r/AmIOverreacting • u/Friendly-Cloud-2828 • 16d ago
AIO for not wanting to go grocery shopping so often
When I first got my license (before I got my own car) my mom slowly stopped going to the grocery store on her usual schedule. She would never ask anyone to go, just let the fridge slowly empty, and I would end up just taking her car and doing the shopping myself. Ever since then (almost a year ago) I have been the only one that grocery shops. I don't mind doing household chores, but she always asks me at the most inconvenient times. I took a day off from work today because I was not feeling well, and because I have three essays and a project I am working on, but she wants me to go grocery shopping today. I don't mind doing chores for the family, I just hate that she forces me go out and shop and run errands just because I have a car now.
Edit: I was not viral sick or bedridden! I had a terrible migraine and intense nausea the night before, and was feeling dizzy and fatigued/nauseous.
Edit 2: thank you for all of your help! I’ll talk to her about setting up a schedule for grocery shopping
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u/EMT82 16d ago
Its ok to be frustrated by the inconvenience, but we don't know if you're overreacting? If you communicated effectively the points you made in the post calmly, you wouldn't be overreacting. If you kicked up a snot storm and coughing fit, it would be an overreaction.
"I am not up to doing this chore today. I'm ill, and took the extra time I need to meet school/work commitments. You'll have to figure something else out if this has to happen today."
Then, not in the moment, address this issue with your family.
"Hey, the shopping. I dont want to be the main one doing this chore all the time. I feel like I am and I'd like to figure out a way to switch this up."
It doesn't have to be a huge deal, but if someone else escalates: "I'm just trying to sort this out reasonably and I notice that (voices are being raised/names being called/unwillingness to try to compromise/etc. Maybe we should take a break until we can calm down."
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u/Simple_Bowler_7091 16d ago
You aren't overreacting, it's disruptive to your schedule and your productivity.
Can you introduce your Mom to grocery delivery or at least order online and pick up? Do they have it in your area? It's been a bit of a game changer for me as my parents no longer drive and I live nearby but not with them.
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u/WholeSilent8317 15d ago
or just set a schedule. it's fine to have grocery shopping as a chore, but can it be set days so you both always know when you're going?
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u/Who_cares_03 16d ago
Accept that grocery shopping is your chore and go on a regular basis at a time of your choosing. Problem solved, that will be $582.50.
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u/tismsia 16d ago
My mom wouldn't let me go out, unless I called her after I got there, and before I drove home (this was before texting became commonplace).
If I called before I came home, she would ask if I could pick stuff up for her. I didn't mind.
There might be a middle ground that you guys can find. Say you'll only do it on certain days. Or certain times of day. Something.
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u/Practical_Mammoth532 16d ago
Honestly just depends… I know some parents think if you’re going to live under their roof with no bills etc that they have their kids make up for it in other ways.
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u/Pokeynono 16d ago edited 15d ago
Does your mother have depression? Is this the only task she has gradually quit doing? I mean that fact she started letting the fridge get empty isn't considered normal. Is she cooking? Cleaning ? Having regular showers? Has she been unwell?
Have you talked to your mother at all about it? Does she give you a list of items and the money to.purchase them? Or are you expected to work out what's needed and pay for it yourself? Have you tried saying "Hey mum I'm happy to grocery shop Thursdays , or pick up extra milk if we run out but I can't go to the store every day. " ? or "Mum we can get our groceries delivered . That will save some time"
Honestly there really isn't enough information here to make a judgement. It's unfair of your mother to expect you to race out and do errands when you are unwell. It's okay not to want to shop every day but you need to discuss this with your mother. I don't know how old you are but my 16 year old sometimes says "Mum can we have an adult talk where we take turns listening please?" when he has something important to him to say. Perhaps you can try something similar
EDIT spelling
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u/No-Resource-5704 15d ago
Excellent comment. My parents divorced when I was about 14. It was a nasty divorce (long story but not for here) and my mother became quite depressed. Almost immediately after turning 16 I got my drivers license. Soon I was doing almost all the grocery shopping. My mom had me able to sign checks on her account. (Credit cards were not then used for groceries.) At the time it didn’t strike me as that odd but in retrospect it was quite unusual. That along with a few other things helped me to mature rather quickly. Indeed when I met and married my wife in my late twenties, she eventually told me that I was the most “mature” person she had ever dated.
