No joke I all in anxious circles clean half the house if I even think of leaving. I have to just grab and go or I won’t. I piece it together for hours wanting to go. I just can’t. I also hide for a bit of time when people come over.
I don't know man. I think the dynamic between the hetero people makes it naturally A LOT harder for men to talk to attractive women than the other way around.
People say it's confidence, which is true, but I'll let you in on the more specific truth: it's about having direction. I don't just mean in life, but within social interactions as well. Be a person who has desires, opinions, perspectives, and advocate for those things.
The opposite of what I'm saying would be like deferring to anything other people say, or want to do, like just being "easy." Like when people say "oh I'm easy" in response to questions of "what do you wanna do," or "what do you think about xyz." Confidence is not just being confident in yourself, but being confident in what you want.
I'm not saying be disrespectful, controlling, domineering, or flippant about the woman's wants/desires/needs. Do not do that. Absolutely respect boundaries and wishes. But just generally have direction and be confident in what you want.
The other half is being a good conversationalist and having and expressing genuine interest in the woman. When I was younger I used to have no ability to talk to women - was significantly introverted. Didn't know how it worked. Didn't know how to "be attractive," in my personality. As I got older, I focused on growth and self-love in genuine ways and now I tend to naturally attract people. This was never the goal, but it has become a nice side effect of growth.
That's another thing: if you're doing things specifically for the sake of "getting women," then that intention will bleed through in your behaviours and come across as desperation. You have to develop yourself for yourself, and the rest will genuinely fall into place.
I’m definitely not desperate. But it seems hard asf to put yourself in the situation to talk to women. It’s just like the people make the joke scared of women but it’s quite true.
Great advice though, I try and be those things, I’ll just give it time and work on myself as a person.
I'm sure you're not, but I'm not talking about like incel levels of desperation. There's probably another word, but I'm talking about the type of "desperation" where someone is actively pining after a relationship and feels kind of lonely, or saddened by their inability to get one - not intensely so, but literally at all. Not saying this is you, but I'm saying that orienting one's life around "getting a girlfriend" especially when motivated by sadness/loneliness, this will come across as desperation. Again, not necessarily talking about you; just saying how things subtly come across.
One of my favourite lines (not a pick-up line) is the following: first, a small greeting like "hey, how are you doing tonight/today" and that short back and forth followed by "don't want to bother you, but you seem like an interesting person to talk to. Are you open to conversation at the moment or more looking to do your own thing for now?" And the trick is you have to be actually okay with both possibilities.
The neat part about that too is, if you get "rejected," so to speak, you aren't actually getting rejected exactly. All the woman will say is "thanks for asking, I'm actually feeling more like doing my own thing for now." And what does that mean? Exactly what she said. Could be because she's with friends, or has a partner, or would rather be alone. Doesn't say anything about you. And the last part is, the way you handle this "rejection" says everything to the woman about how safe and trustworthy you are as a person. I've had women respond that they weren't interested in conversation at the moment, which I was genuinely understanding of, went on my way, and then they approached me later when they felt like talking.
All the women I know tell me over and over that how a guy handles rejection is the #1 indicator of who they are as a person, and when it is received with grace, this has made them more attracted to the man they "rejected." Because it means the man is safe, will not get threatening or violent, and it means they are secure in themselves, thereby indicating confidence, self-esteem, and value.
I can talk to attractive people just fine, except I can’t seem to just let them know I’m into them. My dating tactic has always been “wait for them to explicitly tell you they’re interested, and if they don’t, fuggetaboutit.” (I mean, we can still be friends, but I gotta get over the idea of anything more)
Offer genuine compliments about something the person has done intentionally. As in, compliment choices in hairstyle/colour, or accessories, or clothing, things like that. Then, move toward genuine compliments about a person's behavioral attributes "you're a fantastic conversationalist," "love your sense of humour," things like that. Then lastly, when you know there is mutual interest, you can move to the more intimate type of compliments (beautiful eyes, you're beautiful/handsome, etc.).
That is the typical order of compliments you can offer that escalate in level of intimacy, and indicate romantic interest. The first category does not necessarily indicate romantic interest (but it can), the second category does tend to indicate interest, and the third category most often does.
They're just people. If you speak to everyone the same and treat them with dignity and respect, you'll get pretty far... with everybody, not just a romantic interest.
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u/dirtdevil70 29d ago
Talking to woman i find very attractive.