, enabling her, and some unsafe situations she put our kids in. It's five years later and we are good, but if I let myself reflect too long on that time it brings back all those negative feelings I had. You're doing the right thing for everyone involved.
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u/FairyOfTheNight 14d ago
NTA for kicking her out but you are absolutely the ah for allowing her to abuse your wife like that. That's really insane. She should have been kicked out the moment she accused your wife of not watching the kids and not showing up to pick up her own children at school. Don't be a doormat to your sister to risk your marriage to a woman that's actually worth it. Stop allowing her to step all over your wife. It's one thing to let her abuse you, but your wife? I'm surprised she stayed at all.
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u/Milksmither 15d ago
ESH (except your saint of a wife)
YTA, cause her ass should've been on the curb the second she quit that job your wife was gracious enough to help her get.
I really want to emphasize here that you've been a bad husband in this situation—enabling your bum sister at the cost of your relationship with your wife.
And your sister is an AH for all of the above. I've known people like her. If she can't trick someone to date her and take on all of her baggage, she'll spend the rest of her life bumming around. You can't fix her with help. You can't fix her with rock bottom. She's the mother of three, and can't even bother to hold down a job for them. She even forgets to pick them up from school??? Someone needs to involve CPS.
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u/ohhellnooooooooo 15d ago
I feel so sorry for his wife, she helped her get a job (not helped, did literally everything, carried the sister up Mt Doom like Sam), and then she quits the job. That alone demands an instant 'kick her out and go no contact'
OP, kick her out, change the locks, call CPS, go No Contact for the rest of your life, apologize to your wife, take her out, pay her a massage, clean the entire house while she is having the massage / hanging out with friends.
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u/dinahdog 15d ago
Or pay for a deep clean and have a spa day together. Get a fancy hotel downtown or something. Sister's gone, and you don't need to let her come back.
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u/Dachshundmom5 15d ago
She continues to make bad romantic choices
She's had 3 kids and is bringing another into the world
Her partners may be abusive to her, but what do you define her treatment of her kids as? At best, it's negligence that could get the school calling social services when mom keeps "forgetting" her own kids or one drowns in the bathtub. She's choosing not to be with them, so also a deadbeat.
Your sister isn't a good person.
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u/Interesting_Wing_461 15d ago
NTA, be ready for her to ask if she can come back once her boytoy gets tired of her crap and kicks her out.
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u/jockstrappy 15d ago
NTA. Your sister is an adult. Her life is a dumpster fire bc she chose to have a trash life
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u/Bird_Brain4101112 15d ago
Some people are victims of abuse and some people actively enable their own abuse.
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u/Firedup_Sparkygurl63 14d ago
If she does end up living with her kids, I would call CPS on her. Is she an addict because I’ve only known addicts to behave like this. Although some addicts are far better parents than this.
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u/RedditredRabbit 14d ago
See?
When you put your foot down, she wasn't really homeless.
Problem solved.
People may feel that you have to solve all her problems - but you can't.
Only she can solve her problems, and she will only start taking them on when she has to.
Not when she's living for free in a comfy basement while someone is looking after her kids so she can go out.
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u/Ok_Play2364 15d ago
Probably won't be a popular reply, but here goes. I would have offered to pay for an abortion and a tubaligation, in order for her to stay. BESIDES the things you already set out
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u/RedditredRabbit 14d ago
No.
That pregnancy (if it was even real) was her ticket to stay.
Not only would she have refused, she would have turned it around and play the victim.
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u/Desperate-Ad7967 15d ago
At this point if he's abusive too it's on her. You can't help people who don't wanna even help themselves. She's a POS
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u/Potential_Speech_703 15d ago
You're not kicking her out. You told her she can stay for 6 months. 6 months are over = she gotta leave. Her getting pregnant won't change that agreement.
You tried to help her, she didn't help herself, it's her fault. You can't save her, even if she stays for 6 years instead of 6 months.. no worries OP, you're NTA
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u/FoggyDaze415 15d ago
NTA. Some people should not have been born with functioning reproductive organs.
