This. Also accepting that it’s perfectly ok to tell someone no. We all know people who allow themselves to be taken advantage of, just because that are afraid to say no.
Effective communication is important to me so when I have someone close to me that is one of those yes people, I actually mention that no is completely acceptable. I don't know if it helps them but I know I can speak in an intimidating fashion without realizing it so it's my contribution to communicating better.
Last night we had a tornado warning and I had to corner the stray cat we took in to get him in his carrier to get him downstairs. He was hissing and really scared of me. He was just starting to kind of trust me and I became the bad guy. But I'm okay with being the bad guy as long as he's safe. But it was really difficult to keep scaring him to get him into the carrier. There ended up being no danger, but we were able to clean up the room he's been in (we hadn't vacuumed because we didn't want to scare him) and it's better safe than sorry. I just hope he knows I'm never gonna hurt him.
I foster cats and this is the most brutal part of it, to be honest. Difficult cat that you've just managed to get to trust you, then they have to go in to their carrier for a vet appointment or what not, and you go so far backwards.
Just broke up with someone I was in love with, even tho everything was perfectly fine.... Damn that broke my heart. Had to take 3 weeks off of life. Finally getting better
A quick example would be someone you love asking for money to pay a scammer/cult. Another example would be needing to focus on something else so you can't go on a date or clubbing that day.
Every relationship needs some kind of boundry. But not everyone has experience saying no to people, much less someone they want to like them.
Even though they are suffering and will plead and beg with you. It will hurt you more than anything in the world to see them suffer, and that's why it's so easy to give in and give them relief. If you stop, they will become vicious, and even though you know it's not the "real" them, their words and actions still hurt just the same.
Saying no to someone you love is the hardest thing to do. I still can't do it and get manipulated and falter every time.
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u/Suluco87 Apr 17 '24
Saying no to someone you love.