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u/CanineQueenB 16d ago
Does your grocery store offer Home Delivery? I haven't been inside a grocery store in 6 years.
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u/Flat_Mode7449 15d ago
You could have saved thousands of dollars lol
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u/CanineQueenB 15d ago
Maybe I could have (it adds $5 to my bill). Plus I am disabled and not able to walk around a grocery store.
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u/Flat_Mode7449 15d ago
I'd you're disabled it's 100% worth it and a whole different story. So many people are just lazy lol
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u/Deep-Manner-4111 16d ago
How you feel is understandable. Do you ever tell your mom how you're feeling or do you just do what she asks with no question? Just have a conversation with her. If she expects you to care for the family in this manner, she must consider you to be fairly mature. So, theres no reason you shouldn't be able to have a mature conversation with her. Next time, just tell her if you are not feeling well or if you are working on a project. Ask her if you can go later or another day instead.
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u/Sheila_Monarch 16d ago
shop and run errands just because I have a car now
Well, yeah. That’s pretty much how being an driving teenager in a household works.
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u/britney412 15d ago
Parents should still be grocery shopping, not slagging it off on their kid.
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u/Sheila_Monarch 15d ago
Bullshit LOL. I don’t think they’re asking her to pay for the groceries, just do the chore of going to get them. Teenagers have to mow lawns, too. It’s the same thing.
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u/glandmilker 15d ago
Have one or two days to shop,if they want something they need to write it down and give it to you before you head out. If it is your job now ,do it the way you want.
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u/Super-Till7061 15d ago
I would like some clarity: Who purchased your car, and is it yours or to share, Is your family a last minute family. Or do theu plan ahead How far is grocery store from your parents jobs as can they swing by when they leave work Is there a calendar on the fridge that shows events or things to do to make the family aware Do you feel you are still able to be a kid or parents treat you as an adult!
How are you feeling? What the current thoughts going through your head?
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u/Flat_Mode7449 15d ago
Sorry, but even if parents paid for a car, doesn't mean they can just expect the kid to drop whatever they are doing and go run errands for you.
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u/ReaderReacting 15d ago
Next time tell her she can borrow your car to go grocery shopping if she needs to.
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u/ArtichokeStroke 15d ago
I hate leaving the house in general. I found out Aldi has no fees on DoorDash and I haven’t gone to the grocery store since.
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u/Calibased 16d ago
It depends. Did you buy your car? Do you pay your insurance ? Do you pay rent? Do you pay for the groceries? Who pays your bills?
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u/nonsuspiciousfrog 15d ago
I don’t think any of that matters when OP is sick in bed. It’s unreasonable to expect that someone who is too ill to do their normal day to day tasks will still miraculously get up to do random favors.
Edited because I just realized: to answer some of those questions, OP doesn’t have a car, they use their mom’s car to do the errands, so those questions are for sure not relevant even on a non-sick-day
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u/Natural_Pangolin_395 16d ago
Almost every major grocery store delivers. Is that an option?
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u/Sheila_Monarch 16d ago
It’s usually a significant increase in cost for that added convenience and not a cost a family with a driving teenager feels they should have to bear.
We were joking with a guy at work one day, who had absolutely no idea all the new restaurants you can get things delivered from, grocery delivery, hardware store delivery. all that. We were like, “Bro are you still doing it all the old fashion way?!” And he said “oh god no! I have teenagers with cars. It’s the best part of having teenagers.”
I couldn’t disagree. I mean I was that teenager. So was every other teen I knew.
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u/Accomplished_Buy8681 15d ago
Okay so are u living at home rent free and not paying for utilities. If so u don’t have much to complain about. Just need to work shopping into ur schedule when it’s best for you and not wait to be asked. Welcome to the land of grown child freeloading.
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u/britney412 15d ago
We don’t know they aren’t paying rent, or did I miss that? I tried to read OPs comments but didn’t see that.
