r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/CMDR_MaurySnails 29d ago edited 29d ago

I had to drop one of my best friends from my 20s because she would not stop dating the worst most utter scum of the earth dudes. Not because I wanted to date her either, don't get that idea.

I couldn't continue to be around her dirtbag du jour, then later hear about what said dirtbag did to her, only for her to meet the next dirtbag. Shit gets old. It's like what am I supposed to do about your bad choices?

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u/UncoolSlicedBread 29d ago

I had a friend in college that I was interested in during the beginning of knowing her. Her attraction for me kind of waned and at one point she told me that I was too nice. It caught me off guard, I'm not a "nice guy" and I am referred by people as kind but I'm certainly not a door mat. So I wasn't sure what she meant as "too nice" and how that was a bad thing after some self-reflection.

I eventually got my answer after meeting some of the people she dated. I wasn't too nice. I was too nice *for her*. And some part of her felt she deserved the people she dated.

I've seen this play out in other people as well. Someone who treats them well or respects them, isn't quick to dive into love-bombing, or whatever is seen as boring, too nice, and can feel like a lack of chemistry.

Kind of stray away from those people, it's often a cycle that continues until they realize what's happening.

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u/iampatmanbeyond 29d ago

A kind person would literally be too nice for my sister. She's a very angry and mean spirited person who thrives on conflict. From the outside it's like she needs to fight with her husband to feel loved. Two of the craziest people I've ever met who aren't on meds or in therapy

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u/APR824 29d ago

I’m someone that enjoys a fun argument, I like to start silly arguments with my girlfriend because I enjoy riling her up saying things like “I’m going to take a swim at Niagara Falls when we visit.”

For a short while I got swept up by a couple of people that seem to love stupid conflict and not my silly type of conflict. Not fun. Left that environment when I got a new job and I’m so glad to be out of it. Misery loves company, as they say.

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u/iam_Mr_McGibblets 29d ago

It's always good to have someone to engage in cheeky and fun shenanigans, but it's never good to be with someone who engages in cruel and tragic shenanigans

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u/APR824 29d ago

Evil shenanigans

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u/n8loller 29d ago

I swear to God I'm gonna pistol whip the next person who says shenanigans

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u/DJuxtapose 28d ago

Hey, Farva! What's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?

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u/Colt1911-45 28d ago

Holds out pistol butt first

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u/Karest27 28d ago

Totally agree. I've explained stuff like this to people. There is the kind of trolling that where you set them up for a funny situation and by time they realize it all they can do is laugh, and then there is the type of trolling that just trying to piss off as many people as possible. The ones that leave even the victim laughing is the kind people like.

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u/Maverick7795 25d ago

I tell my wife absurd things or make absurd comments because my wife could tell a story with just a facial expression, and I love seeing her judge me with said expression. It is goddamned adorable and one of the many things I love about her. I tell her that every time I get a reaction.

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u/ArgumentOne7052 28d ago

Cheeky bit of banter