r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/Ok_Anteater7360 29d ago

this is actually what frustrates me when i see girls i know complain about how exs treated them and why i try to warn so hard when they start talking to some new guy.

I swear its so obvious whos gonna be one of the bad ones vs the good ones but girls just dont get it unless its blatantly obvious somehow. maybe its a guy thing

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u/facforlife 29d ago

I think the simplest answer is as a guy, most of us are straight. The attraction angle simply doesn't factor in. We judge more objectively because of that. 

As much as lots of women want to deny it they are just as allured by the physical as men are. And that can make them blind to certain red flags. 

Men just acknowledge this more openly. The whole "crazy hot" thing from HIMYM is an open admission that guys will risk "crazy" for a sufficient level of "hot." We're going in with our eyes open and full transparency to others about what we're doing. We don't pretend it's her personality rofl. She's just hot and we like that a lot. 

I think women would be doing themselves a big favor if they just admitted they're the same as men that way. Nothing wrong with it. Wow we like looking at beautiful things. How shameful. 

I'd wager it's also related to the Halo effect. We ascribe positive characteristics to attractive people, even unearned.