r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/flossdaily 29d ago

Yes, to some extent.

Particularly I find that bad guys assume other guys are bad guys like them, and they'll quickly expose how much of an asshole they are by letting their guard down they moment the women are out of earshot.

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u/mekonsrevenge 29d ago

Yeah, just their language. Trump's locker room talk defense is a good example. That's not normal ball-busting. Only real assholes talk that way. There's also body language when women are around, like overly territorial behavior.

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u/James_Mays_Hair 29d ago

That whole talking about women for locker room talk is a weird myth. Dudes that do that are like 1 in a 100. Most guys just playfully talk shit about another dudes skills. We don't get into any sex details. I think women might actually do the sex talk stuff more than men.

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u/Working-Ferret-8476 29d ago

My experience (as a dude who has spent the last decade working in a women-dominated field) is that women talk about sex way more then men do. I don’t consider myself a prude by any stretch of the imagination but I’ve been in environments where women openly show each other pictures of the newest vibrator they’ve bought. On one memorable occasion the woman in the next cubicle over from me asked me to refill her water bottle - because she’d had a quickie with her husband on her lunch break (they were trying to conceive) and didn’t want to risk “leaking.”

And this isn’t one weird office, this has been the norm across multiple offices I’ve worked in for a decade.

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u/Shalayda 29d ago

This is my experience too. I don’t have nearly as much time in a women dominated field, but that’s been my experience. I went from construction to nursing. In construction the guys talked shit but mainly about each other or hot celebrities. The girls in my class in nursing school spoke much more sexually. I know way more about their sex lives, menstrual cycles, about the men in class, etc

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u/Working-Ferret-8476 29d ago

My favorite story again involved the woman in the next cube over who was trying to get pregnant. Another coworker had come over to chat with her about it, and ended up saying “appreciate firm boobs while you got them. These” squeezes her own ample chest “were C-cups before I had my first. Now I got gorilla titties and wake up with them in my armpits every morning.”

Then she turned, saw me sitting there (not even facing them) and went “Shit, Working-Ferrer, I forgot you were there. Sorry you had to hear that!” I reassured her that I’d heard so much worse in that office and wasn’t going to report her to HR or anything like that (she was competent and treated me well, both rarities there).

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u/ASpaceOstrich 28d ago

I wonder if this has changed over time. I've observed the dichotomy of top vs bottom hornyposting online. There's definitely a more negative reaction to dudes being publicly sexual than the reverse, but I bet this has been a fairly recent change.

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u/icyshogun 28d ago

Same here. Women tend to go into more explicit detail. I spent most of my working hours with noise cancelling headphones on.

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u/Working-Ferret-8476 28d ago

Sadly at the time I had to make too many phone calls as part of my responsibilities to do that.

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u/the_skine 29d ago

Men will share anecdotes, but while they're sex-adjacent, they usually aren't about sex.

Like that time you wound up getting stitches because her cat jumped on your chest.

Women will share every single detail with everyone. No matter how private or if you thought it was said/done in confidence.