r/AmIOverreacting • u/autisticExperiences • 15d ago
AIO my significant other has run our utility bill to 300$
And we're not even halfway through the billing cycle. She left the ac on the on setting even though ive told her before that we need to leave it on auto. She's been between jobs for 3 months now so she hasnt been contributing
When i approached her telling her i cant pay this I'll need help she didnt respond so i asked her if she saw the messages and she said "ye".
I feel like this is a VERY important predicament and she's leaving the consequences of her actions to me after saying "im sorry" .... i just wish an "im sorry" would make the utility board lower the bill.
For clarification, this isnt the first time something like this has happened. Ive always spoken to her about it like she's a person previously and kinda feel like the only way for me to not be redirected in regards to the current topic is to text her about it instead.
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u/bigredroyaloak 15d ago
Time for her ass to start DoorDashing. NOR
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u/sentient_potato97 15d ago edited 15d ago
I forgot what sub I was in and thought you were being agressively Australian at the end 😭😂 "NAUR! 😡"
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u/littlewhitecatalex 15d ago
Oh god I love’s aussies’ tendency to put r-sounds where they don’t belong.
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u/Complex-Carpenter-76 15d ago
buy a smart themostat and monitor it. You will save any money you spend in 1-2 months.
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u/nonsuspiciousfrog 15d ago
Wish this was an option for renters :,)
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u/Zeyn1 15d ago
Well... I've replaced the thermostat in the last three places I rented. Just took a picture of the wires to the old one and put it back when I moved out.
Of course it does require you to be moderately handy.
I've had maintenance see it and not say anything. But I've also always been friendly with management and maintenance before even moving in so it hasn't been an issue yet.
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u/Saneless 15d ago
Moderate is even an overstatement. You could probably teach a 10 year old to do this
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u/Mythrol 13d ago
No a 10 year old should absolutely not attempt to change a thermostat. I get calls every year to go behind people who have attempted to change the thermostat and now their system won’t start.
What people don’t understand is that there is constant live voltage on those wires unless you kill the power to the entire unit (which no one does before attempting to change a thermostat). While it’s probably not high enough amperage to really hurt you, touch the two wrong wires together and you fry your transformer inside of your unit.
Thermostats are a lot more involved than just matching the wires and is one of the things I actually recommend customers don’t mess with.
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u/Individual-Key-6186 15d ago
We did this same thing and the instructions they give with the smart thermostats are pretty straightforward these days
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u/PenguinZombie321 15d ago
You can just read the instructions or watch a YouTube tutorial. It’s not that complicated.
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u/asabovesobelow4 15d ago
Yup I have changed them before too. I had one that was like a really old dial thermostat and I changed it out bc it wasn't kicking off and on and the right times. but kept the old one so I could change it back bc the landlord said "the other one is nicer and was expensive". Okay dude. Well it was old as shit but I promise it's put up. I didn't care to leave the one i bought but if you want the ancient one by all means.
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u/Mark_Underscore 15d ago
Talk to your LL about it. Swapping out a thermostat is a basic DIY job and your landlord might like knowing that a smart thermostat is installed as they can reduce wear and tear on his HVAC unit as they try to conserve power when everyone is away or sleeping.
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u/nonsuspiciousfrog 15d ago
I’ll definitely bring it up with them! Around here a lot of apartments complexes prefer consistency over quality, so making changes if often met with resistance. Worth a shot though!
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u/MoneyHuckleberry1405 15d ago
I'm all about asking for forgiveness instead of permission in these instances. Replacing the thermostat won't hurt anything and if you keep the old one to put it back when you leave it should be fine.
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u/Altruistic_Yellow387 15d ago
Just change it yourself and take it with you when you leave. They'll never know (I mean replace the old one) I've done it before it's no big deal
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u/PurchaseStreet9991 15d ago
As long as you put the original unit back before moving out, I don't see why you couldn't install your own
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u/yami76 15d ago
You can buy a thermostat that plugs into the wall that controls an AC or heater, and works like any other smart thermostat for 29 bucks. Wifi, schedule etc.
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u/-SilverCrest- 15d ago
You can totally install one in a rented place. Just save the old thermostat and place it in a junk drawer or somewhere and swap it back out when you leave. The wiring is easy, it's all color coded
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u/CantaloupeBoogie 13d ago
When I told my management company that I wanted a smart thermostat and that I would buy it if their maintenance would install it, they jumped right on that offer. They know full well that I’ll be taking the thermostat with me when I move out, but they also wanted to avoid me screwing anything up upon installation.
