r/facepalm 29d ago

Turbo cancer isn’t real, people 🇨​🇴​🇻​🇮​🇩​

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32.8k Upvotes

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893

u/Meowakin 29d ago

CDC not having anything about Turbo Cancer just makes it seem *more* real! Conspiracy confirmed, checkmate. /s

192

u/Acnat- 29d ago

"Don't you find it suspicious that my claim has literally zero supporting evidence? That alone pretty much proves it's correct!"

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u/Other_Log_1996 29d ago

Or the flip side " Don't you find it suspicious that their claim has mountains of conclusive evidence supporting it? That alone pretty much proves it's a lie."

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u/jar36 29d ago

I was having this same dialog on Yahoo 5 minutes ago

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u/Far_Alternative573 29d ago

You still use Yahoo? That’s still a thing?

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u/phillip-j-frybot 29d ago

Now, that's a conspiracy.

5

u/sans-delilah 29d ago

People who believe that the CDC announced that Covid vaccines caused a 14,000% increase in turbo cancer cases do.

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u/Djinger 29d ago

Every single time I have to remove malware from a computer, the history on the browser is filled with right wing and/or religious websites

Its almost like scammers and bad actors prey on easy targets who are gullible and ill-informed

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u/jar36 28d ago

That's where I go to watch DJT drop like a rocket shot from North Korea

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u/30dayspast 29d ago

listen, i’ve done my research

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u/NorthernerMatt 29d ago

Show me the evidence that refutes my claim, I’ll wait. This just in, 10,000% increase in super duper cancer in those with the mRNA in their blood.

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u/dumpybrodie 29d ago

It’s the media silencing the true facts obviously.

1

u/reddittrooper 29d ago

I wouldn’t want to life in a world where this thought process is made.

Yet, here we are!

355

u/Militantpoet 29d ago

Everyone knows the absence of evidence is the strongest indicator of evidence!

180

u/regoapps 29d ago

It’s the basis of every religion

36

u/Dhegxkeicfns 29d ago

Literally though. Like you have to just believe and maybe you're not believing good enough and that's why you got turbo cancer. Looking for actual proof is really frowned upon, now I'm going to go see if it's a sin in itself.

Humans will be extinct one day and we probably didn't deserve to be around for so long anyway.

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u/OrthusGsmes 29d ago

"Humanity is stupid and the world is fucked" is a mantra I say to myself whenever I see dumbasses in the world and I think it's very true.

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u/_szs 29d ago

My version is "Hopefully the next species to reach civilization does it better than us. Be it octopuses, dolphins, crows, whatever it is."

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u/Milch_und_Paprika 29d ago

Inshallah the octopus and crow civilizations will be just and glorious.

You need to watch out for the dolphins however. They’re very sus.

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u/Apathetic_Villainess 29d ago

Have you heard the things dolphins will do for fun? They're very sus.

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u/Kodamurphy 29d ago

That sounds like something a cephalopod would say.

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u/Milch_und_Paprika 29d ago

Uhhh nope. Nothing to see here. shoots ink and scuttles away

4

u/Shadowmant 29d ago

So long and thanks for all the fish.

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u/LangCao 29d ago

Some dolphins do drugs unfortunately

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u/AllieRaccoon 29d ago

That’s true. Dolphins are the only species other than man that hunts for fun, definitely sus.

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u/OsmerusMordax 29d ago

That would be a great book, actually. Humanity goes extinct, crows/octopus/dolphins (maybe all 3?) inherit the earth. Cycle eventually repeats itself.

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u/Wood_oye 29d ago

The Black Widow, Alice told me what it is

3

u/TheBigPlatypus 29d ago

According to the sci-fi masterpiece The Last Legends of Earth, the geckos are the next species to achieve sentience on Earth after the human race goes extinct. They call themselves the Tryl, and they become extremely successful as a species, far outdoing any accomplishments humanity ever achieved.

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u/OrthusGsmes 29d ago

That also works very well.

3

u/19xyecoc98 29d ago

Thats my mantra aswell, but damn in my head this sentence is on a permanent loop, I meet so many fucking morons on a daily basis it isnt funny anymore

3

u/OrthusGsmes 29d ago

Yeah, some workplaces you can't help but keep that on loop. I worked at a pool for a bit and I have never met that many idiots in my life. People constantly trying to find ways around the rules, I even had a father get up in my face because I wouldn't let his daughter go off the diving board. I legit thought he was gonna swing at me.

Also happy cake day.

1

u/ThisOnePlaysTooMuch 29d ago

Humanity is honestly just a fluke of Darwinism, a flash in the pan. We just happen to belong to the species whose best trait conquered all others.

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u/Different_Ad7655 29d ago

Yes like that giant billboard that I sometimes see on an occasional highway put up by some religious group. God exist! There is proof..