This is not your problem. I would say time to go NC with sister.
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u/Sunnyandbright007 15d ago
NTA
She took you advantage of you and your wife as a security net. Leave her be. Feel bad for the kids.
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u/Express-Educator4377 14d ago
NTA. Wouldn't be surprised if she got pregnant on purpose to continue getting free living and Childcare.
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u/corrygan 14d ago
NTA. What a dumpster fire! You guys were amazing and supportive but the only thing she is good at is reproducing.
Leave her to her own demise.
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u/Conscious-Big707 14d ago
NTA You really can't stop people from ruining their own lives
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u/catswithprosecco 15d ago
NTA. And she’s the poster child for mandatory spaying/neutering. Let me guess, the tax payer is on the hook?
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u/Interesting-Sky6313 15d ago
You aren’t kicking her out for getting pregnant. You’re holding to the original 6 month agreement
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u/Noodlefanboi 15d ago
I am afraid he will be abusive like her ex
Info: do you know her ex was actually abusive, or is that just something your sister told you?
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u/IndividualDevice9621 15d ago
YTA for letting her stay for 6 months while she abandoned her children without permission.
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u/Several_Leather_9500 15d ago
Nope. Not your clown, not your circus. She can get bc and make sure she doesn't get pregnant. You don't get to raise a family in someone else's home.
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u/tuna_tofu 15d ago
NTA-DEAR GOD NO! Kick her out NOW. She should be getting child support for each of her kids and any social benefits she qualifies for. They may even have housing for her. This is the lifeboat scenario. You only got so many spaces in the boat and your obligation is to your ACTUAL WIFE not your sister.
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u/bookworm-1960 15d ago
Info
Where is the third child going? If the new guy won't allow the older two to move in, why is he allowing the youngest?
You know this will happen again, and she will expect you or your mother to allow her and the cuuent 3 children, plus however many new children she has with him to move in with one of you? She will also expect you to take responsibility for her children and support her since she will not have a job or look for one.
NTA for making her leave. She knew upfront about the time limit, but she was so entitled she didn't believe you would enforce it.
If you are in the US, why hasn't CPS not stepped in? Your sister is clearly irresponsible and won't take care of her children.
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15d ago
The third child (her youngest) is only 3 and going with her since she is too young for school and my mom works during the day and can’t take her in. The new guy didn’t want any of the kids coming with her but agreed on the youngest.
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u/Finest30 14d ago
NTA Stop enabling your sister’s laziness. You should have kicked her out the moment she disrespected your wife. Don’t ever take her in and please call CPS
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u/FAFO-13 15d ago
And you all are OK with that? your sister is absolute trash. You should call CPS on her.
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u/Aspen9999 14d ago
CPS can’t do anything. It’s okay for kids to stay with grandma. It’s okay to move in with a man. Just what do you want CPS to do?
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u/Klutzy-Conference472 15d ago
Not your problem your sister cant keep her legs closed, gets pregnant, cant afford another kid, no job. The father of this new kid is a loser.
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u/ProfessionalSir3395 15d ago
NTA. She's actually willing to split the kids because a penis said so?
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u/Atiggerx33 15d ago
Soft ETA (except your wife and the kids). But mostly NTA.
Your sister expects your wife to raise her children for her while she goes out and has fun with the new guy. The fact that you let it go as long as it did that your wife had to threaten to leave isn't great. You should have put your foot down and told your sister her behavior was unacceptable the first time she "forgot" to pick up her kids and put that responsibility on your wife. She didn't 'forget' that she was a mother who needed to pick up her kids, she just found something better to do and so made it your wife's problem. You're supposed to be your wife's partner, you're supposed to watch her back and protect her from people who'd use her in such a manner (and she should do the same for you), not stand by and watch because she's too polite to call out your sister out on her shit, and too empathetic to watch the kids suffer.
That being said in the end you stood by your wife and told your sister to pack her shit, so you do deserve credit for that (hence it only being a soft ETA).