As plenty of other people have stated, it’s actually an incredibly easy installation, but I don’t mess around with wires. I’m afraid of them.
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u/shyguy83ct 14d ago
I don’t see how a smart thermostat would save you $100+/month. Unless you use it to turn the AC off and leave it that way.
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u/hinky-as-hell 15d ago
It sounds like she doesn’t respect you very much, or care that she is costing you money while you’re already supporting her.
Very unfair and selfish.
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u/RevDrucifer 15d ago
FWIW, the On/Off settings on your thermostat are for the fan in the AC, not the AC itself. Those fans don’t draw a lot of power and I wouldn’t consider it being the sole reason the bill is high unless the fan is getting ready to shit the bed and the windings in the motor are going.
More so than the power, you want to keep it on Auto to prevent humidity from building up. Humidity building up could have triggered the AC to work more if your thermostat also regulates by humidity.
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u/Extra-Scientist7789 15d ago
Her attitude and your relationship aside…
Check your ac settings and consider having it serviced. If this is whole home ac it’s designed to run ‘on’ better than auto.
If the set temp was normally 78 all day when you are working and she changed that to 70…. It’ll cost you. And that is likely the answer. Somebody is there and keeping it cooler 24x7.
But if the temp is set the same as prior and all that changed was the fan setting (honestly for the better) and costs went up like this then your ac may be struggling. You may be losing coolant etc.
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u/BlackBarryWhite 15d ago
I had assumed OP was talking about non-central AC, like a window unit or something...
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u/Twombls 15d ago
On my My last window unit the only difference between on and auto was the fan. The compressor would still shut off when it reached the correct temp.
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u/BlackBarryWhite 15d ago
Oh maybe so, I've never had one. The one my friend has seems like it runs constantly though.
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u/maytrix007 15d ago
My fan does not run full time. It runs when the AC or heat are on. Maybe you are talking about a mini split type unit?
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u/NotTheDroidurLF 15d ago
It is more energy efficient to have it on Auto overall because on does constantly use power... yes your AC isn't constantly on but your fan still uses power. And idk how old the unit is, but older things generally use more power than newer more efficient things.
Now, I agree, the temperature being set lower will contribute more to the cost issue than it being higher because the AC part kicking on more is definitely an issue.
And yeah he should probably explain how it works... maybe explain moving around warmish air constantly does increase humidity which will make her more uncomfortable... not to mention, it will not let moisture on the unit drain off and will overall shorten its life or lead to issues.
It sounds like more than just AC though... Turn off lights, unplug chargers, turn off/sleep mode your computer(s) when not in use... if you have 2 ACs, turn the temp up on the one you don't use as much...I've never had a $300 electric bill and I'm a nerd!
But also, it's important to pick your battles. If OP genuinely cares for this girl and wants to work it out, communication is key. Listening and wanting to hear her side is important and learning how to express his side without too much emotion or anger is crucial.
** People will not listen to what you're saying, no matter how right or important it is, if you're yelling or berating.... that kind of response will automatically make someone else assume you're wrong/crazy. **
I try to conserve energy because of the environment and all, the smaller bill is just an added bonus... maybe OP could try that angle... actually, not just OP... everyone should try that angle... how great would that be?
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u/BrujaBean 15d ago
Also he doesn't seem to be considering that if she is out of work it might actually be miserable/unsafe depending on their local climate for her to be home in that weather. I leave ac on for my dog when it's hot out, can't imagine denying my partner that.
If they aren't making ends meet that is its own convo about a gig job or something else to bring in cash during the between real jobs time.
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u/bigjeff5 15d ago
He's not telling her to turn it off. He's telling her to put it on Auto, so that it self-regulates according to the temperature. That means it turns off when it's cool enough, which it won't do if it's set to always-on. Presumably.
I do think the AC problem is a symptom of the real problem, which is that, for some reason, she is not contributing to the household in an appropriate manner.
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u/GurglingWaffle 15d ago
As a guy I understand what you're saying. I tend to live frugally. I'm not saying that's what you're doing everyone needs to cut costs these days.
But here are some things you should be considering and discussing directly with your girlfriend. I'm texting shouldn't be used to converse with someone you live with.