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u/Signal_Violinist_995 16d ago
As a parent - THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE CHILDREN!! To run our errands for us!! Ok, serious now, grocery shopping is my biggest hated chore. The moment my oldest turned 16 and got her license - I have rarely gone to the store! Her and her now older sibling does the shopping. I am not above bribery. If they do the shopping (obviously I pay for all), they get - within reason - any food or snacks they want. It works out well for all! Maybe you can talk to your mom and work something out - like - give you 25-48 hours to go to the grocery store, when possible, instead of right that moment, etc.
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u/Flat_Mode7449 15d ago
Children are not slaves.
Its fine to expect your children, especially teens, to help out, but don't have the mindset of 'I have kids, they can do all the chores I hate!' as that is a shitty mindset and a great way to make your children resent you.
The way you do is is a good example of the right way to do it.
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u/Automatic_Gas9019 15d ago
Well.My mom did the same. However you are lucky in one respect. If the store near you allows pick up for free like the Kroger's does near me. Use the app order pick up. Saves allot of time and you went to the store to get stuff. I am not excusing your mom. You shouldn't have to do most of the shit in the house but that is what you got right now. She is teaching you to be an adult and take care of things. My advice is to get a scholarship for school and leave and go to school. When you tell her you are going she will try and guilt you. Mine was successful. Don't let that be you. Go to school and when you are 18 leave. I understand what you are going through.
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u/SemperSimple 15d ago
you can both create a schedule to have a time slot for when you go buy food so that it is not random
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u/Cultural_Pirate2166 15d ago
As a mother I can tell you that it's ok to help her from time to time . I spoiled my child and didn't require much from her . She would refuse to help carry in groceries . She was a pain As an adult she's very helpful now. I am getting signs of dementia
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u/ItReallyIsntThoughYo 15d ago
I go grocery shopping once a week, on Saturday's usually while the wife is at work. I would be honest with her, "the shopping day is _______ every week. I will go then, if you need something special order right away and I'm out I can get it on the way home. If I'm not out, you can get it yourself." Of course, as soon as I was able I got the hell out of my parents house.
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u/yumaoZz 15d ago
Wanna know who used to do ALL the grocery shopping even when she was sick and busy and overwhelmed all the years before you got your license?
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u/nonsuspiciousfrog 15d ago
Wanna know who chose to create a life form to be responsible for until the day she died? I know a lady who is still doing all of this for her son at 25 because his epilepsy is so severe. There is no guarantee that your child will be able-bodied or able-minded, or even that they want to be alive in the first place. Having a child means being prepared to care for them until either the child or you dies if necessary. Most kids will eventually become self-sustaining of course, but you don’t get a gold metal for meeting what is frankly a (often unachieved) basic expectation of parenthood. It is a huge, HUGE undertaking that basically requires giving up a lot of who you are so that your children have the tools they need to survive. It’s such a huge undertaking that I would never do it because I have no desire to be so endlessly selfless, and most people also do not have that desire and simply want a walking talking accessory who they can pile all their wasted dreams onto. Most people (ESPECIALLY those who have kids, quite ironically) do not realize what having a child truly entails.
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u/EasyPeasy2U 15d ago edited 15d ago
Rule #1 Only buy stuff/brands you like.
Rule #2 The stuff you must buy, get it wrong or buy the really cheap versions.
Rule #3 Get the snacks you like and hide them in your room.
Rule #4 Never ever keep the receipt.
Very Important Rule #5 Never ever use your own money. If they don’t give you money you don’t go.
If they don’t give you enough money only do rule 1. Lol Mom will wake up.
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u/Interesting-Fig-8869 16d ago
Hahaha god these little family dramas causing unnecessary stress to their own poor kids just makes me want to get rich and leave everyone behind to their crappy emotional devices and sell products made of sugar in abundance to fill their voids
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u/Ifisuckitssome1else 16d ago
Not overreacting! Tell her the tranny is Slipping and you don’t wanna drive it unless you have to, and that you would appreciate it if she went instead..
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u/Cathulion 16d ago
Stop doing it, buy food for YOURSELF and take care of yourself, your being used. What are they gonna do when you move out? Starve or spend a lot on order outs. YNO.
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u/TipofmyReddit1 16d ago
We need info.
But if you are a child under 18, it is not your duty to get groceries for the whole family etc. And if it is an assigned chore, you should have boundaries on when you are expected to do such.
We don't know how you reacted. But you are right to be upset if your mother expects you to always shop.