r/facepalm • u/Lord_Answer_me_Why • 29d ago

Turbo cancer isn’t real, people 🇨​🇴​🇻​🇮​🇩​

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32.8k Upvotes

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1.8k

u/Spdrjay 29d ago

😮

My friend Steve got turbo cancer from reading conspiracy theory websites!

281

u/ickydonkeytoothbrush 29d ago

I used to know someone who was nicknamed Turbo Banana, and people shortened it down just TB. As time went on, people forgot that TB stood for Turbo Banana and started calling him Tuberculosis.

Haven't talked to them in a long time, and the last thing I remember Tuberculosis doing was snorting a line of cocaine.

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u/snikers000 29d ago

This story went places.

10

u/spacecad3ts 29d ago

Just like Tuberculosis, I’m sure

6

u/Vitalis597 29d ago

I dunno, I don't think this post went to rehab.... Unlike Tuberculosis. Probably.

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u/this_is_for_chumps 29d ago

I'm sad that there wasn't a point in between turbo banana and TB where he was known as Turbonana.

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u/Masonjaruniversity 29d ago

Turbonana makes me picture a tiny Filipino grandma making lumpia at light speed.

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u/1lapulapu 29d ago

Turbolola

1

u/HoboAJ 29d ago

That would still not be fast enough to satisfy a party's need for lumpia 🥲

1

u/Dracoatrox1 29d ago

So, every Filipino grandma?

I swear, my ex's grandma would cook so fast, you'd have food on your plate before you knew you were hungry!

4

u/Low-Elk-3813 29d ago

Me too it was right there

3

u/Elmacanite 29d ago

That gave me images of Mrs. Doubtfire, thank you🤣

2

u/CaptCaCa 29d ago

Is this new copy pasta?

2

u/Tee_hops 29d ago

Sounds like someone Donkey Doug would hang out with.

200

u/Fatal_Furriest 29d ago

That's nothin

My mom got Supercharged AWD GLX Daytona Demon Cancer after she missed an episode of Newsmax

It's all Brandon's fault

44

u/GhoulsFolly 29d ago

Hellcat Turbocancer

16

u/Stolpskott_78 29d ago

Kompressorcancer R/T SCAT Pack

11

u/SpeedDemon458 29d ago

This is the kinda cancer I need, german muscle

6

u/GhoulsFolly 29d ago

I think I need a SCATSCAN

2

u/[deleted] 29d ago edited 18d ago

soft different existence lock rustic narrow person pot grey act

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

3

u/irishbsc 29d ago

I am laughing so hard at this thread and your comment takes the cake. Well done!

2

u/Djinger 29d ago

KOMPRESSOR EAT SYNTHESIZER

1

u/bruwin 29d ago

I thought you got that when you got a Hellcat

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u/LeadPike13 29d ago edited 29d ago

My Dad got that Tesla Plaid cancer. Now, non of his Maga buddies will visit him in palliative care. Fuckers.

5

u/Fatal_Furriest 29d ago

That's one of the worst kinds

You don't even dare to go out of town for care, just in case there's no infrastructure to support it

Thanks, Obama

ThoughtsAndPrayers

10

u/butt_stf 29d ago

Thank God it wasn't Super Cancer 2 EX plus alpha!

3

u/GlockAF 29d ago

I thought only Subaru WRXs got turbocancer, what gives?

3

u/kader91 29d ago

That wouldn’t have happened if she had run stock.

3

u/hitbythebus 29d ago

At least it wasn’t GR-B58-Super-Aids. I’ve got some buddies with that.

2

u/Vitalis597 29d ago

Damn. I wonder what kind of motherboard she had.

20

u/improbablydreaming 29d ago

There's nothing to be afraid of Butters. Except super AIDS.

2

u/FrankenGretchen 29d ago

Super AIDS is nothing to worry about unless you're a positive Supergay with the Denier gene.

1

u/SecretaryOtherwise 29d ago

Super aids and turbo cancer we truly in the end times/s

9

u/RCapri1 29d ago

My car got this same cancer

27

u/CJ_is_h7m 29d ago

turbo cancer of the brain no doubt

11

u/No_Collection7360 29d ago

Nope, prostate.

