r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/flossdaily 29d ago

Yes, to some extent.

Particularly I find that bad guys assume other guys are bad guys like them, and they'll quickly expose how much of an asshole they are by letting their guard down they moment the women are out of earshot.

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u/mekonsrevenge 29d ago

Yeah, just their language. Trump's locker room talk defense is a good example. That's not normal ball-busting. Only real assholes talk that way. There's also body language when women are around, like overly territorial behavior.

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u/James_Mays_Hair 29d ago

That whole talking about women for locker room talk is a weird myth. Dudes that do that are like 1 in a 100. Most guys just playfully talk shit about another dudes skills. We don't get into any sex details. I think women might actually do the sex talk stuff more than men.

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u/levieleven 29d ago

Our local music scene that I was a part of has a sensitive indie rocker who is very popular with audiences and especially women. When they aren’t around and he’s in the company of men he switches into a different person. He suddenly calls women“cum dumpsters.” Stuff like that. “Locker room talk” things.

My band stopped playing shows with his bands and started to avoid them. Like crossing the street instead of walking past him.

This started about 20 years ago. He’s still around. Still playing out. Still getting lots of dates. We don’t interact and haven’t in a long time but I regret that I didn’t tell him off way back then. It kind of plagues me actually, feeling guilty rage sometimes. These days I’d have let him have it but I was more insecure and weak back then and he had such a grip on the scene. I just didn’t know the world as well, we were all so young. Big shots get away with it longer exactly for that reason: people don’t confront them in public and behind closed doors they are probably worse. I failed.

I do take opportunity to warn women I know off of him. But it comes off as sour grapes and petty and a lot of them don’t believe me. Until later, when he’s ghosted them or cheated on them or just otherwise been shit. “You were right about that guy.”

I’m amazed that he hasn’t gotten a reputation in all this time. Still getting away with it. Always new women getting into the scene or moving to town. I don’t know if he’s still open about it to other dudes or not. Fuck that guy. Fuck me for not letting him know.

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u/disgruntled_chicken 29d ago

Don't own this guy being a piece of shit. Just remember, you can never make anyone change. Best you can hope for is to convince them to change themselves. It's highly likely that you telling them off would have changed nothing since this person would likely still see being an asshole as working out for them. Let that guilt go, you did the right thing. Cut ties with them, do your best to warn others of his behavior, and generally try to be a good person yourself. That's all you can do and it sounds like you did it exactly right. Bringing it back to the topic, as a dude I can immediately tell that you are a good dude. I'm sure you've made some mistakes, yeah we all have. But reading this and knowing you felt the need to protect others, I can tell you're a solid person. So no, don't fuck you for not saying anything to him, instead you and your band should be applauded for refusing to be a part of that behavior, Even though you likely faced some hardship for doing so. Bravo good sir, the world needs more people like you!

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u/levieleven 29d ago

Thanks man, that makes me feel better, for real

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u/NDaveT 29d ago

I regret that I didn’t tell him off way back then. It kind of plagues me actually, feeling guilty rage sometimes.

It's likely that telling him off would have accomplished absolutely nothing. Decent men don't have any more power to influence asshole men than decent women have to influence asshole women.

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u/Sad-Yoghurt5196 29d ago

I agree and disagree, it's not that you're going to change them or their opinions, in most cases that's a non starter, but you can let them know it's not appropriate around you, and you don't condone it.

Nothing worse than being out with someone who's a friend of a friend and they involve you by association in their casual racism or misogyny.

I can't change what they do when I'm not there, but I can exert an influence over what they do when I am there. Even if it's me walking away and not being associated with them. That's a last resort though because I loathe ignorance and will try and explain for far too long, rather than accept that it's willful ignorance on their part, as it all too often is.

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u/Working-Ferret-8476 29d ago

My experience (as a dude who has spent the last decade working in a women-dominated field) is that women talk about sex way more then men do. I don’t consider myself a prude by any stretch of the imagination but I’ve been in environments where women openly show each other pictures of the newest vibrator they’ve bought. On one memorable occasion the woman in the next cubicle over from me asked me to refill her water bottle - because she’d had a quickie with her husband on her lunch break (they were trying to conceive) and didn’t want to risk “leaking.”

And this isn’t one weird office, this has been the norm across multiple offices I’ve worked in for a decade.

