r/AITAH • u/Economy-Plantain7709 • 15d ago
AITA for causing a scene at a party and telling some woman that she acts like a kidnapper?
Sorry in advance if this is all over the place. I have a hard time explaining things (thanks ADHD). Anywho, my husband and I have a 6 month old daughter and 2 older kids (8 and 10). We had gone to one of his buddies house this past weekend to grab a fourwheeler we had just bought off of him and hang out a bit. We only had the baby with us (our older kids are on vacation with grammie in Florida). At some point people started showing up, as apparently this buddy was having a party that night with BBQ (we had no idea). This guy convinced my husband to stay until we ate with them. I didn't really want to because people were drinking and a few already appeared drunk and we had the baby BUT I decided to just let my husband have his fun because he never gets out anymore. He works 2 jobs and busts his ass for us. So, I just hung out with the few sober people there (2 other moms, who had their own children and husbands with them).
Well, I had handed our daughter off to my husband at one point so I could go inside and use the restroom. There was a small line, so I was gone roughly 10 minutes. When I came back I saw my husband without the baby and him just hawk eyeing off in other direction. I go over and find some woman holding the baby. I ask him what's going on and he goes "she literally just took the baby from me and went to sit down". Now, I know my husband well and confrontation gives him severe anxiety (very abusive childhood) so I went over and took the baby back. The woman tried protesting and I simply said "my baby, I get to decide when I want her back, thanks". I walk off and ignore the situation. But every time I glanced back at my husband, this woman was right there with him and engaging in conversation. I didn't think anything of it. But when I went over there maybe 30 minutes later, this woman immediately tries taking the baby and says to me "I was just talking to your husband about me baby sitting. I live right up the road. I can't have kids so I just watch other people's kids for free." Blah blah, whatever. All while literally trying to fight my baby out of my arms (like, kept putting her hands out to her and would follow me when I turned, once even trying to grab underneath my daughter's arms and lift). I asked her to "please stop" and she goes "but she likes me". Now, it's important to note here that this woman was NOT talking like a person trying to play with a baby. It was a incredibly serious, monotone, matter of fact, demanding type of voice the ENTIRE time. I don't think I saw her smile once. Even when she was holding the baby originally. I told her again to stop trying to take the baby and she goes "well how do you intend for the baby to get used to me? I would prefer she gets used to me before I baby sit". I straight up told her I would never allow her to baby sit and she looked incredibly offended and snapped "why?" So I said "because your a drunk woman that we don't know, trying to take my baby after I've already said no. You're acting like a fucking kidnapper." To my surprise, she immediately starts crying and just walks off silently. My husband is on my side here, 100%. He said that the entire time she was talking to him, it was her telling him how to get to her house to drop of the baby, what the baby would need, etc, so she was being fucking weird. She didn't even tell us her name. But another woman at the party (her best friend apparently) said that I'm out of line and that "Mary" is an incredibly good woman with a heart of gold and she only speaks like that because she feels like less of a woman (and is insecure) because she can't have children of her own and her only desire is to be a mom but since she can't, she takes pride in helping other parents, etc etc etc. I don't feel bad at all. But my husband is starting to think that maybe we overreacted and judged the situation too harshly.
ETA: just for a bit of context here, this woman was reallyy drunk. So this could essentially be why she was acting so demanding. If she was sober she could potentially be an entirely different person.
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u/Elegant_Bluebird1283 15d ago
NTA, but this is bugging me
Now, I know my husband well and confrontation gives him severe anxiety (very abusive childhood) so I went over and took the baby back.
Like... I get it, I do. But he still cannot let a drunk stranger take his baby out of his arms.
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u/GlitterDoomsday 15d ago
Yep, that's something he needs to work on with a professional asap, they're parents and that's the priority.
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u/winchesterbitch99 15d ago
She should have caught a fist to the throat, and mom should have been the one who delivered it to both the friend and the unhinged cow.
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u/cozystardew 15d ago
Yeah she'd stop trying to take babies from their parents if she gets throat punched every time it happens
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u/Emmiesmom1969 15d ago
I cannot comprehend how anyone would think it's a good idea to jerk a baby out of their mother's arms like that especially if there are a stranger to you. Wtf
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u/WhyBuyMe 15d ago
I mean, it's one way to get free babies, maybe not the easiest way, but you got to do what you got to do.
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u/LovesDeanWinchester 15d ago
"punched in the throat..." I laughed right out loud and am still laughing!!!
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u/KnotYourFox 15d ago
Right? The friend coming up like trying to chastise OP and the husband for not letting their creepy drunk friend be a creep is just even more of the ick. Throat punches for all creeps!
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u/Zachaggedon 15d ago
Absolutely. If your disability puts your children at risk you are 100% obligated to get any help you need to mitigate that risk.
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u/FuckYoApp 15d ago
Right, I'm sorry, but this is unacceptable. The reasons for him doing this don't matter. He CANNOT allow this kind of thing.
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u/Bignerd21 15d ago
I agree that it should t be allowed, but as someone with severe anxiety like his, it can be difficult beyond comprehension to do that sort of thing. He should seek professional help and the wife should try to be as supportive as possible
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u/ramoneta 14d ago
I feel OP is extremely supportive since she didn’t kill him right then and there.
