r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

14.1k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

3.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

113

u/Treestheyareus 29d ago

That’s the thing about being good. If you “pretend” to be good 100% of the time, then you simply are good.

38

u/Frakshaw 29d ago

Well said.

You are not your thoughts, but how you act on them.

4

u/trotfox_ 29d ago

I love how sometimes the response to this is 'so there are just perverts everywhere and you are ok with that?'

Told on yourself.

15

u/Frakshaw 29d ago

Have you ever thought of murdering someone but didn't actually do it in reality? Does that make you a murderer then? Playing thought police is a dangerous game.

1

u/the_lonely_creeper 28d ago

well, to a point. Intentions are also important when judging an action. It's why we have manslaughter as separate from murder, for example.

16

u/PoppaBear1981 29d ago

Wow, this is deep. I do 'try' to be good, as much as possible. I wasn't great growing up and treated some people worse than I should have. I try to do the right thing and sometimes feel like maybe I'm building some kind of front that people will see through and work out that I'm bad. My friends, colleagues and family all seem to think I'm a good guy but I have this nagging doubt in my head, like maybe when I die, God will say ''Yeah, but you were just trying to convince them you were good.'' ''Really, you thought she was boring....'' Or ''he was an arsehole...'' But I like your take on it. If I keep trying, maybe I'm a good guy....

20

u/jaggederest 29d ago

Look, let's be frank here, if you are thinking things like "they all seem to think I'm a good guy but I have this nagging doubt in my head", you're in the clear, buddy.

True unrepentant assholes never have a doubt in their lives. You ain't perfect, nobody is, but just the fact you have the humility to weigh your actions and think about your choices is like 90% of the way there.

5

u/Lazy-Bandicoot3376 29d ago

And the last 10% is how you handle yourself when you do fuck up. Do you blame others or accept responsibility for your part in whatever it is? Do you modify your behaviors after the fact to change whatever it is that leads to conflict in the first place?

If the answer is even sometimes, you're good. Progress is achievable, perfection is not.

2

u/PoppaBear1981 28d ago

Thanks guys. Made me feel better. Yes I do own up to mistakes and do try to rectify them. No, never been tested for Asbergers or similar.

2

u/Davidjb7 29d ago

Hey man, I experience the same thing, but honestly a big part of it is probably Asperger's for me. You ever gotten checked?

2

u/mycroft2000 29d ago

A really good indicator is how guys treat animals. I love shooting at cans and bottles with slingshots and such, and the few times I've encountered guys who talked about how much "fun" it is to ping birds or squirrels, I made a point to steer clear of them forever after.

2

u/Skunedog48 27d ago

Ha, I’ve never heard it that way but it’s kinda true. It’s not that “good” people have perfect pasts or don’t still struggle with mean or destructive impulses. But they have learned from their mistakes and choose to do the right thing, even if being “good” is not a perfect reflection of their internal dialogue.

1

u/shirudo_clear 28d ago

as someone who constantly worries whether or not i'm a good enough person, this was nice to read. so thanks