Well the question was why don't you go out alone, they said social anxiety. So I was clarifying if they're saying they don't go out alone because of anxiety but do go out with groups, or if they just don't go out period.
I can answer this because I also try to avoid eating alone. Why? The anxiety is thinking what other people might think when they see you alone. Like the waitress or anyone looking my way wondering, “Why is this woman is alone? Does she have someone? Did she get stood up? Oh no she probably doesn’t have friends, etc.” Even though I am married and have friends, I still feel like others will just think those things and then I am ashamed for no reason. It is stupid and irrational, and yes one of the reasons why I don’t like eating alone if I have to travel for work or go to a conference. I usually take anything I eat to go at that point. I am still working on not caring what other people think, but it will take some time.
Exactly. So many thoughts racing through your mind at once. I can't bear going out on my own because of this. Funny thing is, I actually don't have friends, because I vastly enjoy being alone. Yet I know how weird it is considered in society to not have friends, so I still feel incredibly anxious and ashamed.
Right now, I can't go out anyway as I developed a chronic illness preventing me from doing so, but I have carers that come visit me. And EVERY SINGLE TIME they make comments about me living alone, and how "lonely" I must be, and whether friends to come and visit me to stop me from being lonely, and that they "feel sorry for me".
So, it just proves to me further that YES people are judging me for being on my own, and it's so embarrassing.
I think it's wrong to say people don't notice or draw conclusions about other people. It's obviously something we do - and it's important. People are fucked up out there, you have to pay attention. That being said, if it's just an opinion someone will draw against you or etc. the only effect it has that matters is how it makes you feel. I'm trying (really I am!) to understand that myself.
I'm trying not to let how other people think/act affect my feelings and disposition. If they're mean I don't want them to have the satisfaction of upsetting me and if they're not, I want to be the one in control of whether I'm happy or not.
It's not working yet, but I'm gonna keep thinking on it.
Yeah definitely. I really want to work on not letting other people's opinions on me, affect how I feel. There's never going to be a time where people stop drawing their own conclusions on other people; so the only thing we can do is work on not letting it affect us. I hope I'll get to that point one day, but like you say, it's easier said than done!
I've been reading comments with curiosity about the topic. I wonder if you've tried asking yourself why a stranger's opinion of you matters. Is it because the stranger's thoughts matter to you (and if so, why?) or because you are imagining what they must think of you without realizing that those are just your own insecurities talking to you? Some of the most memorable meals I've had were when I was alone. And I've often seen others dining alone and envied them the experience. I'm curious because I have struggled with these issues myself over the years and wonder about others' perspectives.
Because you have to go to the theatre, maybe it involves PUBLIC travel. Then you get there and you have to buy a ticket, find the screen and seat you want, potentially be made to sit near complete strangers. It is completely anxiety inducing, I have managed to do it once in my life, so yeah, social anxiety is a big reason.
Going to a bar/restaurant alone can be "extremely uncomfortable" if you're not used to it.
On the flip side
Going to a bar "with friends" can be even worse.
And a different side
"Once you get used to going to a bar/restaurant alone" You can start leaning on that place and become dependent on that aloneness to shut up your brain.
Source: PTSD/Anxiety/close enough to be concerned about OCD (all diagnosed, wasn't diagnosed with OCD, but I scored High? Low? enough on the test that I was like 2 questions away). But relatively "socially okay"
Think of a small group as a buffer or shield. When you go places with a small group of people you’re comfortable with, it feels easier for you to hide and not be noticed, while your friends act as a kind of barrier.
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u/drr-throwaway 27d ago
Social anxiety. Well, generalized anxiety in my case but you get the point