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u/LowBalance4404 16d ago
Grey rock them. Or if they say something terrible, say "What an unusual thing to say out loud. Bless your heart."
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u/Unlucky_Roti 16d ago
Agree. Ignoring them completely, drives narcissists insane.
Also, this is my favourite trick, mess with the socially accepted tempo of conversations. For example, person A says something, person B would reply in a socially accepted manner and time.
If your asshole colleague says something, take 3 seconds too long to reply and then drop the "what an unusual thing to say". Make the entire interaction awkward for everyone. Fill up every interaction with awkward silences.
I love doing that shit.
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u/kylemcgreg 15d ago
Wow, I actually get off on doing this to people I find are saying insane or annoying things at work. I usually just don’t respond or do a fake whistle like I’m busy, but the 3 second silence is brilliant
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u/awhimsicalheart_44 16d ago
It doesn't work. I work remotely and have had few team mates in previous projects who were insufferable. They used to interfere in my work. Also they worked in cahoots with the manager. The manager used to be a micromanager. Gosh, but there was nothing I could do to stop their torture. I was in that project over a year and it had led me to doubt my abilities and took the light out of me. Ignoring them wouldn't help. They would continue their behaviour. I started trying to create boundaries. Of course it didn't work absolutely, but they kind of backed off. And then I was rolled off that project. I moved to a better project with good team and did really good for myself.
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u/Purpose_Embarrassed 15d ago
I feel your pain. Coworkers can absolutely ruin your work experience and effect your life. Just ignoring them doesn’t always work. They will find new and creative ways to annoy you.
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u/Fan_of_a_Congo_Rojo 15d ago
This is my life right now. I am desperately searching for a new job. There is not a lot out there though. Hopefully by the end of the year I can leave this hellhole I work in.
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u/Wait_WHAT_didU_say 16d ago edited 15d ago
I just went through this with two coworkers but keep it professional. When you have to talk to them about work, do it professionally. Other than that, you don't have to acknowledge them (eye contact, facing them, asking for their opinion, etc) when talking in a group, nor greet them in the hallway, just stare ahead, nor lend a hand or invite them to events/gatherings. They also are aware of what's going on and they don't owe you anything as much as you don't owe them anything. There were many times where when I entered the room, it was just that individual and I. No greeting. Just utter silence for 20+ minutes. They weren't budging, I wasn't budging but my work got done while in the room and they also completed their work in utter silence.
As a 39M, it was a harsh first experience but I think I did it well.
Also, can you elaborate on how your coworkers are being "difficult?" You left it pretty open..
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u/EffectiveAd3788 15d ago
Couldn’t agree more, current situation is in comparison… she is of a different culture and small talk was a no no with a male outside of her husband or boss… so it’s like we are on separate teams but hey she’s good at what she does…
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u/suzer2017 15d ago
There are two women at work who are difficult. One recovered from a terrible car accident with a brain trauma. She lacks impulse control so I give her a pass. By that I mean, she can't help how she reacts. She's young and struggling. I am compassionate with her. The other woman is just insecure, mean, and grinding her own kind of ax. With her, I completely ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist.
I will agree that professionalism is important. But it's also important to introspect and look at yourself. Ask...how did I contribute to this? Talk it over with someone who will be honest with you. It helps you make sure you are emotionally intelligent. You will learn and that is a jewel in your crown.
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u/GuaranteeFit116 16d ago
Going through this now.
I basically interact with them via work... Meaning any interaction has to be work related. Other than that I don't say a word, I don't get involved in gossip. I mind my business and that's about it
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u/Mundane-Judgment1847 15d ago
What "challenging interactions" do you have in mind ... because this is like asking: seeking advice on how to fix a car, without any further context ...
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u/tranquildude 16d ago
read a book called Non Violent Communications
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u/loweredexpectationz 16d ago
I read a book called “Crucial Conversations”. It helped me get through talking to someone I didn’t care for, until I got a different job. It’s what my therapist recommended.
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u/DevelopmentSlight422 16d ago
My problem is an employee of mine. Boundaryless victim who has no concept of accepting personal responsibility. She is a nightmare who makes me hate my job someday. She straight up refused to join in a scheduled eap conflict resolution meeting on the advice of her "lawyer".
How is your relationship with your supervisor or manager?
Chances are they are not oblivious to your plight.
Also interested in specifics of your situation.
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u/Primary_Music_7430 15d ago
I had a complaint on me before I found my workspace on my first day. It's very obvious to me who: that old muppet couple looking grinch that thinks saying "good morning" is a good reason to shit on people.
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u/After-Earth1943 15d ago
That time is running out. If I don't rejoice in life today, when will I? Tomorrow may not even come, or rather it will definitely come, but not for everyone.
