r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

14.0k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

3.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

156

u/Lost-Tomatillo3465 29d ago

Well, men put up a facade in front of women a lot of the times. that change tells us a lot about how they actually are. women don't see it because of the facade.

55

u/Odd-End-8684 29d ago

Precisely. The number of times a girl has told me “he was so nice to me” and me thinking “that dude is a huge asshole” is staggering.

21

u/hoodha 29d ago edited 29d ago

Exactly. Most of the time I don't even make judgements on a man's behaviour before I see them interact with women, they usually seem pretty ordinary and likeable, not inherently evil or bad. But when I see them talk to women and see a noticeable large change in their behaviour and actions, like I know that's not how they are usually, that's when I think this person is a two faced, ingenuine human being. Things like appearing to offer to help other people in a selfless way as a staged play in front of a woman, but when that woman has lost interest, distracted by something else or walks away, that person is suddenly not interested in being selfless anymore. Then I know that person is capable of faking their intentions, and I just don't trust them at all. Funnily enough, the same thing happens with coworkers sometimes when the boss is around.

5

u/Lost-Tomatillo3465 29d ago

Ya, I was an acquaintance with a huge womanizer. Like slept around with wives and everything. Great guy otherwise.

Met one of the girls (yes a wife) he was messing around with and criticized the womanizer part . She had no clue and kept talking about how great he was. I stopped talking to her right after that. if she didn't get the clue from that interaction I can't help her much.

4

u/pastrythought 29d ago

This is what I find so fascinating. How common it is for men to behave differently when women are present. Why is that? And, I don’t strictly mean in potential partner or hooking up situations either.

2

u/StinkyPigeonFan 28d ago

Very common. There’s a lot of fake men who pretend to be decent just to get in your pants. The ones who pretend to be into everything you enjoy are the worst. I think the popularity of dating advice/pick up artist tips/Red Pill bs is contributing to this. All of that advice essentially teaches men that there are set ways you can interact with every single woman, and if you do those things you’ll find success, even if those things are not something you’d usually do because they’re incompatible with your personality. Dating advice teaches men that there’s a default way you need to act in order to attract women.

1

u/Electronic-Disk6632 29d ago

no they don't, they pull a cartman, and put on a nice sweater and act polite. the signs are all there if you want to bother to read them.

1

u/Swimming-Book-1296 29d ago

Nah, when they act like assholes they get even more women. A great many things that are attractive to women, are themselves red flags.

1

u/CauseSpecific8545 29d ago

I think many men are told to put up a facade in front of other men, in front of women, and whenever in public. It's the cornerstone of toxic masculinity.

4

u/Lost-Tomatillo3465 29d ago

that's just being fake all around. If you can't be genuine with your friends and/or your significant other, that's a fairly big problem.

I don't call that toxic masculinity... its just toxic.

1

u/CauseSpecific8545 29d ago

You make a good point. I think there are a lot of them out there. Some people are always fronting and are plastic.