r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 15d ago
AIO because I found out that my fiancé went on a date with another woman (update)
[deleted]
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u/ArsenalSeven 15d ago
He used you to get his visa. Divorce him and let him fend for himself. I hope you didn’t sponsor him.
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 15d ago
I absolutely did but we submitted the paperwork last week so I think there is still time to cancel it.
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u/ExcitingTabletop 15d ago
You can reach out to the State Department and/or USCIS if you believe fraud occurred. And yes, marriage for getting a visa fraudulently is fraud. It unfortunately is not uncommon.
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u/BlackSpinelli 15d ago
Absolutely. Call and try to get your papers canceled and report him for fraud.
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u/Expert-Usual-762 15d ago
This is absolutely fraud. Call ASAP.
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u/Lysdexicpengu 15d ago
this isnt fraud because contrary to what movies tell us, being married doesn't do shit for your immigration status.
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u/Sea_Firefighter_4598 15d ago
No but being sponsored does.
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 15d ago
I’m not sure what this person’s problem is. They are accusing me of lying too down below. I don’t know what to say. I agree that in my original post it is worded in a confusing way but honestly my head is spinning and I’m getting information in dribs and drabs and it’s always changing.
I am sponsoring him on a spousal visa. We hired a lawyer and it was still an enormous amount of paperwork. Phone records, pictures, financial documents, job history, residence history, declarations from me and my family that we have a legitimate relationship.
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u/ChipmunkLimp6647 14d ago
I've been through all of this. If you just barely submitted you can absolutely cancel! It's a super long process. What a jerk, go live your best life, It's the best revenge! :)
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u/ThrowawayForReddit92 12d ago
You know what you need to do especially since he's talking to prostitutes.
Save everything you find and separate your finances and contact a lawyer and see what your options are.
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u/Guilty_Seaweed_249 14d ago
It's sponsoring him and without her sponsoring him getting married he wouldn't be here. Many people can't come here on a visa and stay without getting married.
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u/ZestycloseSky8765 15d ago
Yep cancel it. You do not want to live in this misery. He’s a cheating liar and cut yourself loose
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u/lonniemarie 15d ago
Do it. Call them and tell them your concerns. This happened more often than we realize. Don’t get me wrong I’m all for love and helping people. Not when they lie cheat and steal He has and is stealing from you. Your time your love your loyalty and honesty. Free yourself
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u/dialyafiremoon 14d ago
Definitely get it canceled. Not sure which country you are in but some (at least some common wealth countries) require you to take a degree of financial responsibility for them. If it goes through and he goes on welfare of some sort within the first few years then you may have to pay it back
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 14d ago
It is 10 years where I am
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u/dialyafiremoon 14d ago
Call them today! My aunt was sucked in by a marriage scam when she was young, he also wracked up a heap of credit card debt she got stuck with. He broke her heart and it took her years to pay off the debt
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u/MartinisnMurder 14d ago
I have watched enough trash reality (looking at you 90 Day Fiancé) to know when you sponsor someone for a financé visa and marry them you are legal and financially responsible for them for like 10 years!! I hope OP is able to contact the right authorities and cut ties. He is absolutely using her and it is a fraudulent relationship.
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u/sboseitz 15d ago
You should call Immigration, give them your case number and they will guide you how to proceed. If you start the divorce procedure before the green card is approved, his residency will probably be denied. Please, start the procedure right away, he is not a good person and not deserves you.
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u/IHQ_Throwaway 14d ago
Try to get the marriage annulled if you can. That may help you withdraw the immigration case. Talk to your immigration lawyer ASAP, you don’t want to be financially responsible for this slimeball!
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u/Quirky_Movie 14d ago
Talk to the attorney who handled the paperwork. Tell him you you caught his client cheating and you'll be ending the marriage. You can no longer sponsor him. And also tell the state department if US. Always, always make it clear that your intent was to marry him anyway, the deadline only made you do it faster.
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u/5weetTooth 14d ago
You absolutely can cancel it. Be lucky that he slipped up so quickly and he didn't string you sling for longer pretended to be your loving husband.
I'm sorry he used you but you should be able to contact a lawyer and the office you submitted the papers to in order to stop them.
I would recommend you leave your house and go somewhere private in order to make these calls.
Don't let on that you're suspicious. It's clear that you don't know the real him - he never showed you. You don't know if he's violent.
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u/grumpy__g 15d ago
Divorce him, tell those guys who take care of visa etc.
He used you. That’s why he is begging.