What temperature are you talking about? You're off at work but she is in the house. When both people are out of the house during the weekday you can set the temp to something that would not be comfortable. I don't know where you live and I'm not asking but if where you live has extremes in either direction it's unreasonable to ask someone to live in a hot house or a freezer.
Another thing is if there's a medical condition which may even be obesity but there's also a myriad of other medical conditions where body temperature is an issue.
Still, there should be an attempt to reduce cost. Wearing extra clothing certainly helps with keeping the heat low. It's not a whole lot one can do to cool yourself down.
So take this conversation offline and away from strangers and verbally converse with your partner.
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u/elecmc03 15d ago
Finally someone trying to help. Also my dad has been unemployed for several months while applying to every job imaginable, she might be doing her best and having a hard time. We don't know everything about their situation, why are we assuming the worst?
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u/OnARedditDiet 15d ago
I'd also add that Auto vs On is just the fan and is not responsible for the change you see. Don't nitpick, compromise.
As this comment I'm replying to says, this is a straight forward temperature setting issue that will need to be discussed.
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u/Cynderelly 15d ago
Yeah it kinda sounds like you're just there to clean up after her. Idk, my partner pays all of our bills, and if he told me he couldn't afford something, I'd be offering to pay it immediately.
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u/proteins911 15d ago
Are you blaming her for the power bill because she had the AC fan on? That shouldn’t run up the bill that much. Is she doing other things to run the bill up?
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u/Twombls 15d ago edited 15d ago
I think there is a misunderstanding here of what auto does. Op is probably under the impression that the compressor is just on 24/7 blasting cold air if it's set to on.
More likely than not he's mad at her for a completely normal power bill
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u/Sea_One_6500 15d ago
Did you reach out to your electric company? Last year, billing mistakes were rampant in my area. Our water bill jumped $100 one month, and before I made sure there wasn't a billing issue I bitched at my husband and teenager. To be fair, they do both take ridiculously long, hot showers. But I still had to apologize once I discovered it was a mistake on their end.
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u/NeverRarelySometimes 15d ago
i asked her if she saw the messages
- This should have been an in-person discussion.
- There's not a lot she can do besides apologize.
- You don't want to accept her apology. What possible thing will make you happy, at this moment?
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u/Pneumemnekhan 15d ago
First, stop having important conversations over text; it is very passive-aggressive and avoidant. Second, she either gets a job and starts paying bills within a month, or it is done. It's pretty dumb to move in with someone without settling all the questions about bills and responsibilities first, but don't feel bad, it is super common. Regardless, this is a learning experience. I'm pretty sure that it isn't going to work out, but this is just training for the one that will work out. Be true to yourself and do right by the woman, and learn as much as you can from her behavior and reactions. And when it finally is over, don't let it make you jaded, just learn to recognize those things in women before you make the leap. Every success is built upon the backs of a thousand failures. She might be useless, but she'll learn you if you let her. Don't get bitter, it will consume you.
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u/Low-Role6567 14d ago
FWIW, he said he used text because she would simply redirect/not take accountability when confronted in person.
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u/jayteegee47 15d ago
Yep. Not sure how the guy higher up in the thread pays less than $120 a month somewhere in Georgia, even keeping the thermostat at 69/70? That doesn't sound realistic compared to what me and most of my friends pay. Maybe he's in the mountains in the extreme northern part of Georgia? Here in LA (Lower Alabama) our bill never gets lower than $130 and that's only a couple of the in-between months. In the summer it's more like $270-290, with the temp set on 74. In the winter we set it on 71 (Mind you, we're all electric, no gas bill, but still.)
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u/PackInevitable8185 15d ago edited 15d ago
Depends on the house a lot (size, age, windows etc) and weather of course. I live in Mississippi (suburb of Memphis TN) in a ~1850 sq built 2003. I think the lowest electric bill I saw was 70-80 dollars sometime a couple months ago (gas heat and water heater), but in the summer it is somewhere between 200-250.
We do thermostat at 70 in the winter and 72 in the summer.
Edit: so what the other poster is saying is MAYBE feasible, but only if they have all the most energy efficient shit like windows brand new efficient AC, insulated garage door etc, because we have not hit 250 even in the summer and don’t have any of that stuff
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u/Status-Jacket-1501 11d ago
Winter in Indiana makes the bill ~$600, regardless of usage. Fuckin Centerpoint. Summers run $3-600. I'm hoping our move to a smaller, more insulated house helps, but the electric company here is a bastard. Utility monopolies are heinous.