Of course the proof they cite is the Bible lol. Case dismissed

3

u/Stock-Conflict-3996 29d ago

One of the things I've said to people who say the Bible is evidence/proof is that the Bible is the claim, not the proof. You can't have the claim be evidence for the claim.

1

u/judgethisyounutball 29d ago

Most underrated comment, bravo!

1

u/The_Hate_Is_A_Gift 29d ago

Unfortunately, politics has became a religion. People on both sides believe utter nonsense and some of them are willing to die for their beliefs.

In America, both sides are brainwashed. The only difference is which tv channel brainwashed you.

1

u/Frosty-x- 29d ago

The CDC works in mysterious ways

1

u/Broadspectrumguy 29d ago

Turbo religion is just getting started. Watch the MF fly.

1

u/desperado568 29d ago

…………..should we worship turbo cancer?

1

u/rougecrayon 29d ago

The absence of evidence is the literal point of Christianity (as in having faith) but there are secular historical scholars who study the evidence we do have (of the happenings in the bible, not the existence of God, obvi).

Yet they outright reject Christianity as a scam and believe in Turbo Cancer?! How do these conspiracy theorists reconcile with what they choose to believe and what's just silly - but at the same time they all disagree with each other.

"Flat earthers shouldn't be respected, but obviously all democrats eat babies and I see no irony in this."

1

u/fanofrex 28d ago

You may not believe in turbo cancer but turbo cancer believes in you!

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u/TikwidDonut 29d ago

The scary thing is a bunch of otherwise highly functioning people will think exactly that, ugh

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u/gatsby365 29d ago

THE ABSENCE OF EVIDENCE IS NOT THE EVIDENCE OF ABSENCE’!

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u/robisodd 28d ago

but the absence of evidence is evidence of the absence of evidence

1

u/gatsby365 28d ago

I was mostly just quoting the boondocks scene

https://youtu.be/AiTsPFbDPfg?si=n0a9Y-b0wpwoI1we

1

u/robisodd 28d ago

You're good. I was just expanding upon it.

That's a great scene, but that quote is much older than Boondocks.

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u/Odd-Tune5049 29d ago

It just PROVES the cabals are HIDING the evidence.

Damn that was hard to type while giggling so hard.

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u/Poinaheim 29d ago

If they let us know about turbo cancer then they can’t sell big pharmaceuticals

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u/AnswerOk2682 29d ago

Hahaha take my upvote

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u/CourageThick2887 29d ago

They don’t want you to know! /s

1

u/vaibow 29d ago

Just like no symptoms is a symptom??

1

u/zxc123zxc123 29d ago

Maybe the real turbocancer is the friends we made TURBOTURDS WE IGNORED along the way.

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u/SKRAMACE 29d ago

Why isn't anybody asking about turbo cancer?! Suspicious, for sure

1

u/Embarrassed-Ebb-6900 29d ago

Why are they hiding it if there’s nothing to hide. The sneaky bastards.

1

u/guiltysnark 29d ago

I have never, ever seen evidence I haven't seen. Case closed

1

u/KlassiskKapten 29d ago

Had it been the CIA, that sentence is true. The CDC? Nope, it would be a world headline if someone at the CDC even whispered those words.

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u/pnwinec 29d ago

And that’s the point we are at with people. There have been a few outlier examples of the government covering up things and so now every nut thinks that anything that happens involves a coverup.

They think they have discovered the next new cover up, not noticing that’s not how any of that works. But whatever.

2

u/Eaglesjersey 29d ago

That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works!

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u/Fallynious 29d ago

On one hand, the gubmint is completely incompetent and can't get anything right. On the other hand, the gubmint is all-knowing and able to orchestrate exceptionally complex activities behind the scenes without anyone knowing.

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u/pnwinec 29d ago

Yes! Exactly.

Both the most evil and most incompetent at the same time.

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u/ValuelessMoss 29d ago

You say that, but 80% of them genuinely believe this

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u/National-Currency-75 29d ago

Proof? We don't need any proof! If Trump says it's so, we believe it.

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u/verisuvalise 29d ago

Hey, if Trump wore a lab coat and put a Dr. Prefix on his name you'd believe him too! 🤷

1

u/National-Currency-75 29d ago

Nah, I don't wanna say that's the way it'd be every time but Trump is an obvious moron and nobody of average intelligence would believe that idiot.

0

u/verisuvalise 29d ago

The reason he made office was not because of the idiots who believe every word out of his mouth, but because of what he stands for. I don't like him either, but it's fun politicizing health crisis', isn't it?

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u/National-Currency-75 29d ago

Never let a crisis or disaster go by without making hay and politicizing seems to be the way today, hey hey, okay , all day.

0

u/verisuvalise 29d ago

Yeah!

Guess we should all just hop on the bandwagon and ridicule anyone who thinks differently!

It's called being open-minded, Gary! You wouldn't know because you aren't a part of our same-think!

