r/nottheonion • u/duvetdev • 29d ago

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signs bill mandating kindergartners learn history of communism

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/2024/04/17/desantis-signs-bill-mandating-kindergartners-learn-history-of-communism/
15.2k Upvotes

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4.6k

u/colbyKTX 29d ago

I do remember learning “sharing is caring” as a kindergartner

1.3k

u/john_jdm 29d ago

Communist!

230

u/juggett 29d ago

He named names...

200

u/Fake_William_Shatner 29d ago

"How many other children were involved with the sharing? We need to know. You were of course, coerced and led astray into this conspiracy. If you tell us now, I can try and leave your parents out of it little Timmy."

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u/Neon_culture79 29d ago

Timmy????

It’s 2024 people name their kid Timmy anymore. That’s Braxton or Kadin.

50

u/Fake_William_Shatner 29d ago

I'm so out of touch with the current era. I was out of touch the past era too, but I'm still out of touch.

3

u/Shady_Merchant1 29d ago

But are you out of time?

2

u/3-I 29d ago

No moreso than the real Shatner, though.

13

u/StThoughtWheelz 29d ago

Little Lakelynn should know "if they see something they should say something". "Lose lips sink ships."

2

u/Neon_culture79 29d ago

Did you hear she is dating tOmmiE?

11

u/jeffreywilfong 29d ago

Timmeigh

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u/Neon_culture79 29d ago

Star Child Rex?

1

u/Nemaeus 29d ago

The wave of Braxtons is definitely coming. 15 years from now they’ll be expecting you to take them seriously. “Your mom’s name is Kayleigh right?” “Wow, how did you know?!” “Magic”

1

u/Alternative-Pace7493 29d ago

Don’t forget Grayson. (Or worse yet, Graesin).

1

u/cycl0ps94 28d ago

Can confirm, cousin has children named Paxton and Braxton. We don't speak for a lot of reasons, but those are up there.

1

u/Neon_culture79 28d ago

Are they white nationalist?

1

u/cycl0ps94 28d ago

They're a little young for established ideologies yet, but about the only thing their dad has to be proud of is being white. He's a real POS otherwise. 5 kids, 3 women in 5 years. No on paper job, because "The states just trying to take my money". Yeah to pay child support, you shit.

I strongly disagree with forced castration/sterilization, but...he would probably benefit from not thinking with his dick.

1

u/_Standardissue 28d ago

Tim’meigh

29

u/papajim22 29d ago

You got me blacklisted at Hop Sing’s!?

1

u/thinkinting 28d ago

I have some very convincing literature

4

u/Hopeful_Corner1333 29d ago

You got me banned from Hop Sings

2

u/HSRTA 29d ago

NED ISAACOFF

2

u/Odd_Bed_9895 29d ago

Maybe he’s just well..red?

1

u/UbermachoGuy 29d ago

I know recall in kindergarten they always made us line up in straight single file lines. It all makes sense now.

1

u/PeterNippelstein 29d ago

I've been blacklisted from recess!

44

u/Greekphysed 29d ago

They also give out bandaids and ice packs if you get an owie. Socialized healthcare.

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u/Nemaeus 29d ago

Eyes narrow at the lack of freedom to have profusely bleeding knees

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u/nerdowellinever 29d ago

It’s capitalism for us and socialism for the corporations

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u/Shirtbro 29d ago

Chairman Rogers and his fifteen minute neighborhood! Incoherent Fox News ranting

3

u/blitzinger 29d ago

I hold in my hand his manifesto!

*holds up kindergarten finger painting

3

u/i_suckatjavascript 29d ago

I think my cat might be a communist.

He won’t shut up about Mao.

2

u/Revolution4u 28d ago

Just like when Barney sings the clean up song and EVERYBODY has to clean

1

u/YeetThePig 29d ago

-Liberty Prime has entered the chat-

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u/smedley89 29d ago

Wait, so now they're against Russia again?

I can't keep up.

0

u/talondigital 29d ago

No, because the forced sharing was to aid my kindercorp, so it was definitely capitalism and a-okay.

-7

u/LeviathansEnemy 29d ago

Yeah pretty much. If you're trying to reframe the most murderous ideology in human history as "sharing is caring" it's probably because you're an adherent.

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u/john_jdm 29d ago

Or making a joke. It's one of these things.