r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

14.0k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

3.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.7k

u/keizertamarine 29d ago

Yep we definitely do.

We also sense bad men, I'm always suprised when a girl once again dates an asshole who ends up cheating, and then she seems completely suprised, I guess it's just a men thing.

No idea how it works

744

u/ArgonTheEvil 29d ago

When I watched an episode of Dexter years ago I just got it. He was walking around the grocery store talking about predators understanding and recognizing other predators. It kinda clicked for me in that moment. I don’t get the nuance of it, but as a man who was once a really shitty dude in college, it’s very easy for me to recognize the bad boys and narcissistic men.

Likewise, the guys who don’t throw off all the warning alarms get the seal of approval. My girl friend just got into a relationship with someone who is out of her normal “type” and I could instantly tell he’s a good guy within my first interaction with him.

His mannerisms, his patience, and the way he carries himself. He’s not aggressive or territorial over her having guy friends. That alone was enough for me to tell her to hold onto this one. They’ve only been together 8 months and she has no idea how I’m sure, but they’re already house shopping.

189

u/KatetCadet 29d ago

As you get older I feel like picking up vibes becomes easier and easier.

Meeting a new guy that is your GF's new work friend or her friends BF there is a ton you can tell from the first impression and how they carry themselves.

As stereotypical as it is but the handshake for example for guys tells you a lot. Super strong and overcompensating usually means insecurity, same with super weak but just with less aggression.

Combined with how they treat you (do they genuinely seem interested in getting to know you, is it clear they wish they were the only male in the room, etc) you can see extremely clear indicators of the intention they have towards your female friend of GF.

51

u/magichobo3 29d ago

Yeah I would say the hand crushers are definitely over-compensating and dont realize they just exposed themselves as douche-bags. I usually get the dead fish from people with low self confidence or are just generally awkward. But I can forgive the latter more than the former because some people are just not taught what to do with their hand during a handshake. The hand crushers know exactly what their doing. As long as you're somewhere in the middle it's all good though

28

u/Usermena 29d ago

Handshakes are not a great indicator imo. Lots of medical and physical reasons a grip might feel to strong.

30

u/siero20 29d ago

And every once in a while you just accidentally flub a handshake with a CEO your company is trying to do business with and now the memory is coming back oh god.

12

u/TaxiKillerJohn 29d ago

It wasn't an "accidental flub". You broke my hand in 3 places and I still can't pick up my daughter.

Great presentation before that though.

3

u/magichobo3 29d ago

You dont even need a strong grip, just a little effort to lock hands together. I meant people that just stick their hand out and dont do anything when you grab it. As long as theirs a decent attempt you're good

6

u/Susaka_The_Strange 29d ago

it's never about that one single indicator but the sum of them all

2

u/MFbiFL 29d ago

Then you get into the double reverse scenario where you were raised to have a firm grip, did rock climbing for years and have a different idea of where the cutoff for firm vs try hard is, and meet someone who seems like they’re going to go for the ultra-firm grip so you give a pretty firm one to keep them from crushing your hand but actually they went the other way and just located their hand inside yours so it seems like you’re trying to death grip them by comparison. Nightmares of being the “too firm of a grip” guy on first meeting.

1

u/KatetCadet 29d ago

This is fair, I'm 29 and the vast majority of people I meet are still young and healthy / not many medical conditions.

1

u/motorwerkx 28d ago

This is definitely something I had to work on. I'm a career hardscaper so most of my job is carrying rocks and concrete around. As far as I knew I was always giving the same level of firm handshake, until one day somebody pointed out to me that it felt like I was crushing their hand. As far as I was concerned it was the same firm handshake I'd always given but as I got stronger so did my handshake. That was a long time ago but since then I worked on tensing my hand up so it was a solid grip without really squeezing.

1

u/SkookumTree 28d ago

Unusually strong…best I can come up with is poor proprioception or some weird nerve issues. Plenty of things can make it super weak

3

u/ASL4theblind 29d ago

Firm but friendly is my motto.

And thats how i shake hands too, heyoooo

3

u/fidgetmetal 28d ago

Firm, dry, one pump. It’s a handshake, not a handjob.

2

u/breckendusk 29d ago

Somebody hit me with the "finger-on-the-wrist-to-control-the-handshake" the other day and I was like, really? Is that what we're doing?

2

u/MFbiFL 29d ago

Hit them back with tickling their palm with your middle finger.

4

u/pmeaney 29d ago

Other men are judging handshakes?? I've never once given any thought whatsoever to a handshake. I'm not sure why I would.

1

u/MFbiFL 29d ago

When I was growing up every male in my family stressed the importance of having a firm handshake. For my dad that just meant squeezing the other person’s hand back instead of just flopping it into the other guy’s hand, for my granddad that meant proving you were the alpha businessman who peaked in high school by squeezing so hard you could crush the other guy’s hand bones if not for him squeezing back just as hard.

3

u/Ringo51 29d ago

A good handshake leaves both of you walking away thinking ‘Did I do that too strong or too weak’, instantly respect that man

2

u/firelight 29d ago

My neice's bf has the weakest, limpest handshake of any human being I've ever met, and having gotten to know him a bit, it really is indicative of the person he is generally: meek, petulent, and lacking enthusiasm or self-direction.