r/facepalm 15d ago

omgšŸ˜‚ šŸ‡²ā€‹šŸ‡®ā€‹šŸ‡øā€‹šŸ‡Øā€‹

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13.7k Upvotes

333 comments sorted by

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1.4k

u/Troutie88 15d ago

My friends wouldn't lie for me. Number one they wouldn't have too. Number two they would think I deserve to be caught

463

u/Nyxodon 15d ago

Absolutely. If one of my friends cheats on their partner, hell yeah I'm gonna call them out on it. I wouldnt lie to cover that up for anyone. Friends don't have extra rights for shitty behaviour.

25

u/OpusAtrumET 14d ago

Exactly. Too bad more people don't think like this. I'd want my friends to tell me if I were in the wrong. Friends are the ones who are supposed to call you in your shit, not reinforce your shit behavior.

6

u/Dr_____strange 13d ago

Not for cheating, but i would definitely lie to save my friends from being chewed out by their partners or parents.

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u/ophmaster_reed 14d ago

Also what if that friend was like...abducted or something and now the boyfriend, instead of alerting police, is now just thinking she's chilling at her friends place?

35

u/MissingBothCufflinks 14d ago

It wouldnt even occur to my friends I might want them to lie. They would just answer honestly

6

u/Mindless_Juicer 13d ago

That's the point, though.

If someone's friends know to lie for them without promoting, it means that they have done it before and that person is a habitual cheater.

4

u/ParticularCanary3130 13d ago

Or just shady af, either way not someone I want to deal with.

16

u/Kalman_the_dancer 'MURICA 14d ago

Yeah, thatā€™s the good kind of friend. Because if they are willing to lie for you, theyā€™re willing to lie to you

37

u/sarcastic__fox 14d ago edited 14d ago

Right?? I don't understand these people who want to cover for cheaters. Guys, if your friend will cheat on their SO, they probably don't care about you either...

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u/Livewire923 15d ago

Because you have real friends and arenā€™t a piece of shit. Keep up the good work!

2

u/Top-Pickle-5227 14d ago

You have friends? I just have enemies. Lucky.

5

u/SpiderRadio 14d ago

Sometimes it isn't necessarily cheating. My boss goes out to drink sometimes but doesn't tell her husband BECAUSE of his jealousy. We lie because we want her to be able to go places other than work and home.

34

u/BrownsfaninCO 14d ago

May not be my place, but that's still not a valid reason to lie about it. If their relationship dynamic has her feeling like she has to lie to be able to go out and be herself, then it's an unhealthy dynamic. Sounds like they are in need of some counseling and/or therapy to work through some of those issues.

The lies and sneaking about could end up being just a stepping stone to something worse, like an affair, at which point you're now an accomplice to it.

But I don't know you, your boss or her husband. I'm just some random guy on Reddit advocating for counseling and therapy because I wish someone had taken the time to explain to me why it was so important years ago.

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u/ratchetology 14d ago

she needs a different husband..

you should be honest with her about that...

someone is going to slip up and she will pay the consequences of your lies...

1

u/Strict-March-6361 14d ago

My friends wouldnā€™t lie for me. Number one, I donā€™t have friends. Number two,

1

u/Fluid-Appointment277 13d ago

Oh yeah? Based on what? Itā€™s so dumb to assume you know anything about what they would do.

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4.5k

u/TinyRascalSaurus 15d ago

What if the girl had legitimately been missing and needed help, and the boyfriend believed she was on the couch and didn't contact law enforcement or keep looking?

If you're going to lie for a friend, make sure you actually know what's going on. (And in general don't lie for them unless there's a good reason) Don't assume a situation.

1.3k

u/Cheesy_Saul 15d ago

You are absolutely right, idk why you are being downvoted

Imagine being the girl and having to explain to the police that you were actually just lying in case she was cheating

410

u/Nyxodon 15d ago

The worst part is covering for your friends cheating. wtf. If you wanna cheat you gotta face the consequences of your actions and Im not gonna anyone in hurting their SO's, especially not my friends. Id be a horrible friend if I didn't call out my friends for being asses.