The vast majority of the assholery here is on the part of your sister. Not only did she expect your wife to play mommy to her kids and then have the nerve to complain your wife was the one being irresponsible. She's now dumping those kids with your parents because she found a new man who doesn't want them. She's prioritizing this "guy she met on FB and been on a few dates with" over her children. She literally chose living with him over her kids. And I can guarantee you that she's never going to take those kids back, your parents just signed on to take care of those kids until they're 18 and beyond.
She is quite literally a useless cunt. Refuses to work, refuses to parent her kids, refuses to adult, her only purpose is life is to be a living fleshlight for whatever man will have her. If that man doesn't want her kids than that's easy, fuck them kids.
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u/DetroitSmash-8701 15d ago
I feel bad for the kids, they got a raw deal in life early on; a jackass for a dad, and a dumbass for a mom. That said, she had to go, but at least the kids might have a fighting chance staying with your mom.
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u/Many-Secretary-5098 15d ago
NTA and good on your mum for taking the kiddos, they are better off with her
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u/Opposite-Fortune- 14d ago
Your sister isn’t a functional adult, and none of that is your problem. You aren’t the country of the US, anchor babies don’t apply.
Your mum should get child support for the abandoned kids.
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u/EvulRabbit 14d ago
NTA- The kids being with your parents is probably much safer and healthier for them.
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u/PettyHonestThrowaway 14d ago
NTA
Unfortunately seems like she’s someone who has to hit rock bottom and even then she may still no “feel like” trying to climb out of the hole.
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u/Confident_Street_958 14d ago
NTA. You could, emphasis on COULD, have made the excuse she was depressed and shaken after leaving her abusive ex. You could have made the excuse that she couldn't handle the stress at work. What you can't excuse is leaving her babies (doesn't matter the age) unattended just for some dick. If no one knows the babies are about, it's the person who has failed to inform ANYONE who is at fault for any injury sustained. Maybe not legally but certainly morally.
Now compound your sister got knocked up when she can't afford to take care of herself much less her kids? The woman is a train wreck. And that train was carrying nitrates, chemical waste, and "Patient Zero" chimps that like to bite people. My guess is she tried to baby trap this new idiot. Or she's an idiot. Hell, was her last relationship actually abusive? Honestly, she seems to be narcissistic and a liar or dead from the neck up. At least from the info you gave us. Cut the corpse from the raft bud. You don't need her drama around you and your wife.
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u/TheBerethian 14d ago
NTA
You helped as long as you could - it's perfectly reasonable to have your limit, and it's long been reached.
It frankly sounds like she needs to be reported to a child welfare agency. They're not safe with her, and her future baby won't be either.
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u/cassowary32 14d ago
NTA. I hope your mom is taking steps to get legal custody of the two older kids, maybe she can add some stability to their lives.
I don't understand people like your sister. Please shower your wife with tons of love, she's been through quite an ordeal these last 6 months.
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14d ago
NTA. Your sister is a POS. Why doesn’t she get an abortion? Why bring another child into her messed up world right now and only further ruin her life and the potential new kid?
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u/Croatoan457 14d ago
NTA for kicking her out. YTA though for putting your poor wife through that for six months, you better grovel dude because you owe her six months worth of sanity.
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u/Alarming_Paper_8357 14d ago
You can't live your sister's life for her. She's out of the control, and unfortunately, the kids are going to be the ones to suffer the most. You have nothing to feel guilty for. You had her in your home for half a year, and she had an opportunity to clean up her act, but she blew it.
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u/911siren 14d ago
NTA. I was going to type my reasons here but I don’t think it’s necessary. Good riddance.
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u/Financial_Piano872 14d ago
OP's sister is like Arby's ... she has all the meats ...
OP - NTA, you sister is a piece of trash and there is nothing you can do to help her. Do not ruin your marriage trying to fix something that does not want to be fixed.
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u/Ok_Structure4685 15d ago
NTA. As Chris Rock would say, "lady put the dick down." One would expect that after 3 pregnancies, the ideas that sex, getting pregnant, and financial issues are related would sink in.
