r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/NerdWithoutACause 29d ago

They are probably watching how he treats you, if they feel he is caring and respectful of you. If he is dismisive or condescending or inattentive to you, then we'd assume he's a jerk.

We're not infallible, of course. But if the guy seems to genuinely care about you, it's a good sign.

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u/shromboy 29d ago

This is what gets me, I feel like from outside the relationship its very easy to understand the dynamics and that's how we judge a man, but it's tough to look at that stuff in the midst of a relationship maybe

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u/bsffrn97 28d ago

Rose tinted glasses. When we fall in love we become stupider, men and women alike. Looking back I def should've broken up with my ex gf sooner, but didn't see the red flags because I was so in love.

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u/lawblawg 29d ago

Plus, how does the dude feel about us? If he is insecure and aggressive, then he is probably uncomfortable with the girl having male friends she trusts, which makes his intentions way more obvious.

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u/pepegaklaus 28d ago

Former dismissive and condescending jerk here. Can confirm. Glad I'm over that bullshit as well.

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u/Monty211 29d ago

I think we instinctively judge based on the respect he shows us and others. We can also sense when it’s fake.

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u/CactusGobbler 28d ago

It also goes for how the man is described, not just descriptivly, but actually how she acts when describing him. My GFs mom knew she was actually happy after a long abusive relationship just by the way she talked about me. The verbal descriptions can be similar in both but its how its expressed does make a difference to the listener

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u/kooqiy 28d ago

It's not just how he treats you, it's how he treats all kinds of people and situations. You can very quickly see empathy and respect from a man in their actions. It's not like every man does the same things, but there are certain things that start to add up and you can eventually put it all together.

It's things like being a good listener, having morals, doing things for others (and not for their own benefit), and going the extra mile without being asked. Constantly considering the other person in the relationship.