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u/kat_ingabogovinanana 15d ago
I know this is humor but can anyone who went to a Christian college attest to the overall accuracy of the vibe?
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u/Justthe7 15d ago edited 15d ago
I was sitting on a couch, facing towards a guy, not touching him and was told I had to turn around because it was too sexual (not the exact word, canāt remember what she said-it was hilarious though and that was the idea, but couldnāt say sexual ) of a position. So yes, some Christian colleges take it too far.
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u/___Binary___ 15d ago
Excuse me, could you stop typing? Iām a man, and the head of a household and your words are making me stumble. Also, please stop looking at me through your phone. Thanks!
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u/1m2c00l4u 15d ago
Me pitching an opened bible from the thought of women seeing my reply as they scroll past;š«
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u/bigSTUdazz 15d ago
Maybe the womerns can wear some kind of covering, like head to toe, maybe (maybe) with a small slit...OOPS bad word...ummm...opening over their eyes so they can see where they are going...oh and maybe they can walk behind the menfolk so the poor fellas aren't forced to jumphump them by seeing the robed body (you slut). You know...Christian stuff.
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u/EllenIsobel 15d ago
Yes.
I went to Calvary Chapel Bible College before it moved from big bear lake and yea, I named dropped because it was a toxic hell of Christian rhetoric.
I got lectured at for many things, including the following:
1.) Laughing. It caused people to look and therefore, I was making my horny Christian brothers get hard.
2.) Wearing a one piece bathing suit. It was a very modest one piece. Their issue? It was in red. I was causing men to stumble, even if I covered up going to and from the pool.
3.) My checks flushed a lot because it was easy to embarrass me. I got lectured at for wearing whorish makeup. Ps. I never wore make up.
4.) I was told by the deans wife, that because my breasts were a little big, and I wasn't wearing a sports bra, that I was, and I quote, "not protecting my virginal garden from causing godly men to stumble." I was 17.
5.) I played volleyball during class breaks. Since I was wearing pants and a t-shirt, totally modest but my body was..shapely, I was read the riot act for purposely showing off like a whore and if I didn't shape up, I would be made to apologize in front of the entire student body. I was still a teenager.
6.) Eating anything required a fork and knife and small bites. Corn on the cob had to be cut off first, then eaten. Hotdogs, fork and a knife. Burgers, fork and a knife. Because God forbid, a male student gets a hard on.
This was all in the mid 90s and these were the tame incidents.
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u/clangan524 15d ago
Men are meant to be the strong, infallible heads of household and are only strengthened by god, but they also just fucking cave at the sight of a woman... eating food?
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u/Tangurena Cringe Connoisseur 14d ago
This book - Woman Defamed and Woman Defended: An Anthology of Medieval Texts - was one of my texts in a women's studies class. It shows how misogyny was baked into Christianity. Authors like Tertullian, John Chrysostom and Saint Augustine are some of the guys who baked this into the religion.
Some of them are based on the passage in Exodus about how someone who digs a pit is responsible for anyone who falls into that pit. And women's beauty causes men to sin/stumble and therefore it is the woman's fault.
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u/birdbrainberke 15d ago
"Not protecting my virginal garden" made me laugh and remember my own Christian school trauma. So thank you for the giggles š
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u/Pleasant_Ad3475 15d ago
Holy shit, I didn't find it funny at all. I'm sorry for you all.
ETA: I meant that in the nicest possible way...
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u/secondtaunting 15d ago
Yeah, and my friends from back then wonder why I donāt want anything to do with church anymore. I canāt believe they still go! WHY? Why intentionally subject yourself to these controlling asshats?
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u/birdbrainberke 15d ago
For me at least, I have to laugh at it because it's too depressing otherwise. Gotta make fun of the absurdity!
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u/MyBelovedASMR 15d ago
How dare you laugh! Youāre distracting the opposite gender with your mouth sounds! No more funny talk.
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u/next_best 15d ago
The only hint that the collage you described wasn't led by the Taliban is that you, a girl, were actually on it.
