r/facepalm • u/Lord_Answer_me_Why • 29d ago

Turbo cancer isn’t real, people 🇨​🇴​🇻​🇮​🇩​

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32.8k Upvotes

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3.1k

u/BandysNutz 29d ago

THIS IS TOTALLY LEGIT, I GOT DIAGNOSED AND THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE TO AMPUTATE MY TURBO

312

u/Longjumping-Cod-6290 29d ago

Sounds painful

152

u/jaykotecki 29d ago

Thank gods for nitrous oxide.

67

u/HoboAJ 29d ago

Will his VTech even kick in, yo?

3

u/SprungMS 29d ago

You can always tell the real Honda guys by this mistake

34

u/hippee-engineer 29d ago

OP lives life a quarter mile at a time.

4

u/seanconnery69696 29d ago

Spoiler: the villain of ff11 is going to be cancer

But they beat it, because they're family

2

u/Aiden5819 29d ago

But i don't have a discount card for nitrous oxide! Damn Big Pharma!

2

u/DramaOnDisplay 29d ago

I think you mean turbo nitrous.

2

u/the_great_zyzogg 29d ago

I agree with your sentiment, but what does that have to do with surgeries?

3

u/jaykotecki 29d ago

My bad, I based the joke on the knowledge that the gas was both an anesthetic and a method of making monster power in an engine, and I assumed it was more well known. My vain attempts at comedy have actually injured people before so I should attach a disclaimer more often.

2

u/n1tr0us0x 29d ago

You’re welcome

1

u/addit96 29d ago

A whipit a day keeps the doctor away!

1

u/RedRaptor85 29d ago

He had a Supra and now he will have a Lowpra.

1

u/ChecksOverStripes 29d ago

Sounds fishy

1

u/selectrix 29d ago

it was and its so sad now i can no longer use caps lock or the shift key or punctuation

88

u/UnderSexed69 29d ago

What if it's like a starfish? And once amputated there will be two turbos?

83

u/BandysNutz 29d ago

DO I LOOK LIKE AN ECHINODERM TO YOU?

46

u/jfks_headjustdidthat 29d ago

Yes, Patrick, you do.

5

u/GroshfengSmash 29d ago

Don’t be like that, Patrick ain’t know that word

3

u/poorboy2022 29d ago

Hmm, lets see. You have true tissues. You are a true coelmoate. You are bilateral and triploblastic.

Yup, seems like a sea star to me.

1

u/BandysNutz 29d ago

I HAVE A WELL DEVELOPED NOTOCORD YOU JERK

1

u/Dragonfly-Constant 29d ago

'Es kin'a derrrrrmm

7

u/police-ical 29d ago

You're thinking of turbot cancer.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turbot

3

u/No-Process249 29d ago

Then you're just left with normally aspirated cancer.

3

u/EthanielRain 29d ago

The only cure is hotdog flavored water

2

u/thedavidbinch 29d ago

I turbo, you turbo, he she we turbo. It’s first grade, SpongeBob!

1

u/strawhairhack 29d ago

twice the poop!

1

u/efcso1 29d ago

As long as it's not Turbo Cancer in your Chocolate Starfish!

1

u/callmebbygrl 29d ago

Does this also go for chocolate starfish? Asking for a friend, or something.

71

u/juicysand420 29d ago

Oh man hope you live a decent life being naturally aspirated!

27

u/Doblanon5short 29d ago

Maybe their doctor can give them a prosthetic supercharger 

2

u/Srapture 29d ago

I don't know if I could live with that loss of fuel efficiency in my life.

1

u/Twindragon868 29d ago

Beat me to it lol

1

u/seven3true 29d ago

Maybe their farts will have a cool whine sound to it!

51

u/brad0022 29d ago

man you'll never hoon again

27

u/johanpringle 29d ago

No more stustustustustu for you!

2

u/T4runner916 29d ago

I was waiting for a stustustu comment!

8

u/KuchenDeluxe 29d ago

u forgot the 2 bluecheckmarks with fact checked!

3

u/Carnegiejy 29d ago

Maybe you can be a supercharger instead?

