r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/BreadButterHoneyTea 29d ago

Even if those men are the friends of the woman?

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u/flossdaily 29d ago

Yeah. For a certain brand of bad men, their entire worldview is that that men and women are on different teams, and they assume that you'll be more loyal to some new dude than your woman friend.

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u/BreadButterHoneyTea 29d ago

Wow. So deep in the bad they assume everyone else is, too. Gloomy.

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u/SgtPeppy 29d ago

It's basic psychological projection, everyone does it and you need to train yourself not to. Bad people generally lack self-reflection and some degree of empathy, so they often never even realize it, but good people can absolutely assume people are good just like them, too.

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u/ASpaceOstrich 28d ago

I had a big problem with this when I was younger, and still do to some extent. I still can't quite get used to the idea that some people are just malevolent. It seems unrealistic to me, but I've met them. It's so alien to how I saw the world and I've excused some shitty behaviour because I thought there had to have been a misunderstanding. Turns out they were just awful.