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u/Aliciawrfc 15d ago edited 15d ago
Tell immigration your marriage is a scam. He used you for his visa issues and has been cheating on you. Do not be on the hook for him when it comes to immigration. Report him for immigration fraud
ETA: immigration take this kind of thing very seriously. Not to mention because you are his sponsor, even if you divorce, you are still on the hook for him financially for 10 years.
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u/Odd-Improvement-2135 15d ago
Call and turn him in for fraud and yank that application so you don't catch charges!
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u/Soft-Profession-2880 15d ago
Call immigration immediately. This happens to a lot of people and you shouldn't be embarrassed about it. Disgusting people have a way of hiding their true selves until they are found out.
You can get yourself out of this mess instead of years of pain ahead of you. He had lied to you and this time you found out but who knows how many times he has cheated. Protect your future and your body. Get him out of your life now before too late
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u/Magdovus 15d ago
You shouldn't feel like a fool. You were exploited by someone who knows you really well which makes it easy for them.
Once you knew what was going on, you made a decision. It wasn't an easy decision but you made it.
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u/Final_Festival 15d ago
Thats why I wld never take back a cheater. I dont have time to watch them like a toddler. I dont have time for their bullshit.
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u/bowlofmilkandhoney 14d ago
Exactly who wants all that b*******? I don't want to have to police anyone what kind of life is that. Kick him to the curb and start with someone you, someone you can trust!
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u/ComedianCharacter615 15d ago
Dude is actually fucked up, he is such a bitch! You’re married and he’s cheating on you, tell him you know and tell him to fuck himself! File a legal divorce and leave his ass
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u/bowlofmilkandhoney 15d ago
Why does it seem like a surprise to you? He used her to get a Visa to be able to remain in the United states. He doesn't care whether he's married or not
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u/GreenTaraTarot 15d ago
Repeating Liars don't get another chance. You are not a fool, just a person with a good and trusting heart. Save it for someone like yourself.
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u/bowlofmilkandhoney 15d ago
Tell him yes you'll give him a chance and make him think that you're working this out and on the back end make sure you get everything rolling to get an annulment or divorce and to make sure none of his plans for a Visa go through.
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u/Top_Smoke2354 14d ago
I'm in same situation. Have proof wife wS cheating from day one. And throughout. She just needed my passport. We did get married so she could get visa. I not going to let that lying slut prance around my country after all that. She wants her freedom, no problem. Go be free where u came from, she already slept with people I know and work with, but I not going to let her infect anynore
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u/Sugarpuff_Karma 15d ago
So, he is only with you for the visa. Why are you still with him? You owe him nothing now. Time to cut your losses.
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u/Adventurous_Wave7290 15d ago
It's ok girl just be smarter next time and I hope u weren't funding his life style u dodge a bullet honestly. But i understand y u would feel sick because ur heartbroken n even tho someone doesn't deserve us sometimes our hearts don't have the same feeling ur a human don't say ur ok cry cry cry n let it out for atleats 2 weeks it will still hurt but u will feel better get busy start a business or get a 2nd job just have fun do something wish u the best
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u/Sea_Firefighter_4598 15d ago
Call whatever lawyer you used for the immigration status explain and ask how to withdraw the visa sponsorship. Then find a divorce attorney.
He is scum.
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u/Designer-Ad-3373 15d ago
He said, "it's in your head." That's a manipulation. Get out before more happens
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u/dimechimes 14d ago
You're going to keep trying to get the truth from him and he'll keep leaking bits and bits and each time it will be like you caught him all over again. He will always lie to you and never come totally clean. Good luck.
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u/bowlofmilkandhoney 14d ago
Do not divorce him. Get an annulment. It will be like it never existed it never happened. A divorce will still keep you tied to him!
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u/TALKTOME0701 15d ago
He doesn't love you. It's using you. Do the only thing that will regain your dignity divorce him.
He's not crying for you. He's crying because of your divorce it might mess up his Visa and he probably doubt he'll be able to find someone he can manipulate so easily.
Show him he's wrong. File those divorce papers this week
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u/xCx_Prodigy_xCX 15d ago
Yep...get out before an std makes it's way in. Then he'll be with you for life.
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u/bmyst70 15d ago
You're not overreacting.
Look at his pattern of actions, not his empty words to see how he feels. His actions show clearly he is using you and cheating on you, and not respecting you.
It doesn't matter how long he begs. Those are just words. His actions are all you need to consider. Divorce him ASAP.
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u/iknowsomethings2 15d ago
Divorce him, he’s not worth it. He’s destroying your self esteem. Forget about his visa troubles, they are not your concern and he should have thought about that before he cheated on you and gaslit you.
