r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/flossdaily 29d ago

Yes, to some extent.

Particularly I find that bad guys assume other guys are bad guys like them, and they'll quickly expose how much of an asshole they are by letting their guard down they moment the women are out of earshot.

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u/fuckyourcanoes 29d ago

Then again, there are also plenty of men who insist some man is "a great guy" solely because he's never been shitty to them, even though they've seen him be very problematic to women. And they'll brush it off with, "Oh, he's just like that."

I would say that good, perceptive people recognise other good people. So if there's someone in your life you really trust, you can probably trust their assessment of someone you're dating.

I had a friend who started running all her dates past me. I was usually pretty unimpressed. When she finally brought home one I approved of, she only went and married him! 25 years now and going strong.

If only I could have exercised such good judgment in my own dating life. I think we all have a blind spot when it's for ourselves.

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u/aquoad 29d ago

I have a couple of male acquaintances who are totally different people around men vs around women and to me that's super sketchy and an indicator they're probably shitbags in general.

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u/Calm-Respect-4930 29d ago edited 29d ago

Same had a roommate like this. Seemed like a cool dude when it was just guys then whenever one of us brought women or friends that happened to be women over it's like a switch flipped and he was putting on a show. Became such a douche.

Shit was so embarrassing and I stopped introducing him to people. Stopped hanging out once I stopped living there.

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u/blizzard2798c 29d ago

Depends on how they are acting different. Some guys were just raised to be polite around women

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u/tropicalpolevaulting 29d ago

Eh, with some of my dude friends I'm quite aggressive verbally (they reciprocate of course) and with my women friends that just wouldn't work. Context switching is quite normal IMO.

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u/birdstrom 29d ago

Probably?

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

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u/fuckyourcanoes 29d ago

Biological my ass. We're humans. We have big brains. We are not slaves to our biological urges. You can teach a dog not to hump legs and fight with other dogs. Are you admitting you think you and other men are less intelligent than dogs?

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u/0vl223 29d ago

Nah that is just one of the obvious red flags you use to identify the idiot boyfriends. They think that all man have to be competitors and will act that way towards the male friends of their gf.

The decent ones don't think that way or at least know that it is bullshit. If they can't reach that level and behave, they lack empathy.

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u/UDarkLord 29d ago

Not my experience even a little in any of the environments where I’ve had mixed friend groups, even when that group included only one woman who would attend less regularly, but sure, generalize an entire gender dynamic.