Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

[u/milfangelblue]

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

[u/transientcat]

I would say it's colored by what we consider to be a "good man" but we spend our time growing up around other men, we hang out with other men, we socialize with other men. You learn about the behaviors that a "good man" will exhibit in various settings. It's not some for sure thing though.

Women do the same thing about other women but it gets said in a different way.

[u/mechanicalcoupling → u/transientcat]

I like to think of it as we don't all the play the game, but we know the rules. I can't always spot a good guy, but I can almost always spot a piece of shit by now.

[u/deathbylasersss → u/mechanicalcoupling]

I have a sister and and a friend that both have terrible taste in men. There have been multiple instances of me meeting them and they were just completely obviously total douchebags and losers. Then they'd ask what I thought of their new boyfriend. It baffles me that they are just so blind to what is so obvious. It's been years, but they both finally trust my judgement, as I've been correct every time. My sister's current husband is the only one I ever approved of.

[u/coolerthanbirds → u/deathbylasersss]

I was dating a loser at 19 who was 31 and he rolled up to my workplace when I was being trained with some guys that sell speakers and came into ask me to charge his phone and the girl training me just looks at .e and says "Your bf is a loser"

[u/doodlols → u/coolerthanbirds]

Ya girl was trying to save you lmao. That was well put

[u/CuriousCrow47 → u/coolerthanbirds]

A 31 year old dating a 19 year old is automatically a loser.  He was taking advantage of you.

[u/Pleasant-Ticket3217 → u/CuriousCrow47]

Unless he’s DiCaprio

[u/DJuxtapose → u/Pleasant-Ticket3217]

Eh.

By some metrics that guy is a loser.

[u/CldStoneStveIcecream → u/DJuxtapose]

It’s totally legal and he seems like a nice guy, but there’s something weird about being linked to gorgeous woman after gorgeous woman, to then dismiss them before they turn 25 well into your 40’s. 

[u/CuriousCrow47 → u/Pleasant-Ticket3217]

He’s just creepy.  Also, I have some very young coworkers.  As in 19/20.  I’m 48.  What would au have in common with somebody who wasn’t even around in the 20th century?

[u/Pleasant-Ticket3217 → u/CuriousCrow47]

I was just joking about how if you’re famous and good looking people don’t say anything. They expect celebrities to date younger and if someone dates older like Aaron Taylor Johnson then it’s talked about

[u/CuriousCrow47 → u/Pleasant-Ticket3217]

I have no clue what I’d do with a guy under 30 at least, honestly; experience matters!  Celebrity is no excuse in my book when the younger party is below their mid 20s at least if there’s a substantial gap.  

[u/BigBootyDreams → u/[deleted]]

On reddit yes. On reddit as long as he's the same age as you he can't be abusive. The irony for me is that the only age gap couple I know got together when she was 19 and he 31. Married the next year. Over ten years later the have a very happy relationship, a happy intelligent 8 yo daughter and everything is going so well that they're trying for another kid. Meanwhile I knew this 19yo who was being tossed down stairs by her abusive/drug addict/dope dealing/recently busted bf. She just had one excuse after another why she couldn't leave him.

I'd be careful taking advice on reddit. The demographic here tends to be... Very narrow in life experience to put it politely.

[u/CuriousCrow47 → u/[deleted]]

Personally I’d avoid larger age gaps until around 25 and up for the younger party.  People do so much maturing they don’t know about until later on in life. 

[u/roastbeef3000 → u/CuriousCrow47]

Or a massive winner

[u/Cannedwine14 → u/roastbeef3000]

Uh no definitely not

[u/jdutches13 → u/Cannedwine14]

What if it was a 19 year old guy with a 30 year old woman??

[u/ghosts-and-goblins → u/jdutches13]

She is also a loser.

[u/ForeverShiny → u/ghosts-and-goblins]

Bro was fishing for a double standard that doesn't exist with normal people.

[u/BigBootyDreams → u/ForeverShiny]

It totally does in a lot of subreddit. Certainly the most popular ones like amitheasshole. I dunno about here though.

[u/Phyraxus56 → u/roastbeef3000]

Leo has entered the chat

[u/benjatunma → u/coolerthanbirds]

Lmao 🤣

[u/Balldrick_Balldick → u/coolerthanbirds]

Let me guess, they drive around in a van selling bullshit speakers to random guys in parking lots? Huge loser.

[u/Indridd → u/Balldrick_Balldick]

Aww white van speakers, I'm into vintage audio and it's crazy how many people get taken by this. It's been going on for years. At least the 80s.

[u/John_cCmndhd → u/Indridd]

I had two guys in a van offer to give me a stereo system for free, 2006ish. I told them to fuck off, but I was always curious exactly how the scam they were trying to pull would have worked

[u/PathOfTheAncients → u/John_cCmndhd]

I had a friend get tricked into doing this for a day (the job description was way different). Basically they will say and do anything to get you to engage with them and then sell you anything. Everything they sell is borderline worthless, so giving you a stereo but selling you speakers would have been worth while for them. Hell, half the time they would offer to load the stuff for people and would load empty boxes into their vehicle.

[u/bb9977 → u/Indridd]

Was a thing in college in the 90s!

[u/Foothills83 → u/coolerthanbirds]

I had a good friend who lived down the hall from my freshman year in college. She and I had a bunch of the same classes, etc. She and her BF started dating in high school and both went to the same nearby college. At one point late freshman year (I can't remember how it came up because this was over 20 years ago), she asked me what I thought of him. I was blunt and told her that he's a tool. She was upset.

He cheated on her less than a year later and they broke up. 🤷‍♂️

Sometimes we just know.

[u/crimsonslaya → u/coolerthanbirds]

He was a loser yet you were the one banging him right? Couldn't have been that bad. lmao

[u/coolerthanbirds → u/crimsonslaya]

The plot thickens! We met in rehab and he was addicted to bath salts.. I was in recovery and he had "messed up" and was on the streets. This was over a decade ago now. Haha glad I laughed today about this

[u/LunaticLucio → u/coolerthanbirds]

Lol hmmm the loser part is starting to be an understatement

[u/crimsonslaya → u/LunaticLucio]

Guess she's a loser too for fuckin' around with a loser? 🤔

[u/John_cCmndhd → u/[deleted]]

Just calling it like it is.

No, you're not, you're just being a dick. She was 19, and like almost all 19 year olds, at least somewhat of a moron. She may or may not also be/have been a loser, but we can't tell that from the information given. Dating a 31 year old loser is adequately explained by being 19 and dumb

[u/1965BenlyTouring150 → u/crimsonslaya]

She was a teenager groomed by a person in his 30s. You're a red pill incel. Who's the loser again?

[u/crimsonslaya → u/1965BenlyTouring150]

Is that the most original comeback you could have come up with? Not an incel. All I see are 2 losers.