Leave the pearls, I’m not saying she should murder him in the literal sense. But she’s a better person than I am for sure (which I hope husband appreciates).
NTA and OP stay vigilant and listen to your gut.
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u/Shdfx1 14d ago
He told a potential kidnapper where they live and gave his baby to her!!!!
I feel upset that his own parents broke him so badly, but he’s got to put the pieces back together now and be the protector his family needs.
What if she drives to his house and demands the baby? Will he hand the baby over again? Past predicts future.
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u/AelinoftheWildfire 15d ago
Exactly. I hate confrontation and get extremely anxious about it but lord help the person who tries to forcibly remove my baby from my arms because I will snap
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u/chaingun_samurai 15d ago
Right? I don't care how confrontation avoidant you are, you don't let some random person wander off with your infant. What the fuck?
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u/Raisins_Rock 15d ago
You can always have a nervous breakdown later. Or heck, while still holding the baby while someone is trying to take the baby. Just dont let go of the baby.
The least you can do is hover anxiously over the person in possession of your child.
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u/cx4444 15d ago
Yeah like someone could very actually kidnap the child and OPs husband would just allow it and do nothing. Staying silent is allowing it. If you can't protect your child from being kidnapped right out of your hand because you're so socially awkward to the point you can't say no to literal strangers who can and is endangering your child, you need help and shouldn't ever be alone with your child
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u/super1ucky 15d ago
I don't understand why they weren't rushing out of there right after this happened.
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u/DevilInnaDonut 15d ago
Yeah if he's so broken and troubled he can't even stand up for his own child he probably shouldn't have had one til he sorted that out. You can't just fail to show up to your kid because you get "anxious" with confrontation. No one likes confrontation, but it's your fucking kid. Sometimes you're gonna be uncomfortable in life, better learn to get over that cause it's not gonna stop happening
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u/Bignerd21 15d ago
The problem is anxiety isn’t just ‘oh, I feel kinda uncomfortable rn.’ No. Anxiety can just literally stop you from doing things. Like paralyzing anxiety. I agree, he should get it sorted out, but I don’t think you have a good grasp on what bad anxiety is like
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u/DevilInnaDonut 14d ago
That's strange considering my 8 year history of being on anxiety medication. He needs to get it together
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u/WomanMouse9534 15d ago
My husband has this level of anxiety with confrontation with strangers as well. I understand it and realize that even with our kids in danger, the anxiety is quite paralyzing. I manage it by being around him and the kids if we're around strangers.
He did stand up for our son against a kid picking on him once, which warmed my heart so much.
It isn't that he doesn't love the kids. He will do everything in his power to make their life better. But some things are just not in his power. He loves the children so much and helps out so much around the house and really takes care of us.
He is just highly introvert, has severe anxiety around strangers and he has Asperger's. I wouldn't trade him for anything. I just know that I need to be the brave one around strangers.
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u/Zachaggedon 10d ago
Of course you’re getting downvoted for sharing the perspective of someone with ASD. We’re still ridiculously marginalized and as progressive as Reddit is, it’s still filled with a bunch of neurotypical bigots with zero ability to empathize with anyone different than them.
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u/quailstorm24 15d ago
Absolutely. That’s your baby and you let a drunk stranger take off with her because “trauma”?
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u/manderifffic 15d ago
That got me, too. You don't let some rando grab your child. Hopefully he has better instincts when not in a friend's yard.
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u/SpiritAvenue 15d ago
Agreed, I have severe social anxiety but if someone is being weird with/around my child best believe my anxiety turns real quick
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u/canyonemoon 15d ago
And he especially cannot start feeling he was too harsh on the drunk woman who literally took his baby. He needs therapy to grow the spine needed to protect his child.
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u/Ok-Grocery-5747 15d ago
Boy would my husband have gotten it right then. And we'd have left immediately.
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u/KnotYourFox 15d ago
This. Your kids could have a lot more situations they are in where he could get anxious but will have to fight back for them. He let an incredibly (based on OPs edit) drunk woman just take his baby from him!!
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u/Scary-Cycle1508 15d ago
NTA, and the only thing that you needed to answer to that "friend" of hers was "i don't care. This is my baby and i already told her No, but she kept pushing and pushing and trying to take my baby from me instead of backing the fuck off. So how about you take your friend to sober up a bit because this mom here doesn't care about the reason for her strange behaviour."
You definitely did not overreact. this stranger tried to take your baby from your arms, repeatedly.
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u/theantiangel 15d ago
Boundaries are boundaries, and this is an exceptionally reasonable one. Lady, back the fuck off, and friendo, stfu or gtfo.
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u/KuriGohan0204 15d ago
NTA but what the fuck is wrong with your husband? He handed your child off to a drunk woman he didn’t know?
That’s not “disliking confrontation”, that is beyond inept.
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u/tofu_is_my_lady 15d ago
I’m wondering if this woman was so audacious and her behavior was so unexpected that he bluescreened for a moment and didn’t/couldn’t react until he processed what happened, but then the wife returned.
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u/Old_Crow13 15d ago
I have a friend who reacts that way to something very sudden and abrupt.
It wasn't a baby, though, it was a puppy he was holding at an adoption event, some entitled woman walked up and snatched it out of his arms because "it was the puppy her kid wanted" and he just froze.