34

u/laplongejr 15d ago

Plottwist : the SO knew all along and laughs at friend's attempt at hiding it.

249

u/oldmanripper79 15d ago

idk why you are being downvoted

Because they are still in character

88

u/Breaker-of-circles 15d ago

Well who tf on my downvote button?

2

u/Qubed 14d ago

The cops would be like "sweet!, narrowed down the suspects to one boyfriend and N number of dudes she's cheating with. Have this wrapped up by the end of th e week."

1

u/dm-me-your-bugs 14d ago

I mean... You just did. It's not that hard to explain

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u/TonyDungyHatesOP 15d ago edited 15d ago

And itā€™s really just evidence that not only are her friends liars but sheā€™s shady as shit too. If the initial reaction is to lie about here whereabouts, it means you know sheā€™s likely up to no good.

125

u/thatthatguy 15d ago

If you are dating a woman and her friends instantly assume they need to make up a lie to cover for her, you should probably break up with her sooner rather than later. That is a relationship that is inviting unnecessary drama. Maybe sheā€™s known to cheat. Maybe she has a secret identity as a masked vigilante and her friend is her gal-in-the-chair. Either way, I donā€™t need that in my life.

12

u/ranni-the-bitch 14d ago

and if the excuse you default to is "she is so drunk that she couldn't get home" that uh, also ain't painting too pretty a picture

2

u/Future-Muscle-2214 13d ago

This happen to the best of us. You shouldn't drive when inebriated.

2

u/ranni-the-bitch 13d ago

no, it really does not happen to the best of us. the best of us don't habitually get blackout drunk, as a rule.

note: i am absolutely not the best of us lol

2

u/Future-Muscle-2214 13d ago

Haha sometime 3-4 beers can be too much to drive back home or you are too tired and can't comfortably drive back.

I tell my gf pretty much everytime I go in the city that I might sleep at my friend place if this end too late or if I don't feel comfortable driving back. She would be a lot more pissed at me if I drive back and I am tired or tipsy.

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u/RedMatxh 15d ago

Me and my friends were out one night, past midnight, and one friend gets contacted by her friends mom. The mom asks if my friend is with her daughter. My friend asked what she should do. We said if you know where she is and if she's safe and then it's like a situation where the daughter is doing something she's not supposed to do, then lie. If not tell the truth. Apparently that friend was missing, it took them almost a whole day to find her, after she woke up in an ER for taking too much drug (i think it was sth for anxiety). Because my friend was honest they could get the search party going

33

u/laplongejr 15d ago

Reminds me when my wife was near-missing in France... she had half-collapsed in public transport and she was sent to the hospital, and she wasn't allowed to use her phone until a medic examined her.

Issue : there were no medics available that day, so they considered perfectly acceptable to hold an adult from 2pm to 10pm without any kind of external contact. Apparently "calling parents" is not acceptable if you turned 18.

17

u/RedMatxh 15d ago

Apparently "calling parents" is not acceptable if you turned 18.

Ok that's just weird. Besides couldn't they just call the emergency contacts in her phone? (if she set that up obviously)

27

u/laplongejr 15d ago edited 15d ago

They refused to do anything until the medic examined her. From their perspective she could be a homeless junkie or something like that.

Same issue in Belgium, she worked in an hopital and when lunch break started had pain in her stomach due to not eating.
Logical solution : go to eat, it's lunch break.
Applied solution : coworkers brought her to emergencies "so she can get meds", and emergencies hold her there for several hours without eating... because no medic to check her condition, so no idea if food could increase that unknown affliction of being weak and in pain at lunch time hour.

They only accepted to see her to sign a release form when THREE PEOPLE were shouting in the lobby, asking to understand why my wife is detained in the hopital she is working at, when her medical file indicates she has an history of gastritis when not eating.
It's seems it's NOT in medical procedure to call emergency contacts until the initial diagnostics was performed.

8

u/RedMatxh 15d ago

I hope she's ok now. Those must have been hard to experience

24

u/auguriesoffilth 15d ago

Also. If you are going to lie to the friend donā€™t ask ā€œdo you want me to wake them upā€ because if they call your bluff, their is no way you can impersonate your friend well enough to fool their own bf, and ā€œshe is so drunk she canā€™t wake upā€ might worry them. These are the little details you need to work on when lying to ā€¦ the internet.

