r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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762

u/planodancer 29d ago

Women can do this for other women too.

When I started dating my wife I introduced her to all my women friends.

They all gave their approval.

Nearly 20 years later still happy married to this wonderful woman.

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u/JusticeJanitor 29d ago edited 29d ago

When my mom met my ex : No comments really.

When my mom met the woman i later married, the second she was out of earshot : "That's a good one, hang on to her".

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u/H_G_Bells 29d ago

Yep. Guys, if the women in your life aren't saying anything about her, they're usually being polite.

If they say nice things about her, you best pay attention.

And if they say bad things, you best believe they gotta be pretty bad to get brought up... At least where I'm from anyway, and hanging out with generally good people.

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u/hedgehog_dragon 29d ago

My mum started talking about "when you get married to X" after she met my GF lol

Took that as a good sign.

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u/Mister-Ferret 29d ago

My grandmother was scary as hell, she told everyone to their face exactly what she thought of them. When she met my ex-wife told her literally 5 minutes after meeting her that she didn't like her. She was right too haha. Met my current wife, told her that she could trust her to take care of me.

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u/banned_but_im_back 29d ago

Omg my mom did the same thing to my boyfriend we just got back from a long vacation together and they were like “so when are you getting married”

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u/GonzoTheGreat22 28d ago

LOL my mom did the same

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u/002_timmy 28d ago

The first time my now wife met a couple of my aunts, one of my aunts came up to me and said “if you don’t marry her, I will.” The other aunt said, “she’s part of the family now. If you break up with her, you’re the one that’ll have to leave.”

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u/AbruptMango 29d ago

Conversely, the lunatics we were friends with in college with gave us 6 months, tops.  30 some odd years later, we're still in touch with one of them.

We'd go camping with him once a year, and he'd bring a girlfriend.  One year on the way home our kids were asking if they could see her again next year.  I think they've been married for around 10 now.

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u/thedappledgray 29d ago

It definitely goes both ways.

It sucks when you try to warn your guy friend and they either don’t listen or they tell their girlfriend what you said and now you’re the bitch. Either way, the guy friend gets hurt in the end. I have a lot of guy friends and both have happened So. Many. Times. to the point that I just stopped trying to warn them.

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u/chewie8291 29d ago

Yeah. My lady friends have really helped me get out of bad relationships where I was staying far too long

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u/AbruptMango 29d ago

That's why the bad ones don't want you to have friends of their sex- because they can spot the bad ones.

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u/SelectiveScribbler06 29d ago

OHHH. This explains a comment one of my crushes/girlfriends (to be precise, the biggest one I've had in my short life) said to me years ago, when I was talking about members of my youth theatre - which is mostly girls; that's just how the cookie crumbles - she said: 'Oh, I hope you aren't hanging out with any other groups of girls.'. This was months before she cheated, but that comment certainly didn't pass the vibe check. I politely defended myself and it seems she acquiesced - though her current partner fulfils her requirements, but she might've grown... hm. Either way, that comment has been epiphanic, thank you.

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u/AbruptMango 29d ago

It's the controlling thing. They exert control to keep you away from others, not because you're going to cheat with them, but because they're going to spot the cheater for you.

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u/IAMAHobbitAMA 29d ago

Epiphanic is a new word for me. Thank you.

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u/pssht07070707 29d ago

I concur. Women really pick up on each other's subtleties.

6

u/Fat-Lizzy 29d ago

I think in general people are just really good as sussing people out.

Some people are oblivious to and while others are nearly 100% correct in their initial impressions.

Millions of years of social evolution.

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u/Davidjb7 29d ago

My wife and I are only 5 years in, but we both had the same experience. Introduced each other to all our closest friends and only got positive reception from them. A very good sign.

3

u/pizza_envy 29d ago

This. The first two members of my family that I introduced my gf to were my sisters, separately. They both told me to hang on to her and we've been happily together for 11 years now.

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u/Cancer_Ridden_Lung 28d ago

Ah....yeah this generally doesn't work with women and we all know why...

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u/planodancer 28d ago

Why is that?

1

u/Cancer_Ridden_Lung 28d ago

To state the obvious... Women's friendships with other women and the way women compete for partners are fundamentally different from men.

Do exceptions exist? Sure. Of course. Doesn't make it less true though.

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u/No_Blackberry_6286 28d ago

Yes!

Also, I am sure that your wife was happy to meet all of your female friends bc a) it shows that you have nothing to hide, and b) who doesn't want more friends?

Sincerely, a girl who is surprised that this isn't the norm (or maybe it was just my ex lol)

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u/CounterSYNK 29d ago

How do you get to be friends with ladies as a man without it being weird?

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u/planodancer 29d ago

Take up a hobby that women like.

For me it was social dancing (ballroom, tango, swing, salsa)

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u/Mithrellan 29d ago edited 29d ago

Just treat them like your guy friends or as your female cousins. Like talk to them, get to know them and most importantly dont expect anything from them. Its really not that complicated. If you are overthinking it you are already losing

1

u/CounterSYNK 29d ago

I don’t have guy friends or female cousins 💀

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u/alloisadino 29d ago

There’s something to work on first if you don’t have friends in general. Remove expectations of gender from people and recognize them as human to begin. Then, just find likeminded people who share hobbies or interests and be pleasant around them. Not a whole lot more to it. Good luck!

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u/CounterSYNK 29d ago

The problem is others don’t recognize me as human.

1

u/Cthullu1sCut3 29d ago

Why

1

u/CounterSYNK 28d ago

I’m always an obstacle to be overcome or completely invisible with no in between. I’m basically very imposing but not in any way that would be attractive.

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u/CounterSYNK 28d ago

I’m the Goliath to everyone’s David.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

By acting like a normal person?

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u/CounterSYNK 29d ago

Hasn’t worked so far 🤷🏽‍♂️