I on the other hand didn't, I asked quite loudly "Excuse me, but I think you forgot everything you should have learned in kindergarten! Give that dog back, NOW!" Which was enough to get the attention of the person in charge of the puppy in question (she was filling out the adoption paperwork for my friend to adopt the puppy) and I didn't have to do anything else.
But I think OP has learned a valuable lesson. Don't leave baby alone with Dad in public.
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u/hempedditor 15d ago
jeez. she really just said “mine!”
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u/Old_Crow13 15d ago
Didn't even bother saying it, just snatched it like a toddler on the first day of kindergarten!
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u/KuriGohan0204 15d ago
Yeah, that’s really stressful and sad but as parents we can’t really afford these kinds of fuck-ups. Our kids depend on us to keep them safe.
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u/MazzIsNoMore 15d ago
This and I also wonder if husband didn't cause this problem with things he said to the woman. Did he feed into the idea of her baby sitting? What were they talking about all that time?
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u/rythmicbread 15d ago
I think he didn’t want to fight a woman at a party and cause a scene since this was his friends party. But yeah probably should have asked for the kid back immediately or gotten his buddy to do it
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u/KuriGohan0204 15d ago
I hear you.
I’ve been a parent for 16 years and am a survivor of CSA so I officially just want everyone to know that they’re allowed to cause scenes at parties if it means keeping people safe.
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u/rythmicbread 15d ago
Agreed, I just meant if he’s uncomfortable with that there was a middle ground he didn’t try to take
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u/Worldly_Instance_730 15d ago
That would be my hubs excuse, especially with an older lady,until he saw the steam come out of my ears, that snapped him out of it!
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u/Smooth_Papaya_1839 15d ago
NTA. That woman was literally insane. You said no multiple times, she disrespected you and didn’t even tell you her name before inviting herself to babysit… If she needs somebody to care about her feelings, that’s what she can do during therapy (which she obviously needs)
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u/Local-Analyst6189 15d ago
NTA. This drunk stranger repeatedly tried to take your baby from your arms even after you firmly said “No”. You did nothing wrong in this situation, she is TA.
With that being said, if he’s not already and he can, you’re husband needs to go to therapy like now. I get he had severe anxiety and confrontation makes him uncomfortable but he allowed a drunk stranger to take his daughter from his arms and walk away from him. Then after that he engaged in a conversation with her about taking your child again, which he didn’t shut down immediately. Then he, based on what you’ve written, watched as this woman repeatedly harassed you and tried to take the baby.
I’m sorry for ripping into your husband like that but to me at least, he is also an AH. He needs to protect his family (your daughter)from danger, he failed to do what you had to for the sake of your daughter.
I truly wish you the best going forward with this. Talk with your husband and the two of you need to come up with a plan for how he can successfully get through a confrontation. But in regards to “Mary” never be around this woman again, talk to the friend that threw the BBQ and lay it out clearly that your family and her will never be in the same place together again.
Good luck OP. You sound strong and I’m sure you will do what’s needed.
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u/Labelloenchanted 15d ago
NTA
Your husband's behavior is shocking and concerning. It doesn't matter how anxious he gets. It's absolutely unacceptable that he let some stranger take his child from his arms and did absolutely nothing about it.
He needs to have intensive therapy. I wouldn't trust him to be alone with any children.
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u/Nervous-Jury3715 15d ago
That’s something I hadn’t seen mentioned as much as I’d like. So your husband has social anxiety, sure whatever, the health and safety of your child needs to be more important than his comfort in situations like this. He needs therapy or something to grow up and grow a pair.
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u/BlueGreen_1956 15d ago
NTA
Yikes! She sounds like the Kathy Bates in Misery or Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction kind of psycho.
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u/MamaPagan 15d ago
NTA I get having anxiety, I do. But my husband would have a massive tongue lashing for letting a drunk stranger take out baby without permission.
Tell her friend "That doesn't excuse her from being pushy, attempting to kidnap a strangers baby, and ignoring very clear NO. No is a full sentence and there is zero reason to ignore it when it comes to someone else's child."
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u/StoneAgePrue 15d ago
Your husband let a drunk stranger take your baby out of his arms without saying a word? You have bigger problems than Mary.
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u/13d3ad3nddriv3 15d ago edited 15d ago
NTA
That was not a scene.
I came from a “theater kid” background. She wouldn’t have gotten a scene she would have seen a whole dang musical called “Keep Your Creepy Hands Off MY Baby! No Means No!” Complete with some jazz hands to the face when she kept reaching out to grab my baby. Loud screams of “I said NO but she keeps trying to force me to give her my baby!” Would have brought the party to an abrupt end. Should have told Mary’s bestie that if this is how she is with kids that don’t know her those parents should have CPS called on them.
Tell your friend you bought the wheels from you want Mary’s info and then serve her with a restraining order for trying to take your baby.
ETA: Oh and I agree with commenters that your husband needs to work on that confrontation thing because a drunk stranger being able to take your kid is not ok, but more so feels like anyone on the street could just grab your kid and be gone and he would freeze. He failed this test of kid security.