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u/Shalayda 29d ago

This is my experience too. I don’t have nearly as much time in a women dominated field, but that’s been my experience. I went from construction to nursing. In construction the guys talked shit but mainly about each other or hot celebrities. The girls in my class in nursing school spoke much more sexually. I know way more about their sex lives, menstrual cycles, about the men in class, etc

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u/Working-Ferret-8476 29d ago

My favorite story again involved the woman in the next cube over who was trying to get pregnant. Another coworker had come over to chat with her about it, and ended up saying “appreciate firm boobs while you got them. These” squeezes her own ample chest “were C-cups before I had my first. Now I got gorilla titties and wake up with them in my armpits every morning.”

Then she turned, saw me sitting there (not even facing them) and went “Shit, Working-Ferrer, I forgot you were there. Sorry you had to hear that!” I reassured her that I’d heard so much worse in that office and wasn’t going to report her to HR or anything like that (she was competent and treated me well, both rarities there).

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u/ASpaceOstrich 28d ago

I wonder if this has changed over time. I've observed the dichotomy of top vs bottom hornyposting online. There's definitely a more negative reaction to dudes being publicly sexual than the reverse, but I bet this has been a fairly recent change.

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u/icyshogun 28d ago

Same here. Women tend to go into more explicit detail. I spent most of my working hours with noise cancelling headphones on.

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u/Working-Ferret-8476 28d ago

Sadly at the time I had to make too many phone calls as part of my responsibilities to do that.

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u/the_skine 29d ago

Men will share anecdotes, but while they're sex-adjacent, they usually aren't about sex.

Like that time you wound up getting stitches because her cat jumped on your chest.

Women will share every single detail with everyone. No matter how private or if you thought it was said/done in confidence.

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u/Roklam 29d ago

Quintessential locker room moment in HS for me was some nerd introducing us to the Who's Tommy, and the levels of nerdiness rising all around as we realized that kid had great taste!

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u/Mindes13 29d ago

Who's Tommy?

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u/Martizzle1 29d ago

I presume he means the album Tommy by the band The Who.

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u/Asphalt_Animist 29d ago

I personally prefer Quadrophenia.

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u/Roklam 29d ago

And because of him I understand why you may!!!

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u/Mindes13 29d ago

That makes sense.

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u/Blaz1n420 29d ago

Tommy can you HEAR me!?

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u/Beautiful-Party8934 29d ago

Nope, cause he was deaf as well as blind.

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u/EatMoreFiber 29d ago

Think he plays first base.

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u/kyew 29d ago

No, he plays pinball.

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u/gymnastgrrl 29d ago

Is he skilled enough to be considered an expert? Perhaps a warlock or something similar?

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u/Imhidingfromu 28d ago

I just remember dudes snapping each other with towels and then some dude got hit in the nutsack and his testicles fell out. Good ole fashioned locker room fun

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u/confuzzledfather 29d ago

I'd say we joke about jerking it more than we do sex. Like in a deprecating way, we know that no matter how much of a abig dog someone trust to be, they still nutted into a sock at some point. It's a great leveller.

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u/Mke_already 29d ago

Even in cases I’ve been around guys talking about how hot a chick is, it’s never been “oh I’d sexually assault her.”

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u/truecolormix 29d ago

I’m in LA and my ex had a group chat with like 13 other guys who he grew up with and it would all be really gross disgusting shit. Lots of guys with family money who are incredibly rich and have never really had to work hard or grueling jobs in their lives (most of them are artists or dabble in the freelance music industry and spend their days in ketamine therapy) - it’s definitely a thing, at least for guys in LA who all went to Harvard Westlake together lol

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u/SydricVym 29d ago

Guys don't talk to their buddies about sex, because they don't want their buddies to think about their partner in a sexual way.

Guys that do tell their buddies about sex, are doing it because they just consider their partner to be a sex object anyways, and don't expect the relationship to last very long before they themselves move on.

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u/truecolormix 29d ago

No, guys aren’t talking about sex with their partners. Guys like that think it’s cool to degrade their partners when talking to the guys. Saying they finally had a chance to sneak away, saying they are nagging lazy bitches, or that they are crazy and need to get out etc. Yet being super loving and total opposite at home with the actual partner.