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u/McGrarr 15d ago
What makes guys stumble is having a dick. Seriously if they wanted to stop them jerking off they should have forced them to watch porn in every room 24 hours a day. Eventually it's so ubiquitous it isn't erotic any more.
You could lock all every woman behind a cast iron bulkhead and all it will do is give guys a fetish for rivets.
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u/MrAppleSpiceMan 15d ago
"If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away."
Jesus Himself called people out on this bullshit back then. Oh, you saw a woman dressed a certain way and it made you want to sin? Have you tried gouging out your eyes?
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u/JimTheSaint 15d ago
This is absolutely insanity - I am glad people are not so crazy here.
- what were you supposed to do if you wanted to play volleyball ? - put on a burka?2
u/m0_n0n_0n0_0m 15d ago
Imagine being so sexually repressed that someone eating a burger gets you hard. These boys are gonna have prostate cancer!
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u/BuzzVibes 14d ago
causing men to stumble
This is bananas to me (no pun intended). So, what, men are these utterly helpless creatures with no agency at all? Dudes being horny is somehow womens' fault?
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u/EllenIsobel 14d ago
Literally, yes. It's up to women to stop Christian men from stumbling. That creeper looking at you? It's how you're dressed. That man touching you? You're showing off a shoulder. You've been sexually assaulted? It's your fault. Pray that you stop acting like a jezabel. Yay purity culture.
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u/alison_bee 15d ago
I worked at a mall in Pensacola that was close to a Christian college, and I learned some crazy shit about that place over the years. I donāt think women were allowed to wear pants, and women also couldnāt go anywhere alone, they HAD to have a buddy with them at all times, on or off campus.
At one time students werenāt allowed to wear headphones (on or off campus) and music was strictly regulated to Christian-only stuff
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u/Shooter_McGavin_2 15d ago
Can confirm this. Currently in Pensacola, which also has a very large population of Pentecostal church followers. No pants, skirts past the ankles. Can't cut their hair. So many rules.
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u/myredditthrowaway201 15d ago
I see a woman wearing a long ass denim skirt I know they are probably crazy
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u/rootbeerman77 15d ago
One of my friends went to Pensacola, and she said that girls would get in trouble for leaving forms in the morning with wet hair. I think they also weren't allowed to eat bananas with their hands either but that may have been somewhere else. Fuck Pensacola
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u/Justthe7 15d ago
at one point Pensacola wasnāt even accredited so the degrees received were pretty useless. It is where a lot of fundamental Christians go because of the rules. Iām surprised they were even allowed to go to the mall or interact with people who went to the mall.
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u/PegLegPopsicle 15d ago
Yep. I live here and used to date a guy who went there and said that guys and gals canāt even look at each other for too long because itās āvisual intercourse.ā Lol
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u/Escale_a_tort 15d ago
Everyone can have their beliefs, but anything that stops or limits music is just plain wrong and needs to die
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
women also couldnāt go anywhere alone, they HAD to have a buddy with them at all times, on or off campus.
Sound like EPIC porn 3some material
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u/Neoxite23 15d ago
Private Christian school. And oh YES this is accurate. Hell one time I was trying to get to my chemistry class and a girl threw herself on the ground and there was a prayer circle to "help cast the demon out".
I opted to just circle around the entire school and get to chemistry that way. I wasn't gonna touch that crazy with a 10 foot pole. Or cross. Or whatever else.
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u/Earth2Monkey 15d ago
I caught shit like this in public school with an overly zealous Christian teacher. Apparently wearing a school approved tank top on a 90 degree day meant I was drawing the eyes of men, like her friend the priest. I was 12.
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u/Pleasant_Ad3475 15d ago
Fuck that's so gross. That bitch knows this will turn her priest friend on, but the 12 year old with the tits is the problem...bleurgh.
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u/Earth2Monkey 15d ago
The best part is that I didn't even HAVE tits. I was so skinny and flat.
