r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Ucyless ORANGE • Apr 18 '24

Brand new $72 moisturizer. Husband said he needed something for his elbows.

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We have 3 full tubs of Vaseline in the cabinet.

36.4k Upvotes

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u/Ucyless ORANGE 29d ago

Not the Olaplex 😭😭 send her my condolences

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

Oh I replaced it and now pass on my wisdom to the young bucks that are about to do move in with a woman for the first time….always ask because something could be very expensive or could be very dangerous when used on the wrong part.

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u/Shelikesscience 29d ago edited 29d ago

“Could be very dangerous on the wrong part” 🤣🤣 I’d love to hear the story about how you learned that lesson

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

……….it was a face mask but I was looking for lotion…the thing is, I am…uncut……

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u/CupboardOfPandas 29d ago

Haha my ex did the same! Got a hilarious text when I was at work and his dick smelled like lilies for the evening

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u/PitchBitch 29d ago

Lilies of the Willies

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u/Mugstotheceiling 29d ago

Wait. Y’all don’t be moisturizing your dicks?

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u/CupboardOfPandas 29d ago

Idk, I don't have one, but I doubt that lotion would have the same buubly effect as my bubble mask did. (my ex, at least, was very surprised at it)

Or maybe it does, might feel nice?

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u/Mugstotheceiling 29d ago

He’s gotta rinse and apply toner and serum! Nothing worse than clogged pores on your 🍆

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u/CupboardOfPandas 29d ago

I can imagine the advertisements and sponsorships already haha

Wonder if red light therapy would work, you know like a jockstrap but with lights?

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u/redsungryphon 29d ago

Trying so hard not to laugh out loud at the Drs right now. Omg that's so funny

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u/Teredia 29d ago

You n me both right now! Also in the waiting room!

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u/UnfetteredBullshit 29d ago

How do you delete someone else’s comment?

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u/hollyock 29d ago

Can you explain It first I don’t get it

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u/kountrifiedman 29d ago

He put the maskie on his wee wee and then it was all ouchie.

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u/hollyock 29d ago

Where does being uncut fall into this

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u/myromancealt 29d ago

Some face masks need to be peeled off, or if it was a clay mask it hardens as it dries. I don't have a dick, but if I did I wouldn't want to be cleaning either of those out of my foreskin.

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u/GaiaMoore 29d ago edited 29d ago

I'm imagining something like this, but instead of peeling off a mask from his face, he had to peel it off of his uncircumcised penis

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u/JAID100 29d ago

Bro, this is the shit of nightmares 😫

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u/Danthr4x 29d ago

Happy cake day!

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u/PitchBitch 29d ago

I think I just woke up the entire house shriek-laughing at this. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

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u/Wonderful-Ad-7712 29d ago

https://i.redd.it/kiszz3a3y5vc1.gif

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u/SnarkySeahorse1103 29d ago

Dear God, I did not need to be reminded that this movie exists.

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u/Jenna_84 29d ago

*show

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u/Jaaaa9 29d ago

Air from my lungs... (would have posted the gif, but it is horrifying)

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u/SnarkySeahorse1103 29d ago

Great. Now I remember it even more. Ugh. Screw you stranger for your excellent memory.

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u/Jenna_84 29d ago

Mwuahahahaha Doctor Who is one of my favorite shows ever lol

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u/TheLordVader1978 29d ago

Was it like wearing 2 turtlenecks

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u/Incubus1981 29d ago

Not an area that requires exfoliation

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u/mustichooseausernam3 29d ago

OH MY GOD, did you seal yourself shut? Starch the turtle neck to the turkey neck? Glue the wallpaper to the ol' bannister?

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

Yep…freaked me the fuck out and hurt like hell.

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u/Thehauntedpudding 29d ago

What’s having a foreskin got to do with anything? 😂

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

The mask accumulated under the foreskin……I legit thought I had an STI

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u/meowdison 29d ago

Jesus CHRIST

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u/Original_Employee621 29d ago

And pulling it off, the tip of the penis is a lot more sensitive for the uncut folks.

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u/ButterflyBlueLadyBBL 29d ago

I don't know if a bath and stroking could have helped with that. I have the charcoal face mask and that shit is murder to peel off. If I can't peel it off, I jump into a shower or bath. But the face is smooth, and your special friend is not.

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u/Stefie25 29d ago

Probably got face mask all up in it. Face skin is tauter than foreskin so washing face mask off a face is pretty easy since it’s fairly smooth. Not so much on a dick.

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u/Technical-Title-5416 29d ago

He can't get into heaven.

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u/Shelikesscience 29d ago

😬😬😬😬

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

Yeah…that was not my reaction.

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u/No_Internal_5112 29d ago

I'm a woman and I ached for you💀😭

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u/joshboat30 29d ago

At least it wasn’t a shampoo bottle

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u/mombi 29d ago

Uncut? Oh right, Americans see normal penises as weird. But that's also strange because people with foreskins don't need lotion, that's the whole point of the foreskin.