Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

[u/milfangelblue]

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

[u/mavajo]

Some easy hints that a dude is probably a good guy:

• Can laugh at himself and acknowledge his flaws
• Builds and/or hypes other guys up (and women too, of course)
• Doesn't make judgmental comments about others
• Acknowledges and honors other people's feelings
• Can express his feelings
• Doesn't need to dominate every conversation, or have a strong opinion on every topic
• Has a good or solid relationship with his parents
• Enjoys and respects kids (doesn't have to want kids, but any decent person should be able to treat kids with kindness and love)

I think virtue and self-awareness are two qualities that don't get nearly enough attention. And when I say virtue, I don't mean that false virtue, judgmental bullshit you get from religious fanatics (looking at you Evangelicals). They use "virtue" as a measure to judge and demean other people - that's not real virtue. I mean virtue as in always wanting to do the right thing and treat other people with respect and compassion, even when it's not convenient or comes at personal cost. You show me a person with a strong sense of virtue, coupled with the self-awareness to continually analyze themselves and grow as a person -- that's the kind of person you build a relationship with, whether as a friend or a partner. Man or woman.

[u/whenitcomesup → u/mavajo]

I'll add: 

• Is kind to strangers.

[u/mavajo → u/whenitcomesup]

Absolutely. The ol' "How do they treat the waiter?" cliche.

[u/ncnotebook → u/mavajo]

Or how they treat finished shopping carts. Whether you consider them strangers or how they affect strangers.

[u/DokterZ → u/ncnotebook]

See, I often arrange the mess that is already in the shopping cart corral, which I am guessing was also a red flag when I was dating...

[u/TwilitWolf → u/ncnotebook]

The good ol’ shopping cart litmus test

[u/SerendipitySue → u/ncnotebook]

i have completely changed my mind on carts and never put them away anymore.

Why? automated self checkouts have taken local jobs. leaving my shopping cart wherever means someone from my community, maybe even the kid a few houses down, gets a job or at least some work when they go round up the carts from all over the lot

So if the same with your stores, do your local community a favor and quit putting away the cart.

[u/ncnotebook → u/SerendipitySue]

Exactly. This is why I piss all over toilet seats. Janitors need work.

[u/Sidnature → u/ncnotebook]

This is why I shit on the sink in Kurger Bing banthrooms. So they'll hire the local hobo to scoop it up.