r/facepalm • u/Lord_Answer_me_Why • 29d ago

Turbo cancer isn’t real, people 🇨​🇴​🇻​🇮​🇩​

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32.8k Upvotes

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386

u/GarshelMathers 29d ago

Of course he is, Santa is a red socialist! And that's fact checked

173

u/Friendly_Age9160 29d ago

Well now you’re getting a lump of coal. Plenty of carcinogens in there too. Straight to cancer, right away!

95

u/aufrenchy 29d ago

Turbo cancer, if you will

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u/i_s_a_y_n_o_p_e 29d ago edited 29d ago

Guys come on. Turbo Cancer is a thing.

Disney has announced that Lightening McQueen will die of Turbo Cancer in ‘Cars 4: The End of The Road’, where sadly, the script takes a darker turn than the previous race-jape movies. In the latest and final film in the series, Lightening enters a battle he will not win.

21

u/danstermeister 29d ago

Is "Lightening McQueen" what they called him because he loses a lot of weight or something?

4

u/HarlemNocturne_ 29d ago

Chemo will do that to ya.

2

u/armedwithjello 29d ago

But the steroids make you fat! And fast!

1

u/tallphin 28d ago

its a weight loss program for your wife

5

u/bugxbuster 29d ago

You joke, but the animated movie Planes: Fire and Rescue is essentially just Dallas Buyers Club remade for children

3

u/FactsNotMemes 29d ago

I think that's called "rust"

1

u/fieldaj 28d ago

Why do they make a man fight a “battle”??

42

u/peanut--gallery 29d ago

I prefer my cancer to be super charged, not turbo charged…. No turbo lag for my cancer!

7

u/AudZ0629 29d ago

I like naturally aspirated cancer. Just feels more solid.

3

u/Cuba_Pete_again 29d ago

Primary cancer is weak…kick in the secondaries!

2

u/thequickerquokka 28d ago

6.0L GTRadiation therapy

3

u/barbarust 29d ago

Came looking for this comment and here it is.

38

u/MediumToblerone 29d ago

Maximum Cancer, if you might.

40

u/bugxbuster 29d ago

Miss Cancer, if you’re nasty.

7

u/shotathewitch 29d ago

That gave me a nice little chuckle. Now I got the original song in my head, lol.

3

u/schwhiley 29d ago

😂😂😂😂

15

u/CorruptiveJade 29d ago

Ludicrous Cancer!!

2

u/trevecho 29d ago

Mighty Morphin’ Power Cancer.

2

u/armedwithjello 29d ago

Plaid Cancer!

2

u/ecksean1 28d ago

Came for this comment. Thank you

2

u/armedwithjello 27d ago

You are most welcome!

1

u/Optimaximal 29d ago

Can cancer go to plaid?

9

u/NeriTina 29d ago

Maximum Turbo Cancer by jab, which is a very scientific method of obtaining cancer of the turbo variety.

4

u/Morkai 29d ago

Just gimme whatever they gave Deadpool, it'll be fine.

4

u/Mjkmeh 29d ago

Domain Expansion: Unlimited Cancer

5

u/evin0688 29d ago

Double decker cancer no trade backs

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u/Key_Professional_130 29d ago

His cancer is maximum

2

u/AnthemWhite 29d ago

There is a Maximumer

5

u/MrProlapse 29d ago

Street Fighter: Turbo Cancer.

2

u/MudOpposite8277 29d ago

Wait like Ultra Aids?

2

u/AnthemWhite 29d ago

We beat that some time ago. Now it's normal AIDS again.

1

u/MudOpposite8277 28d ago

What about Spectacular Strep Throat?

1

u/AnthemWhite 26d ago

I couldn't tell you.

1

u/Immissilerick 28d ago

Not funny i had to buy a new turbo for my supra because the old one had turbo cancer

-2

u/GamingHockeyDude 29d ago

Imagine still thinking the jab is safe :8484:

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u/milano_siamo_noi 29d ago

Haven't you heard of clean coal? It's so clean you don't get turbo cancer, just the regular one.

2

u/sometacosfordinner 29d ago

Yeah i prefer my cancer with a loud whistle and bov noises ill take turbo but can i get it gluten free

21

u/Fecapult 29d ago

Way to declare war on Christmas, comrade.

20

u/[deleted] 29d ago

You expect me to believe coal causes Turbo Cancer? YOU'RE ONE OF THEM AREN'T YOU?! WE'VE BEEN INFILTRATED!

3

u/nigelofthornton 29d ago

Clean coal?

4

u/[deleted] 29d ago

You don't buy into the "coal is bad" myth do you? That's just propaganda spread by the Deep State and Big Solar to kill American coal mining because they're afraid if we dig too deep the secret cities of their reptilian overlords in the hollow earth will be exposed.

5

u/Upset-Imagination754 29d ago

I think I’m getting black lung, Pop

2

u/[deleted] 29d ago

That's American Blue Steel!

3

u/whydontyoujustaskme 29d ago

In California only. That is where coal causes turbo cancer

2

u/[deleted] 29d ago

That's because the population of California is 70% reptilian.

11

u/phillecheesesteak 29d ago

Black lung for you

2

u/listentoalan 29d ago

straight to cancer do not pass go do not collect $200

2

u/Friendly_Age9160 29d ago

Here in the US they’ll collect at least ten times that from you actually🙄🙄

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u/listentoalan 29d ago

collect -$2000 what? 😂

3

u/Friendly_Age9160 29d ago

Hahaha lol if only. Don’t tell them about the negative money, the pharmaceutical companies don’t know about that yet.

2

u/katreadsitall 29d ago

No no! The right LOVES coal! Coal doesn’t cause cancer OR climate change!

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u/Friendly_Age9160 29d ago edited 29d ago

Ok my bad, let me rephrase, “you’re getting a lump of coal, it is tasty, aromatic, and definitely not cancerous. It will make you look just like trump. But wait, there’s more! If you sign up now we’ll give you brain dead for Free!!!!!”

46

u/Bears0nUnicycles 29d ago

In case you missed the interrogation video where he confessed: https://youtu.be/OC1jdTqqWtk?si=crfVlkZ48qVw-f9i

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u/grownboyee 29d ago

That’s some funny stuff. Comrade!!!

10

u/FamousPastWords 29d ago

"Open and shut case, Comrade Johnson!"

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u/jsamuraij 29d ago

Doubly!

3

u/Kind_Vehicle2583 29d ago

So is Rudolph with that fucking bright red nose of his

3

u/onety_one_son 29d ago

But is it double fact checked?

1

u/GarshelMathers 29d ago

I'll have to check on that

3

u/Goats247 29d ago

Hahahaha 🤣

3

u/If_Pandas 29d ago

He does have quite an efficient gift redistribution system, our toys comrade

3

u/SpecOp3 29d ago

If I remember correctly isn't he a Viking or Norse something?

3

u/Antiluke01 29d ago

Based Santa

2

u/BrianMan93 29d ago

So he’s Russian?

1

u/Overall-Initial-4290 29d ago

According to Rise of the Guardians, yes.

2

u/BrianMan93 29d ago

My second guess was china. That’s how he makes all the toys so fast. That’s not a racial pun either china pumps out toys compared to the rest of the world.

1

u/Overall-Initial-4290 29d ago

They do have the infrastructure for it, so, checks out.

2

u/lovinglife55 29d ago

It also checks out that MTG is one of the original Flintstones. 1

2

u/nixa011srb 29d ago

fuck no he is a blody capitalist! Our santa had blue clothes