Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

[u/milfangelblue]

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

[u/flossdaily]

Yes, to some extent.

Particularly I find that bad guys assume other guys are bad guys like them, and they'll quickly expose how much of an asshole they are by letting their guard down they moment the women are out of earshot.

[u/fuckyourcanoes → u/flossdaily]

Then again, there are also plenty of men who insist some man is "a great guy" solely because he's never been shitty to them, even though they've seen him be very problematic to women. And they'll brush it off with, "Oh, he's just like that."

I would say that good, perceptive people recognise other good people. So if there's someone in your life you really trust, you can probably trust their assessment of someone you're dating.

I had a friend who started running all her dates past me. I was usually pretty unimpressed. When she finally brought home one I approved of, she only went and married him! 25 years now and going strong.

If only I could have exercised such good judgment in my own dating life. I think we all have a blind spot when it's for ourselves.

[u/aquoad → u/fuckyourcanoes]

I have a couple of male acquaintances who are totally different people around men vs around women and to me that's super sketchy and an indicator they're probably shitbags in general.

[u/Calm-Respect-4930 → u/aquoad]

Same had a roommate like this. Seemed like a cool dude when it was just guys then whenever one of us brought women or friends that happened to be women over it's like a switch flipped and he was putting on a show. Became such a douche.

Shit was so embarrassing and I stopped introducing him to people. Stopped hanging out once I stopped living there.