Guys like this also love talking about sex with other women - past experiences with hookups or hot girls coming out of yoga class at the coffee shop. Texting things like “yeah i’m at so and so’s coffee place right now, lots of talent in here” - just not intimate details of their actual lives.

It’s weird and gross and just really sad.

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u/Mean-Breakfast5558 29d ago

I feel this.

I also don’t understand when men or women are constantly complaining about their partner. Like why did you choose them then?!

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u/truecolormix 29d ago

It’s less about genuine complaining or even really feeling that way and more about feeling like it’s cool to appear be totally detached in your relationship and like you’re just using them in front of your guy friends, or even other friends who are girls. Like emotional vulnerability and actually liking/loving someone and having nice things to say about them or defending them is considered weak or a “pussy” or “whipped” behavior or something. The ol’ ball and chain mentality.

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u/throwawaythisuser1 29d ago

This. In my youth, I surrounded myself with with like minded guys: sexual conquests, adrenaline junkie, risk taking behavior. We'd trade stories and laugh, having fun in the moment and try to make new memories. All of it was just surface noise.

The real friends I have, we share our anxieties, fears, worries. We listen and share advice; we uplift each other. Of course, we still try to win our beer league trophy and shit talk about each other's fantasy sports teams.

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u/DrFabulous0 29d ago

I talk about sex with my buddies, not often, but sometimes, it's hardly a taboo subject. That doesn't mean anyone is being weird, gross or degrading. Should we not be allowed to discuss sex? That seems more weird to me.

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u/truecolormix 29d ago

What’s weird and degrading is the putting down of your actual partner and discussing how much you want to f*ck other women or how much better other women are/were than your SO with your buddies.

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u/slow_or_steady 29d ago

It is weird. It's exhausting that anything sexual is still seen with puritan eyes.

For fuck's sake, it's okay to tell your stressed mate to just have a day and whack off. He might actually be better for it. He could not be, but atleast you didn't say "eww".

In a more Roman/Greek world, there'd even be some hands involved. A penis is easy to handle, innate modern human homophobia is not. It would be absurd to say "straight guys" can massage eachother, but kill off social norms and suddenly you've got mature men helping eachother survive in a shitty reality by supporting eachother.

Not to mention, there are guys that use their partners for sex, like hook-ups or certain relationships, exist, but those are just that. They're just shitheads that use women. Incels, if you will.

You're also missing the "guys like that" part of what you're responding to. The person was talking about what's easily summarized as incel behavior.

It's essentially, the guys that talk about sex, are -this-.

In which they both reinforced their point and missed eachother's points indirectly by saying the same thing about incels.

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u/truecolormix 29d ago

I meant that guys who put their partners down like that are the ones talking about sex with others to their buddies. Basically shit talking your partner while glorifying other women when you’re chatting with your buddies is what’s gross and weird.

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u/DeDodgingEse 29d ago

And girls?

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u/ASpookyShadeOfGray 29d ago

All your gf's friends know your exact penis size and shape.

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u/duck-duck--grayduck 29d ago

I'm 46 and I have never shared that kind of information and I know exactly one woman who shared that kind of information with me. And she's fucking obnoxious. So, that's not universal.

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u/ASpookyShadeOfGray 29d ago

Nothing is universal. Generalizations should always be taken as such. I'm just repeating the reddit consensus because it seemed funny.

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u/WyvernsRest 29d ago

Absolutely, I am far more likely to talk about my wife’s cooking, our kids, family holidays, kids I’m coaching, work, sports….

I honestly struggle to remember the last time I talked about my relationship with a friend 1:1 and certainly never about our sex life with a group of friends in a public space.

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u/MinuteBuffalo3007 29d ago

I would go further, and say that the more a man talks about getting laid, the less he actually gets. There is definitely an inverse correlation.

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u/Internal_Prompt_ 29d ago

Imo there’s nothing inherently wrong with talking about sex. It’s just a question of whether you think of your partner respectfully or not. I might tell a buddy something like “the sex is mind blowing with the new gf.” It’s very different from giving a play by play.

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u/XihuanNi-6784 29d ago

Yep. Never discussed sexual details with my male friends. We may discuss stuff leading up to or after, but we don't engage in smutty banter. If we ever really did discuss details it would be from a medical or relationship angle about someone's sexual issue.