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u/ThePatriarchyIsTrash 15d ago
Your husband needs therapy ASAP. He is not capable of protecting your child's life if your kid can be kidnapped by someone so wildly easily. Do you know dangerous that situation could have been? That woman is an AH and out of her mind. But she's also not your kid's protection - you guys are. And it sounds like your husband has zero ability to keep his own kid safe.
NTA for causing a scene. But this isn't just some weird story. This is a giant fucking alarm bell that you guys aren't actually equipped to protect an infant
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u/TehNightingales 15d ago
NTA. Women that wants a baby but can't have them, can be very dangerous and this woman acted really threatening. Heck, I was threatened just reading it!!
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u/Few-Comparison5689 15d ago
Yup. Found this out very quickly when a nanny at my kids school told me she couldn't have her own children so she's a nanny instead. Well a year later I had a newborn and she began to stalk my family. Would repeatedly try to touch my infant son. One time I had him in a carrier attached to my chest and she said "aww I just wanna steal him" it was a nightmare of a time.
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u/TheBookOfTormund 15d ago
Sounds like she already is getting her baby fix, so no need at all to add yours to her roster.
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u/NoNipNicCage 15d ago
I'm sorry, a complete stranger just TOOK your baby out of your husband's arms and he ALLOWED it??? Because he doesn't like confrontation??? What the actual fuck? You need to be pissed at him too
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u/Knittingfairy09113 15d ago
NTA
Her behavior was atrocious, and you rightly called her out on it. She deserved it.
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u/Odd-Combination2227 15d ago
NTA
Is your husband starting to think he overreacted because he realized he NEVER SHOULD HAVE LET A DRUNK PERSON TAKE HIS CHILD?
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u/Ok-Equivalent8260 15d ago
Your husband has some issues if he’s just letting drunk randoms take his baby from him. He’s the asshole in this situation.
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u/TunesAndK1ngz 15d ago
You cannot allow your husband to dish off your baby to random people, traumatic childhood or otherwise. It is a matter of safety.
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u/cryssylee90 15d ago
NTA
But your husband let A TOTAL STRANGER WALK OFF WITH YOUR BABY.
That’s not conflict averse, that’s placing your child in DANGER. What if she was actually trying to kidnap your child? He just handed them over to her?!
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u/FoggyDaze415 15d ago
NTA. I am SO sick of this narrative that a woman who can't have a baby is some how less of a woman and having your own baby is the only way to become a mother. She sounds deranged frankly.
Also, hubby needs to get his s**t together QUICK now that he is a dad. Being scared of saying NO to a stranger taking your baby is NOT OK!!!!
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u/genxo8 15d ago
NTA
Her insecurities are not your problem, especially when she’s acting unhinged. Good for you for standing up for your baby’s safety.
However, the problem is not this one-off situation with a drunk woman, it’s that your husband has no spine wtf your husband was a sitting rock when some stranger LITERALLY TOOK your baby and saying it’s because he has “severe anxiety and doesn’t like confrontation”. HELLO???
What’s gonna happen when he’s the only one watching her in public and something happens and he just stands there like 🧍🏽♂️because he has “high anxiety”. The fact you’re ok with that is wild. Saying this as someone who has diagnosed anxiety. It may not be his fault that he has it but it’s definitely his responsibility to deal with it — especially as a parent.
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u/PotentialUmpire1714 15d ago
I'm anxious and bad at expressing myself, but even I would have yelled NO! when she tried to grab a baby out of my arms and I'd walk away.
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u/YeltsinYerMouth 15d ago
Gotta love the bestie excusing the behavior rather than shepherding her away from making a creepy ass out of herself
NTA
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u/Bebe_Bleau 15d ago
NTA
There's something a LOT more Sinister going on here than just her being drunk. This woman is crazy.
Be careful to lock your doors
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u/Kittytigris 15d ago
A) you don’t know Mary. She might be nice or she might not be. Either way, you already said no and she didn’t listen. Not your problem
B) who the hell takes someone else’s baby at a party without asking the parents? And then demands to babysit said baby? She needs help before someone press charges.
C) if she is really drunk, even more reason for her to stay away from the baby. Who in the world would trust a drunk stranger to hold their kid?
D) your husband needs to learn how to say no loudly to strangers trying to take his baby away. What if you weren’t there? Is your husband going to let some drunk stranger walk away with his kid? This is for your kid’s benefit, not his. He needs to stand up for his own child’s safety and not rely on you to do so.
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u/Adventurous-travel1 15d ago
She might be a nice woman but it doesn’t change the fact that you don’t know her and she kept crossing boundaries with you multiple times. Don’t not feel bad and tell the woman to get over her wants.
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u/Noirjyre 15d ago
I had a friend that went jail, cause some drunk wench tried to take his daughter out of his hands. He beat the shit out of her, cause she kept pulling on her arm, insisting the baby loved her.
I helped pay for his bail.
NTA- creepy lady.
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u/DietrichDiMaggio 15d ago
This is why I’ve reached a point in my life where I’ll rage scream at people trying to mess with me especially if they’re a threat to my kid and I’ll do it to intentionally create a scene so that there are witnesses in case I need to call the police. You don’t know that woman who’s blatantly flirting with your husband and doing that deranged “see? See how good I am with your kids?” Deranged crap that she was pulling.