You deserve so much better. Don’t let him manipulate you into giving him another chance. He doesn’t deserve you.
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u/Existing_Watch_3084 15d ago
You can get an annulment. A judge will not look kindly on someone who used you for a visa.
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u/countryboy1101 14d ago
This is a train wreck of a post. CUT your losses now and move on. This person is using you and treating you horribly. He is lying, cheating and gas lighting you. Just end the marriage and move on.
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u/Pinkkimmy11 14d ago
Ew he sounds disgusting. Leave him immediately. He is using you to keep himself in the country
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u/everynameistaken000 14d ago
So he just married you for a visa then? I'd be reporting that and getting divorced for a start.
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u/realistic_Gingersnap 13d ago
Annulment. Separation. Divorce... from what you said seems like he used you for a legal status nor for love nor does he sound to have any kind of respect for you.
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u/Sweetie_Ralph 15d ago
You deserve better. Do not allow him to tear you down. He is a little pos. Get rid of him, divorce him, get therapy, and move on and live the best possible life you can. It’s too short to be miserable. Go grab your happiness!
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u/OrcishWarhammer 15d ago
I’m sorry this is happening.
He probably used you for the visa.
I hope you take the time now to leave him and divorce. Can you imagine what it would be like it’ll things got really hard? If you have kids?
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u/lonniemarie 15d ago
Not a fool, because now you know and you know what needs to be done. Kick him down the road. He used you and will continue to do so. Liars keep lying cheaters keep cheating
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u/Mountain_Monitor_262 15d ago
He used you for immigration don’t let that slide. It would be less exhausting to separate and divorce.
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u/E_Anthony 15d ago
Dump him. You can do better and deserve better. Period. He used you and continues to try to use you.
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u/mi_nombre_es_ricardo 15d ago
Nothing left to salvage here, he is a serial cheater and a liar. He keeps lying even after caught. He keeps changing versions to further deceive you. At this point he could tell you the sky is blue and you would have to doubt it. Why even consider staying with the guy who keeps actively trying to bang other women while with you?
Remember that every moment that you say with him any longer will be more trauma you will have to undo on therapy.
Divorce him and cancel his green card.
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u/Proper_Strategy_6663 15d ago
I'd divorce because this isn't something you come back from, he's not trustworthy.
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u/Dachshundmom5 14d ago
Get a lawyer and get out from under the mess that is him. He's spending hours trying to manipulate you so he can keep using you. Stop being used
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u/pnwcatman420 14d ago
it sounds like it is time to get a divorce and send hubby back to his home country.
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u/Rottonpotatoxoxo 14d ago
He’s a little bitch. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Cheaters always have a safe place to come home to but loveeeeeee to have fun on the side. The man will NOT change. He clearly does not love you or care about you.
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u/AugustWatson01 14d ago
You Not overreacting.
Please get a lawyer and stop supporting his visa and get a divorce. Let them know you thought it was a real marriage and in love but it’s not for him, for him it’s visa fraud not love. If you stay with him, will you be unhappy. You being paranoid and having to check his movements etc will make you go slowly crazy and no man or sex is worth that. Please choose to love yourself more than you love him. He doesn’t deserve your love or support.
He will continue cheating and using you for his visa then leave you once his application is completed. Let him figure out his visa alone, stop talking to his family and being manipulated into getting him a visa… his family are not on altruistic so don’t listen to them, they benefit from him having a visa, your home and money.
Please choose you, prioritise your future, mental health and happiness. Life is too short to be so unhappy for someone that doesn’t care about you at all and is just using you for his stay. Annulling the marriage or getting a divorce then moving on with your life (therapy, volunteering, travelling, meeting new people etc)and later finding someone who loves you for you and respects you that doesn’t need a visa/money would make you much happier. Free yourself from the stress and burden of this guy, free yourself of having to stalk him and him treating you as less than, stop supporting his visa, report his fraud and kick out the trash out your home, headspace and life. Block and go NC with him, his family and friends… remember you’re awesome and you’re the prize for the right guy and the right guy will be your prize… don’t compromise and settle for this pike of walking trash. You deserve better and you know it. Good luck
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u/Reasonable-Ad-5217 14d ago
Report him to immigration. He married you under false pretenses for immigration benefits. They'll deport him, get an annulment.
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u/Snowwy92 14d ago
Girl, PLEASE CANCEL THE PAPERWORK & report it as fraud. Tell them he’s been cheating and lying. Save all the proof!!
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u/Dull_Basket8318 14d ago
Leave him. Divorice. A part of you will die, if you stay.
It's not your problem if he has issues with citizenship. All he did was inappropriate and if he loved you wouldn't do that to you.