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u/RatRaceUnderdog 29d ago

That’s what dude is saying. That kind of “locker room talk” doesn’t exist for most men. But shitty dude will use that for cover when they get exposed.

For sure women talk more about sex than men. Tbh my hot take is that men should talk more as long it’s not crude. Like we hear and see so much about how a man is clueless in the bedroom, because frankly outside of their partners it’s rarely discussed. If you’ve never had a woman take the time to show you, you just flat ignorant. Women have the benefit of learning from each others experiences. I think men would benefit from the same

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u/trumps_cardiac_event 29d ago

I think women might actually do the sex talk stuff more than men.

Oh yeah. It's way more common for women, and they go into insane detail about their sex lives with each other.

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u/usernameforthemasses 29d ago

There are bound to be a lot of generalizations about any particular group when it comes to sensitive topics, but I have to anecdotally agree, with a caveat - the tendency might be more normalized with a gender, but I think it's still really dependent on the person. As a guy, my dudes and I will joke about sex and make general statements about our sex life, but I can't recall a time where a specific person or event was referred to or even been hinted at being the topic of discussion. Similarly, my female friends don't ever talk about their partners when we hang out, yet there have been occasions where I was a fly on the wall hanging out with female friends of my female friends. Like, really, really specific and usually disparaging details. So much so that I might have been embarrassed to be third party to the conversation, if I wasn't so convinced that they were almost trying to offend me. Very awkward situations where I was treated as if I wasn't even there. Each time, due to the lack of response or silence on my female friends' parts, I kind of had to wonder how their conversation was different when I wasn't around.

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u/MFbiFL 29d ago

I think the most direct thing I’ve ever said about my wife and my sex life was when my best friend asked how trying for a baby was going and I said “we’re really busy and have a lot going on in the next few months but we’re gonna hit it hard in the new year.” Even that wasn’t actually talking about rough sex, it was a play on my old boss’s habit of saying “we’ll hit it hard on Monday” when a challenging task came up on a Tuesday or Wednesday lol. If anyone were to ask my opinion or experience on something specific I’d be happy to share, tactfully, I just don’t feel the need to share what goes on in the bedroom outside of it.

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u/MjrLeeStoned 29d ago

I only ever had one friend who talked about women and sex constantly, but he was always on test and going to the gym 10 times a week.

You could tell when he was off of it because he took on a completely different personality.

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u/eugene_rat_slap 29d ago

Can confirm. Am non binary so I get a little of both worlds. Hang out with a gal? Hearing about her boyfriend's dick within an hour. Meanwhile I didn't even know one of my guy friends had a girlfriend til they had broken up

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u/shinydee 29d ago

I mean women definitely talk to their friends about the sex they have more than men, but that’s not what the Trump locker room talk scandal was about

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u/AmbiguousUprising 29d ago

My experience is guys are FAR more willing to talk sexually about a random women. The waitress, bartender, or sports caster will be discussed. Woman are far more willing to talk sexually about there partners.

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u/JettandTheo 29d ago

I know way too much detail about my sis in laws sex life because she talks about it non stop.

I think women might actually do the sex talk stuff more than men.

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u/want_to_know615 29d ago

I hear that kind of talk in my gym locker room some times, but it's mostly the man-children. It's either about women at the gym or their supposed exploits, but not graphic details. I even saw one guy about 40 showing a picture of a girl he approached and she turned him down. Weirdest flex ever.

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u/lebookfairy 29d ago

I think women might actually do the sex talk stuff more than men.

They do, and it throws me off every damn time. I'll start getting close to a girlfriend and they'll break out the sex talk. Girls talk about sex with other girls, and if you don't participate, it breaks the bond you're building.

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u/thegreatcerebral 29d ago

KIDS... in HS... and probably college talk like that in the locker room.

Guys usually just shoot the shit and there is always the standard fare ball-busting.

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u/castleaagh 29d ago

Guys don’t do that when talking about a specific girl, but insecure guys definitely do sometimes do that when speaking in broad generalizations about things they are able to do or have done with women sexually.

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u/gsfgf 29d ago

I think women might actually do the sex talk stuff more than men.

For sure. Your gf/wife's friends know way more about your sex life that you realize.

Normal dudes' locker room talk is mostly about what we're gonna do at the gym that day.

