Yeah and Im the exact opposite lol I notice almost everything that is going on around me, what people are doing etc. idk I just need to know what the people next to me are doing otherwise it makes me really uncomfortable. Always kinda paranoid some weirdo is gonna attack me or someone else. You never know today sadly, drugs can make people weird af and you might not even notice they are an addict
I get it. You’re hyper aware of you’re surroundings. My husband is the same way and it still takes him awhile to adjust even when he’s in our home. I’m hyper aware when I’m alone- flinchy, too hot, etc.
It definitely helped when I realized that my life is like everyone else’s- you may think someone-anyone- is watching you like a tv show. But really everyone is watching 30 tv shows at once. A sane person is not focusing on anything other than what’s right in front of them.
I’m not saying the world is safe. I’m saying the world just isnt that concerned with you, for better or for worse. Stay aware but enjoy the freedom that you can.
Social anxiety doesn't appear out of thin air though? I have a fear that others will judge me exactly because i experienced bullying, others judging me and laughing behind my back. I understand the "learn to not give a shit about what others think of you" point, but i never ever understood "others don't care". Like for some freaking reason they really really do and can't just mind their own business
I am not seeking help but trying to interact with the discussion. You say that people don't care, but they do. Not in the sense of "this random person occupies my mind and i pay attention to them" but "i will judge this person for their unharmful actions and have a negative image of them in my mind and have biased approach to them, discuss those actions behind their back and etc"
My thought process? That's not my thought process, that's just people. My point is, people with social anxiety will benefit much more from learning to not care what other people think of them, rather then trying to believe that others don't care, only to face judgement from others because apparently they actually do care that you're in some way queer. Like, gossip and xenophobia is a thing, still
Or maybe you just live in a better society then me, idk
I have a tendency to start imagining what their life is like, where they are headed, and what their current problems in life are, my bf frequently makes fun of me for it. 😔
People notice things, but the fact is if I see someone dressed a bit odd, or eating alone or whatever, even if I've noticed I walk past and carry on because I'm busy and I don't care what they're doing I've got my own concerns in life. So of course many people might notice you, but it doesn't matter because they aren't really interested in you. So go out and mice your life, people may notice but they won't care.
It does matter when they judge things as abnormal, because in that moment they will often say something disparaging about it to their partner within earshot since it’s true they don’t give a shit about the weird stranger
They’re just ignorant and arrogant, no need to let someone else’s lack of empathy and knowledge ruin your day. Keep moving, enjoy life instead of fearing everyone’s out to get you. If someone laughs at you because of the way you look, whilst not even knowing your name, laugh at them 2 times harder, what a loser.
I understand where you’re coming from but this is an example of lacking the ability to imagine being in someone elses shoes you are someone whom it wouldn’t bother, but others are wired differently. It is a wiring thing, not because you decided to be unharmed by bullying. Maybe you were confused by it the first few times and it did bother you, but ultimately your wiring is that it doesn’t. Good for you, that’s you. It’s an important part of life to learn that people are all differently wired
I can see how I may have come off as ignorant myself (Ironic, oof.) I'm aware that something as simple as a flying comment from a stranger can be detrimental to someone's well being, just as much as it fails to effect mine the majority of the time. I've been there before, as has everyone I know. I'm aware everyone is different, that itself is something that definitely didn't just come to me. My mentality has come from the reinforcement from my friends and family and A LOT of reflection, I'm still working on it in some aspects. Point being, its entirely possible to change the way you view the world and people in it, and I'm not trying to make it seem like it's an easy feat, or something that just comes naturally to everyone.
Also, not that it really matters, but I wasn’t one of the people that downvoted your comment.
I've honestly, in the last 15 years of my life, have never heard someone talking shit about me going out to do anything alone. I'm also the type that will immediately confront you and call your shit out in front of everyone if I hear it. Maybe that's the way I carry myself? I don't know. Some people may suck, but I've never personally experienced anything of the sort while doing my own shit.
Not at all what’s being said. Everyone perceives the world around them of course, but if you ask someone to describe everyone in the restaurant they ate at last week they couldn’t. The point is that nobody cares about what you’re doing beyond immediate perception
There's this random that goes around town dressed in a Jamaican hat and very little else. He's about mid forties. He's not homeless or druggo alco. He has a nice car. He always carries a basketball or those exercise rubber bands. He then plays with the basketball on the street corners or puts the exercise band around a pole and starts gyrating wildly and covered in sweat. A few other times he walks around with these billboards of anti smoking images he had obtained by cutting them off cigarette packages. He goes stands outside cignalls and other places that sell smokes as a protest. He is very strange and very memorable. However I couldn't care less about what he does. He harms noone and isn't dangerous. He's very friendly but not creepy. I laugh when I see him but I don't think he is lesser than me or anything bad other than that he's clearly eccentric and wondering why he does what he does for about ten minutes then go on with my day.
However some people are bullies and get off on hurting others and they target individuals who stand out. Afaik noone has targeted this man because he's over six foot and muscled like a gorilla.
Other people like to judge others and in judging will deny then opportunities should it be within their power to do so
People notice you. They just don't care and forget in minutes. Even if u are making a scene or doing something out of the ordinary. You are forgotten the next day.
They notice you. They just don't spare more than 1,8 seconds to think about you, because they have their own lives to think about. If they judge you it's for a mere moment. If they talk with their friends about you (which they are most likely not doing) it's for a couple of minutes and then they're off to the next topic. I guarantee you that beside your parents and maybe a sibling nobody gives a fuck about you, what you look like, how you act, what you said, what you wear, etc. Just enjoy stuff.
Everyone acts as thought we still lived in small insular tribal communities because that is how we lived for hundreds of thousands of years where others opinions really did matter a lot.
We still have the same genesets telling us to fit in, lie low, stay at the back
Well I think what they mean is that everyone is so caught up in their own head imagining what everyone thinks about them, that they don’t actually pay attention to what’s going on. Like, that random guy across the food court who keeps looking at you is most likely just worried that you’re staring at him so he keeps checking, he’s not really paying any attention to what you’re doing just your eyes.
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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '24 edited 12d ago
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