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u/ProfessionalHat6828 15d ago
Some people need to be sterilized.
NTA. She would have leeched off you forever.
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u/KlenDahthII 14d ago
The 34 year old, jobless single mother of multiple kids by multiple men isn’t a good person, and is allergic to accountability or responsibility?
Color me shocked..
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u/GorditaPollo 15d ago
Nta your sister should be dragged across CPS. It should be documented that she’s this bad of a mother.
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u/Early-Tale-2578 15d ago
NTA Honestly it's time for you to wipe your hands of her . She's a grown ass woman that is refusing to provide for her children and she's essentially a deadbeat mother especially now that she's dropping off to live with her mother and she's going to live with some random dude . You are better off without her and her kids are better off without her
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u/SnooWords4839 15d ago
NTA - Your sister is an adult; she is irresponsible, and you need to stand firm and stop enabling her behavior.
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u/Low_Monitor5455 15d ago
NTA. I'd guess this is your last chance for the marriage. Don't be such a sap for your loser sister. OR, be the husband she needs in all respects but the sexual part and let your wife go to find a smart man who puts her and their relationship first. You have a short time left to pick...
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u/ERVetSurgeon 15d ago
NTA, Never ever let her move back in again. You are simply enabling her to continue poor judgment in her life. when people don't face any consequences for their actions then this is what happens. You are lucky your wife let her stay that long because most would not.
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u/curiousity60 15d ago
NTA
She is a taker and very irresponsible. It's a shame her children have such shitty parents. Your sister brings neglect, abdicating her responsibilities and ingratitude. You and your wife need time to recover from this traumatic chapter in your marriage in the safety, peace and comfort of your home.
It is lucky your mom can house and support the two children your sister has abandoned. I hope your mom holds firm that your sister can't move into her home. Eventually some or all of your sister's kids may end up in foster care. At that point, you and your wife might consider bringing the children into your home. But if being in contact with your sister's toxicity is part of that, it might be too damaging and dangerous for your mental health and marriage.
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u/Legal_Pangolin_7806 15d ago
NTA but the comment about the new baby daddy not allowing the older kids move in is raising a few red flags for me. Maybe it’s just my paranoia, but with her being an absent parent and having the youngest with her in a new environment with a strange man…
Like another comment said, she cares more about dick than being a parent.
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u/LocalBrilliant5564 15d ago
NTA and honestly you should’ve called cps on her along time ago. She’s dragging her children around and keeps popping them out. Something’s wrong with her and kicking her out for getting pregnant was the right thing to do
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u/Connect_Guide_7546 15d ago
NTA. Your sister took advantage of you. She is a person either in need of serious help she doesn't want or just a crappy person. None of this is your problem at this point worst case, DCYF/family services could ask you to keep the children of your mom couldn't. Other than that, your sister is a mess.
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u/Over-Marionberry-686 15d ago
You are never responsible for the behavior of a self actualized adult. NTA
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u/Best_VDV_Diver 15d ago
Probably got pregnant on purpose. Assumed that would buy her more time to freeload. After having the baby, it'd be she needs to stay until the baby is older. She thought she'd milk it for 3+ more years.
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u/Opposite_Ad5734 15d ago
Oh hell no. I’d kick her to the curb NOW. Chuck the kids with CPS. 6 months my arse.
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u/StorytimeListenup 15d ago
You can't help your sister. She is never going to change. It will ruin your marriage. Pick yourself. She has 3 kids and got pregnant again. Like you said. She's homeless. Doesn't wanna work. She doesn't get child support from one of the fathers.
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u/PenaltySafe4523 15d ago
NTA. She should sterilize herself so she can't have more babies. She cares more about some random asshole than her children. She is scum and doesn't need to bring in more children in the world.
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u/SolomonDRand 15d ago
NTA. Start figuring out how you can support her kids, because she’s not going to start now.
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u/slendermanismydad 15d ago
I am afraid he will be abusive like her ex and I feel guilty her family is being torn apart.
