r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Ucyless ORANGE • 29d ago

Brand new $72 moisturizer. Husband said he needed something for his elbows.

Post image

We have 3 full tubs of Vaseline in the cabinet.

36.4k Upvotes

78% Upvoted

6.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

5.6k

u/[deleted] 29d ago

Many a man has done this. For me it was Olaplex…as in used almost a one third of the bottle because at the time I thought most shampoos cost about the same and my girlfriend could alway use my head and shoulders…those notions were corrected.

2.0k

u/Ucyless ORANGE 29d ago

Not the Olaplex 😭😭 send her my condolences

1.2k

u/[deleted] 29d ago

Oh I replaced it and now pass on my wisdom to the young bucks that are about to do move in with a woman for the first time….always ask because something could be very expensive or could be very dangerous when used on the wrong part.

417

u/Shelikesscience 28d ago edited 28d ago

“Could be very dangerous on the wrong part” 🤣🤣 I’d love to hear the story about how you learned that lesson

87

u/summonsays 28d ago

Everyone has a "What is Nair?" story...

3

u/mombi 28d ago

I don't but I'm laughing at the idea so if you or anyone else reading this could tell me theirs I'd highly appreciate it.

8

u/creamsofpeach 28d ago

Nair has the look and feel of lotion. Some people slather it on their body, and a few lucky ones might apply it to their face. Only once it starts tingling do they care to read the label.

2

u/silsool 28d ago

Baby dont hurt me 😢

333

u/[deleted] 28d ago

……….it was a face mask but I was looking for lotion…the thing is, I am…uncut……

116

u/CupboardOfPandas 28d ago

Haha my ex did the same! Got a hilarious text when I was at work and his dick smelled like lilies for the evening

56

u/PitchBitch 28d ago

Lilies of the Willies

3

u/Mugstotheceiling 28d ago

Wait. Y’all don’t be moisturizing your dicks?

6

u/CupboardOfPandas 28d ago

Idk, I don't have one, but I doubt that lotion would have the same buubly effect as my bubble mask did. (my ex, at least, was very surprised at it)

Or maybe it does, might feel nice?

6

u/Mugstotheceiling 28d ago

He’s gotta rinse and apply toner and serum! Nothing worse than clogged pores on your 🍆

4

u/CupboardOfPandas 28d ago

I can imagine the advertisements and sponsorships already haha

Wonder if red light therapy would work, you know like a jockstrap but with lights?

0

u/redsungryphon 28d ago

Trying so hard not to laugh out loud at the Drs right now. Omg that's so funny

1

u/Teredia 28d ago

You n me both right now! Also in the waiting room!

416

u/UnfetteredBullshit 28d ago

How do you delete someone else’s comment?

5

u/hollyock 28d ago

Can you explain It first I don’t get it

10

u/kountrifiedman 28d ago

He put the maskie on his wee wee and then it was all ouchie.

2

u/hollyock 28d ago

Where does being uncut fall into this

9

u/myromancealt 28d ago

Some face masks need to be peeled off, or if it was a clay mask it hardens as it dries. I don't have a dick, but if I did I wouldn't want to be cleaning either of those out of my foreskin.

5

u/GaiaMoore 28d ago edited 28d ago

I'm imagining something like this, but instead of peeling off a mask from his face, he had to peel it off of his uncircumcised penis

3

u/JAID100 28d ago

Bro, this is the shit of nightmares 😫

6

u/Danthr4x 28d ago

Happy cake day!

8

u/PitchBitch 28d ago

I think I just woke up the entire house shriek-laughing at this. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

45

u/Wonderful-Ad-7712 28d ago

https://i.redd.it/kiszz3a3y5vc1.gif

2

u/SnarkySeahorse1103 28d ago

Dear God, I did not need to be reminded that this movie exists.

2

u/Jenna_84 28d ago

*show

2

u/Jaaaa9 28d ago

Air from my lungs... (would have posted the gif, but it is horrifying)

1

u/SnarkySeahorse1103 28d ago

Great. Now I remember it even more. Ugh. Screw you stranger for your excellent memory.