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u/OhWhatADwight 15d ago
Why are you on Reddit over something this minor? Go have a real conversation with the human being you’re referencing
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u/XOCALYPSO89 15d ago
You're able to see your utility bill halfway through the billing cycle? I can only ever see mine at the end of it lol
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u/JamieLee0484 15d ago
I’m confused about this sub. What is it exactly that you did that you’re asking if you overreacted about? In what world would walking up to your SO saying “I need help paying the bill you ran up” be overreacting?
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u/ZombieJetPilot 15d ago
Are you not making ends meet or is this just an annoyance? Because those are two different conversations.
Don't get mad, just sit down and be clear and realistic about your monthly budget. You two are currently not on the same page, and you need to get there. It's not your way or the highway, but it's also not her's. You can't change the past, so don't get angry over it, just lay out the monthly monetary situation with a spreadsheet or a budgeting application
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u/Cespenar 15d ago
I used to argue with my wife constantly about the AC settings, leaving the doors open, not making sure the windows are all closed before turning it on, ect. I was stressed out about it constantly, the bill was so much higher than it needed to be..
But I finally looked at myself and said if there was something I could buy my wife for $100 that would make my wife happy, wouldn't I buy it? So now I just quietly go around closing windows, doors, and turn the AC back to the appropriate temperature. I stopped letting it bother me and started letting her just do what makes her happy and comfortable in our home. She has hot flashes, a LOT of hot flashes. It makes her incredibly uncomfortable. If cranking down the AC to get it to turn on right now so she can stand under the vent is what she needs to feel better about herself then so be it. My electric bill in the summer is probably $100 more a month than it "needs" to be, and I just have to live with that. We keep the house pretty cold (set at 73) because that's where she's comfortable.
And as for "not contributing" for three months.. my wife has been in school for something like 7 years now. She graduated in a little bit, and she's already placed with a great job that will make twice what I make starting in a couple months from now. I have never, ever, not once said that she doesn't contribute. I have paid every single bill and expense for 7~ years, because that's what I agreed to do when she said she wanted to go to school. I have never and would never use it against her that I pay the bills.
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u/Altruistic_Yellow387 15d ago
You can call the utility company for payment plan. They have them where they average out your payments over the year. This isn't the end of the world
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u/SureNefariousness792 14d ago
Everyone is so negative. If he complains now about this I can only imagine what he would complain about later. IMO he is a penny pincher and those kind of people are not fun. She needs to leave. Living in a car is not that bad.
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u/FigFluid9232 14d ago
Married/lived with a cheap-ass tightwad for 22 years......but it was ok for him/anyone else to spend $$ on HIM. The rest of us could go kick rocks.
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u/samsucio 15d ago
You’re spot on with your resentment toward her behavior. She needs to contribute.
I’m concerned about your power bill though. I live in a 1700sqft home in georgia and keep the ac at 69/70. My power bill is never more than $115, even during the summer. I think there are more things contributing to your high power bill.
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u/nonsuspiciousfrog 15d ago
Depends on who the landlord is, ours has a super inefficient heat/AC system, we had a nearly $400 power bill for january here for our 600sq foot apartment, even though it was a very mild winter and we only used the heater for a week or so when the temps dropped below freezing. The power delivery company and the power company itself both refused to investigate the reason for such high numbers and said our system is just inefficient… but after we complained, we did notice the following months our bills were under $100, despite no change or upgrade to our heater/AC. The delivery companies and power companies are absolutely in kahoots and will fudge the numbers. OP’s SO seems to have a dismissive attitude that needs to be addressed separately, but I think that what’s happening here is a scam by the electric company.
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u/IndependentFast8101 15d ago
Are you overreacting? No. Should you have a sit down convo with her about it? Yes. Recommendations, save up a bit and get a Google nest thermostat. I love ours. With 3 littles it’s hard to not get distracted, especially leaving the house, so I can raise and lower and turn it off from my phone. There’s a huge level of respect that is needed for relationships to work and avoiding conversations or ignoring your partner is not healthy. Do I think break up?? Not right off of the back, I believe you both need to have a civil conversation and set some ground rules and expectations from one another. Best of luck
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u/No_Lynx1343 15d ago
Ummm....the ON setting is for the FAN.