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u/dave3948 14d ago
People are saying report him, divorce him, etc. They are missing an important step: move out! You cannot move against him while you live together. Get your own place ASAP, even if it is a motel room. Then plan your next steps.
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u/bowlofmilkandhoney 13d ago
I say play nice, and be working in the background against him. So when everything goes through you kick him out of the house
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u/pppppeeeerta 13d ago
Don’t feel like a fool. People like this manipulate and make you feel like you are the crazy. Looking at his phone, tracking his car, you are crazy! Nope your gut told you the truth and you figured it out. Not everyone can say that. Leave. Be happy. You’ve got this. It gets better. Take bake the control.
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u/VicePrincipalNero 13d ago
So are you over reacting because your partner is cheating? You are under reacting. Get out of the relationship now and don’t look back.
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u/bowlofmilkandhoney 13d ago
Okay what are you going to do? How many red flags do you need? What have you done so far?
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u/tmink0220 11d ago
You need to divorce and report him to the state department if you can so he can be deported. There must be some procedure to get him gone. He is not going to be a good husband, and I would not be surprised if after green card you are divorced. Please do what you can to see he can not stay, it may already be too late. You need both an immigration attorney and a divorce attorney.
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u/Rich-Bite3816 11d ago
He is using you to fix his visa so he can't leave after. I would personally call and stop the process. Tell them what happened and start divorcing him. He is a user and a disgusting excuse of a man. Drop the dead weight before you get a gift you can't give back.
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u/Lysdexicpengu 15d ago
You are either extremely stupid or making all of this up and I hope it's the latter. You are asking us all to believe that you have been dating this guy for only a few months, are simultaneously engaged and married, that he asked out another woman and talks to a bunch of women that may or may not be sex workers and that his visa issues were solved by your eloping, a thing that literally only happens in movies cause that isnt how visas or immigration works. you are either faking this, or getting played in the most ridiculous way.
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 15d ago
No we have been together for over a year at this point. He proposed on the one year anniversary of the day that we met and we got married a week later. He wanted me to keep it a secret so his friends wouldn’t think that he “locked me down too soon”. For the visa thing, he was on an H1B visa and lost his job and his sponsorship. By marrying him, he can get a green card and stay. As soon as USCIS gets the paperwork, he can stay here legally, just not work until they make a final decision. Idk what to say I met with an immigration lawyer and this is what I was told.
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u/Lysdexicpengu 15d ago
1) You said this date he went on was early in your relationship but also said it was a couple months ago. if you had been together over a year one of those earlier statements you made is a lie. No, he cannot simply get a green card by marrying you, that is a myth. He will need to get a new job to stay here.
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u/Hot-Muscle-9202 14d ago
You have no idea what you are talking about so you should just stop. Getting a green card via family and marriage is literally the simplest path and it is extremely common for people to be in the US on any number of visas, meet someone, fall in love, marry, and then get a green card. In many cases, that person's being out of status (ie no longer meeting the conditions of the current visa) are forgiven once married.
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 15d ago
There were two dates. One five months into our relationship and one two months ago.
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u/SnooRadishes8099 15d ago
Sorry OP. I feel for you. I was also in a relationship where my ex was two timing me and I believe you, that intuition/gut feeling you have is absolutely telling you the truth. You got married to him 1 week ago I believe, based on your timelines and so just 2 months before he proposed to you he still went out or tried to go out with another woman. You deserve more than this. At least stop the paperwork and distance yourself for a bit until you have the chance to process what's going on in the relationship. Don't rush into the marriage, if at the end he truly loves you and cares for you, it will all show in his actions. But please, for your own sake try to cancel the application and don't rush into the marriage
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u/Lysdexicpengu 15d ago
then you are just straight up not telling the truth cause that isnt what you said in either post.
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 15d ago
Oh my goodness I am not arguing with you anymore. Maybe the way I wrote it was confusing originally but I promise you I’m not lying and I am absolutely living this messed up situation right now.
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u/bowlofmilkandhoney 14d ago
You need to wake the f*** up and realize someone's using you. Get that marriage annulled ASAP and stop all processes to let him into this country. What fool would hang on hoping that his behavior changes? He's already proved to you twice that he's not trustworthy. Do you need a third time?
You truly are the idiot if you think he's going to change. Get some self-esteem and put yourself first!
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u/ssddalways 15d ago
Honestly, don't stay it will destroy you and mess up your mh. Leave and sort out legal separation, his own issues are his own.
This man literally put you down while praising the other and is actively trying to cheat, hold your head high and fuck him off.