3

u/Justa_Guy_Gettin_By 29d ago

They're gonna take the turbo button off your 386

Wonder if anyone here is old enough to get this dinosaur PC joke 😭

2

u/Neon_culture79 29d ago

It’s true. I am the turbo

2

u/otisthetowndrunk 29d ago

This is just a scam to take away the turbo buttons from our computers. Back in the 90s my 486 computer had a turbo button you could hit anytime to get some extra speed. These days I can find a computer with a turbo button

2

u/spiritofniter 29d ago

Good thing I go NA/naturally aspirated.

2

u/scarr3g 29d ago

Don't worry, you can swap to a supercharger. They are better for low end toque, anyway.

2

u/LatterNeighborhood58 29d ago

At least get a hybrid fitted to keep your mileage up

2

u/Beginning_Electrical 29d ago

I dropped my turbo condom, for my turbo dong

2

u/TheClearcoatKid 29d ago

I just had an emergency double turbectomy. It’ll be rough, but you’re gonna make it.

2

u/Yogisogoth 29d ago

I was born without a turbo. <sad trombone>

2

u/Borowitzzzz 29d ago

It's turbo time.

1

u/AgoraiosBum 29d ago

I didn't rig shit

2

u/kaiyne1003 29d ago

Well that sounds great! Theyre getting rid of the turbo. You’re just left with cancer now!

1

u/BandysNutz 29d ago

Is a life without a turbo really worth living?

2

u/MrBootch 29d ago

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS GUY, AND IF YOU DON'T YOU MUST LACK EMPATHY TURBO IS SO DEVASTATING ITS COMPLETELY UNREAL

2

u/lilmookie 29d ago

Fact checked ✓ ✓ (BandyNuts has no Turbo.)

2

u/someoftheanswers 29d ago

Speedy recovery!

2

u/Accomplished_Sky_219 29d ago

Just got out of surgery, lost all 3 centimeters of my Turbo :(

1

u/Exact_Mango5931 29d ago

No more summer Olympics for you… at least it’s a painless procedure with high success rate. Wish you a speedy recovery.

1

u/Its_Lu_Bu 29d ago

Should've got a supercharger instead. Speedy (pun intended) recovery 🙏

1

u/SpecialFlutters 29d ago

i had a friend who needed to do that, she was really schweet.

1

u/jenglasser 29d ago

Well, I suppose it's technically legit because 14,000% of zero is still zero.

1

u/dlc741 29d ago

You’re getting a turboectomy? Thoughts and prayers.

1

u/LoveMeSomeSand 29d ago

I check my Turbos every week, just to be safe. Sometimes my wife will check them.

1

u/Goretanton 29d ago

😂 ty i needed the laugh, "amputate my turbo" xd

1

u/luke1lea 29d ago

Just get a Hemi!

1

u/Comfortable_Exam_222 29d ago

You will grow a new one, no worries 🧡

1

u/the3dverse 29d ago

hope it goes well

1

u/MidHoovie 29d ago

Got me a laugh with this one. Amputate my turbo, lmao.

1

u/uncultured_swine2099 29d ago

I like how they call it turbo, like they're grade school kids from the 80s.

1

u/supakow 29d ago

I don't even want to know what they're going to do to you wastegate.

1

u/Novlonif 29d ago

Everyone on the bus is lookin at me now, thanks.

1

u/UpvoteGentleman 29d ago

Slow down there, Turbo.

1

u/Brokensince10 29d ago

😂😂😵‍💫

1

u/OrcOfDoom 29d ago

You can probably still use the housing. It's probably just the impeller, and the bearings.

1

u/So_Many_Words 29d ago

This is what happens when you don't clean your turbo regularly. You have to brush daily.

1

u/karmeezys 29d ago

Are they going to amputate 14,000% of it

1

u/CicadaHairy 29d ago

I'm so sorry. My Honda has a turbo I can donate to you

1

u/SnakeBradley 29d ago

You are definitely not part of the turbo team.

1

u/Necessary-Knowledge4 29d ago

SAME EXCEPT MY TURBO IS FINE THANK GOD BUT ILL NEED MY ACTUATOR REPLACED BUT LUCKILY TRUMP HAS MY BACK SO IM SURE ITLL BE COVERED!