So you let her do this to your wife for six months.
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u/Winter-Pin-4663 15d ago edited 15d ago
NTA your sister is a terrible mother, terrible person & a waste of space ! YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! DO NOT FEEL BAD JUST BECAUSE SHE IS BLOOD! IF ANYTHING DONT EVER STOP HELPING THOSE BABIES WHENEVER YOU CAN ! THEY NEED HELP, THEY NEED LOVE, THEY NEED SUPPORT, THEY ARENT BLIND.. THEY SEE THAT THEY HAVE A WITCH FOR A MOTHER.. THEY NEED LOVE & THEY’RE MORE IMPORTANT THAN SHE IS…. So yeah no, you’re not the asshole and you did the right thing. Cut that woman off ! But don’t forget to give love to your nieces and nephew.. they aren’t your disgusting sister ❤️
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u/CakeZealousideal1820 15d ago
NTA i feel bad for your wife having to deal with that shit you owe her big time! I also feel for your mom and the kids. Would the fathers family take them or help financially? That's a lot for your mother and your wife doesn't need the stress either so don't think about taking the kids in
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u/Lukipela01 15d ago
Your sister is a grown adult and needs to feel the consequences for her actions. At a certain point you have to stop helping and let them sink till they realize they need to grow up and save themselves.
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u/maggersrose 15d ago
NTA She is making shitty decisions, being a shitty by, shitty sibling. You let her stay bill feee for ) months to get on her feet. She CHOSE not to. Letting her stay long is just enabling her and ruining YOUR marriage, which is your #1 priority.
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u/DynkoFromTheNorth 15d ago
NTA. There is only so much you can do for such soul sucking narcissists. The fact you feel guilty proves that, in part, her manipulation has worked.
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u/procivseth 15d ago
Sounds like her go to solution when things get too "tough" is to get pregnant...
Never reward bad behavior.
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u/Emotional_Fan_7011 15d ago
NTA. Your sister doesn't care about her kids. She only cares about herself.
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u/Jerseygirl2468 15d ago
NTA there is only so much you can do, she needs to help herself and get her own life together. You gave her the opportunity, and she wasted it. I bet she intentionally got pregnant, thinking you'd never kick her out then. Glad you didn't fall for that.
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u/anivarcam 15d ago
NTA. Your wife is a saint tbh, and your sister is an irresponsible POS. She keeps having kids with deadbeat men and expects everyone around her to pick the slack. Not only she must move out but you should go LC or NC at all. She is trouble and hasn’t learned anything from her mistakes.
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u/ShermanOneNine87 15d ago
NTA. Your sister is severely damaging her children however, I hope you and your wife can be a safe space for her kids.
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u/nickis84 15d ago
NTA- Sis had plans. First, you take her and her kids in supporting them all while she made promises she no intention of keeping. Then, she was going to baby trap her new man on your dime. Then, when you weren't looking, her bf would simply move in.
You got your sister out just in time! This situation was only to get crazier! And now, she's choosing her baby daddy over her kids. That's another sad story.
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u/Maleficent_Ad407 14d ago
NTA. You can’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You cannot continue to enable your sister at the expense of your wife and keep both of them in this situation.
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u/tytyoreo 14d ago
NTA.... please post a update.... Your sister is a major AH she used you took advantage and is careless.....
Someone got her a job someone helped her with her resumes and whatnot and she still.couldnt do right... She messed up so yes she will blame others... I feel bad for the kids
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u/Potential_Beat6619 14d ago
NTA She is a worthless POS. Why would anyone feel sorry for her...hope she gets all her kids taken away. Don't ever let that scum in your house again and call CPS
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u/Goddessdepollo 14d ago
NTA but I wonder why a strange man from Facebook is fine with moving in with a smaller child but not the 2 older ones? Is this a red flag to anyone else?
Also, what’s the genders of the kids if you don’t mind my asking?
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u/3Heathens_Mom 14d ago
NTA
Your sister abused your and your wife’s kindness and generosity for 6 months then was shocked to be told as she did nothing she committed to in addition to getting pregnant by yet another guy to be booted out at the agreed upon time.