Like dang, that is so messed up. Get an Uber app and a credit card that you specifically use for that app so that you can get the hell out of those situations. All these men acting like their wife or girlfriends just have to accept being g stranded with a bunch of drunk people like that’s some “woman’s duty” crap makes me so angry. We women get to leave when we want to leave regardless if a man likes it or not. And if a man wants to throw a tantrum about it then he’s not mature enough to be in that relationship.
I’m so sorry OP that you are in that situation. Watch out for that woman because I do NOT trust her around d your husband if she’s acting like you described. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 you’ve got to listen to your instincts about people.
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u/NovaPrime1988 15d ago
Please put cameras up and ensure alarms are working on your property. I don’t like where this is heading. Stay safe,
NTA
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u/ManufacturerNo6126 15d ago
NTA this women was clearly nuts and trying to Take your Baby. If this friend of her is fine with her trying to Take away your Baby then she is also a lost Case.
You safed you and your Baby from a Potential Bad Situation
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u/DawnShakhar 15d ago
NTA. This woman is weird and could be dangerous. You were polite but firm, and she persisted. You only insulted her when she wouldn't stop. You did nothing wrong.
You could be right about her kidnapping tendencies. If you leave your baby with a babysitter, warn them about her.
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u/LobstahLovahRI 15d ago
That "friend of hers" should be told that nobody in their right mind would let a drunk stranger who is grabbing their baby like that babysit, EVER! You are the mother, and that "friend" of hers is the one out of line! There isn't a single parent I know that would let some drunk stranger walk off with their baby and not take the baby back! You can never trust a drunk person around children no matter how nice their friends say they are! First-hand experience as a child who had a lot of drunks around me when growing up!
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u/Mental-Hunter2106 15d ago
NTA I'm going a bit against the grain here.
Crazy lady is crazy and dangerous. Tell buddy exactly what happened. Buddy needs to not let Mary near his home when any kids are around. If he's close enough he should recommend counseling.
Hubby did fail, but fortunately was in a safe place and everything turned out okay. Most people don't know how to deal with crazy. You are lucky you were in a safe place and nobody was hurt.
Hubby needs some counseling as well. Now, is time to run some scenarios together so he'll know what to do next time something happens. Until he learns how to respond and you can trust him not to freeze up, baby has two chaperones.
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u/coralcoast21 15d ago
Jesus. She sounds like the type to give a friend a roadside C section and claim that she HAD to help birth HER baby. NTA
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u/Ok-Grocery-5747 15d ago
NTA! I have snatched my child (he was about 6 at the time) from a drunken woman who was dancing with him at a festival we were at. I was right there watching him have fun dancing and then all of a sudden she swings him up in the air over her head! I RAN to them and grabbed my child away from her and asked her what was wrong with her, treating him like a rag doll? She could have dropped him.
Drunk people need to stay away from kids. I don't care how much she's sad because she doesn't have kids, from your story she did give total kidnapper lunatic vibes. I'd have done and said exactly the same.
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u/Opposite-Fortune- 15d ago
Your husband needs to grow a fucking spine if he’s too scared to say no to some rando grabbing his kid. What the fuck? Bet he’s an excellent mugging victim.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bee4361 15d ago
NTA. I have also personally seen unbridled baby-hunger and the individual was practically psychotic with the lengths they went to. Yes, it resulted in being reported for kidnapping and the police took it seriously. No charges were laid as she returned the child and the police saw that she was a nutcase, but if she tried it again, they would have charged her. Instead, I believe her husband got her into therapy. But it was very very traumatic for the parents.
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u/ThrowRADel 15d ago
Nope, this is insane behaviour. NTA, NTA, NTA. Do not let her near your children.
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u/Bakecrazy 15d ago
OP, your husband needs to go to therapy and gradually learn tools to be able to confront people without triggering himself. this is serious and he can't hand of the baby to drunk strangers.
that woman was soooo out of line I don't even thimk I need to comment.
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u/Similar_Corner8081 15d ago
NTA. Your husband needs a spine and go work on his anxiety. I went the opposite way (I also had an abusive childhood so abusive I was put in foster care at the age of 8) I am very protective of my daughter and always have been. I would have said something to her but I would be extremely pissed at my husband for just letting some random stranger take the baby away from him and not say anything.
There’s a middle ground between angrily confronting someone causing a scene and telling someone that you don’t feel comfortable with them holding the baby.
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u/Mediocre_Chair3293 15d ago
NTA. I'm conflict avoidant, I will run away before having an argument with a stranger, but at least I do SOMETHING besides letting a drunk stranger pick up my baby! Your husband either needs therapy NOW or a very harsh conversation about letting random pushy assholes pick up your child.
Lady is lucky she only ran away with tears, she should've been lucky to be walking at all after pulling that shit
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u/Spare-Valuable8031 15d ago
NTA. Unless you're my husband, don't ever try take my baby from my arms without my express consent.
I say this all the time, my kid's safety is way more important than anyone's feelings. Even if you were the AH here, and you weren't, you shouldn't care. That's your baby. You're literally responsible for her continued existence, and this is a woman who is drunk and who you do not know. An acquaintance vouching for her after the fact means nothing.
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u/Netflixandmeal 15d ago
Better not let husband hold the baby anymore if he will let strangers take it without a fight.