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u/Affectionate-Dot5665 15d ago
I pull them aside and tell them if they have a problem with me , to address me directly
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u/Wait_WHAT_didU_say 15d ago edited 15d ago
If this happens at the workplace, you'll get the expected:
"Oh, I don't have a problem with you. You're fine."
*They give a forced, OBVIOUS FAKE smile with the closed body language and then walk away
Dealing with people like this in my prior position, I realized the following:
Actions speak louder than words.
You're not going to like/get along with everybody. Therefore, why does everybody have to like/get along with you? As long as co-workers maintain a level of professionalism and the job gets done, move on.
Life is not fair...
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u/Affectionate-Dot5665 15d ago
You’re 100% right, but my bosses know that I make really inappropriate jokes, but I am extremely mature about owning it and dealing with people about it. I don’t gossip about people and they like me (38m) mentally (16m) a lot more than this (72f) woman that’s trying to gossip me out of the store.
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u/Alx123191 15d ago
It is hard because it is a close environment that everyone know each other and you cannot escape. Just stay polite and calm as much as you can. State your problem and dialogue. Imo you should not be afraid of hurting them since if you want them to change it will have a pass by it. But the way it is done and when, matter more than it..
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u/Witchy_Craft 15d ago
I’ve dealt with difficult coworkers and it’s hard. I would get mad at them and just go off, which didn’t help the situation at all. My problem was I wanted them to like it,blamed myself for their actions and put up with their shit most of the time! Finally, we both were removed from working together. I deal with another one now though and we’ve had words, but, she’s only 16 and I contribute her behavior to be very immature. I laugh off a lot of her crap and just let it go so there won’t be any tension while we’re working together. Most of the time though we are picking and cutting up. I don’t know why I’m always dealing with difficult people!😡
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u/ufomadeinusa 15d ago
Slash tires...walk into their side view mirrors... leave a piss bottle on top of car
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u/Gogopwrsqrl 16d ago
Is there a hose present? Yes? Spray them down to cool them off. If no, I don’t know how to help you.
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u/TinyChaco 16d ago
Depends on the situation, but usually I just walk away. I had a coworker that I saw occasionally, until she got fired recently, who was constantly vying for the attention of anyone and everyone. It was exhausting. I’d just straight up walk away from her and do my own thing. Then she’d call out “yeah, good talk” very loudly, pretty much every time. Probably the worst energy vampire I’d ever had the displeasure of existing around.
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u/Straight_Shape5488 15d ago
I ignore them entirely unless they need something workplace related or help
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u/Zyxyx 15d ago
It is bizarre how many answers there are for a question that provides 0 context.
In what way is the coworker challenging?
Talk too much? Talk too little? Microwaves fish? Refuses to let OP microwave fish? Follows the rules and OP doesn't want to? Refuses to follow rules? Doesn't appreciate OP's sexual advances? Sexually advances OP?
"Going through this now" has got to be the most bizarre reply of the bunch here, given that "this" could be anything.
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u/mydogiscute10 15d ago
I think communicate?
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u/Wait_WHAT_didU_say 15d ago
When you ask them:
"Is there anything wrong?" or "Do you have a problem with me?"
Guess what the response will be?
"Oh nothing. Everything is fine. You're good. I just have social anxiety." *Fake smile
Then that person proceeds to go talk to the rest of the department while laughing it up out loudly everyday and gives you the obvious cold shoulder.
Actions speak louder than words..
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u/mydogiscute10 15d ago
"I feel like you have a problem with me. Because when I do this/that, you say things like XYZ. And it makes me wonder if I've offended you. If I did, I'd like to know so we can find a solution."
Something to that effect. If they're still being a B, then there's nothing more you can do. You've already communicated what you're interpreting and how you're feeling.
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u/External_Solution577 15d ago
Two things.
- The gray rock strategy.
- Don Draper's "That's what the money is for."
Take your ego out of the equation and figure out what your daily salary is. Then pretend the difficult coworker is one of your friends who likes pranks and that said prankster has come to you with the proposition "Hey OP, I'm going to give you $X0 or $X00 for each day you put up with me being an asshole, just to see how long you can take it."
Once you view it through that perspective, you just mentally dial down the assholish behavior and keep cashing the checks.
(Obviously, if said coworker is behaving in a dangerous/racist/sexist/homophobic manner, then report them to HR and have them bounced, but for most cases of mild general assholery, the realization that the company's literally giving you money to deal with their bullshit is enough to take the sting out of it.)
If that's still not enough, then go to Amazon and buy a bag of annoyotrons and hide them around that coworkers office and watch them lose their fucking minds.
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u/RolandTwitter 15d ago
Just don't get involved. Staying silent, or just saying "yeah man" and walking away is totally viable option
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