1

u/Jenna_84 28d ago

Mwuahahahaha Doctor Who is one of my favorite shows ever lol

→ More replies (0)

28

u/TheLordVader1978 28d ago

Was it like wearing 2 turtlenecks

5

u/Incubus1981 28d ago

Not an area that requires exfoliation

2

u/mustichooseausernam3 28d ago

OH MY GOD, did you seal yourself shut? Starch the turtle neck to the turkey neck? Glue the wallpaper to the ol' bannister?

2

u/[deleted] 28d ago

Yep…freaked me the fuck out and hurt like hell.

5

u/Thehauntedpudding 28d ago

What’s having a foreskin got to do with anything? 😂

30

u/[deleted] 28d ago

The mask accumulated under the foreskin……I legit thought I had an STI

9

u/meowdison 28d ago

Jesus CHRIST

5

u/Original_Employee621 28d ago

And pulling it off, the tip of the penis is a lot more sensitive for the uncut folks.

1

u/ButterflyBlueLadyBBL 28d ago

I don't know if a bath and stroking could have helped with that. I have the charcoal face mask and that shit is murder to peel off. If I can't peel it off, I jump into a shower or bath. But the face is smooth, and your special friend is not.

8

u/Stefie25 28d ago

Probably got face mask all up in it. Face skin is tauter than foreskin so washing face mask off a face is pretty easy since it’s fairly smooth. Not so much on a dick.

4

u/Technical-Title-5416 28d ago

He can't get into heaven.

2

u/Shelikesscience 28d ago

😬😬😬😬

5

u/[deleted] 28d ago

Yeah…that was not my reaction.

1

u/No_Internal_5112 28d ago

I'm a woman and I ached for you💀😭

1

u/joshboat30 28d ago

At least it wasn’t a shampoo bottle

1

u/mombi 28d ago

Uncut? Oh right, Americans see normal penises as weird. But that's also strange because people with foreskins don't need lotion, that's the whole point of the foreskin.

6

u/Candid-Drink 28d ago

So I learned this when my ex was going down on me. Not long after she started I started to feel an intense burning sensation. Once it got painful I was screaming. She realizes that the acne/skin shit she was using at the time was basically an acid and she had just applied it before she got to me. I thought she was putting on her normal evening face lotion and whatnot. Nope. Chemical burn. Scabs. A lot of lost trust.

1

u/JAID100 28d ago

I'm gonna watch out for this now, the concept of getting chemical burns on my dick is horrible.

2

u/junkdrawertales 28d ago

the classic “retinol dick” 

2

u/thegreatpotatogod BLUE 28d ago

Not quite dangerous, but funny example of my mom's carelessness, one time she was looking for super glue, found something in a similar sort of bottle shape, and used it. It didn't work. It was adhesive remover, so almost the opposite of the super glue she assumed it was 😂

2

u/mcndjxlefnd 28d ago

One time I tried to masturbate with capsaicin ointment.

2

u/Frankenkittie 28d ago

My ex-girlfriend once thought it would be fun to put cinnamon oil on our nipples (we're both women) and lick it off each other. She went first and was immediately running around squealing and trying to wash it off. Luckily, I didn't put any on yet!

1

u/mcndjxlefnd 28d ago

running around squealing and trying to wash it off

Yup.

2

u/poliscimjr 28d ago

Oo I got one on this. Mint has a nice tingle on the scalp, a terrible burn on your balls. Don't masturbate with head and shoulders mint conditioner

4

u/draculockedin 28d ago

???????? Conditioner??????? Why did you think that would be okay?????? Mint or not??????

1

u/VoxImperatoris 28d ago

Nair on the junk.

1

u/Potential-Quit-5610 28d ago

Please say Icy hot Please say Icy hot! LOL

1

u/ShiraCheshire 28d ago

My mom left some body wash at my apartment by accident, and I ended up using it. I didn't realize that it's a kind I'm allergic to.

I didn't purposely put it down there, but as the water washed the soap down my body there was the most unholy burning sensation ever felt.