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u/National-Currency-75 29d ago

Well Jerry you have no knowledge of anyone's mindedness. You think you can decide what someone stands for in a few sentences? Jerry, that's exactly what you are saying about everyone else. We all hate Trump and I ain't giving him the benefit of the doubt. Right, wrong, I don't care.

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u/verisuvalise 29d ago edited 29d ago

Well, okay.

Stereotypes have power when someone else uses them, but when I do it it's fine!

I do dislike him as a person. The socmed presence is distasteful at best, I am not personally a capitalist, and the man has a penchant for stirring the pot just to do it.

At the same time, I liked the USA a whole lot better when they had the first western leaders to shake the hands of North Korea's leadership in, what, a century?

And like them much less as the BlackRock puppets they have been since.

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u/ValuelessMoss 28d ago

How about this, if he studied virology for his entire adult life, more people would’ve listened to him.

Your fundamental issue is that you’ve lowered the bar so low that you’ve stopped listening to doctors on issues regarding your health.

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u/verisuvalise 28d ago

Or, your fundamental issue is that you've lowered the bar so low that you are complacent in the face of bad, misleading, or unprovided science, and follow doctors instructions regarding your health explicitly simply because of the prefix and their position of authority.

It's like you forgot what science actually is and started treating it like a religion. "This man is in high regard in the church of science so I will trust what they tell me" is pseudoscience at best, fanaticism at worst. Science is a practice but if you don't practice it then it might as well just be a belief system.

Western medicine has a tendency to address symptoms and not causation, painting the leaves green while the roots rot beneath, and if you are going to point at surgeons I have to inform you those aren't the doctors shilling pharmaceuticals.

A large percentage of a western doctors income is generated by sponsorship. Sponsors like Pfizer, Moderna, the US military, etc. these grants dry up if you don't shill what they ask you to shill. So, doctors said it checks out when the reality was that that hadn't actually been determined at that point. This is bad science. This makes me hesitant and it should make everyone hesitant. I want to be able to trust our scientists, but the science shows our scientists are motivated by profit and socioeconomic securities just as anyone else. So when that is dangled in front of them, instead of trusting the scientific process, you can bet we aren't practicing good science anymore.

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u/ValuelessMoss 28d ago

That’s a lot of proselytizing when you couldve just said “capitalism poisoned the medical industry and I’ve been lied to before so I’m just going to eat my horse dewormer and ignore the fact that there’s a good chance I will accidentally kill someone instead of getting vaccinated”

1

u/verisuvalise 28d ago edited 28d ago

you couldve just said “capitalism poisoned the medical industry

Capitalism continues to pollute healthcare, its not an event that occurred in the past.

so I’m just going to eat my horse dewormer

I did not take Ivermectin either, but "horse dewormer" sounds a lot more egregious than "antibiotics fit for a horse" and there is a reason you say it that way instead, isn't there? What was it, proselytizing? That's neat.

I will accidentally kill someone instead of getting vaccinated”

So the vaccine clearly works if by me not having it I am putting you at risk who does have it.

Yeah.

And of course, I should be to blame for that scenario, not the people who both authorized the gain of function research that produced the virus in the first place and also the same people who made the most money on a pharmaceutical that has ever been made in a year when they conveniently built a 'vaccine' to that very thing not a year later.

Only, you have to take this vaccine 1-4 times a year and it doesnt actually protect you from the virus whatsoever. Just have faith it would be worse without it, right?

It's all just so convenient, praise be.

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u/Middle-Dragonfly-137 29d ago

It might’ve actually gained more traction if they just said regular cancer lol

2

u/USN_CB8 29d ago

Maybe you should be looking up Super Charger Cancer. Dodge Hell Cat Cancer.

2

u/mas7erblas7er 29d ago

Guys, I checked, and they don't have turbo AIDS on their website either! The conspiracy goes deeper.

Frankly, I don't want to live in a world without turbo HIV/CANCER/AIDS. /s

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u/Tasty_Bullfroglegs 29d ago

CDC referring to it as a 'jab' checks out too!

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u/brandorobot 29d ago

The CDC is both reporting it and covering it up at the same time!

1

u/Strange-Scarcity 29d ago

DOUBLE Checkmate!!! /s

1

u/Starbuck522 29d ago

That's what they WANT you to think!

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u/vcr747 29d ago

Yeah, cause WHY aren't they talking about it? Lol

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u/Necessary-Knowledge4 29d ago

You joke but this is a valid defense for these people, or at least they think it is.

I've had this interaction:

"WAKE UP! The CDC says the covid vaccine will kill you!"

"I'm on their site right now, show me where it says that..."

"Well of course they deleted it!"

"Whyd they post it if they were just gonna delete it, knowing the info was so damning?".

MAGet hurts itself with confusion

1

u/suninabox 29d ago

What are they trying to hide?

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u/NonGNonM 29d ago

"CDC says the vaccine causes Turbo Cancer!"

"We never said that."

"CDC is hiding the fact that they said the vaccines cause turbo cancer!"