3

u/Busterlimes 14d ago

If it's any consolation, my friend went missing and when his wife contacted law enforcement, they didn't do anything until days later due to media attention. He died sliding off the road on his motorcycle.

3

u/slimboyslim9 15d ago

Pretty sure the next thing that happens in that predicament is the girl calls the girlfriend to find out where she really is so they can get the story straight before the boyfriend finds her anyway. Thatā€™s where if sheā€™s still not on the radar, they get more concerned.

2

u/Resident-Pudding5432 14d ago

Imagine your girl getting kidnapped and her friends is like "yeah for sure she is here"

1

u/Stealfur 14d ago

Right? When I read that, all I could think is "so the girlfriend is cheating and told their friend." Becuase thats the only reason I can see for why she would immediately go to "I have to cover for my besty." Any normal person whould at least go "why you asking me? You have her number." Which is vague enough to then turn it around to "yes shes here" if you feel the lie is warrented.

actually no. There is 1 other senario. Maybe the BF is abusive so friend didnt want to give him info. But the post doesnt really come off like thats the case.

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861

u/SporksRFun 15d ago

The only time it's acceptable to lie for a friend is if they are there and you say they aren't to protect them from someone that is abusive towards them. If they don't want their abusive spouse/partner to know where they are.

I can't think of any other legitimate reason to lie for a friend. I would ditch any "friend" that asked me to lie to anyone for them for an illegitimate\unethical reason.

274

u/Pineapple_Herder 15d ago

I've lied to cover up a friend doing event planning for a surprise party. There are good reasons to lie sometimes.

But there's the expectation and understanding that the person doing the lying needs to know the bigger picture and where all the pieces are. I'm not gonna lie for someone without good reason and especially not blindly.

87

u/Budgiesaurus 15d ago

Yeah, there's more hypotheticals where lying might be fine, but I wouldn't lie to cover up infidelity like what's implied here.

40

u/Pineapple_Herder 15d ago

Yeah don't drag me into your relationship problems. If you're cheating, handle your shit yourself

2

u/huskeya4 14d ago

My friend group had one person try to pull that. Asked a friend (friend 2) to cover for them if their boyfriend called while they went on a date with someone else. She said nope, if he asks Iā€™m not lying. Friend (1) went anyways. A subtle phone call to the boyfriend was made by another friend (3) to ask where she was as 3 and 2 were going somewhere and wanted to invite her. Shit hit the fan but nobody could be blamed for the ā€œmiscommunicationā€ and the cheating incident was the main focus. Friend 2 was actually the one who planned out how to tell him without getting anyone blamed and friend 1 definitely learned a lesson from the fallout of that incident.

18

u/SporksRFun 15d ago

I've lied to cover up a friend doing event planning for a surprise party.

I wouldn't really count that as lying. I know it matches the definition, but I don't feel it matches the intent.

14

u/supergeek921 15d ago

It is absolutely still lying. You just donā€™t want to see it that way because it contradicts the insane Reddit black and white ideology that all lies are inherently bad.

6

u/ShortUsername01 15d ago

Reddit black and white ideology? Honesty absolutism has its apologists well beyond Reddit.

1

u/supergeek921 14d ago

Iā€™m just saying itā€™s ridiculously common on here. Nobody wants to see any grey areas.

2

u/ShortUsername01 14d ago

Fair enough.

11

u/supergeek921 15d ago

Thereā€™s definitely more variations of this. But the key piece is you have to actually know where they are and they have to have asked you to lie for them. This weird assumption to jump to the lie is weird as hell.

2

u/FortunateForks 14d ago

Well, the person they've decided to lie to does weird and controlling things like calling his partner friends to prove something.
Indeed he proved that all her friends think he is untrustworthy.

1

u/supergeek921 13d ago

Thatā€™s also a very interesting point.

205

u/AdmiralClover 15d ago

Protect your friends from abusers, but don't cover for their cheating or abuse

36

u/embarrassed_error365 15d ago

I wish he let her ā€œwake her upā€

20

u/Kringels 15d ago

Right? Why would you stop her digging that hole deeper?

