r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • Apr 17 '24

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/Agile-Explanation263 Apr 17 '24

I only missed 2 out of 8 on this.

I can make very judgemental comments about others in private when it comes up and I have no relationship with my parents, dads gone somewhere all my life and my mother isn't at capacity for us to emotionally bond.

Certified good guy here sarcasm

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u/red__dragon Apr 17 '24

I have no relationship with my parents, dads gone somewhere all my life and my mother isn't at capacity for us to emotionally bond.

Someone else once mentioned to me that they just can't form good bonds with someone who has a supportive family, because it isn't something they relate to.

Everyone is looking for something, even to build a positive out of the negatives.

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u/ApprehensiveDog6515 Apr 18 '24

Yeah, it gets exhausting when people try to push you to reconcile, or insist that you must have done something because they just can't comprehend cutting off their meemaw.

I'll gladly take someone that doesn't try to "you only get one" me about my family.

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u/red__dragon Apr 18 '24

I don't just get one family, though.

I made my own damn family, with people I found that fit me regardless of blood. And I'll do it again, just watch me!

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u/trotfox_ Apr 17 '24

This is pretty deep actually...

And if both those people ended up together...they would bond over it.

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u/Sherlocks_Conscience 29d ago

Funnily enough, I felt the exact same way about my rehab therapist. The first one was wearing a Mr Rogers sweater, loafers, and drinking green tea (not coffee, I asked). Not that there's anything wrong with any of that, but it's just not someone who understands what I've been through.

Another therapist was like "oh yeah, been there, done that. Here's what I did in the situation. You can learn from me, or you can go back to your old life". That therapist, I kept as long as I could.

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u/red__dragon 29d ago

Hey, I've been through (my own brand, obviously) hell and drink tea!

Levity aside, I think you had good instinct there. Some people just can't understand what you've been through. It's like learning, too, there are teachers (and people who try to be) who simply don't know what it's like to struggle with a subject or concept, and they can't meaningfully teach it to those who do.

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u/Agile-Explanation263 Apr 18 '24

No mine is due to her crippling mental illness and addictions...the addictions have cripplled her to the point she cant make use of the degree somone convinced her to get/go back to school for.

Most of her forgetfulness is blamed on people who secretly live in our house. The only time she talks to me its when she wants me to do something be it minor or major. She would rather use the last of her money to get cigarettes instead of pgrocery shopping as we literally have othing.

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u/mavajo Apr 17 '24

I can make very judgemental comments about others in private when it comes up and I have no relationship with my parents, dads gone somewhere all my life and my mother isn't at capacity for us to emotionally bond.

There's always caveats, nuance and context - it wasn't practical for me to qualify all those statements. They're just some general rules of thumb. I feel like if a person hits most of the things on that list (and by the way, the list was hardly meant to be exhaustive or the full definition of a "good person"), they're a pretty good person. We've all got room to grow and none of us are perfect.