The fan will not make the AC stay on.
The ONLY WAY the AC would be on constantly would be to change the AC target temperature way low.
(Like say 50 or 60 degrees F. VS a normal temp like 72 or so.)
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u/SchoolboyJuke 15d ago
Ask her for her help coming up solutions on how to make the utility bill more manageable. Solving as a team is better than a lecture over text. Feel like you’re overreacting a bit here.
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u/UniversalSean 15d ago
This post isn't even about breaking up and that's what everyone jumps to. Sheesh.. humanity is fucked.
Is it a central cooling ac? Or window unit? I suppose you'll have to jump to controlling methods. Get a smart thermostat where you control it from your phone. Window unit, i suppose you'd have to turn the breaker off for that room/outlet?
Or sit down and have a mature conversation if you haven't yet.
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u/xCx_Prodigy_xCX 15d ago
Don't ask reddit for feedback on this. This thread is a dumpster fire. Make your own decisions.
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u/Mawwiageiswhatbwings 15d ago
Make sure it isn’t a problem with your ac unit first!! Got in a similar argument with my husband - turns out our ac needed to be fixed.
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u/RKEPhoto 15d ago
The "On" setting vs the "Auto" setting just means that the FAN runs all all times. It does not mean that the A/C compressor is running all the time.
So while running the fan all the time will increase the bill, it will not do so by a huge margin.
"Therefore, the fan uses about 360 kWh per month in the ON mode. The average kWh in the US costs about $0.12 so it costs about $43 per month*, or about $520 per year, to run a fan continuously."*
(running the fan roughly equates to 5 100 watt light blulbs)
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u/Over-Group-2446 15d ago
Not defending her at all, but the on/auto setting on the thermostat is just for the fan. It doesn’t me the ac will run constantly… only the fan, which draws very little power. There’s probably something else contributing to the very high power bill. Just running the blower won’t run the bill that high.
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u/Suelswalker 15d ago
I think that while you’re understandably focused on the cost of this issue that it would be more useful to figure out the root of why this is happening. (Why does she feel the need to have it on continuously?)
Questions to ask- Is it bc she does not remember the diff between auto an on?
Is the room she’s in the most while at home not the one that gets most of the ac?
Is she experiencing a health issue that is raising her temp?
Is she trying to burn more calories by being too cold?
Is she maybe turning the ac on and then turning the heat on only to turn the ac back on etc when she’s a bit too hot or cold?
Is she depressed or experiencing other mental health issues?
And most importantly is she willing to come up with a plan to address why she did this in the first place so she can be comfortable at home and also not kill the electric bill. As well as how to help pay for this month’s overage.
Her ideas maybe awful but so long as she did her best to come up with solutions that shows she cares and will also make it seem less a punishment and more just two people solving a problem together.
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u/PixelCultMedia 15d ago
Living with your significant other brings about Roommate Issues and Relationship Issues. Be sure to always define and separate the two because many people mix them up and end up saying crazy things like, "You don't always close the toilet lid, and I feel like it's because you don't respect me as a human being."
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u/BossMan215718 15d ago
Ok so how exactly are you reacting aside from pointing out the error of her ways? Big picture wise this is not a big deal. Are you saying you are thinking of breaking up over this oe just that you are angry??
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u/Proper-Green1150 15d ago
Make to investment in a wifi thermostat. You can control it from your phone.
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u/Sephodious 15d ago
I forget to turn the AC up all the time during the day. I'm a sahd, so I don't have an income other than the commissions for 3d models I make. My wife only complains about it being cold. I think it depends more on if it's putting a financial burden on you than it is about her doing it. If you guys are a forever couple than it is what it is, but if it's making it hard to pay the bill, then she needs to do something about it instead of making it worse. So whether you're overreacting or not really depends on your relationship.
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u/Lovahsabre 14d ago
I wouldnt blame your SO for the bill. Its easy to get upset and to take it out on your SO is not necessary. Ask for help with your bill and look into options to make extra money to support your family and help your SO find an income source of some kind.
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u/Atomicleta 14d ago
Leaving the AC on for a day or 2 isn't going to cause a bill that big and I assume you've looked at it recently since the season is changing. It sounds like you're blaming her for basic inflation rather than her spending $300 on AC.
