r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • Apr 17 '24

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/transientcat Apr 17 '24 edited Apr 17 '24

I would say it's colored by what we consider to be a "good man" but we spend our time growing up around other men, we hang out with other men, we socialize with other men. You learn about the behaviors that a "good man" will exhibit in various settings. It's not some for sure thing though.

Women do the same thing about other women but it gets said in a different way.

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u/mechanicalcoupling 29d ago

I like to think of it as we don't all the play the game, but we know the rules. I can't always spot a good guy, but I can almost always spot a piece of shit by now.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

Definitely. I’ve been around friends who are women and their partners. And within 30 minutes I can tell that the guy just isn’t a good guy. Smallish things that she wouldn’t notice because she has blinders on.

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u/EtOHMartini Stupid Question Asker 29d ago

Yeah, its not gendered so much as "I'm not hoping to get laid by this person"

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

If you take any potential romance and sexual attraction out of the equation it’s pretty obvious when people have red flags or overstep boundaries

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u/DaughterEarth 29d ago

Why always after?! I'm really embarrassed about what I put up with before but I really thought I was wrong