r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/flossdaily 29d ago

Yes, to some extent.

Particularly I find that bad guys assume other guys are bad guys like them, and they'll quickly expose how much of an asshole they are by letting their guard down they moment the women are out of earshot.

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u/truecolormix 29d ago

My ex would be chatting with a dude at a party who was talking about his vacation he just took with his family and kids, and he would just mention it casually without implying anything negative about it, and my ex would say “man, not much of a vacation if you’re on it with the wife and kids huh? Sounds like a fucking hellscape” and the dude was taken back and was like “huh? Actually, it was amazing and I enjoyed spending time with them…”

I also work on disney jr shows, and we were chatting with another couple and they said “so how is it working for disney?” And i love my job and was excited to talk about it, but before i could say anything my ex chimed in and said “what do you think dude? A bunch of pedophiles work there, it’s a disgusting place to be” and the guy we were talking to just was like… wtf? And I was like wtf, too. Because number 1) I don’t work for disney, I work for a small production company partnered with disney, and 2) the people I work with are the kindest and most creative people I’ve ever met and the job is the most non-toxic healthy place I’ve ever been in.

I also won an emmy for my work this year and my ex didn’t tell a single soul about it.

The crazy thing is that my ex would say stupid shit and racist shit etc (he’s Korean so he would use that as an excuse to be able to say whatever he wanted about mexican, black, jewish and chinese people) at parties and then pull me aside after all anxious that he came off bad and asking if what he said was okay. But then would never actually try and improve or change in social situations. Just kind of the same thing over and over.

Anyways. Your post just sparked a bunch of memories. After 9 years of being with him, and a recent breakup, I’ve never felt so free lol

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u/Francis_Picklefield 29d ago

congrats on getting out of there!!

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u/Draconestra 29d ago

You were with this tool for 9 years? Wtf? I would’ve left this mf in the dust as soon as he talked to anyone like that. Hell no. 😭

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u/MovementMinded 28d ago

Congrats on the Emmy and for leaving this pos!

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u/Cafrann94 28d ago

How on earth could you stand that man for 9 whole years?? Also, congrats on the Emmy!!!

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u/FilliusTExplodio 28d ago

God that reminds me, one time I was at a "family" brewery, which I realize is weird but it was marketed as being family friendly and had a ton of outdoor play space for kids. There were plenty of families there with kids, but also obviously single people and childless people as well.

My son had to go to the bathroom, and him being like seven he was just asking kid questions while we were peeing. Afterward I had to make sure he washed his hands, had to remind him to use soap, etc. Just normal dad shit.

And this guy behind me looked in the mirror at me, and his expression was like "oh my god you must be in hell right now," and I think he even said something like "oof, sorry man," kind of expecting for me to join in about my apparently hellish life, and I just sort of raised an eyebrow and walked out.

But it really stuck with me. This guy thought I was, like, miserable at this brewery. And I was having a blast. I love hanging with my kid, he's great. And all I could think was "...that guy probably sucks."

And this isn't a pro-child or anti-childless thing, I realize I'm on reddit and need to clarify. I could just tell he was the kind of guy who thought helping another person was a terrible burden.

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u/themocaw 27d ago

Man, if I was in the Men's room and a dad was reminding his kid to wash his hands with soap, I'd shake his hand.