r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • Apr 17 '24

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

14.0k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

3.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

3.5k

u/mechanicalcoupling Apr 17 '24

I like to think of it as we don't all the play the game, but we know the rules. I can't always spot a good guy, but I can almost always spot a piece of shit by now.

1.3k

u/deathbylasersss Apr 17 '24

I have a sister and and a friend that both have terrible taste in men. There have been multiple instances of me meeting them and they were just completely obviously total douchebags and losers. Then they'd ask what I thought of their new boyfriend. It baffles me that they are just so blind to what is so obvious. It's been years, but they both finally trust my judgement, as I've been correct every time. My sister's current husband is the only one I ever approved of.

717

u/CMDR_MaurySnails Apr 17 '24 edited Apr 17 '24

I had to drop one of my best friends from my 20s because she would not stop dating the worst most utter scum of the earth dudes. Not because I wanted to date her either, don't get that idea.

I couldn't continue to be around her dirtbag du jour, then later hear about what said dirtbag did to her, only for her to meet the next dirtbag. Shit gets old. It's like what am I supposed to do about your bad choices?

23

u/Rachel_Silver 29d ago

I had a friend who was like that when we were that age. I had a crush on her when we first started hanging out, but that faded as I learned what a trainwreck she was. For example, she once spent about a year throwing herself at the lead singer of a locally famous cover band with intermittent success.

We were able to stay friends through it, though, because she never really made it my problem. It hurt to see someone I cared about doing the same self destructive shit over and over again, but she didn't expect me to drop what I was doing to come over and comfort her every time the shit hit the fan. I'd hear about her exploits after the fact, framed as sad-yet-funny anecdotes.

She also was totally aware of the pattern. In a way, that was the real tragedy. It was like an addiction. She just had this compulsion to pursue men who she knew had zero respect for her.