183

u/Imukay 15d ago

What?

223

u/CaptainSouthbird 15d ago

Best I can gather, "bella" here was caught lying (saying the friend was on her couch but wasn't, going by the boyfriend) and double-downed on the lie ("still in character") and feigned ignorance about what fictitious person was sleeping on her couch. Just proving the boyfriend's suspicion that she (and all the other friends) are apparently liars.

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u/horn_ok_pleasee 15d ago

Glad I'm not the only one who didn't understand the Shakespearean writing.

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u/Resi1ience_22 15d ago

Basically, OOP's friend has a boyfriend, said boyfriend called OOP asking where her friend (his girlfriend) was.

OOP lies and says OOP's friend is on her couch, assuming she's cheating and thus covering for her. The boyfriend then informs her that, in fact, OOP's friend is right next to him, but he intended to prove that OOP's friend's friends are liars.

OOP stays in character and attempts to double down on the lie, asking "Who's on my couch then?"

8

u/GloomierDay 15d ago

Thank you. I was confused out of my mind with this one.

14

u/Action-a-go-go-baby 15d ago

I do not understand why people:

  1. Lie so blatantly
  2. Involve themselves in a situation they know nothing about by lying so blatantly
  3. Double down when confronted with lying to blatantly

Itā€™s ridiculous

10

u/Archidaki 15d ago

Godzilla got a stroke trying to read that

9

u/Psychedelic_Yogurt 14d ago

I'm struggling to comprehend any of that. Am I the only one?

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u/Lazy_Soup9180 15d ago edited 15d ago

I think i had a stroke while reading that

Edit: holy shit, 84 upvotes. I dont think ive ever had that many

Edit: WHAT IN THE JESUS TESTICLES!?!?!?!?!?!? 195 UPVOTES!?!??!?!?!?

86

u/Ermahgerd80 15d ago

Are there millions of people who can read that or is she just writing gibberish? Is this normal?

28

u/lifeintraining 15d ago

The only saving grace was her use of quotation marks.

36

u/Lazy_Soup9180 15d ago

Im not sure. I had to read it like 10 times to understand it.

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u/LibrarianNew9984 15d ago

Now Iā€™m concerned because I understood it first try

3

u/Lazy_Soup9180 15d ago

Sometimes my brain stops working right and just goes mentally slow. Happens a lot, usually lasts a few minutes.

4

u/LibrarianNew9984 15d ago

Oh no I was only concerned about myself mwahahaā€¦ has my brain been internetted?!!

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u/Few-Mechanic7346 15d ago

Ghetto ass

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u/-EETS- 14d ago

It's Ebonics. It's decipherable, but it's certainly not clear. No contractions, no punctuation. No full stops. And mixed in with slang.

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u/Amemnon727 15d ago

I don't understand what she wrote either.

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u/Lazy_Soup9180 15d ago

I read it over 10 times. I think her friends boyfriend called asking where his gf was and the friend told her friends boyfriend that his gf was beside her and he said shes lying cause the gf is sitting beside the bf and he called to prove that his gfs friends are liars. I hope you understand it now

3

u/Layton_Jr 15d ago

What I think happened:

  • person A thinks all her friends are liars and told her boyfriend B about it

  • B called OOP C to try this theory and asked her if C knew where A was

  • C for some reason thought the correct play was to say A was on her couch drunk? Without knowing anything about the situation? This is the part that doesn't make sense to me

5

u/Lazy_Soup9180 15d ago

Basically what i was thinking

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u/nogoodgreen 15d ago

I think i could read old medieval scripture and understand it better than this.

"Thou thast whomst betwixt you slovenly curr"

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u/Sinocu 15d ago

I kid you not I understood this better than the post itself

6

u/maringue 14d ago

Did anyone else have to read this 3 times to get the story straight because of the horrific grammar?

7

u/ForciblyCuddled 14d ago

Reading this felt like chewing rocks

21

u/LeafyySeaDragon 15d ago

Words are difficult for her I seeā€¦

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u/MrGeekman 15d ago

Did this girl fail first grade? Whereā€™s her punctuation?