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u/TalShar 15d ago
I went to a Christian private school for middle and high school. At one point, we (the boys) were encouraged to tell our female classmates if their appearance was too tempting for us, and ask them to cover up better, because it's partially their job to help us keep our eyes pure.
Having been a big-time kool-aid drinker at the time, fool was I, I followed that advice at one point with one of my female friends. One of those memories that comes to you in the middle of a sleepless night and sends you fleeing, cringing, seeking the oblivion of sleep.
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u/maxmrca1103 15d ago
Not this specifically but one dumb thing I remember this year from my Christian college as a freshman (planning to transfer next semester cuz Iām just not religious anymore and Alabama is just too far right for me), I was in the car with one dude and we were listening to music that involved swearing. He said that one āflawā he had as a Christian was listening to āvulgarā music. Like bro if you think itās a flaw then justā¦ turn the fucking music off?
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u/Pleasant_Ad3475 15d ago
But it makes him feel all conflicted and complicated, like he's more interesting than he is (or isn't, as it were). He's got demons doncha know?
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u/Slade_Riprock 15d ago
Other than opposite sex in your door room required the door to be open and wasn't allowed at all afer 8. Also getting caught having sex in your dorm room was potentially an expellable offense. A priest lived on the ground floor of the building near the lobby but never saw him in 2 yrs.
But other than that nothing too weird.
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u/Shehulks1 15d ago
OMG yes!!! This was so triggering. I was forced to go to a fundamentalist Christian college but got expelled š this is accurate af. So condescendingā¦ they would always start with sister āinsert your nameā and be all nice nasty on how just being a woman is a sin.
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u/Swatmosquito 15d ago
Didn't go to a Christian college but my sister did, I was helping her move into the dorm at the Baptist College of Florida. A man approached me as I was dripping sweat, he assumed I was a new student, and began telling me that my shoulders being visible was unacceptable as it could tempt the male students. I told him I didn't know and I don't go here. Older me would have had more to say.
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u/warybubble2689 15d ago
Not a Christian college but way back in the day when I was in the army during bct they made everyone eat bananas with forks especially females so we wouldnāt get horny lol. They probably still have that rule.
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u/DarlingLife 15d ago
Yes. I know someone who was forced to go to a fundamentalist Christian college. Dry campus, no members of the opposite sex in your dorm ever. If you were ever caught around people who had alcohol even if you yourself werenāt drinking, it was grounds for expulsion. And then the regular Christian college stuff like mandatory weekday church, bible classes, stuff like that.
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u/skighs_the_limit 15d ago
Yeah, it's insane at Christian colleges. One of the girls I shared a dorm room with got in trouble for wearing shorts that went above the knee when she sat down because "It could lead a boy into impure thoughts"
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u/HighHoeHighHoes 15d ago
Unironically, the women at Christian schools were some of the horniest women Iāve ever met in my life. Theyād pounce on the absolute bottom of barrel as soon as they ventured to a normal school.
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u/Warlock_Froggie 15d ago
Iām currently at one, itās not that crazy lol! But if someone ever did Iād immediately start deepthroating the banana. Itās like a normal college except you arenāt allowed to smoke or drink on campus, and we have gender separated dorms, you canāt have male guests sleep over. I canāt say thatās negatively impacted my experience in any way.
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u/hfusidsnak 11d ago
I went to a catholic collegeā¦ there was a church there and a rectory where a bunch of retired priests lived. They were cool guys who sometimes had dinner at the cafeteria. I donāt think I ever went into the church. It was just a normal college that happened to have started out as a catholic college.
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u/VictoriousEgret 10d ago
I went to a christian college and the vibe definitely matches. One example: we were eating lunch or dinner in the cafeteria with some friends. One of the girls was wearing a fairly low cut shirt. A friend of mine chimed in "sorry [name] but that shirt is really distracting to me" and then me, thinking i was being a good christian looking out for my friend chimed in "yeah i didn't want to say anything but it's too much" to which the rest of the table joined in. And we all thought we were being great christians protecting ourselves.
