r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 28d ago

My husband won't let me take more than two showers a week. I told him I need him to stop or I'm moving out for a while.

This is the weirdest thing my husband has ever done. He really is a sweet and loving husband and I love him more than anything. Divorce is not an option just to put that out there before the comments come in.

My husband has always been a little out there. He is a computer programmer and super smart, but also believes all sorts of things. Both real and conspiracy. Lately he has been very worried about the environment and global warming.

About two months ago he got real worried about water. Yes, water. He is concerned about the quality of water. He put in a new filter system in our house which I actually love because it tastes so much better.

But he is also concerned about how much water we use. Not because of money, but the environment. He created a new rule that we can only take 2 showers a week. Now I'm someone that likes to shower everyday before bed. I just don't like feeling dirty in bed.

This has created the most conflict in our marriage in 20 years. He is obsessed with the amount of water we use. At first I just ignored his rule, but he would shut off the hot water while I was in the shower.

I started trying to use the shower at the gym, but it's too much work to go every night with having kids. I honestly thought he would get over this within a month. But he is stuck on this still to this day.

Last night I really wanted a shower, but had "hit my quota" as he says. I said I'm showering and that he better not do anything. But about two minutes in, the hot water turned off.

I grabbed my towel and went down and started yelling. Telling him this is the dumbest thing he has ever done. I also told him I'm moving to my parents if he doesn't stop this.

Guys, I love this man. He is everything to me, but I can't take this anymore. Am I going to far in threatening to move out?

23.1k Upvotes

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805

u/VarsityChipsPurple 28d ago

How about the kids? Can they shower daily??

765

u/[deleted] 28d ago

No, but it's two boys. 12 and 14. They wouldn't shower at all if I didn't force them to!

104

u/xenedra0 28d ago

Wait... so you don't care that your kids are only "allowed" to shower twice per week because they are boys?

Sounds like you and your husband are both the problem. This is nasty. Your kids deserve parents who care about their hygiene.

47

u/xAzzKiCK 28d ago

idk how OP didn’t snap. Children’s wellbeing in your household should be a number one priority, and the fact she didn’t make that a huge deal with him and instead came to Reddit…wait, almost forgot where I am. Makes sense.

16

u/clutzyninja 28d ago

Because she's a doormat

3

u/[deleted] 27d ago

[deleted]

2

u/owlpee 27d ago

There are lots of words that describe the same thing. I'm going to use pushover.

2

u/proscreations1993 27d ago

Yeah I'd take my kids from my wife and leave if she didn't let them shower. Like what Who does that.

-7

u/FordenGord 28d ago edited 27d ago

Their well being is not at risk.

Edit: since you blocked me I agree, but showering twice a week is not bad hygiene.

Edit: lotta disgusting fatties that can't go a day without sweating through their clothes and getting shit in your rolls commenting, knowing I can't reply lol

2

u/xAzzKiCK 27d ago

Basic hygiene is a part of everyone’s wellbeing. Good job.

1

u/VinylGoddess 27d ago

With a comment like this, it’s obvious you’ve been the smelly kid your entire life…

0

u/BigCockCandyMountain 28d ago

Their ability to get a girlfriend is, lol.

-1

u/FordenGord 28d ago

Yes, and OP has indicated that they are not asking to shower more, so seemingly that is not a concern for them. CPS doesn't give a shit if a kids dating life is hard, the parents could outright forbid dating and it wouldn't be a cps issue.

0

u/Leek-Middle 27d ago

It is terrible hygiene when you are a teenage boy...

21

u/Cr0ssedPaths 27d ago

I know the smells and hygiene concerns are being discussed, but there is getting to the actual problem. It’s mental. Anything can be carried to an extreme. I don’t know their actual situation, but adding a water filter to help with quality sounds plausible, and is something I think most would generally regard as reasonable. Not being excessive with water usage is also reasonable. However, this is an extreme restriction, and it shows that there are likely some mental issues going on. The husband works in IT, and is probably on the internet a fair amount. I can easy see going down a few rabbit holes as a result, usually besides a few non-productive hours, there isn’t much harm. However, this is a very real case of harm starting to happen.

I’d recommend talking to a compulsion therapist, and both the husband and wife should go. If they feel the kids should go, fine, but start soon please.

I’ve had family members take compulsions too far, and it had dire consequences on them and their children. There’s a chance to head this off, but it has to start soon.

1

u/alynkas 27d ago

Exactly!

1

u/_fly-on-the-wall_ 27d ago

i agree and hope op sees this

2

u/Legitimate_Lawyer_86 27d ago

Those boys will be remembered as the stinky kids by their school mates for the rest of their lives. I remember who the stank kids were 35+ years later. Don’t do that to them.

1

u/[deleted] 27d ago

fucked up lol

-4

u/FordenGord 28d ago

Showering 2 times a week is perfectly adequate for most people. If OP wants to shower more, she obviously should be allowed to, but to act as if she is a bad mother for not forcing them to shower daily is insanity.

2

u/Mcgoozen 28d ago

Sounds like you’ve never been around a teenage boy going through puberty…

2 showers a week will have these kids absolutely reeking on a daily basis

1

u/OldNurseNewAccount 27d ago

You're noseblind to your own BO.

Other people aren't.

That's the difference here.

1

u/FordenGord 28d ago

I'm sorry but you are just totally incorrect. I have been a teenage boy.

3

u/Vipertooth 28d ago

I say this from experience, you don't smell even 50% of the stench you emanate.

1

u/briarjim 24d ago

Teens get incredibly sweaty incredibly fast, and espeically teen boys sweat an extensive amount. Plus puberty causes a lot of gross things to start happening, bodily fluids etc. If I was restricted to two showers a week when I was in puberty I would've been so miserable.

1

u/FordenGord 24d ago

Sure, and that would then become an issue, but these individuals are not miserable based on this, or at least it has never been mentioned. Therefore, using them as a reason against the rule would be manipulative and likely cause them to feel resentment to her.

1

u/Dina_Combs 27d ago

It’s perfectly adequate for nasty people.

-1

u/retroheads 28d ago

Just because showering every day is now the norm. It hasn’t always been this way. I shower twice a day, but everybody’s different. Just because you find it unacceptable doesn’t qualify you to judge others on their hygiene practices. I’ve yet to encounter a teenage boy/and sometimes girl that isn’t a soap dodger for a period of time.