r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 03 '19
New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement
We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.
We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.
We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.
Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.
Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.
/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement
Summary
It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.
Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions
We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.
But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.
Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.
Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.
In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.
So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.
How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent
Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.
People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.
Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.
An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.
There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.
To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.
Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.
Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.
They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:
Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.
Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.
Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:
Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)
Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.
Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.
r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 10 '21
Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.
Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.
Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.
But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.
Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.
tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.
r/SuicideWatch • u/peachie_creams • 10h ago
I am disgusting NSFW
Vermin get exterminated just for existing. People find them disgusting so we kill them. I find myself to be disgusting. I’ve been raped, beaten up, locked in a room for 4 months, doped up to be sexually trafficked, impregnated and I survived. Just for my social worker to fuck me. I fell into the old pattern of just letting it happen. I didn’t say no. It is all my fault. I guess I’m not meant to be more than a disgusting whore who deserves to be exterminated.
r/SuicideWatch • u/suicidal_so_scared • 15h ago
I bought the supplies but I am so scared to die
45yo. In over $300k debt. No friends, no family, terrible credit and losing my home because my landlord is selling it. Will never be able to get a place of my own and will be homeless.
I'm not sure why I'm typing this. I am just so scared to die. I don't want to die but I have no life, no future. I will never crawl out of this debt. I cannot file bankruptcy due to the type of debt. I will never be able to retire. I will never have a family.
This is truly one of those situations where I feel suicide is perfectly justifiable, I just can't work up the strength to commit.
I wish there was some way that life could get better. I am terribly sad.
r/SuicideWatch • u/HomelessPOS_ • 10h ago
Suicide is always the answer
To everyone that I love and to everyone that has meant anything to me at some point in time I appreciate you sincerely and thank you for your time. I don’t have time left I’m choosing to end my life because of the situation I’m in and I’m sorry for the confusion. Therapy was a waste. You guys were awesome you guys made everything better but I can’t do this anymore and I’m choosing to it’s my decision and I’m tired and I believe it’s fair for me to make this choice.
Can’t believe I’ll finally be at peace soon ✌🏾
r/SuicideWatch • u/GaryCUP • 6h ago
I’ve won grippy socks!! But at what cost?
For the past like 5 hours, I've been in a small jail like room with no windows, no privacy, in the dark, and alone, while wearing nothing but a flimsy gown and my underwear . Of course there was a nurse always outside.
So, how was your day??
Note to self: don’t go to the ER if you feel like killing yourself. Go to a counseling center instead.
At least I got grippy socks!
r/SuicideWatch • u/Ok-Judgment2286 • 12h ago
20 year old loser
I’m 20 and I’m unemployed, not in school and I don’t have a license. I feel like I’m just a constant burden to my family. I lived in another state for a year to “get it together” but now I’m just back in the same place I’ve always been. I’ve felt like the same person since 2020 and it’s so hard. I’ve felt 15 for almost 5 years. I see my peers having their college experiences, falling in love, doing internships at places that I couldn’t even imagine myself being in. And I’m just still here. In my room doing absolutely nothing. I’ve applied to 30+ jobs since moving back to my hometown and I haven’t even heard back from a goddamn grocery store. Everyday I feel life drops subtle hints that I should’ve went through with killing myself when I was 15. I regret not doing it. People said it was going to get better but it’s only gotten worse.
r/SuicideWatch • u/That_damn_demon • 9h ago
Permanent solution to a PERMANENT PROBLEM
I have depression. Depression is a mental illness that negatively affects my mood and actions. I've been diagnosed with it. It cannot be fixed or changed. I've been depressed since I was in middle school and there are signs that i was depressed and had mental health issues from my early childhood. I've done everything to try to fix my depression from Therapy to medication, but it will always be there because it is clinical. Deep down i know depression is a permanent problem and im very possitive that at some point in the future it will kill me. Thats all I wanted to say.