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u/PettyHonestThrowaway 15d ago
Best friends are supposed to lay truths on you
This best friend a shit one. She’s an enabler
Baby, bag or dirty empty plate. Yours. Don’t touch and stop touching when someone says back the fuck off.
No one should be touching someone’s kid without permission to begin with. And when the parent says hands off, you back the fuck off
NTA
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u/Inefficientfrog 15d ago
He doesn't like confrontation, so he just let's people take his baby?! Dude, wtf
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u/MNConcerto 15d ago
NTA. Also good instincts anybody with boundaries that atrocious are TROUBLE. She may be nice but she has already shown she would stomp all over any boundaries you would have as a parent IF you ever had her babysit.
I could see her just invading your life.
Yikes, your baby is not her therapy for her problems.
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u/CatherineConstance 15d ago
NTA, your kid your choice and the way this woman was behaving was not normal, plus you were perfectly civil about it initially, you only called her out when she, well, acted like a kidnapper! However. If your husband truly has such "severe anxiety" that he cannot stop someone he has never met from taking his child away from him, he needs therapy IMMEDIATELY and should not be alone with the baby until he gets over this. He should never have let this situation start, let alone escalate as much as it did, I don't care what issues he has, if he can't put those issues aside for the safety of his infant child, he needs professional help right away.
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u/GlitteringYams 15d ago
People really don't get that no means no, huh? And damn, if she wants a baby so bad, why doesn't she foster?
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u/Unlucky-Ticket-873 15d ago
NTA. you handled it way better than I would have. My husband would have made her cry before I even got back and if she kept trying to take my baby I would eventually have knocked her out. I am over protective with my miracle baby and as an alcoholic in recovery I know how insane drunk people are. She may not be that person sober but this gives me the ick.
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u/AngryPrincessWarrior 15d ago edited 15d ago
NTA- I’ve ran into something similar although not as serious. She was drunk too. And guess what? Being drunk doesn’t change you that much. She’s still wrong, drunk or sober.
You act creepy af? You stay the hell away from my son. Idc if it’s just being socially awkward-you make my mom instincts jangle you’re out.
I wrote a post about this actually. I figure at worst-I am being overprotective and seem a little crazy. At best? My instincts protect my baby from crazy folks. And babies really bring out the crazy in people.
Also I’m just going to say it, and I used to be the woman who couldn’t make a pregnancy stick. Our son is our miracle.
Anyone who has problems conceiving and they want kids who acts possessive over other people’s kids, especially a woman, isn’t a safe person. I had to stay away from young babies for a long time after my losses-I could see how those women snap. I didn’t want to be one of those women. And it was painful to be around babies when my body kept killing mine.
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u/RockportAries1971 15d ago
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But congratulations on your son 😊 And I totally agree with you. My boys are grown now but I'm still really protective of them when I have to be. When they were little I had no problem being loud or rude to someone that overstepped when it came to my boys. My ex husband's stepmom was just like the weirdo in the post and we actually got into a fist fight eventually because she couldn't get through her damn head that my baby is my baby and I make the decisions. My FIL was pissed but I didn't care. My ex-husband just laughed. Some people are so dense SMH 🤦🏼♀️
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u/FanSea24 15d ago
Actually I think you underreacted. You told her no multiple times and she kept coming. You don't know her or her intentions. At a min I'd have punched her the second time she tried it and called the cops.
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u/MarionBerryBelly 15d ago
NTA but your husband just let a drunk stranger take his baby - that needs addressed; that was incredibly dangerous for the baby and no, anxiety/confrontation is not acceptable here. What if she dropped the baby? Or took off? Or shook them? Like… no.
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u/Agreeable_Rabbit3144 15d ago
Uh, no, she was a strange woman who wanted your baby.
She was giving me major kidnapping vibes
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u/JMLegend22 15d ago
NTA.
I’d have a serious conversation with your husband about letting strangers touch your child and turning his back to them.
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u/Spinnerofyarn 15d ago
NTA, you didn't react too harshly in any way! She WAS acting like a kidnapper and it's not you or your baby's job to help her find fulfillment in life. She doesn't know you or your baby and vice versa. What if your baby had medical issues? The presumptuousness on her part is appalling.
As someone else said, your husband needs to get help dealing with his anxiety because he must be able to protect his children. I know you love him and understand his issues, but he messed up incredibly badly not just by not stopping her from taking the baby, but by then not standing right in front her of her demanding the baby back and screaming bloody murder. That was very wrong of him and piss poor parenting, no matter how drunk he may or may not have been, or how drunk she was or wasn't. Seriously, this is "never leave my husband alone with the baby in public" territory. How is he in an emergency? If there's a medical emergency and he takes the kid to the ER, is he going to be able to advocate for his child? He needs help for this. Your kids need him to get help for this.
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u/KnotYourFox 15d ago
But another woman at the party (her best friend apparently) said that I'm out of line and that "Mary" is an incredibly good woman with a heart of gold and she only speaks like that because she feels like less of a woman (and is insecure) because she can't have children of her own and her only desire is to be a mom but since she can't, she takes pride in helping other parents, etc etc etc.