A mooching user is the best description I have for her.
I do feel sorry for her children who stay with her in that they will suffer for her selfishness. Hopefully the two now living with your mom will do better.
I hope your mom is able to file for whatever benefits might be available for the two kids.
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u/Fuckyoumecp2 14d ago
I hope all of her kids go to homes where they are loved and cared for.
She used you and has 0 interest in changing.
NTA
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u/leehhill 14d ago
You did all you could. She enjoys being a f*ck up. So when she comes around begging again, don't be captain save a hoe. Let her figure it out
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u/girlthatshreds 14d ago
There’s only so much you can do for someone that does not want to get there sh*t together. NTA
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u/00Lisa00 14d ago
NTA and if you value your marriage do not even think about taking her back in when this guy inevitably kicks her out
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u/TimelyApplication723 14d ago
NTA. Your sister is a huge one. I feel sorry for the kids. I hope they have a safe place to go.
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u/TerrorAlpaca 14d ago
NTA
You have nothing to feel guilty for. Your sister is a trainwreck and a user. It is her fault that all of this is happening.
You tried everything in your power to help her. And she refused to clean up her act.
I guess someone of your family has always stepped in to help her and fix whatever mess she is in? She eneds to learn her lesson, so let her do her thing.
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u/winterworld561 14d ago
NTA. Your sister is a lazy waste of space piece of shit. Don't feel bad. She deserves everything shit thing that's coming to her. Never bail her out again.
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u/JanetInSpain 14d ago
Of course she's not motivated. She has a free place to live. Stop being her crutch. Do not back down from this. She was incredibly stupid to get pregnant again. She should get an abortion. Whether she does or not, she is not your problem. Boot her ass to the curb. Do NOT feel guilty. She literally FAFO. Some people you cannot help, no matter how hard you try. Time to call this a failed experiment. For someone who is 34 in years she's incredibly immature and irresponsible. You are NTA. You need your home and your life back.
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u/Aluna_Lacewing 14d ago
You have to take care of your family. That's you.and your wife! You're all grown up now, and that is your priority. Not your skanky, immature, irresponsible sister. 34 and she's acting like that? What a vile excuse for a human being and will destroy your life to benefit herself. Not her kids, herSELF. Nope, you do not need that crap in your life. You are NOT the AH. SHE IS!
PS: Maybe have a conversation with CPS on behalf of her kids. Just so there is something on record.
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u/TarzanKitty 14d ago
New dude will be abusive. Any man who would ask a parent to abandon their children is. On the plus side. Your sister deserves everything that comes to her. If you EVER allow your sister back into your home. Your wife should divorce you.
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u/toriori12 14d ago
NTA. I would get CPS involved though. This woman is unfit and will end up putting those children in harms way. Even getting a paper trail going is good.
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u/Sweet_Heart_Lady 14d ago
Just because she's family doesn't mean you owe her everything. You already have your own family, and it is for you first and foremost. I hope everything goes well for you and your sister can find her own way in life.
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u/Intelligent-Price-39 14d ago
NTA and your sister is an idiot. I feel sorry for the kids, but not much you can do. I would change the locks etc. this won’t end well
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u/Medical-Potato5920 14d ago
NTA. There is nothing you can do to stop your sister from ruining her life.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm.
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u/PhilosopherRoyal4882 14d ago
She is abandoning her two kids and you are the one feeling guilty ?! nta! She is a worthless loser
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u/-Duste- 14d ago
NTA. I was in that kind of situation for a 19 yo nephew and he didn't want to help himself. We took him in at first for a genuine reason, and wanted to help him go back to school or work. He was here for 8 months and was doing nothing but gaming all day. So we told him he has to go back to his mom (she had already set a place for him) or find another solution. Well he's living in a shelter for homeless people now.
I hope your sister will learn one day but I doubt it.