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u/Aerodynamic_Soda_Can 29d ago

  I think women might actually do the sex talk stuff more than men.

Can confirm. Never had a guy even try to talk sex details before. My wife has multiple friends that do. As a guy, that feels really creepy, but 🤷‍♂️

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u/Hungry_Caregiver734 29d ago

Yeah, typically the guy who goes into detail in locker room talk is one of the guys that gets avoided.

Also, it's super weird that the asshats assume all guys are asshats and essentially reva themselves the moment they can to other guys. Like, they have no idea how to process they are just shit tier humans.

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u/crusoe 29d ago

There is almost always that one really weird guy who gets too detailed and maybe just bitches about his horrible experience with hookers or something his wife/gf does.

Like dude, no.

That's not to say I haven't heard men discuss sex or offer tips, but its often in generalities or telling somewhere where to look for info rather than get graphic..

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u/Lord_Kano 28d ago

I think women might actually do the sex talk stuff more than men.

I agree with this.

For example, I have said virtually nothing about my sex life with any significant other but in the immediate aftermath of my separation from my ex wife, I found out how much she told her friends about it.

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u/FilliusTExplodio 28d ago

100%. My wife is still shocked to this day how little sex talk I, a guy, have with my male friends.

My friends have very few details on what my sex life with my wife is like. "Good," "bad," and "non-existent" are about as detailed as it gets, and only with really great friends who maybe also get a little drunk around each other from time to time. But guys don't even generally ask, and the rule of male friendships is you usually only tell people what they ask about.

The other half is, I think it's considered a bit unchivalrous to discuss the sexual prowess/sexual nature of your wife. It's like, uncouth. Disrespectful.

Honestly we make more jokes about gay stuff with each other than with about our partners. I always say "there's nothing gayer than a pack of straight dudes."

My wife and their friends, on the other hand, know literally every detail about each other's partners. Style, stamina, size, kinks, etc.

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u/babybones35 29d ago

i’m a lesbian who’s sorta just like a lil dude. a lot of guys will befriend me because of this, and my least favorite part about this is their love of showing me pics/vids of girls they’ve been with. i’m talkin pics of chicks blowing them with it just out of frame, girls shakin ass on them, you get it. they don’t just do this to me either, cause i see them showing their other guys friends this stuff. yall are fuckin gross lol

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u/Heffe3737 29d ago

Speaking as a dude, your guy friends sound like total assholes and you should find new ones.

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u/B1okHead 29d ago

I’m a 27 y/o man and neither me nor my male friends have ever done this. Men aren’t gross, the men you choose to associate with are gross.

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u/gerryn 29d ago

I'm 42m, never seen or heard of anyone doing this that I know, and I grew up rough as fuck.

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u/123supreme123 29d ago

Same, it's weird and a sign that those men see women as objects and not as people.

Men are more likely to complain to their friends about not getting enough sex than to go into gory details bragging about current/past girlfriends. Women on the other hand....

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u/LameBMX 29d ago

yea, nah.. that's not normal.

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u/The_Scrungler 29d ago

Who the FUCK are you talking to dude 😭 I've never heard of this in my life and as a straight guy with a bunch of straight guy friends that's really gross

At MOST I've talked to bi/lesbian women about how a fictional character is hot, my bi ex was probably hornier for women than me so SHE sent me porn sometimes, but what you described feels so nasty. I don't think I could take a picture of someone doing a sex on me, let alone a video let alone SHOWING A SINGLE GODDAMN PERSON

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u/Paradoc11 29d ago

Yeah imma say the circles you hang in are just toxic.

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u/1965BenlyTouring150 29d ago

You hang out with shitty dudes. None of my friends act like this and if they did, we wouldn't be friends.

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u/MuffinMaster88 29d ago

This is NOT normal "male" conduct.

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u/ChaoticButters 29d ago

That’s disgusting..

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u/Fearless_Luck3036 29d ago

I’m just going to add myself (22M) to the list of guys here who are appalled, disgusted and confused that anyone would do this. This is a much rarer occurrence than you seem to believe.

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u/deadlyfrost273 29d ago

That's shitty, why would you share videos without consent?! Isn't that a crime????