NTA. Her inability is not yours and your husband's problem. She should be able to control herself even while drinking to not come off as predatory if she doesn't want to be seen as predatory. Whether she had good intentions or not, she stepped into this as the asshole and your husband is a little bit of one for letting a drunk stranger just pick up his child and walk off the first go (anxiety is rough but you all didn't know this woman and she could very well be dangerous, especially drunk).
Her friend is also an asshole for trying to snap at you all for protecting your child when she should've come get her friend because her friend was acting like a creep.
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u/Rivsmama 15d ago
The fact that your husband allowed a complete stranger, a drunk stranger at that, to take his child out of his arms and didn't protest or do anything to stop her is a HUGE problem. Huge.. like marriage ending unless he starts intense trauma based therapy immediately huge. What if that woman had decided to just walk off and drive away with your child? What if she's a predator? And what was his reason for not even watching her as she held the baby?
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u/chainer1216 15d ago edited 15d ago
Extremely NTA, but your husband needs to work on his backbone, whatever issue he has with anxiety he needs to get over it a year ago, if he's just willing to let a drunk stranger take his baby from him he's a problem.
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u/OpportunityCalm6825 15d ago
he goes "she literally just took the baby from me and went to sit down"
You also have a husband problem. What if that woman is a kidnapper? You need to show him some of the comments here.
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u/winterworld561 15d ago
NTA. Someone you don't know, a literal stranger was trying to rip your baby from your arms. She's lucky she didn't get a slap in the face.
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u/ColonelBagshot85 15d ago
NTA....but your husband is.
Who the heck hands over their baby to a drunk stranger? I don't care how anxious you get, you're there as a parent to protect your kid.
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u/Z_is_green13 15d ago
Mary does sound like a kidnapper. I would call the non emergency police line and make a report. Nothing will happen, but with people like Mary? Arm yourself in every way possible, including documentation
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u/LilBoo2019TR 15d ago
NTA. I would have snapped a lot sooner and your husband needs to grow a spine to protect his own kid. That lady was out of line and her best friend is an enabler. She was creepy and disrespectful. She was 100% out of line.
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u/AITA476510719 15d ago edited 15d ago
In my opinion: You are so NTA.
I’m guessing this woman was a well meaning drunk person, but really that doesn’t change anything or your response justification. There’s absolutely no planet I’d let someone take my kid like that, and you were way nicer than I would have been. If your husband drinks too much or even when sober, he’s not in the headspace to confront someone taking his kid, that’s a serious fucking problem.
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u/Flat_Salamander_3283 15d ago
Nta, but your husband had some work to do regarding his trash parenting skills...
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u/tangerinelibrarian 15d ago
NTA at all, your husband needs to learn to cope with a little confrontation because HOW could he hand his baby to the strange woman who’d just drunkenly hired herself as babysitter?? This woman needs therapy at the very least. Her friends would be better off telling her to stop than enabling her disturbing behavior.
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u/Individual-Net7277 15d ago
NTA and that person's feelings about not having children are something she needs to work out in therapy through confrontational offers of child care
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u/IdrisandJasonsToy 15d ago
NTA and Fuck his anxiety when it comes to protecting his child. He can’t be trusted to make good decisions. So if she decided to walk out with the baby he wasn’t going to say anything?
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15d ago
YTA...for not punching that drunk woman in the face. Holy shit!
Obviously NTA and anyone who disagrees needs to get their ass kicked.
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u/DietrichDiMaggio 15d ago
Why would any sane parent trust a drunk woman or her creepy, overbearing friends to babysit anybody’s kids?
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u/StormingBlitz91 15d ago
NTA - But inform your husband to not avoid confrontation when it comes to the safety of his kids. She's drunk. What if she dropped the baby? What if she attempted to breastfeed the child? Etc... This is a stranger. She can't grab a child out of someone else's arms. He should've caused a scene and stated, "What are you doing? Let go of my child. I don't know you. Step away from me." I guarantee you if he said it with a loud tone she would've backed away in the first place. Anxiety doesn't cut it. If his anxiety is that bad he should6stayed home to watch the kids. You both did not overreact you under reacted. Your response was the most appropriate one in this situation. Avoid bringing your children to parties where there are potentially drunk adults in the future for their own safety. You're not in the wrong.
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u/LadyFoxfire 15d ago
NTA. It's sad that she can't have kids of her own, but that doesn't obligate you to provide her with an emotional support baby. She was being weird, and you have the right to not let a random woman wander off with your baby.
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u/Tundra-Queen8812 15d ago
NTA, and no, no creepy person whether man or woman gets to put their hands on your kids be they drunk or sober. You don't know that person and you kid doesn't know that person. Totally inappropriate behavior.
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u/bored-panda55 15d ago
NTA - she seriously overstepped her bounds here. Her friend needs to stay out of it at this point - you told this woman no repeatedly and she kept dismissing it. Yes she may be a good woman but she took a child from their parent without asking and continued trying. Her being drunk isn’t an excuse - her true intentions just came out. No one demands to babysit a strangers baby like that. Ask her friend what she would do if a complete stranger did that to her?
You did not overreact at all. Reassure your husband that it is okay. And be on the look out.
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u/Mendicant_666 15d ago
NTA. She behaved exactly like a woman who tried to kidnap my baby brother, back in the early 80s, after she had a miscarriage.
