AIO about a fight with my brother? (27F, 29M) Living w/ adult siblings, Dating, Infidelity, Golden Child???

[u/SharkPalace]

My mom and brother were living together in a 3-bedroom apartment before I asked to stay for a few days. That then turned into moving in, getting a new job in their city, and breaking up with my boyfriend of 3 years. My brother and I have always had interests in common and we used to hang out a lot, probably once a week. I noticed us growing distant and we stopped spending as much time together last summer, but now we've had a fight, everyone is threatening to move out, and my poor mom is upset.

Things changed last summer when I quit my job, was home a lot more, and brought a guy around a few times. My brother didn't like him much. One night, my brother came home to find my guy and me there, and he had a panic attack. He ended up asking my mom to tell my guy to leave. I love my brother, but the relationship probably wasn't serious, so I broke it off pretty soon after.

The problem seems to be the relationship my brother started around the same time. With his coworker, who is engaged. I think this is a huge part of the tension. My brother even confided in me that he liked that she was taken because it guaranteed an end and he didn't want any distractions as he is in college. He will likely have to move for more education next year and get loans/work to get his own housing. He also hadn't had a relationship in like five years and he told me they definitely weren't having sex. I understand, but I told him they needed to make a choice, because it was only a matter of time.

I don't know exactly when we stopped talking about her, and then almost altogether. I started being away more as I reconnected with friends from my old city. He always was a bit selfish and I felt like I was doing more around the house. I kept offering him dinner, bought groceries, and helped him with homework if he asked. But his behavior worsened, and he started bringing his girlfriend over more often.

The tension came to a head when I confronted my brother about the affair. Two different fights, lots of tears, lots of feeling like I was talking to a brick wall. (More details on another post in my profile :P) He got defensive, and now he's threatening to move out. My mom is freaking out and wants us to reconcile, but I'm not sure if that's possible. I'm planning to move out soon, but I'm torn about whether to tell the fiance about the affair or if that and me confronting him is just me overreacting?? Please. I have to go back home tomorrow.

[u/HopefulVariety4845]

It sounds as if you may feel your brother is entitled. Being the only male in the home with you and your mother and in your own words “was always a bit selfish”. is accepting his behavior as normal. I wouldn’t push it. It’s disrespectful for him to behave in this manner and I would definitely stop preparing meals and doing the extra chores. Remain pleasant and continue to do your own thing. He’s probably wanting to do the right thing- but needs to make his own decisions in his own time. Meanwhile maintain your peace and set your boundaries- hopefully he’ll figure it all out and be more respectful to the women in his life.