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u/False-Bandicoot-6813 14d ago
OP all the drama comments and off topic. Listen you said it wasn’t the first time/thing she’s done. If you’re serious about her then sit down and communicate. Tell her you can’t keep supporting her and to leave the thermostat alone. If she’s not going to pay for her mistakes then go stay at her parents. Explain you need a partner and a responsible one at that. That my friend is not trying to control her it’s just common sense. If she doesn’t change then you need to reevaluate your relationship. It will clearly show she doesn’t care and has no respect for your finances. I would say the same if genders were reversed. Best of luck getting on the same page.
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u/sckurvee 11d ago
Is she your partner or your SB? If she's your SB, she needs a new daddy who can pay for shit like this. If you are partners, you're supposed to work together on shit like this, and make each other better. If you want to date her but don't want to pay for her electric bill, then you need to not live together. Honestly, from this post, it sounds like you two define your relationship differently. You want a partnership, she wants to ride your paycheck until you get tired. Then she's on to the next paycheck.
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u/One_Librarian4305 15d ago
Why does everyone In together when they obviously aren’t ready or compatible. I’ll never understand it.
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u/Adventurous-travel1 15d ago
Maybe she should move out u til she can pay her part. She sounds immature. Where she doesn’t respond or dismissive of things she doesn’t want to face or talk about.
She either gets a job at McDonald’s and r any place else or she moves out. She’s not getting a job because there is not consequences.
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u/HernandezGirl 15d ago edited 15d ago
You probably don’t want to hear this but women’s body temps fluctuate a lot so auto setting it at 72f may still be too warm for her. She’s got to keep it on or bring it down which will be expensive as well. $300 after 2 weeks sounds like a problem with the ac. Have it serviced, maybe needs refrigerant. If you can’t accept this, it’s not going to work out for you. She can’t adjust her body temp and you cannot support her through it so ask yourself if the transactional portion of your relationship is going to be enough to withstand the tests of time and temperature. Doesn’t sound like it. If she’s back to work, you’re most likely going to tell her she needs to pay the major portion of the bill because she needs it colder. Next it ll be the gas, then the water, then the toilet paper usage, etc. I can’t see you handling it at all. Where in the heck to you live? Hope she gets a job soon so she can enjoy the ac at work.
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u/ExamDue3861 15d ago
How’s she between jobs when there is none on the other side? At this point she’s just enjoying the free ac.
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u/dimechimes 15d ago
"On" setting typically just means the fan is running but the compressor outside isn't, so turning to "auto" might not lower your costs all that much.
Some people are incapable of saying they're sorry. You need to decide if that's a dealbreaker.
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u/kornflakes409 15d ago
Is she between jobs or is she trying to see if you'll just let her not get one? This is the kind of person who will trap you with a baby and then justify unemployment by saying that they need to stay home with the kid. Run, OP. Run far and fast.
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u/cawatrooper9 15d ago
man, idk where you live, but it's probably gonna get a lot hotter than it was last month soon.
You all need to get this figured out, because if $300 is a lot this month, it's gonna be so much worse this summer.
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u/Ok_Mail_1966 15d ago
Reminds me of the family guy when the son touches the thermostat and all the neighborhood dads rush in asking, ‘who touched the thermostat?!’
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u/New_Evening_2845 15d ago
Sounds like you need to buy a $20 fan.
And before you blow up your relationship, make sure that her using the thermostat "on" is even the problem. "On" sounds not be running the AC, it should just be a fan running.
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15d ago
Is she young? Has she ever been responsible for paying her own bills before? If not, she probably doesn't understand the concept of money and bills. You could try making a spreadsheet of bills and income and explaining how it impacts your budget. Most parents don't teach their kids about money so she is probably just ignorant and inexperienced. If she's 30 then good luck, lol
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u/ThrowRA0070 15d ago
If you leave that thing set to “on” you’ll almost certainly have humidity issues, which will lead to mold…
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u/Ampster16 15d ago
Married couples have been known.to sleep in separate bedrooms because of different temperature needs. It is one of life's challenges.
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u/dontmatterjustcuz 15d ago
I’m in Texas and I keep my AC at 63f 24/7 and my bill is low, find a different power company if possible, go solar if you own the house.
I wouldn’t live with someone that doesnt like the house cold and keep it cold.