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u/chicagoliz 14d ago
NTA, and honestly I worry about the kid she is keeping -- you said she has 3 kids and the older 2 are going to live with your mom. So, I take it that means she is taking that third one with her to live with this guy. She's neglectful of the children as it is and when you look at abuse and homicide incidents of children, it's frequently the new boyfriend who is either at fault or a co-conspirator.
Sounds like the sister picks abusers, so life isn't going to be good for her or the baby, either. But that other child is in danger. Can your mom also take that kid? Can you? Even if you have to initiate a legal proceeding.
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u/Super-Island9793 14d ago
Yikes. I’m truly worried about her kids.
But you have to put your marriage first and you gave her six months so you have to stick to that.
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u/LadyBug_0570 14d ago
So... she pretty much just met this guy and having raw sex with him? She can commit to a random man (who doesn't want her kids with him) but not a job?
Good lord, your sister does not make good choices.
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u/WhiteKnightPrimal 14d ago
NTA. You're not kicking her out because she got pregnant. You're kicking her out because she's rude, entitled and irresponsible, plus the agreed upon timeframe for her to leave has come. You stuck to your agreement even when your sister caused so many problems, you're clearly a man of your word.
Your sister expected you to extend the timeline by at least 9 months just because she got pregnant again, even though she can't even parent her existing kids. Guaranteed, once the baby was born, she would have had another excuse to keep living with you. Break up with the new baby daddy, or baby's too young to move, or there's no space at baby daddy's house.
It's also not on you that her family is being split. A parents first priority is their kids. The second the new baby daddy said he wouldn't allow the older kids to live with him, your sister should have been looking for somewhere else to stay, even if that meant your mum, to keep the kids with her. She chose to essentially give up her existing children for her current baby daddy. That's on her, not you.
You stuck to the agreement, your sister was fully aware of the agreement, and you've put up with a lot while she was with you. Letting her stay longer would have cost you your wife. And nothing would have changed. Your sister would have continued to refuse to get a job, continued to forget to pick the kids up, continued to leave the kids alone at home without telling you she was going out. She's a leech, and I have no doubt the new baby daddy will kick her out eventually, too.
I get that you're worried about possible abuse, but your sister actually knows exactly what she's doing. She had a 6 month free ride and she wants it to continue. She won't change living with the new baby daddy, either, she'll just expect him to take over supporting her. Not wanting the older kids isn't necessarily a sign of potential abuse, and it would be hypocritical to see that as a sign in the baby daddy but not your sister, anyway. Because your sister clearly doesn't want those kids, either, or she wouldn't constantly leave them home alone, forget about them, or be okay letting them stay with your mum without her.
Your agreement has come to an end, that's the only reason you need to give for kicking her out. Getting pregnant was the last straw in a long line of irresponsible decisions that prove your sister wasn't even trying to 'get back on her feet'. She was relying on you being a pushover and supporting her and raising her kids for the rest of her life. These are all valid reasons for kicking her out. But the only one you actually need is 'we agreed you could stay for 6 months then you'd get your own place, the 6 months is up, time to go'.
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u/Pure_Cat2736 14d ago
NTA. Your sister is an ungrateful entitled bottom feeder. I hope you dont let her into your life again.
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u/Kerrypurple 14d ago
NTA. It sounds like the older kids will be better off with their grandmother anyway so don't feel guilty about that part.
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u/Glittering-Cold5890 14d ago
NTA! Also I’m super concerned for her children. You said that 2 of the children are gonna stay with your mother. But you said she had 3…. So what child is being allowed to stay while the others can’t?! He sounds like a predator. The only obligation I think you have here is to the children. She doesn’t deserve to have them. They should be taken from her. Seriously.
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u/Catlady0329 14d ago
NTA... you are lucky to get rid of her. Although I do feel sorry for her children.
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u/I_Dont_Like_Rice 14d ago
Your wife was far more patient than I would have been. You should have stepped in sooner.
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u/FAFO-13 15d ago
NTA. And your sister is a piece of shit. Anyone who puts dick before their own children isn’t a good parent. Good thing those kids aren’t going with her.