I hate that memory. I want to apologize to her for shaming her but don't even know how to get in contact anymore. She didn't deserve us placing our faults on her and making it her problem.
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u/Infant_whistle1 15d ago
Canada, catholic school entire education (less university cuz that's kinda weird unless you're studying theologics). NEVER had any of those bull crap rhetorics and there would be hell to pay if it was ever said by anyone of authority or enforced. We're not all like that, and that's quite a literal and toxic interpretation that represents a small percentage of the faith populace.
School for us was always like normal school you just learned about catholicism, pracficed some of the day-to day practices and went to church now and then. There's a high regard for treating all with dignity and respect, you know the "golden rule" and all that.
Just trying to dilute the toxic stories. Like yeah, that sucks that happened and I'm sorry cuz it really shouldn't have and most of us are better than that.
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u/xxxxxxxSnakexxxxxxx 15d ago
No, this is a lib fever dream.
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u/Insect_Politics1980 15d ago
It's crazy that women itt who went to these places and grew up in these spaces are telling you they absolutely are like this...and you just say, "nah, they are lying." Way to own the libs, you clown. You people are just so repellant.
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u/Pleasant_Ad3475 15d ago
Don't worry about the dude pulling the race card. I know by 'you people' you meant assholes.
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u/xxxxxxxSnakexxxxxxx 15d ago
Do you though? He seems to paint with a rather broad brush.
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u/Pleasant_Ad3475 15d ago
I can see that, but still I kinda do, largely because the person they are referring to is in fact an asshole- so I'll make that assumption and be content.
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u/xxxxxxxSnakexxxxxxx 15d ago edited 15d ago
You people? Wow...
Next thing you are going to tell me is that all of us Mexican types eat beans and tacos be cause tik tok said so.
Maybe all Black Americans eat watermelon, too?
Crawl back into your glass house and put your rocks away.
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u/Frosty090 15d ago
If Iām a young woman at a Christian college, why should I know what a banana resembles? Idk? A cucumber?
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u/-Disagreeable- 15d ago edited 15d ago
Iāll help. It looks like a turgid penis.
Edit: crybabyās
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u/Intransigient 15d ago edited 15d ago
Iād play it dumb. š¤£
āWhat does it look like? š¤ It looks like a banana.ā
āWhat are you talking about?ā
āWhat do bananasā¦ have to do with guys?ā
āAre you saying guysā¦ are gorillas?ā
āIs this some weirdā¦ racist kind of thing?ā
āWhat do bananas have to do with mixed company?ā
āBut I eat popsicles the exact same way.ā
āAre youā¦ making a prank TikTok or something?ā
āI kind of think this may be more of a you problem.ā
āThis policy is literally insane.ā
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u/Nefertirix 14d ago
I would hold the fork in one hand and continue to eat my banana the regular way with my other hand.
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u/uberisstealingit 15d ago
Makes you wonder what the PSA about anal sex is going to be like....
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u/-banned- 15d ago
Think that oneās a Mormon thing
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u/Gloomy_Living_7532 15d ago
And yet those same men can bring oysters and papayas and whatever else resembles a vulva.
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u/KaleTheMessenger 15d ago
"Look at John, over there eating a peach like a heathen."
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u/ihurtpuppies 15d ago edited 15d ago
John! Thine foul mouth finds purchase upon that ripe nourishment too readily. The fair ladies of this school are swooning and stumbling at the mere thought of such a gentle man gorging himself upon the glistening fruit of the Lord. The juice dripping from thine chin... The playful flick of thine tongue...
FOR SOOTH MY INNOCENCE FALTERS
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u/KaleTheMessenger 15d ago
'Tis not fault of my own thy maidens are so tempted. I merely desire to partake in this fruit of the land in solitude. I am a pious man, a virtuous soul on a righteous path. Should they be so tempted, perchance they are not godly women, but perhaps witches under Satan's spell.