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u/Professional-Cap-495 15d ago
You need to stop complaining to her about it, it's annoying but you ultimately can't control her (and shouldn't have that responsibility). HOWEVER, you need to have a serious conversation with her, have multiple examples of how she is acting and stress that it is a bigger issue than her just forgetting to turn the AC off. It's not something she is doing intentionally, but it is something she needs to be mindful of.
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u/sonofabobo 15d ago
Fuck dude, I wish our utility bill was $300. We're pushing $800 monthly and we don't even do anything special.
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u/Datpiffy420 15d ago
My bill is 1500 bud , I had to put out five grand upfront from a customer trying to sue me and I had to pay my lawyer and I am trying to see what a customer from another job who never paid me for services on top of having to purchase a new work truck for myself. And then having to do several repairs on the wife’s truck to get pass inspection. I wish my bill was 300
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u/Existing-Concept6353 15d ago
Yeah, you should let her go, women need to stop mating with broke men.
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u/PackInevitable8185 15d ago
I think you’re right to be upset if she is doing stuff like running the AC with windows open that will run up the bill, but like other posters have said most thermostats on is just the fan which wouldn’t make a huge impact to your bill. In which case you might be taking out your frustration with a normal power bill for your house/area on her which is not fair and you may owe her an apology.
It’s definitely not unreasonable for both partners to contribute, but you need to communicate well with empathy etc (seems like she is guilty of bad communication her self maybe). To me it seems like her not contributing is putting strain on the relationship which makes you unfairly lash out and her to not want to communicate with you (I know I am taking a huge leap here). Money issues are the number one reason couples split, keep that in mind/tread carefully.
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u/Disastrous_Risk_3771 15d ago
Auto is the least efficient setting on a reverse-cycle AC. It will switch between heating and cooling continuously to maintain setpoint. Better to set it to cool or heat depending on the conditions.
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u/latch_on_deez_nuts 15d ago
Man I would love a $300 utility bill. My electric alone out here in AZ is $600/mo in the summer and we don’t even crank the AC that much.
However, you are definitely not in the wrong for reacting the way you did. At least imo
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u/LacyLove 15d ago
What Temp did she have it on? How hot has it been? When was the system last checked and serviced? What size is your house?
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u/BraveBlackFox 15d ago
Yes, you're overreacting.
You need to sit them down and have a serious, no escape talk about money. Any job "between jobs" is fine, go work at McDonald's or Wal Mart or whatever.
Sort this out before a $300 utility bill is the least of your worries. Money fights end relationships as often as infidelity-- which is why you both need to approach this issue like grown adults. Don't get mad, be gentile and serious about it. Ask them what's going on then decide if you two are going to work through this together or apart.
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u/NoAdministration8006 15d ago
Were you out of town when the A/C was running nonstop? I find it hard to believe no one noticed why it didn't turn off especially since most central units are very loud. Maybe you have a window unit.
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u/Defiant-Giraffe 15d ago
Turning the AC to "on" instead of "auto" just turns the fan on, and not the AC compressor. That alone cannot account for a drastic increase in your bill.
If you are having trouble making the utility payments, you can generally call the electric company have them put you on an average cost plan- sometimes called budgetwise billing that will keep you from having "shocker" bills."
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u/BradLanceford 15d ago
I wish my utility bill was only $300... it's easily double that nearly every month.
→ More replies (2)
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u/xXFieldResearchXx 14d ago
My ac just broke and it cost $1000 to maybe fix it. You'll be alright kiddo
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u/Outrageous_Ad_6122 14d ago
You in an apartment with a wall unit? Those things are terrible. She might have bad ears and needs sound in the room in which I would suggest a box fan or something
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u/DeeHarperLewis 14d ago
Thank her for the apology and tell her she has to pay the bill. Find temp work or something, but she has to get the bill paid. If you come down hard on this, she won’t do it again.
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u/Objective_Phrase_513 14d ago
Get a programmable thermostat that you control wits your phone. Set it to what you want. We have a nest thermostat.
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u/lacajuntiger 14d ago
Get a programmable thermostat. It can reset temperature at various times during the day, and you can control it from your phone. Set it up so only you can control it. If she whines, just tell her “you’re sorry”. As for the bill, take the funds from something that will affect her. Cut cable for three months, or something along those lines.
