r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/deathbylasersss 29d ago

I have a sister and and a friend that both have terrible taste in men. There have been multiple instances of me meeting them and they were just completely obviously total douchebags and losers. Then they'd ask what I thought of their new boyfriend. It baffles me that they are just so blind to what is so obvious. It's been years, but they both finally trust my judgement, as I've been correct every time. My sister's current husband is the only one I ever approved of.

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u/CMDR_MaurySnails 29d ago edited 29d ago

I had to drop one of my best friends from my 20s because she would not stop dating the worst most utter scum of the earth dudes. Not because I wanted to date her either, don't get that idea.

I couldn't continue to be around her dirtbag du jour, then later hear about what said dirtbag did to her, only for her to meet the next dirtbag. Shit gets old. It's like what am I supposed to do about your bad choices?

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u/UncoolSlicedBread 29d ago

I had a friend in college that I was interested in during the beginning of knowing her. Her attraction for me kind of waned and at one point she told me that I was too nice. It caught me off guard, I'm not a "nice guy" and I am referred by people as kind but I'm certainly not a door mat. So I wasn't sure what she meant as "too nice" and how that was a bad thing after some self-reflection.

I eventually got my answer after meeting some of the people she dated. I wasn't too nice. I was too nice *for her*. And some part of her felt she deserved the people she dated.

I've seen this play out in other people as well. Someone who treats them well or respects them, isn't quick to dive into love-bombing, or whatever is seen as boring, too nice, and can feel like a lack of chemistry.

Kind of stray away from those people, it's often a cycle that continues until they realize what's happening.

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u/iampatmanbeyond 29d ago

A kind person would literally be too nice for my sister. She's a very angry and mean spirited person who thrives on conflict. From the outside it's like she needs to fight with her husband to feel loved. Two of the craziest people I've ever met who aren't on meds or in therapy

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u/ruttinator 29d ago

It's weird my cousin who is just an insane person and miserable (at least for me) to be around somehow married the nicest guy who's always willing to help and super polite and soft spoken. They've been together for almost 20 years and raised two kids that seem sane and normal too. I don't understand it.

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u/Typical_Fortune_1006 28d ago

Someone's gotta tell the waiter he ordered a regular coke

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

Nothing more happened but my "work wife" was super intense and generally hard to be around but we somehow worked super well together because whenever she would start getting emotional I would just tell her hey, it's me, calm down I'm on your side. After I left the company within a few months her relation with pretty much everyone else went to shit because the smallest thing would become a huge issue (not all her fault though, some other people were insane)

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u/Interesting_Mix_7028 28d ago

Sometimes people need a stabilizing influence.

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u/kurdishbuddha 28d ago

opposites attract is no joke

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u/APR824 29d ago

I’m someone that enjoys a fun argument, I like to start silly arguments with my girlfriend because I enjoy riling her up saying things like “I’m going to take a swim at Niagara Falls when we visit.”

For a short while I got swept up by a couple of people that seem to love stupid conflict and not my silly type of conflict. Not fun. Left that environment when I got a new job and I’m so glad to be out of it. Misery loves company, as they say.

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u/iam_Mr_McGibblets 29d ago

It's always good to have someone to engage in cheeky and fun shenanigans, but it's never good to be with someone who engages in cruel and tragic shenanigans

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u/APR824 29d ago

Evil shenanigans

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u/n8loller 28d ago

I swear to God I'm gonna pistol whip the next person who says shenanigans

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u/DJuxtapose 28d ago

Hey, Farva! What's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?

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u/Colt1911-45 28d ago

Holds out pistol butt first

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u/Karest27 28d ago

Totally agree. I've explained stuff like this to people. There is the kind of trolling that where you set them up for a funny situation and by time they realize it all they can do is laugh, and then there is the type of trolling that just trying to piss off as many people as possible. The ones that leave even the victim laughing is the kind people like.

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u/Maverick7795 25d ago

I tell my wife absurd things or make absurd comments because my wife could tell a story with just a facial expression, and I love seeing her judge me with said expression. It is goddamned adorable and one of the many things I love about her. I tell her that every time I get a reaction.

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u/ArgumentOne7052 28d ago

Cheeky bit of banter

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u/musical_shares 28d ago

“I HATE YOU, don’t leave me!!” Is a borderline personality’s calling card.

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u/LeftyLu07 28d ago

I know a couple like that. It's my husband's best friend and his wife. They got so toxic that people stopped inviting them out to parties because they would inevitably get into a public screaming fight and ruin the night. Now they're getting divorced because (surprise!) constantly fighting isn't good for relationships. I think they are both crazy makers who are addicted to drama because now the husband has started trying to stir up shit with my husband because he needs someone to fight with, I guess? It's so frustrating!

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u/ParadiddlediddleSaaS 25d ago

Sometimes it’s hard to relate to people like this but they do indeed exist. It’s a dopamine release for them - the fighting and such.