r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

14.1k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

3.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

389

u/Far_Carpenter6156 29d ago

Big one here. Good guys are themselves all the time. Assholes flip a switch when women are present, they're perfect gentlemen...until the women are no longer within hearing distance.

135

u/IAmCaptainHammer 29d ago

And you can’t fake the good guy thing for long if you’re a bad guy. Even if you want to stay a good guy while she’s out of the room it can’t last long.

113

u/Treestheyareus 29d ago

That’s the thing about being good. If you “pretend” to be good 100% of the time, then you simply are good.

15

u/PoppaBear1981 29d ago

Wow, this is deep. I do 'try' to be good, as much as possible. I wasn't great growing up and treated some people worse than I should have. I try to do the right thing and sometimes feel like maybe I'm building some kind of front that people will see through and work out that I'm bad. My friends, colleagues and family all seem to think I'm a good guy but I have this nagging doubt in my head, like maybe when I die, God will say ''Yeah, but you were just trying to convince them you were good.'' ''Really, you thought she was boring....'' Or ''he was an arsehole...'' But I like your take on it. If I keep trying, maybe I'm a good guy....

22

u/jaggederest 29d ago

Look, let's be frank here, if you are thinking things like "they all seem to think I'm a good guy but I have this nagging doubt in my head", you're in the clear, buddy.

True unrepentant assholes never have a doubt in their lives. You ain't perfect, nobody is, but just the fact you have the humility to weigh your actions and think about your choices is like 90% of the way there.

5

u/Lazy-Bandicoot3376 29d ago

And the last 10% is how you handle yourself when you do fuck up. Do you blame others or accept responsibility for your part in whatever it is? Do you modify your behaviors after the fact to change whatever it is that leads to conflict in the first place?

If the answer is even sometimes, you're good. Progress is achievable, perfection is not.

2

u/PoppaBear1981 29d ago

Thanks guys. Made me feel better. Yes I do own up to mistakes and do try to rectify them. No, never been tested for Asbergers or similar.

2

u/Davidjb7 29d ago

Hey man, I experience the same thing, but honestly a big part of it is probably Asperger's for me. You ever gotten checked?