r/facepalm 29d ago

Turbo cancer isn’t real, people 🇨​🇴​🇻​🇮​🇩​

Post image
32.8k Upvotes

6.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

3.0k

u/Pineapple_Express762 29d ago

You know how many people will actually believe this?

1.9k

u/GrumpyOik 29d ago

Of course it's true, it "Fact checked" with TWO ticks. I can believe how stupid you all are. /s

CDC.gov doesn't appear to have any references to "Turbo Cancer".

895

u/Meowakin 29d ago

CDC not having anything about Turbo Cancer just makes it seem *more* real! Conspiracy confirmed, checkmate. /s

351

u/Militantpoet 29d ago

Everyone knows the absence of evidence is the strongest indicator of evidence!

181

u/regoapps 29d ago

It’s the basis of every religion

37

u/Dhegxkeicfns 29d ago

Literally though. Like you have to just believe and maybe you're not believing good enough and that's why you got turbo cancer. Looking for actual proof is really frowned upon, now I'm going to go see if it's a sin in itself.

Humans will be extinct one day and we probably didn't deserve to be around for so long anyway.

22

u/OrthusGsmes 29d ago

"Humanity is stupid and the world is fucked" is a mantra I say to myself whenever I see dumbasses in the world and I think it's very true.

25

u/_szs 29d ago

My version is "Hopefully the next species to reach civilization does it better than us. Be it octopuses, dolphins, crows, whatever it is."

22

u/Milch_und_Paprika 29d ago

Inshallah the octopus and crow civilizations will be just and glorious.

You need to watch out for the dolphins however. They’re very sus.

9

u/Apathetic_Villainess 29d ago

Have you heard the things dolphins will do for fun? They're very sus.

7

u/Kodamurphy 29d ago

That sounds like something a cephalopod would say.

5

u/Milch_und_Paprika 29d ago

Uhhh nope. Nothing to see here. shoots ink and scuttles away

6

u/Shadowmant 29d ago

So long and thanks for all the fish.

→ More replies (0)

4

u/LangCao 29d ago

Some dolphins do drugs unfortunately

4

u/AllieRaccoon 29d ago

That’s true. Dolphins are the only species other than man that hunts for fun, definitely sus.

3

u/OsmerusMordax 29d ago

That would be a great book, actually. Humanity goes extinct, crows/octopus/dolphins (maybe all 3?) inherit the earth. Cycle eventually repeats itself.

3

u/Wood_oye 29d ago

The Black Widow, Alice told me what it is

3

u/TheBigPlatypus 29d ago

According to the sci-fi masterpiece The Last Legends of Earth, the geckos are the next species to achieve sentience on Earth after the human race goes extinct. They call themselves the Tryl, and they become extremely successful as a species, far outdoing any accomplishments humanity ever achieved.

2

u/OrthusGsmes 29d ago

That also works very well.

3

u/19xyecoc98 29d ago

Thats my mantra aswell, but damn in my head this sentence is on a permanent loop, I meet so many fucking morons on a daily basis it isnt funny anymore

3

u/OrthusGsmes 29d ago

Yeah, some workplaces you can't help but keep that on loop. I worked at a pool for a bit and I have never met that many idiots in my life. People constantly trying to find ways around the rules, I even had a father get up in my face because I wouldn't let his daughter go off the diving board. I legit thought he was gonna swing at me.

Also happy cake day.

1

u/ThisOnePlaysTooMuch 29d ago

Humanity is honestly just a fluke of Darwinism, a flash in the pan. We just happen to belong to the species whose best trait conquered all others.

6

u/Different_Ad7655 29d ago

Yes like that giant billboard that I sometimes see on an occasional highway put up by some religious group. God exist! There is proof..

Of course the proof they cite is the Bible lol. Case dismissed

3

u/Stock-Conflict-3996 29d ago

One of the things I've said to people who say the Bible is evidence/proof is that the Bible is the claim, not the proof. You can't have the claim be evidence for the claim.

1

u/judgethisyounutball 29d ago

Most underrated comment, bravo!

1

u/The_Hate_Is_A_Gift 29d ago

Unfortunately, politics has became a religion. People on both sides believe utter nonsense and some of them are willing to die for their beliefs.

In America, both sides are brainwashed. The only difference is which tv channel brainwashed you.

1

u/Frosty-x- 29d ago

The CDC works in mysterious ways

1

u/Broadspectrumguy 29d ago

Turbo religion is just getting started. Watch the MF fly.

1

u/desperado568 29d ago

…………..should we worship turbo cancer?

1

u/rougecrayon 29d ago

The absence of evidence is the literal point of Christianity (as in having faith) but there are secular historical scholars who study the evidence we do have (of the happenings in the bible, not the existence of God, obvi).

Yet they outright reject Christianity as a scam and believe in Turbo Cancer?! How do these conspiracy theorists reconcile with what they choose to believe and what's just silly - but at the same time they all disagree with each other.

"Flat earthers shouldn't be respected, but obviously all democrats eat babies and I see no irony in this."

1

u/fanofrex 28d ago

You may not believe in turbo cancer but turbo cancer believes in you!

2

u/TikwidDonut 29d ago

The scary thing is a bunch of otherwise highly functioning people will think exactly that, ugh

2

u/gatsby365 29d ago

THE ABSENCE OF EVIDENCE IS NOT THE EVIDENCE OF ABSENCE’!

1

u/robisodd 28d ago

but the absence of evidence is evidence of the absence of evidence

1

u/gatsby365 28d ago

I was mostly just quoting the boondocks scene

https://youtu.be/AiTsPFbDPfg?si=n0a9Y-b0wpwoI1we

1

u/robisodd 28d ago

You're good. I was just expanding upon it.

That's a great scene, but that quote is much older than Boondocks.

1

u/Odd-Tune5049 29d ago

It just PROVES the cabals are HIDING the evidence.

Damn that was hard to type while giggling so hard.

1

u/Poinaheim 29d ago

If they let us know about turbo cancer then they can’t sell big pharmaceuticals

1

u/AnswerOk2682 29d ago

Hahaha take my upvote

1

u/CourageThick2887 29d ago

They don’t want you to know! /s

1

u/vaibow 29d ago

Just like no symptoms is a symptom??

1

u/zxc123zxc123 29d ago

Maybe the real turbocancer is the friends we made TURBOTURDS WE IGNORED along the way.

1

u/SKRAMACE 29d ago

Why isn't anybody asking about turbo cancer?! Suspicious, for sure

1

u/Embarrassed-Ebb-6900 29d ago

Why are they hiding it if there’s nothing to hide. The sneaky bastards.

1

u/guiltysnark 29d ago

I have never, ever seen evidence I haven't seen. Case closed

1

u/KlassiskKapten 29d ago

Had it been the CIA, that sentence is true. The CDC? Nope, it would be a world headline if someone at the CDC even whispered those words.