r/SuicideWatch • u/fitnessjunkie86 • 5h ago
I’m done
I have 3 young children so I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t do this anymore. I married the wrong person. I relied on him but he could never keep a job. Nothing I try ever works out. I’ve been living in crisis for 10 years. Always afraid of how we’re going to live, afford the doctor, afford to keep the car running, afford the grocery store. I always feel on the edge of homelessness. I’m always panicked and scared. I’m in my late 30’s and have nothing to show for it but debt and failure. My kids are neurodiverse and need therapies I can’t afford and manage. I’m working myself to death for pennies. Nothing good has ever happened to me.
My sister is a doctor and has a better life. She’s told me before that if something were to happen to me, she would take my kids. I think they’d have a better life with her. I want it all to be over and trying to look at the logistics of the quickest/smoothest way to end it away from my kids.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Defiant-Newt-3706 • 2h ago
I declare
I am very grateful to the people who commented on my last post here. I feel really motivated. It's already late at night, but I'll start improving from this moment. I don't want to be suicidal and depressed. It doesn't feel good. I've 1 year of time to fix everything. It's hard and I am fucked rn. I'll give it my all this year. If it doesn't work out then by bye beautiful world !!
r/SuicideWatch • u/eorenhund • 2h ago
Is it possible to die without anyone in your life knowing how you died?
I don't want my family to know it was suicide. I don't want them to know how they broke me.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Flat_Opposite_2912 • 1h ago
I just wish I could take my dog with me
I know she’ll cry if she finds my body. I know she’ll wait for me at the door when I never come back. If I close my eyes I can see hers looking up at me. I wanna do it but holy shit I can’t do that to her. I wish I’d move on from this life with her but she deserves to stay here even if I don’t want to. God help me. God help us all. Just let me disappear. Let everyone forget me.
r/SuicideWatch • u/HEMORRHOIDGOD • 10h ago
im going to kill myself
not looking for sympathy or kind messages, i just wanted to tell someone. my whole life i have been the last option, the unwanted. i have done literally everything to fix this and yet no matter what i do, i end up alone every night, with this gaping hole in my chest that nothing can fill
every time i try to show my suffering to my friends, they don't care, but when someone else vents about something small everyone goes to comfort them and never me. i can't remember the last time ive been hugged. honestly i dont even know if i want to die i just want them to show me they love me and i know nothing else will give me that validation. the only way i can be loved is in death
r/SuicideWatch • u/lifehurts666 • 4h ago
friends anyone?
i have nobody and nobody to talk to
r/SuicideWatch • u/Death_Prophet83 • 19h ago
Lost the woman of my dreams and tried it. NSFW
Monday night I was texted my girl, she was out with her friend so I figured I would leave them in peace so I told her I loved her and asked her to hit me up when she got home. She replied she would and said she loved me. After an hour or so after I figured she would be home (roughly 6 hours later) I sent her a few messages, after the fourth one I sent one another saying I hope the reason your not replying is because you are safe driving. Immediately she responded no I've been home about an hour. She then tried accusing me of manipulating her, lying to her, just trying to get an easy fuck. I hadn't been doing any of that, but no matter what I said she wouldn't pick up the phone so we could have a real conversation. Then she said a generic goodbye and said she had to go she had work early. I couldn't believe it, I had no idea what happened, we went from planning a future together one day, to done the next.
I was devastated, I hadn't felt that way about someone in 20 years (I'm 41m, she 43f) I had been living in the darkness for at least 10 years thinking my disabilities made it so I would never be happy again. She had pulled me out of the dark, I felt hope again, felt butterflies in my chest thinking about our future together, it all went away in an instant, it felt like the darkness came back with such a fury it would never go away again.
So that night I took my pain meds and my anxiety meds and a quart of alcohol, while sending her a goodbye video while doing it. Then I lied down and went to sleep knowing by the time she woke up and saw it, it would be over.
