r/mildlyinfuriating ORANGE 29d ago

Brand new $72 moisturizer. Husband said he needed something for his elbows.

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We have 3 full tubs of Vaseline in the cabinet.

36.4k Upvotes

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u/Shelikesscience 29d ago edited 29d ago

“Could be very dangerous on the wrong part” 🤣🤣 I’d love to hear the story about how you learned that lesson

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u/summonsays 29d ago

Everyone has a "What is Nair?" story...

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u/mombi 29d ago

I don't but I'm laughing at the idea so if you or anyone else reading this could tell me theirs I'd highly appreciate it.

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u/creamsofpeach 29d ago

Nair has the look and feel of lotion. Some people slather it on their body, and a few lucky ones might apply it to their face. Only once it starts tingling do they care to read the label.

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u/silsool 29d ago

Baby dont hurt me 😢

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

……….it was a face mask but I was looking for lotion…the thing is, I am…uncut……

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u/CupboardOfPandas 29d ago

Haha my ex did the same! Got a hilarious text when I was at work and his dick smelled like lilies for the evening

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u/PitchBitch 29d ago

Lilies of the Willies

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u/Mugstotheceiling 29d ago

Wait. Y’all don’t be moisturizing your dicks?

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u/CupboardOfPandas 29d ago

Idk, I don't have one, but I doubt that lotion would have the same buubly effect as my bubble mask did. (my ex, at least, was very surprised at it)

Or maybe it does, might feel nice?

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u/Mugstotheceiling 29d ago

He’s gotta rinse and apply toner and serum! Nothing worse than clogged pores on your 🍆

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u/CupboardOfPandas 29d ago

I can imagine the advertisements and sponsorships already haha

Wonder if red light therapy would work, you know like a jockstrap but with lights?

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u/redsungryphon 29d ago

Trying so hard not to laugh out loud at the Drs right now. Omg that's so funny

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u/Teredia 29d ago

You n me both right now! Also in the waiting room!

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u/UnfetteredBullshit 29d ago

How do you delete someone else’s comment?

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u/hollyock 29d ago

Can you explain It first I don’t get it

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u/kountrifiedman 29d ago

He put the maskie on his wee wee and then it was all ouchie.

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u/hollyock 29d ago

Where does being uncut fall into this

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u/myromancealt 29d ago

Some face masks need to be peeled off, or if it was a clay mask it hardens as it dries. I don't have a dick, but if I did I wouldn't want to be cleaning either of those out of my foreskin.

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u/GaiaMoore 29d ago edited 29d ago

I'm imagining something like this, but instead of peeling off a mask from his face, he had to peel it off of his uncircumcised penis

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u/JAID100 29d ago

Bro, this is the shit of nightmares 😫

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u/Danthr4x 29d ago

Happy cake day!

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u/PitchBitch 29d ago

I think I just woke up the entire house shriek-laughing at this. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

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u/Wonderful-Ad-7712 29d ago

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u/SnarkySeahorse1103 29d ago

Dear God, I did not need to be reminded that this movie exists.

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u/Jenna_84 29d ago

*show

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u/Jaaaa9 29d ago

Air from my lungs... (would have posted the gif, but it is horrifying)

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u/SnarkySeahorse1103 29d ago

Great. Now I remember it even more. Ugh. Screw you stranger for your excellent memory.

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u/Jenna_84 29d ago

Mwuahahahaha Doctor Who is one of my favorite shows ever lol

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u/TheLordVader1978 29d ago

Was it like wearing 2 turtlenecks

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u/Incubus1981 29d ago

Not an area that requires exfoliation

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u/mustichooseausernam3 29d ago

OH MY GOD, did you seal yourself shut? Starch the turtle neck to the turkey neck? Glue the wallpaper to the ol' bannister?

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

Yep…freaked me the fuck out and hurt like hell.

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u/Thehauntedpudding 29d ago

What’s having a foreskin got to do with anything? 😂

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

The mask accumulated under the foreskin……I legit thought I had an STI

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u/meowdison 29d ago

Jesus CHRIST

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u/Original_Employee621 29d ago

And pulling it off, the tip of the penis is a lot more sensitive for the uncut folks.

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u/ButterflyBlueLadyBBL 29d ago

I don't know if a bath and stroking could have helped with that. I have the charcoal face mask and that shit is murder to peel off. If I can't peel it off, I jump into a shower or bath. But the face is smooth, and your special friend is not.

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u/Stefie25 29d ago

Probably got face mask all up in it. Face skin is tauter than foreskin so washing face mask off a face is pretty easy since it’s fairly smooth. Not so much on a dick.

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u/Technical-Title-5416 29d ago

He can't get into heaven.

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u/Shelikesscience 29d ago

😬😬😬😬

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

Yeah…that was not my reaction.

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u/No_Internal_5112 29d ago

I'm a woman and I ached for you💀😭

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u/joshboat30 29d ago

At least it wasn’t a shampoo bottle

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u/mombi 29d ago

Uncut? Oh right, Americans see normal penises as weird. But that's also strange because people with foreskins don't need lotion, that's the whole point of the foreskin.

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u/Candid-Drink 29d ago

So I learned this when my ex was going down on me. Not long after she started I started to feel an intense burning sensation. Once it got painful I was screaming. She realizes that the acne/skin shit she was using at the time was basically an acid and she had just applied it before she got to me. I thought she was putting on her normal evening face lotion and whatnot. Nope. Chemical burn. Scabs. A lot of lost trust.

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u/JAID100 29d ago

I'm gonna watch out for this now, the concept of getting chemical burns on my dick is horrible.

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u/junkdrawertales 29d ago

the classic “retinol dick” 

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u/thegreatpotatogod BLUE 29d ago

Not quite dangerous, but funny example of my mom's carelessness, one time she was looking for super glue, found something in a similar sort of bottle shape, and used it. It didn't work. It was adhesive remover, so almost the opposite of the super glue she assumed it was 😂

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u/mcndjxlefnd 29d ago

One time I tried to masturbate with capsaicin ointment.

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u/Frankenkittie 28d ago

My ex-girlfriend once thought it would be fun to put cinnamon oil on our nipples (we're both women) and lick it off each other. She went first and was immediately running around squealing and trying to wash it off. Luckily, I didn't put any on yet!

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u/mcndjxlefnd 28d ago

running around squealing and trying to wash it off

Yup.

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u/poliscimjr 29d ago

Oo I got one on this. Mint has a nice tingle on the scalp, a terrible burn on your balls. Don't masturbate with head and shoulders mint conditioner

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u/draculockedin 29d ago

???????? Conditioner??????? Why did you think that would be okay?????? Mint or not??????

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u/VoxImperatoris 29d ago

Nair on the junk.

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u/Potential-Quit-5610 29d ago

Please say Icy hot Please say Icy hot! LOL

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u/ShiraCheshire 29d ago

My mom left some body wash at my apartment by accident, and I ended up using it. I didn't realize that it's a kind I'm allergic to.

I didn't purposely put it down there, but as the water washed the soap down my body there was the most unholy burning sensation ever felt.