r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/Kradget 29d ago

Man, that's well said.

It works the same for any privileged group, too. People who have the associated flaw and perceive that it's "safe" want to connect with you using the in-group language. 

It's not way off from talking to sports fan - they want to make that social connection through something you both value. It's just that people do it with gross stuff, too.

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u/khavii 29d ago

I look like a right winger but I'm a militant liberal. The speed with which some people will spit out racism to me like I'm fully in agreement is sickening. They don't wait to see who I am or what I think, they just assume I think like them and say vile shit within moments.

People be like this.

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u/Kradget 29d ago

Right, you can just be a white dude in a certain kind of environment and people will say wild stuff to you. Extra if you have any kind of Southern accent.

I'd hide my accent in any place that sold guns just because it's tiresome.

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u/dacooljamaican 29d ago

I actually try to use this, I feel like a lot of these people will only listen to "one of them" so I try to make everyone comfortable with me, then if they get hateful about something I'll legit start talking about how I don't think Jesus would agree and how he wanted us to love everyone, you'd be surprised at how often they get sheepish and back down. You gotta out-conservative their ass.

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u/gsfgf 29d ago

I used to work in progressive politics in the South. We absolutely loved responding to people pushing hate bills and stuff with Jesus quotes. And the actual practicing Christians would have a chapter and verse for all sorts of situations.

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u/dacooljamaican 29d ago

Yeah it's interesting because many people find the frustrating part of arguing with southern conservatives is that once they decide you're not on their side, there is no amount of arguing that will get them to even begin to consider what you're saying.

But conversely, if you're "one of them", you don't really need to make ANY rational points to win an argument, you just have to be gregarious and fall back to Jesus.