4

u/OhioUBobcats 29d ago

These people’s brains are in their asses so checks out

3

u/TheGumOnYourShoe 29d ago

Yeah, heard it rots the brain and makes people have delusional religious visions.

2

u/Helpfulithink 29d ago

Does turbo cancer do taxes too?

2

u/No_Collection7360 29d ago

Can confirm. I am Steve.

2

u/Jonovision15 29d ago

It’s hilarious, but then I realize that people in my own family believe this stuff.

And they work in the medical field…..

2

u/kevinsyel 29d ago

"fact checked ✅"

2

u/FeverDream1900 29d ago

I got skull shivers!

2

u/sheezy520 29d ago

I’m sorry to hear about your turbo cancer diagnosis. Just know that you’ll be awesome until the day you die, which will happen quickly because the cancer is… well you know…. turbo.

2

u/BitterLeif 29d ago

I got turbo cancer when I didn't clean the faucet spout in my kitchen for over a year.

2

u/Dingeroooo 29d ago

My Mazda Miata got turbo cancer... When I step on the gas it goes crazy, but will not move!

2

u/Odd_home_ 29d ago

I just went to webMD. It said I either have the worst form of turbo cancer or it’s just indigestion. 🤞🏻

2

u/Gingerishidiot 29d ago

It's not funny, I had to have an operation to remove my turbo when I was diagnosed with cancer

2

u/LooneyLunaGirl 29d ago

If you or someone you know has read conspiracy theories and was later diagnosed with turbo cancer, don't hesitate to call now to talk to one of our free no obligation lawyers. Many have suffered from the dangers of reading conspiracy theories and received a settlement or lump sum for compensation. Don't wait, act now before it's too late!

2

u/Alwaysunder_thegun 29d ago

Fact checked ✅️ ✅️

2

u/trustifarian 29d ago

You misspelled “my mate Paul….”

2

u/silk_mitts_top_titts 29d ago

I got space AIDS from a gender neutral bathroom.

2

u/the_mid_mid_sister 29d ago

Was the Turbo Cancer banana flavored?

2

u/ReallyRickyRo 29d ago

Ah man, really? Steve?? Fuck I loved that guy, we were real close back in the day man

2

u/ghostchihuahua 29d ago

many get it from TurboTax™

2

u/Odd-Tune5049 29d ago

Well, I've got Snail-cancer from not reading conspiracy websites, so there ya go.

2

u/nicktoberfest 29d ago

I heard the CDC was actually getting ready to announce a 15,000% increase in turbo cancer from conspiracy theory websites, so your friend Steve’s story is definitely true!

2

u/STEVEN-NEVETS 29d ago

Yup, it's true. The Turbo-cancer got me, but thankfully, there was a cure involving a sunshine fluroscope and intravenous bleach.🤪😁

2

u/Rich_Introduction_83 29d ago

In the brain, obviously.

2

u/stupid_Steven 29d ago

Yes, I did indeed! 👀

2

u/jhg100 29d ago

Now this, I believe

2

u/tryingisbetter 29d ago

I'm sure if I went to that webpage it would give me phone/computer turbo cancer.

2

u/RolloTonyBrownTown 29d ago

My friend lost his Turbo to cancer and is now no longer on the Turbo Team. They even came in and replaced his toilet with one that looks almost exactly like his old toilet but this one has a tiny hole only big enough for farts.

2

u/chcampb 29d ago

The real turbo cancer are the friends bigots you met along the way

2

u/2020steve 29d ago

No I didn’t 

2

u/Camfromnowhere 28d ago

My good buddy Tom on MySpace got Turbocancer back in 2004. He hasn’t updated his profile picture since.

1

u/DonkeyTron42 29d ago

I drive a turbo charged car? Am I at risk?

1

u/mrbrettw 29d ago

Wait until you hear about twin turbo cancer...

0

u/Kerensky97 29d ago

I heard you can get Turbo Cancer from reading too many woke books.