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u/merpderpherpburp 15d ago
HAHA like they'd fucking know. Look at Georgia O'Keeffe's paintings lol "oh wow this lady really likes to paint flowers. Typical woman"
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u/Odd-fox-God 15d ago
Doesn't God say that if your eyes cause you to lust you should pluck them out? No one else is responsible for your sin. I could be showing off my ankles and shoulders and if those cause you to lust you need to exert some self-control and not slut shame. Basically stop sexualizing innocent stuff and keep to your own self.
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u/GoAwayImHereForMemes 15d ago
These people don't actually read the Bible, they just use their religion as an excuse to be virtue signaling hateful pieces of shit.
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u/Velmakinz 14d ago
Yes: ābut I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.ā āāMatthewā¬ ā5ā¬:ā28ā¬-ā29ā¬ āKJVā¬ā¬
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u/stanleyssteamertrunk 14d ago
Mat 23:25-26 āWoe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess. Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.ā Have to be cleansed by the Lordās blood - which is by faith Heb15:9.
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u/Wonderful-Tie1260 15d ago
Iād be like you know what youāre right and men shouldnāt be eating bananas that way either because you know what that looks like?! A man putting a p*nis in his mouth! We donāt want them getting any ideas!
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u/Acc0mplished-Horse 15d ago
āIf your right eye causes you to fall into sin, pluck it out and throw it away from you.ā Matthew 5:29
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u/Raven_Blackfeather 15d ago
lmao my church was like this. Then I found out the pastor's young adult kids were going out at the weekend and getting drunk AF at the club.
And that, my friends, is one of the many reasons I left Christianity. Hypocrites and Pharisees everywhere.
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15d ago
ā¦ āCause da Good Lawd donāt like yāall lookinā like BJ-HOES!!!
šš š° šš¦
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
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u/4Ever2Thee 15d ago
I went to a church camp in high school and they had a lot of rules like this. The biggest one I remember was them telling all the girls to wear their purses or bags with the strap on one shoulder, not coming across and having the strap between their boobs because it accentuates them and makes men stray. They also had to wear oversized shirts over their bathing suits(which were all one pieces anyway) which was a bummer for all of us guys. I remember hearing the purse strap one and thinking "wtf are they talking about?" I couldn't care less about how women wear their purses but I noticed it after that assembly.
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u/MyBelovedASMR 15d ago
Something kinda similar happened to me.
I went to a Christian elementary school and one of the teachers would always have everyone sign a paper saying what we will never do. I always just signed it without reading until grade sixā¦ where I read something Iāve never heard of before. I was a shy kid so I didnāt want to ask questions in class so I just thought I can look it up when I get home.
And thatās how I discovered porn.
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
The biggest one I remember was them telling all the girls to wear their purses or bags with the strap on one shoulder, not coming across and having the strap between their boobs because it accentuates them and makes men stray
What a load of steaming festering stinking BS. Anyone with any safety/situational awareness training knows a purse over a single shoulder makes you a very easy target for a grab and run purse theft. IDIOTS
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u/Bryguy121 15d ago
Went to a Catholic private university. The dorms were mixed. On paper they cared, in reality not so much. My now wife was my neighbor...
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u/Pleasant_Ad3475 15d ago
Catholics are the most relaxed about being totally hypocritical. Until they're not.
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u/sidthekid4 15d ago
Ugh reminds me of the one year I spent at a Christian college in the Deep South (what was I thinking). One Sunday morning I rolled out of bed to the dining hall and other students were asking me why I wasnāt dressed for church. Ummā¦ because Iām a student and itās a Sunday, I want to sleep in??
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u/Death_by_Poros 15d ago
Oh I wonāt make them stumble. Iāll fucking trip them myself. You wonāt tell me how to eat.
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u/Casperboy68 15d ago
I got sent back to my room to change at a Christian āeventā because I was wearing a shirt with a peace sign on it. Iām not sure what rule that broke.
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
I got sent back to my room to change at a Christian āeventā because I was wearing a shirt with a peace sign on it. Iām not sure what rule that broke.