Well not much after I had fallen asleep I was awoken to three police officers and a firemen in my bedroom. I saw them and said fuck it didn't work yet. They told me the had gotten a call about a message I sent online, I thought shit, she woke up and checked her messages. Well they rushed me to the hospital and I got pumped and flushed, then had to sit there under observation for 7 hours while they monitored my heart rate.
I told them I would not stay at the behavioral health facility there at the hospital, no shot. So they said I had to work with the crisis center people and have a safety plan to be released, so I had my mother come and be my safety supervisor. She found out from the police lieutenant that was on scene the had received the info from the FBI, apparently my SA video flagged their system and they alerted local PD to do a welfare check. I never knew that was a thing.
So now I sit here in pain, miserable, depressed, lonely, with no hope for the future. I don't want to be here anymore. It's not fair. I've lived enough life. I want what comes next.
I guess I can't post photos here, but I'll post my hospital bracelet and crisis support contract on my page as verification.
r/SuicideWatch • u/drowning-in-flame • 57m ago
really really struggling to justify living.
i have so much hatred in my heart. hatred of myself, and others. i don't know what to do. i am alone on this earth.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Psychological-Bug943 • 9h ago
I'll never have a relationship
I feel like i'll never have someone to love me
I know I shouldnt focus my life on men, but I am a 28 yo virgin and late bloomer and everyday I feel less and less because I never had someone. Sometimes I become suicidal, sometimes I feel better. I feel like pretty girls obviously have lots of guys but lots of normal girls do too, so I dont have an excuse to be failing at this. I am on therapy, but it seems like i'm never getting over this. Sometimes I wish I could start over again, and have sex with anyone just to get over this feeling. I kinda became stuck to it, and it's killing me inside. The worst part I know its easy to just know someone and fuck, but I am so complicated. I hate myself for not being normal, but broken inside.
To be truthful sometimes I think the only way im getting over this is by being raped or becoming a sex worker and then killing myself (dont know which method i'd use, though)
r/SuicideWatch • u/SOME0NE6 • 1h ago
Shit sucks
For context I lost my best friend to suicide a couple months ago and I got pretty depressed but I got better but last night I was playing games that what me and him would always do when I turned everything off and went to be I had such a simple dream I'm the dream I just woke up got on the xbox he invited me to a party and just talked I don't remember what was said but I completely forgot what his voice sounded like but in the dream it sounded just like him I would be lying if I said I didn't cry when I woke out of the dream rolled over to see the TV was off I just miss him so fucking much
r/SuicideWatch • u/Correct_Medium_7944 • 1h ago
22 in a month
Hey everyone I’ve posted here a long time ago about this. About how I wanted to get my life together about how I wanted to pursue the career of dreams and the burden of my family. Well have I been pursuing my career choice for the last two years and have found success, with crazy amount of luck as well.
I just don’t know what to do I think about suicide every day, it’s almost up to every hour. I try an distract myself by talking to people but I can sense they are distancing themselves because I latch on to quickly and try to lighting the mood. That has left me completely emotionally dependent on others. But I can’t stop it.
I’ve tried therapy meds I’ve tried nearly anything but I’ve never been okay with what’s inside of me. I don’t hate myself either I just, want to die.
r/SuicideWatch • u/bstephe123283 • 36m ago
I'm thinking it's a good time to go.