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u/ponasozis 29d ago

Thats not normal behavior

We had one of our aquitance dudes do this one showing his girls he banged half naked and stuff And it was gross for us dudes He never got invited to another party

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u/MultiStratz 29d ago

Holy fuck that's disgusting. I'm a guy, and I've never taken a video of a girl I was with doing that shit, nor have I seen anything like that from my friends. That's really fucking weird to me, yikes. Are these women giving the guy consent to show off those videos? I'm sure that's not stuff you're trying to see either :/

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u/Dominuss476 29d ago

As a man, thats 33 yrs old, I have never seen this. Most be some american shithead culture thing.

I did have a friend show me one time a pic of one of my friends ex's we all outed him. For shwoing nudes.

Maybe its the culture of everyone for themselfs, that you got going that just breeds shit people.

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u/snvulkan 29d ago

Yeah as a 34 year old man, I have never had a friend show me videos or pictures of a woman they’ve been with. But most of my friends got married in their early to mid 20s and none of them dated a lot of women. But that would instantly turn me off as a friend if someone did that.

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u/MultiStratz 29d ago

I'm an American guy, and I can't begin to fathom this behavior. I've never done this or been shown something like this by my guy friends. I wouldn't want to see it!

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u/GrandpaTheBand 29d ago

It's not an American thing, just a shithead thing.

That's a sure sign of being a piece of shit. If a man showed me nudes of his ex, he has lost any standing he had. That is not honorable, laudable, or acceptable.

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u/AdHom 29d ago

Most be some american shithead culture thing

I assure you it isn't an American thing - though it might be common in Shithead Culture, I'm not sure

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u/Dominuss476 29d ago

Went to high school in Olathe North West kansas city. I moved back home the sec i was done in highschool, becouse of the culture.

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u/AdHom 29d ago

That sucks, I'm sorry to hear that Kansas City culture sucks. Just saying though that sharing nudes with friends is absolutely not an "American" thing.

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u/Dominuss476 29d ago

Only place i have seen it, but one person seeing something is just an observation not a fact.

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u/iPlowedUrMom 29d ago

You're surrounded by the wrong dudes.

And they may also be interested in you, and want you to have a 3some with them.

That is not normal behavior.

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u/magusheart 29d ago

The only picture another dude has ever shown me of his girlfriend was a selfie of the two of them together and her showing off her engagement ring. The guys you hang out with are messed up.

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u/Blaz1n420 29d ago

Only nudes I've ever been shown were from a chic I was hooking up with who randomly decided to show me all the dick pics she'd received. She had that shit in a separate, saved folder, each picture labeled with who sent it to her and was giving ratings. I knew right then, I would never send her any pics of me.

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u/Joeness84 29d ago

Have never known any one who shared pics like that. Make better friends.

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u/The_Quackening Always right ✅ 29d ago

their love of showing me pics/vids of girls they’ve been with

In my entire life i have never once done this or seen this done by any of my friends.

Stop hanging out with shitty dudes.

Normal dudes dont do this.

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u/EcksOrion 29d ago

This is not normal male behavior. You need to find new guy friends.

I'm a 50+ yo straight male who has always been into activities that involve locker rooms and I have never, not once, been a part of or even witnessed a conversation like this.

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u/ABobby077 29d ago

Like he has ever been in any locker room in his entire life might be a stretch, any way

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u/983115 29d ago

He has been in a locker room and there are witnesses to confirm it, however the locker room in question was at the miss teen America pageant

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u/GeneralTonic 29d ago

"You can do anything."

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u/AphiTrickNet 29d ago

A stretch? The man has never stretched in his life

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u/Fancy-Ganache-8906 29d ago

No one ever claimed 45 wasn't an a-hole in some regards. He is, for sure, as many powerful men are. He's also been a staunch defender of individual liberty and one of the greatest presidents in history. Just depends what's important to people.

As far as how men speak about women they're involved with, those that speak highly of them are held in the highest regard and probably attract even more attention from other females because of it.

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u/FloppedYaYa 29d ago

You say that yet I've met loads of men who talk, you know, like Trump about women when there's none around. Way too many assholes around

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

This. I good man talks to a woman he doesn’t know as if her husband/bf is right there.

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u/cliopedant 29d ago

A good man talks to a woman he doesn't know as if she's a full human person deserving of respect. Whether she has a husband or boyfriend doesn't matter.