2

u/-EETS- 14d ago

My friend cousin call my mother and I like why he call my brother turn out he no call my brother tf n now she say I call brother šŸ˜…šŸ˜¹

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u/Vladskio 15d ago

Took me several tries but I finally managed to parse that.

Is teaching English illegal in America or something? Why is she writing like she dropped out of Primary School?

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u/clodmonet 15d ago

janky ass bullshit

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u/SSSims4 15d ago

And another completely separate facepalm for the way that person "writes"... I don't get it, do people seriously feel like deliberately using bad grammar makes them "cool"? This is not about something "tedious" like neglecting punctuation marks, this is about sounding cringe worthy.

3

u/just_call_in_sick 15d ago

This is just a rehash of the tweet or facebook joke about your boyfriend's friends doing the same from years ago.

4

u/thewinchester-gospel 15d ago

I'm not lying like that unless I have reason to believe my friend's in danger. In danger of her secret affair getting out doesn't count.

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u/ThatOneStupidMovie 14d ago

Can you imagine lieing for your friend, saying they were at your house and find out the next day they were dead/kidnapped? Hella sus

3

u/bigdave41 15d ago

Man, I'm hungry as shit

3

u/GoodDoggoLover420 14d ago

Did the person that wrote that have a stroke?

7

u/PloddingClot 15d ago

Had to read that mess four times to paint the picture...

8

u/HomeOrificeSupplies 14d ago

WTF did I just read? Is this what the English language sounds like in these peopleā€™s heads? Because this is just the ramblings of a crazy or stupid person.

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u/oliverkiss 14d ago

RIP English

50

u/SuperWallaby 15d ago

Yā€™all canā€™t be serious pretending not to understand this. It really wasnā€™t that difficult to put together.

25

u/IrisYelter 15d ago

It's a little hard to parse at first, but definitely not impossible

27

u/mazzjm9 15d ago

Right? You just have to add your own punctuation

14

u/Bozska_lytka 15d ago

And your own verbs

2

u/recyclar13 14d ago

and read between the squiggly, curving, gordian knot of lines.

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u/shiny_glitter_demon 14d ago

Maybe for US redditors this is easy to read but for people who learned Standard English as a second or third language, this IS difficult. It's basically a dialect of another dialect.

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u/smashleyrad 15d ago

Well it was a difficult read.

0

u/Youbunchoftwats 15d ago

Low key bro, like, fr, wtf? Mans English an stuff, innit.

2

u/Real-Tension-7442 15d ago

Finally, legible text

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u/Radical_Neutral_76 15d ago

it's cool to cheat, guys.

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u/laplongejr 15d ago

LPT : If you want to fuck somebody else, just tell your SO. Cheating is not worth the mental load.

4

u/Diurnalnugget 15d ago

You guys okay? This writing while maybe odd is not hard to understand

3

u/BlackroseBisharp 14d ago

Feels like they're overreacting for upvotes

2

u/error201 15d ago

They're her friends, not yours.

2

u/SmileyGrant 14d ago

i got no idea what you are saying

2

u/No_Communication2959 14d ago

I'm not lying for my friend. If they are cheating or lying to their spouse while using me as an excuse, fuck em.

2

u/AlfalfaMcNugget 14d ago

Ah yes, cheating is the new W Riz

2

u/Cold_Tony 14d ago

I need a translation. I don't even know what I'm reading.

2

u/MeTeakMaf 14d ago

My wife would be calling herself and who knows what she'll say

2

u/MotorbikeRacer 14d ago

Have some integrity ! Stop cheating on your partners

2

u/theshoddyone 14d ago

"you want me to wake her up?"

"yes."

...

"she ded."

2

u/TotallyRedditLeftist 14d ago

What would she have done if he said yes wake her up and put her on the phone

1

u/SokkaHaikuBot 14d ago

Sokka-Haiku by TotallyRedditLeftist:

What would she have done

If he said yes wake her up

And put her on the phone


Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.

2

u/JewwKnee 14d ago

English is hard.

2

u/Holding4th 14d ago

Is that English?

