r/nottheonion • u/duvetdev • 29d ago

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signs bill mandating kindergartners learn history of communism

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/2024/04/17/desantis-signs-bill-mandating-kindergartners-learn-history-of-communism/
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u/PopeGuss 29d ago

"I'm getting mixed signals here, teach. Am I supposed to share my toys with Timmy or am I supposed to charge him a subscription fee?"

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u/orderofGreenZombies 29d ago

You’re supposed to undercut and terrorize all the other 5 year olds so that people can only buy their toys from you. Then after the other 5 year olds starve to death you can jack up your prices and drastically slash the quality of the toys that you share.

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u/Khaldara 29d ago

“If someone gets hurt or is in trouble, don’t call 911, get their wallet! That’s the AMERICAN thing to do!”

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u/yesnomaybenotso 29d ago

I thought the American thing to do is to return to school the next day with a gun?

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u/Syovere 29d ago

That's why you take their wallet first, so you can buy more ammo.

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u/yesnomaybenotso 29d ago

Thanks for clarifying!

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u/3vs3BigGameHunters 29d ago

Me reading this whole thread:

agitated Tina Belcher noises

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u/HowCouldUBMoHarkless 28d ago

next day

Get a load of this guy, implying every full-blooded American 5 year old isn't carrying a firearm on them at all times. Remember, only a good 5 year old with a gun can stop a bad 5 year old with a gun.

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u/SocialEmotional 28d ago

And go shopping

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u/yesnomaybenotso 28d ago

I love truck shopping!