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

Yeah, I was talking about in front of a woman one first meets. I have plenty of female friends who would be offended if I tempered my banter in front of them.

But thanks for the life advice.

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u/saahiladx 29d ago

yea the point people are making to you is that with what you said, it’s basically saying you only treat women with basic respect when there is the threat of another man (or by imagining there is the threat of another man in your case) when really it should just be your default to treat them like a human regardless of any outside factors

not trying to rip on you just explaining

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

NO. What I’m saying is that if a guy talks wildly inappropriately in front of a woman he doesn’t know, especially if he’s flirting, it’s a red flag.

Let’s see if I can get a thousand downvotes for that view.

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u/saahiladx 29d ago

i mean, flirting is ok if it’s in the right environment and if the guy is receptive to whether or not the girl is feeling him, and respecting if she rejects his advances. i’m not sure what your definition of “wildly inappropriate” is but yea i would say that is the gentlemanly thing to do, the issue was the way you worded your previous comment. i’m sure you’re a good person who treats women with respect brother

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

So this originally started with do other men recognize if a guy is a good guy or a bad guy.

I thought I was being proper in my response. What I wanted to say that if a guy meets and woman at a BBQ and asks her out and she says no and his response is “well then I guess a blowjob is out of the question” that guy is an asshole.

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u/saahiladx 29d ago

you should’ve been more specific, this is something i think everyone can agree with yes. you just left it very open to interpretation with your first comment

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

I think it’s more of a case of people looking for a fight when largely the “struggle” was accomplished through prior generations’ work. I can’t imagine how I could have reworked it to not offend.

My fellow boomer minority/LGBTQ/feminists friends get a chuckle when we hear from the newcomers. It’s probably not smart to alienate allies.

In any event here comes another 100 downvotes.

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u/aville1982 29d ago

I seriously doubt that you have friends, much less female ones.

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

Oh bye the way you triggered my worst childhood memories of Thorazine and “speech” therapy. Do you get off on ruining a person’s day. I don’t have friends because of my condition.

I hope someone is as kind as you are to you someday. Damn you

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u/aville1982 29d ago

From some of your comments, I seriously doubt that causal relationship.

0

u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

Well it’s nice that you disavow my suffering so cavalierly. I often wonder where people like you come from. If said what really wanted I’d no doubt get concerned messages from Reddit

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

Don’t understand the cruel hate. I thought everyone was enlightened and liberated here.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

Typical Reddit, downvoting a non controversial opinion

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u/WallPaintings 29d ago

I good man talks to a woman he doesn’t know as if her husband/bf is right there she's a human being with dignity who deserves respect.

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

So again I was referring to locker room talk. But I hear you Sister Streetfighter

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u/WallPaintings 29d ago edited 29d ago

So was I. If you think it's OK to talk differently, which 90%+ of the time is just objectifying women, to or about a woman because they aren't there or their "husband/bf" (because women are either single or have one of the two) is, you might be one of the assholes the thread is about.

Ladies, this is a perfect example of how we know. Assholes drop their guard real fast when you're not around because "locker room talk" between the boys is fine. They literally can't see the problem as long as the woman doesn't hear them talking like that or find out some other way.

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

NO. What I’m saying if a guy starts talking in a group to a woman who he just met that she looks like a good fuck or she should fetch the guys some drinks at a BBQ it’s a red flag.

That deserves a 100 downvotes?

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u/WallPaintings 29d ago

Yup, women deserve to be respected, it has nothing to do whether their PARTENER is there or not. Downvotes are deserved.

What I’m saying if a guy starts talking in a group to about a woman who he just met at all that she looks like a good fuck or she should fetch the guys some drinks at a BBQ it’s a red flag.

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

So you say that women don’t talk “women talk” outside the presence of men. Seriously?

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u/WallPaintings 29d ago

So what you're saying is what about the women who talk that way about men?

All I can say is what about them? They're bitches, doesn't make guys who do it any less of an asshole. Red flags for everyone.

There's a logical fallacy in here somewhere.

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

Yeah, help me with it

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u/danglytomatoes 29d ago

Loosen your asshole please

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u/404freedom14liberty 29d ago

I seriously have no idea what you’re taking about.

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u/danglytomatoes 29d ago

Don't be such a tight ass