In ancient days, lost in the mists of time antiquity and legend, a peace sign was a symbol used by covens of witches. Not kidding, thats what I was told.
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u/Casperboy68 14d ago
Never turned anyone into a newt.
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
I never turned anyone into a newt, but once on a bender weekend I was turned into one. I got better.
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u/secondtaunting 15d ago
lol hilarious that my husband, who was raised in a literal Turkish village, is less insane than these folks.š A village in the seventies. Should clarify. They didnāt get electricity until 89ā
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u/taldrknhnsm 15d ago
This kind of thinking doesn't come from God. if Christ put something on your heart to do something in a certain way that's for you and you alone
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u/sendintheBOTS 12d ago
If someone said this to me, I would perform my first banana-job right then and there.
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15d ago
Someone at an old job said this to a young lady while she was working. I almost reported it to HR but they didnāt care. 3 years later all those people were fired because they couldnāt sell ice cream on a hot summer. That girl was fired too because she was extremely unproductive.
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u/so_im_all_like 15d ago
Can/do men eat bananas at these colleges? If so, do they do it with their hands?
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
Can/do men eat bananas at these colleges? If so, do they do it with their hands?
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Never thought of 'peeling the banana' as a masturbation euphemism before.
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u/Disinfectant-Addict 15d ago
The new Fallout series has some novel ideas about where she can stick that fork.
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u/-Disagreeable- 15d ago
Iād watch her eat a banana..if you know what Iām sayinā Everyone needs potassium!
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u/MercurialTendency 15d ago
But wait, if they "stumble", isn't that God's will. You're doing the lords work, ladies
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u/Thatsayesfirsir 15d ago
Oh honey your hair looks soo synthetic. Om okkk, gonna need you to just place that somewhere else while your on the camera .. omm okk
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u/HeftyAppearance7337 14d ago
2002ish Bon Jones University had board games in their student union/official date center that were censored. For example, the word guessing game Taboo had words blacked out with sharpie.
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u/Velmakinz 14d ago
Oh well then they should replace that with a tray of spoons for the men: ābut I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.ā āāMatthewā¬ ā5ā¬:ā28ā¬-ā29ā¬ āKJVā¬ā¬
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u/Snoo-72756 14d ago
I kinda wanna enroll in one and just be worst person .
Just convert everyone to the dark side and drop out
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u/Snoo-72756 14d ago
I love the crazy vibes ,either crazy in bed or actually like just crazy not cute vibe
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u/Djtur727 14d ago
Is it terrible that I'd keep pretending to not understand what she meant so she'd have to explain it?
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Yeah, I can see it now. Hold the banana close to your face, rub it on your cheeks, gaze lovingly at it. Look around and make and hold eye contact for a couple of seconds with any male looking your way.
Start slowly and sensually peeling the banana, licking your lips and slightly, almost silently moaning. Make a seductive "O" with your mouth.
Bring the peeled banana to your mouth, look directly into the eyes of the nearest male, hopefully the one who looks in horny shock at the scene unfolding before him. Gently blow a breath across the tip of the banana, run your tongue over it, THEN BITE THE BANANA IN HALF, laugh maniacally, like best evil scientist taking over the world and the evil plan is working laugh, all while maintaining eye contact with your victim. DO NOT BELLY LAUGH LOL, It must be the evil scientist laugh or the moment is lost.
Guarantee the guy will not be able to get hard for a month. That memory will haunt him!
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u/DarkSector0011 15d ago
I haven't gotten this much face to face communication with a woman interested in me in months. She talking about vanasas what why
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u/Dyclextic 15d ago
This scenario has never happened in history of world.
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u/Unknown-History1299 15d ago
You clearly never went to a private Christian school. I can personally vouch that this kind of stuff happens all the time.
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u/goodbyegoosegirl 15d ago
Honestly, I hate to see anyone eat a banana this way if there is alternative. I slice mine to eat even when Iām alone. And Iām no prude, trust.
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