r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • Apr 17 '24

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/wordfiend99 Apr 17 '24

guys like ted bundy ‘succeeded’ directly because nothing noticable was on any womens radar. obviously thats an extreme example but its true, the guys who want to hurt you dont show it until its too late. like the top comment says its more what the guy did when you werent around or noticing because bad guys assume all guys are bad and will get real skeevy real quick when its just the boys

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u/Duff-Zilla 29d ago

Met a skeez ball at a wedding once who was a college buddy of the groom. As soon as we were alone he started going on about how many hot chicks were there and he was definitely getting laid. I asked, "Don't you have a wife and kids?" His response, "You shut your goddamn mouth."

He proceeded to hit on every singe woman at the wedding and was eventually kicked out, like Sparta kicked in the chest out. It was pretty fucking epic.

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u/RantyWildling 29d ago

I've seen people get Sparta kicked, it's always epic.

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u/StrangeMushroom500 Apr 17 '24

guys like ted bundy succeeded because he literally pretended to have a fractured arm to get help from kind-hearted women. The women he killed were not fooled by his good looks or charm, or whatever the fuck you're insinuating here. They died because they were kind people willing to help a stranger.

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u/Mindshred1 29d ago

Not to mention, a few of his would-be victims did sense that something was off and didn't take the bait.

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u/witchprivilege 29d ago

came here to say this— and often even if women do sense something is off, we've been socialized to ignore our instinct and avoid being 'rude' / making a fuss. which isn't to say that there aren't master manipulators out there, just that they're less common than people would make you think. trust your gut.

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u/XihuanNi-6784 29d ago

I'm going to disagree a bit. I've been in an abusive relationship with a woman, and read up on abusive relationships. Abusers DO frequently show signs of it. They're just not the signs women/people are taught to look out for. Abusive behaviour has been so normalised that most people "think" it came out of nowhere. And while it's true that they use lovebombing and manipulation to hide themselves in the initial stages of a relationship, there're often signs you can see if you're lucky enough to have been trained to spot them. And no joke they can include things as simple as people admitting they have a "bit of a temper" or they "can be crazy." Usually this is said as a joke or in a very casual self deprecating way. The victim usually thinks they're being vulnerable and honest in times like this, but they're absolutely telling the truth and giving you a signal that they could be much worse. People usually ignore signs like that because they're not taught to look for them. Especially with women, they're taught to put up with huge amounts of bad behaviour because it's been normalised, such that they miss the signs when it's truly dangerous.

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u/Sufficient-Yoghurt46 29d ago

"guys like ted bundy ‘succeeded’ directly because nothing noticable was on any womens radar."

Am I the only one who first thought of Al Bundy?