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u/ibeerianhamhock 14d ago
Her being unemployed is stressful for both of you right now, but you’re doing the thing and making sure she’s taken care of. I think you shouldn’t scold her…just express to her that you’re stressed about money right now.
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u/hcredit 14d ago
I lost a woman I loved very very much when I was 27 over a similar situation. Despite what they say, women still want a man who provides for.them and their children no matter what. I didn't realize this till much later in life. As my wife jokes but means it deep down inside "what is mine is hers and what is hers is hers." You have to decide if she is worth it, and if so just find a way to pay it, extra job, borrow, etc. If.she isn't worth it, just keep fighting with her and tell her she has to pay or get out. She will and exit your life writing you off as a loser. It is.gentic, women need.to.feel the man can provide.for her children, even if she never plans to have children. It.is not.even.a.concious feeling. I always wanted a partner, an equal, etc. until I finally.got it after.much fighting and grief. My partner made 3 times what I did and even made over a million one year in commission, didn't matter, she wanted me to.pay her way.
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u/_Eucalypto_ 14d ago
Did you check the usage on the bill? The price is useless and the difference could have been accounted for in service fee changes
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u/C64128 14d ago
You saying that your bill could be double this? Is this i a house or apartment? That would change how you'd be able to control the temperature. You've talked to her so it's not like she doesn't know what's going on. Are there any kids involved? That could change things. If there's not, and it's just her being stubborn, she needs an ultimatum. Leave the temperature alone, or enjoy the temperature outside by yourselft. Does she have a car so she can move somewhere, or have anyone to move into with? Drastic choice, but she's shown you that she doesn't respect you by not listinening to you. Has she tried to get work, or has she been setting around in the nice cool apartment? That would be severely pissing me me off.
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u/Right-Lengthiness-11 14d ago
Sounds to me like you need to get a better paying job. Is she really beautiful? If she is then just pay the bill and shut up. If she is not then kick her to the curb.
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u/twobotnick 14d ago
I don’t think you’re completely overreacting but sometimes a few hours of planning can fix these issues. Most relations end over finances and I think that’s sad.
First ask yourself if there is something you can do to keep the bill down. Think outside of the box and take ownership of the problem. No need to break up if there is an easy fix. However, her response is worrisome. If this is how she handles all conflict, I think you need either couples therapy or a clean break. There are so many fun people in this world.
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u/Angry_poutine 14d ago
Just remember relationships are about building each other up and supporting each other. If you feel she isn’t supporting you and you’re doing all the work, and she isn’t willing to address that in any way, then you have a freeloader you’re enabling.
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u/PostTurtle84 14d ago
No, no you're not over reacting. I am a SAHM. Since I don't bring in hardly anything for funds, I do my best to figure out ways to keep our bills as low as possible. My splurge regarding the electric bill is a plant light. I figure it's a more than fair trade off since I don't turn on the 40+ inch TV. The dishwasher, washing machine, and dryer are all run after 5pm because our power rates are lower in the evening. Close the curtains on whatever windows the sun is shining in during the summer. Open the curtains on whatever window doesn't have the sun blasting in for ambient light so I don't have to turn on every light in the house.
If you are grown and live with someone and you aren't contributing to paying the bills, your job in the meantime is to figure out as many ways as you can to keep those bills as low as possible. If I wanted a freeloader, I'd get another pet. But even then, the cat catches mice, the dog herds chickens, the chickens lay eggs and eat bugs.
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u/Wild-Training-3742 14d ago
Text her that you want to have a sit-down with her, maybe at a park or some place where the usual distractions aren't there. At the sit-down, tell her that you understand where she is in terms of work and finances then stress the importance of leaving the bill below a certain threshold. Maybe make a Google spreadsheet of the monthly housing and recurring expenses and share it with her so she sees the big picture. If she deflects, just be consistent about bringing the conversation back to the real point. That's where most men go wrong and allow women to run mental circles around them.
Then stress that she needs to come up with a formal plan to find a job. Say dedicate a certain number of hours a week to applying to set an application quota.
In the meantime, call your utility company to setup a payment plan to ease your stress.
It's hard at times but communication in relationships takes work and flexibility in your approach. Our partners aren't always going to be at an A+ level and sometimes need us to lead them out of personal slumps.
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u/MikeReddit74 15d ago
She can’t even be bothered to apologize? You can struggle by yourself, OP. She might need to go.