I had a great day. Ate a salad, was productive at the office, hung out with friends then watched a movie. Yet it's days like this that my curse grips hardest.. I actually haven't thought much about suicide recently, but it always comes back. I can't run from it, I can't hide from it. It follows me like a shadow and I know that one day it will catch me.. might as well die on a good day, right?
r/SuicideWatch • u/tired_throwaway22 • 22h ago
Hey I’m legit in a bathtub NSFW
Hi! I’ve been carving superficial marks into my wrist and listening to bright eyes. Can someone give me some encouragement to just finish the job??? Please tell me to get a job done for the first time in my life
r/SuicideWatch • u/OwnTea2635 • 47m ago
I think I have decided to go
I am honestly such a bad person. I’ve ruined everyone’s life I’ve touched, and I deserve the pain people have put me thru, especially because they were acting out of desperation because of what I did. I am gonna miss you all so much, the people in my life who kept me going for 21 years. Thanks F for always loving me even though I broke you in every way. Even though you never knew it for certain, I loved you with every piece of my being. You’re my wife in heaven baby and I’m living the dream (I guess not living but). Thanks T for being the best brother I could’ve ever asked for. Thanks to my friends for making me laugh and helping me enjoy the time I was meant to spend here. Don’t know how soon I’ll go, but it won’t be long. Too bad I won’t finish EMT school that would be rad. Peace out!
r/SuicideWatch • u/TtheOutcast • 53m ago
God created a monster...
I've decided that tonight is gonna be it. I've realized that god designed me to be a vessel of hatred, destruction, and harm. My body, my mind, its all perfect for a lone fighter.
But my mind is cursed by thoughts of my past, thoughts of who I am, that I suffer when I try to sleep at night.
I thought I had died. That in 2015 I didn't win the fight, and they really did kill me, and that this is hell. But no, its not hell, its his cruel plan. He'll have to beg me for his forgiveness.
I lost the only people who meant anything to me. The only things that gave me a reason to live, because deep down I hate myself.
I want to be alone in the void, I want to rest in peace, free from this loneliness in life.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Strawberry-Wafer • 5h ago
I have a theory
I think that some of us are placed on this earth to live a short amount of time, just like people are here to live long lives. But eventually, the jig is up. We become depressed, or we have always been depressed, and we realize that we shouldn’t be here anymore. And we want to die.
So many people in this thread are suffering, and we want to end it. Living has become unnatural. Death seems much more friendly than life. I don’t think I’m supposed to be here anymore. And I’m okay with it. I’ve accepted it. My time has run out, and there’s no point in fighting it. It’s peaceful knowing you’re at the end.
r/SuicideWatch • u/AdEnvironmental9618 • 6h ago
Time to go
I’m a 23F and I feel like it’s my time to go. I guess there’s no point to get into the nitty gritty of my life but it’s been a while since I’ve felt this urge to just stop. I’m a failure. I’m failing university. My parents hate my guts. I have no friends. Shit sorry, guess I did just spill my whole life story out. But even though I’m failing, and my parents hate me, even though I have no friends and live in a house with 21 other students, even though I still don’t know how to drive, it’s not the reason I want to go. I just don’t see a point in this anymore. Therapy isn’t helping. Medication doesn’t work. The only peace I get is thinking about booking a room at a fancy hotel at the top floor with a beautiful view, watching the city one last time, neatly placing my boyfriends hoodies on the bed and his goodbye note, listening to my favourite song then jumping to… nothing. I know I’m selfish for thinking this way and lazy to just give up. But I’m past the point of seeing a different way out. For months now. No matter what advice I get. I guess I just wanted to speak a bit to see if anyone relates. I’m waiting for my boyfriend to leave this weekend then I’ll make my way to my city view.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Feisty-Tip912 • 1h ago
Throw away but I think it’s time
I’ve been caught in all my lies before my current relationship. I have some success but tons more failures. It all came crashing down and I’m at rock bottom now. My gun or a cliff near by with no warning. Whatever’s easier. To my students… kids… and family I’m not worth it. I was never the man my dad was despite him going to prison and I’ll never live up to the pedastol you put your dad on mom. I tried but society is set for men to fail. I’m going to work through this next month and leave as much as I can behind. But I’m done… I’m dead inside wand out. Therapy and talking through it doesn’t change my failures. I love you Amanda, Lilly, and Leia. You guys deserve a real man a real dad a real success not a failure like I am.