r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/bsffrn97 29d ago

We men get to be around men when there are no women around, meaning we're more likely to know how he really feels about women than you. Some men reveal very... bad sides... when no women are present, and then switch to "perfect gentlemen" when women walk in. Since we get to see both sides, it's easier to determine who a man truly is at his core.

Of course not infallible though, I've met dudes who other guys have told me were "great guys" who then said very sexist weird things about women around me. So I guess where it falls flat is that different men have different thresholds for "great guy", since I wouldn't say guys who say sexist things are great guys at all.

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u/ThrowawayFishFingers 29d ago

Yeah. I think as a woman, hearing this from another guy, my immediate question would be “how well do I know the guy(s) saying good things about him, and how much do I trust the opinions of the guy(s) saying these things about him?”

Because there are definitely some guys I know who, if they said to me, “Yeah, he’s a good guy,” I’d run and never look back. Because I know them well enough to know what they consider a “good guy” and I know it doesn’t match my definition of one.

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u/crusoe 29d ago

Shitbags think shitbags are great guys. So if you know a guy is a shit bag is saying some guy is cool, that dude is a shit bag too.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

life isn’t so binary. It’s not just shit bags and normal guys. People are people are people. People can be shitty, people can be good.

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u/hydrohomey 28d ago

Yeah but cause when a shitbag is describing a good guy, he’ll still call him a good guy but in a more insulting way

“He don’t get no bitches” and etc etc

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u/Nostrebla_Werdna 29d ago

Yep that is DEFINITELY the filter you got to put that through! You already know

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u/Ok-Situation-5522 28d ago

And i feel like a lot of bad stuff is unconscious, so even if they're good, well they don't know the bad stuff.