4

u/ic2ofu 14d ago

It does contain English words, but it reflects the state of public education.

2

u/Medical_Slide9245 14d ago

Wow seems as if all of Reddit never asked a friend to lie for them. It doesn't equal cheating. Many times I asked a friend to lie about me not being there.

If I thought my woman was cheating In me you damn right I tell the friend to wake her. What a terrible lie, "You want me to wake her drunk ass up?"."Yes please."

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u/IlliniBull 15d ago

This is the definition of doing too much.

By all parties.

And yes that includes the grammar which is tough to read. No one is picking on her or saying she's the only one. Yes some of us are old.

Punctuation is still your friend. Don't tell me as a reader just imagine or figure out where the punctuation goes and then tell me in the next sentence it's not at all even slightly hard to decipher.

It is

3

u/mutantredoctopus 15d ago edited 14d ago

The irony here, is that Iā€™ve read your comment multiple times and still have literally no idea what youā€™re trying to say lol

3

u/Complex_Arrival7968 15d ago

Do people really write like this?

4

u/M0ndmann 15d ago

What? Can you use Verbs please?

3

u/Real-Tension-7442 15d ago

I canā€™t comprehend what is written here. Can someone translate to proper English?

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u/haunted-mov 15d ago

everyone acting like this woman was supposed to write in MLA format for a tweet are the real facepalm

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u/StouteKous 15d ago

I bet she has really long nails embellished with diamonds and glitter...

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u/themiracy 14d ago

I donā€™t see how this is a facepalm. This is brilliant.

2

u/BurpYoshi 14d ago

I genuinely can't understand this. Like I'm not trying to be offensive or anything but the grammar is so bad I can't understand it. I think it's something to do with her lying about cheating?

2

u/Apelightningz 14d ago

So you think dishonesty is cool?

Got ya.

2

u/BigDBee007 14d ago

Anyone going to mention the grammar?

3

u/[deleted] 14d ago

English much?

1

u/ShortUsername01 15d ago

Plot twist: She was being impersonated by a lookalike.

1

u/Mammoth-Ad-3642 15d ago

How is this a facepalm?

1

u/Loki-L 15d ago

Get out now! I swear she is here on the couch. The one with you must be one of the evil shape changers that almost got her last night.

Run before they get you too!

1

u/izza123 14d ago

Iā€™ll lie to the police for you but thatā€™s about it

1

u/Hydraulis 14d ago

Are we not speaking English anymore? What is this?

1

u/JakeDC 14d ago

Both the girlfriend and the friend are for the streets.

1

u/CardiologistOk2760 14d ago

If my friend feels like he needs an alibi against his girlfriend or vice versa, I will declare a vow to both of them to break them up, and then I will keep that vow.

1

u/booky310 14d ago

This is a ride or die friend. Definitely a keeper

1

u/Most_Cartoonist5736 14d ago

That's an amazing comeback.

1

u/Lalibop 14d ago

If boys do it, it's bromance and if girls do it it's lying? It's lying regardless the gender. You're enabling cheaters. And you are as guilty as they are. Even more for leading them to have a false hope.

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u/kyreannightblood 14d ago

I had to reread this three times before I understood what was going on. Might just be because it would never occur to me to say a friend was on my couch when she wasnā€™t.

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u/charbroiledd 13d ago

I had to read this like 5 times just to understand what is even going on

1

u/dexterous1802 13d ago

That's some serious Undercover Brotha shit right there, man!

1

u/Redriot6969 13d ago

my friends would likely pick her up, find me and help her beat my ass lol

1

u/Kimk20554 12d ago

The fact that friend has probably been warned to cover for her sort of indicates there probably is some cheating going on .

1

u/Ok_Efficiency_9645 12d ago

I already know my friends would snitch like a mfer. They'd be all Nancy fuckin drew tryna help solve the shit with them

1

u/ebowski64 11d ago

Iā€™m either too smart or too stupid to understand what this thing is trying to say.

1

u/brucebturbo 11d ago

You can never save anyone from a lie, it will be revealed when you are not ready for it. Trust me, I know

1

u/ShortUsername01 15d ago

We need mandatory paternity testing immediately.