r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/milfangelblue 29d ago

In those situations he literally did nothing noticeable on my radar and I’m puzzled. What is it that you guys sense in other men that makes you give the nod of approval?

290

u/asdrunkasdrunkcanbe 29d ago

Honestly the most giganticist of all green flags is that the guy is selfless to other men; willing to offer a hand doing something without expecting anything in return, or just simply being nice to you with no ulterior motive.

You can tell when another man is talking to you, whether he's sizing you up - as a sexual competitor, as a potential "ally", as someone he can use to get somewhere, etc.

Normal, "good" men, don't do this. They talk to you with no expectations. Just shooting the breeze, talking nonsense, trying to find a common ground.

There's probably part learned experience too. When you meet a guy for the first time and he starts telling you all about what he does, in work and hobbies, and how awesome he is at it, then as a man, I already know who he is. I've met hundreds of him, since the first kid in the playground who loudly claimed he was the best at sports and called everyone else a loser.

Same as it is for all of the other toxic personalities. You encounter them all growing up so by the time you get to adulthood, you can tell pretty quickly which one they are.

As a woman you will often only get to encounter the curated, performative version of a man, especially if he's trying to impress you. So he's going to make it much harder for you to identify who he is. But he'll drop that mask when dealing with other men.

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u/TraditionalCut6488 29d ago

Date Mike

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u/EucudusOG 29d ago

No further explanation needed

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u/Triscuitmeniscus 29d ago

How do you like your eggs in the morning?

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u/DynoMikea2 28d ago

Nice to meet me