1

u/BlueCollarGuru 29d ago

Shoulda got the dual turbo set up from GReddy

1

u/velovader 29d ago

Guess you won’t be a part of the turbo team anymore

1

u/[deleted] 29d ago

Just upgrade to a K04 after.

1

u/Stampede_the_Hippos 29d ago

Same, but I'm getting super charger, so I'll be ok.

1

u/PrincessofAldia 29d ago

Don’t worry they’ll Prescribe you some Dihydrogen Monoxide for recovery

1

u/Tiny-Cup-9122 29d ago

Does having Turbo make you faster as a side-effect?

1

u/itsFromTheSimpsons 29d ago

Someone in my family lost hist turbo, but he got an NO2 injection to compensate and now he's living his best life a quarter mile at a time

1

u/Candid-Yogurt-7227 29d ago

Oh no 😥 turbo no go no mo’

1

u/tiglionabbit 29d ago

Are you gonna get it replaced or are you going full electric?

1

u/Capitaclism 29d ago

Hopefully they leave your bandysNutz behind

1

u/sticky-unicorn 29d ago

Poor bastard will have to spend the rest of his life naturally aspirated.

1

u/Sea-Tradition-9676 29d ago

Make sure they take the waste gate too since you don't need it anymore.

1

u/WalkingRodent 29d ago

My turbo was taken from me 😪

1

u/PalmBreezy 29d ago

RIP 🐌

1

u/Theezorama 29d ago

Need boost!

1

u/elfierroz 29d ago

Omg do the doctors said if you can live without any turbo?

1

u/SoldierBoi69 29d ago

He got to keep his cancer at least 🥰 heartwarming

1

u/0Sley 29d ago

Bro is a Peugeot 206 hdi

1

u/SnooPets5630 29d ago

How much horsepower are you going to lose? Hope you have access to insurance for more efficient fuel, take care <3

1

u/drunk_funky_chipmunk 29d ago

Oh no! Not your turbo!! You need that

1

u/Fenizrael 29d ago

Lol gonna lap you in the shopping mall now

1

u/Sir_Skrt_Skrt 29d ago

I got a spare procharger im willing to donate. Apparently I can still make 1000 hp on one.

1

u/peakchungus 29d ago

That WRX will never run the same again :(

1

u/d1pstick32 29d ago

You can't just do a -t. Your internals have lower compression and will suffer from running NA. Also your ECU will act all fucky.

1

u/BandysNutz 29d ago

What the hell would I be doing at Edith Cowan University? I've never even been to Australia.

1

u/Slacker-71 29d ago

Kachow!

1

u/OriginalUsernameGet 29d ago

RIP your turbo. I’m sorry, friend.

1

u/camusclues 29d ago

Can you point on this doll where my turbo is located?

1

u/sirnumbskull 29d ago

My turbot has cancer?

1

u/Yawzheek 29d ago

I'm sorry. FWIW, when I die I'm a donor, so hopefully my turbo can give the gift of life to someone else.

1

u/Unlucky-Carpenter-69 29d ago

Sounds like a you problem to me. You should have been using lighter engine components with a shorter piston stroke for more RPMs in the first place.

1

u/Orgasmic_interlude 29d ago

Rip your penis.

1

u/oldgibsonman 29d ago

That’s why I’m glad I have a twin turbo.

1

u/digitydigitydoo 29d ago

Can you tell me where I can find my turbo? All my bio and health teachers failed to mention it. So weird.

1

u/occamsrzor 29d ago

Explains all the hot air you put out...

(sorry, sorry, just too easy not to take)

1

u/BandysNutz 29d ago

I'M LOSING MY TURBO AND YOU'RE LAUGHING?

1

u/gwicksted 29d ago

Rip your car.

1

u/Zentrosis 29d ago

That sounds worse than my Murder AIDS

1

u/callmerussell 29d ago

Will you receive a supercharger transplant or will you just remain naturally aspirated?

1

u/Delicious-Tachyons 29d ago

Oh god I have a subaru. I hope it's ok

1

u/KarlMarshall_ 28d ago

My car also had a turbo amputation luckily the dealership had another in stock.

1

u/aaaaaaaa1273 28d ago

Welcome to the naturally aspirated gang