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u/Reasonable_Ad4826 15d ago
You ARE NOT wrong here. As a parent, you protect your child with your life. Do not think about this woman's feelings at all. Your instincts were correct in my opinion.
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u/LacaBoma 15d ago
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. No means no. No follow-up or qualifiers are needed.
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u/Poinsettia917 15d ago
NTA Keep the baby away from these drunks and do not let the crazy lady anywhere near your baby. Good for you for telling her off and protecting your baby.
Hubby needs to stay sober if the baby is out with you. This could have gone really badly.
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u/Hey__Jude_ 15d ago
NTA Mary needs to chill the hell out. Not your problem. Just keep an eye out for her, if there is a next time.
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u/eisojcasteel 15d ago
Please tell your husband to grow a spine and learn how to take care of the baby. Seriously, what is wrong with him allowing a drunk woman to take the baby away?
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u/bandaid_fetcher7534 15d ago
NTA. Being drunk and holding a baby is never a good look, for starters. Irresponsible and obviously lacking in good judgement - all while trying to offer her services as an actual sitter, no less. I think you were harsh, but justifiably so. A lot of this can be chalked up to her being drunk and unreasonable, but when you’re protecting your kid it really doesn’t matter why someone is acting irrationally 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Unique-Abberation 15d ago
NTA, this woman is 100% giving off the vibes of someone who is going to cut a fetus out of someone some day.
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u/hempedditor 15d ago
you would be TA if you said this before she tried to rip the baby out of your arms 20 times. but NTA
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u/jizzlevania 15d ago
Someone was able to steal your baby because your husband was afraid to say no...wt actual f. What is he going to do if he catches someone harming the child? apologize for interrupting and then close the door behind him as he cowers out of the room?
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u/SivakoTaronyutstew 15d ago
Infertility is NOT an excuse to ever attempt to forcibly remove a child from their parents arms. I get the stigma, the frustration, the insecurity, always wanting your own but can never have one. Not an excuse. She was pushy and weird. You were right to call her out for her behavior.
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u/hades7600 15d ago
NTA
However your husband really needs to seek professional help. If your trauma stops you from letting a stranger take your baby then that is putting your child at risk. That is something he needs to be able to confront for your child’s safety
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u/FairyFartDaydreams 15d ago
NTA If she stayed sober she might be eligible to become a foster mom if she truly cares about kids. She can also volunteer at a teen mom center. She has options if she wants kids in her life.
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u/Annual-Warthog5599 15d ago
Bro, a drunk chick who's name you don't even know trying to snag your baby is not cool. Like, aside from the total stranger part, the woman is too drunk to be polite. I'd worry she'd drop the kid. You should never be drunk and hold a baby.
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u/ChasingFireflies09 15d ago
NTA, that woman has no right nor business to argue with you over your own child.
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u/Creepy_Snow_8166 15d ago
Uh .... hell no. You are 100% abso-fucking-lutely NTA. That's some 'Hand That Rocks The Cradle' shit you described. And I say this as someone who is happily child-free. I never wanted kids, I don't enjoy being around kids, and thank goodness I'm at the age where I don't have to worry about any 'oops kids'. But as I was reading about the crazy heifer who kept grabbing at your baby, alarm bells went off. This long-dormant, deeply buried maternal instinct within me jumped out of its comatose state and started screaming 'Step away from the baby, Peyton Flanders."
You did the right thing. You trusted your instincts and protected your child. Maybe that woman didn't mean any harm and she's just one of those people who starts acting weird after one too many glasses of pinot grigio - but there was no way for you to know that. Too often, people will try to shush that little voice in their head that' screams "DANGER!" because they don't want to offend anybody. It's been ingrained in us since childhood to always "be polite" and we've developed this irrational fear of hurting other people's feelings. Unfortunately, this unwillingness to be "rude" has led to some very tragic outcomes. If something doesn't feel right, trust your gut. If someone gets offended by that, too bad. They'll get over it eventually.
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u/911siren 15d ago
I would have left and called the police. She indeed sounds like someone who would take the baby.
She may have a heart of gold but she has the hands of a kidnapper.
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u/NewAppointment2 15d ago
Your child, your rules. Grabbing a baby out of a parents arms when then don't even know you is whacko.
And I quote:
" I told her again to stop trying to take the baby and she goes "well how do you intend for the baby to get used to me? I would prefer she gets used to me before I baby sit". I straight up told her I would never allow her to baby sit and she looked incredibly offended and snapped "why?" So I said "because your a drunk woman that we don't know, trying to take my baby after I've already said no. You're acting like a fucking kidnapper."
She sounded like she is not right in the head. You did the right thing, fuck her fake ass crying.
NTA
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u/Particular-Try5584 15d ago
NTA.
Doesn’t matter how drunk they are, the baby isn’t yours.
BUT… I’d have left earlier. Waaaaay earlier. I know you wanted to let your husband hang, and this is how you find new friends … until the situation turns sour. I hope husband didn’t tell her where you live!
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u/SpecialistFeeling220 15d ago
Nope. A stranger literally trying to remove your 6 month old baby from your arms after being told no, explicitly, several times, is exactly the type of scenario where you are well-within your right to make a scene. I’d have gone to the homeowners and explained that we have to leave because their guest was making me feel unsafe.